Mom w/IC - Interstitial Cystitis Network Support Forum

sanctuary · 02-28-2003, 02:54 AM

I just put in a new topic under, ..evidentally the wrong field, but had asked for support about this very issue. My "child" is almost 30. He has had a bad reaction to my IC. He feels like I'm not there for him, because sometimes I have to say, "I'm sorry honey, I just can't help you today I don't feel good"..He resents this. He can't see it unless I'm doubled over in pain..then he says, "I worry him and it's stressful for HIM to ahve to see me in pain"? :-( I have better pain management now but feel too often drowzy to drive. My husband says he's selfish and spoiled, that I should put myself first. But the Mom in me feels guilt not being able to be reliable. I never know when I'll have a flair or how long it will last. This makes it almost impossible to plan to "help him out" with day care for my granddaughter at times, or pick her up from school when he can't..I wish there was more public info on IC for people to know about it. It's not just "going to the bathroom a lot"..it can be painful, exhausting and takes over my life, if I let it. I think I'm doing ok, but guilt is there. My head says don't feel bad, the Mom in me is devastated by disapointing my son or granddaughter. Any advise would be welcome, Sanctuary

raevarg · 02-28-2003, 10:06 AM

Don't feel guilty and remember they can't make you feel guilty unless you let them. Your health is important and will be a much better person for all if you take care of yourself. That should be respected.

Michelle in AR · 02-28-2003, 01:34 PM

GREAT answer, Rae! Ditto that! My kids ar eyoung, but they totally understand that mommy hurts. SHAME on your Son for making you feel this way! Tell him I said to Grow up and Get a life! That is so wrong.

Grrr. I am so mad that he is treating you this way, and I don't even know you or him!! He had better never walk into my bank! I'd tell him what for right then and there in front of everyone! cussing YOU need to take care of yourself. And next time he calls tell him it "Stresses you out to have to take care of him" I'd continue, but I'd probably get deleted. LOL! Hang in there. I WHOLE HEARTEDLY agree with your hunny, and you'd better print this and let him see it, too! Tell Junior to grow up. Hugs and Kisses to you and your Hubby, Michelle in KC kissing

***ICNDonna*** · 02-28-2003, 06:16 PM

Try not to feel guilty about not being always there for everyone. I do understand --- we must be cut from the same cloth. But --- I have learned that when I can't to something I can't do it and I don't apologize any more.

It may take a while for him to accept it, but he'll get there; and you can still help him when you're able.

Warm hugs,
Donna