MOM OF TWO.....

[Kaye Kaye]

Hi, just found this site--didnt see any replys so thought id try.... I have a 9 yr old son and a 6 yr old daughter. Im lucky in the fact ive been a stay at home--pretty much since the day they were born.. Ms Betty Homemaker(we all know the type) den mom--soccer coach baseball etc.. The only problem now is since the IC, all these things have seemed to stop--keep hearing myself say--i cant im sick--im sorry--i no longer can drive and now pay a woman to transport children to school-baseball and soccer has stopped.. And my poor children are suffering-right along with me. I feel like im no longer a mother or a wife. And this hurts me worse then the IC or other illnesses ever could. I am continually flare-uped and havent found the right mix to settle my IC down yet. Lets Pray that comes soon--before i lose my mind and the rest of my life as i knew it.. My children have become great helps-they are much more independent then ever before-and are very considerate and sweet--but i hate looking at my six yr old and saying mommy cant everyday. She told me the other day that Mommy you never can. She really thought my last surgery was going to fix (all my health problems) even with explaining she hoped.. God Bless Her. I do my best to do activities now that are sitting and little movement for mom. My husband drives long haul truck so im pretty much on my own. I do have a care provider--like a maid--but believe it or not---not as much fun as i always thought it would be when i wanted one in past... Not being able to do things--and still wanting to do them is two whole different things.. Well blabbed enough.. If you cant tell not alot of adult talks--even if its with pute--I wish you all pain free days... Smiles and Best Wishes Kaye Kaye Washington....

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[Shelleynz]

Hi Kaye
It's hard isn't it, trying to be a good Mum when you have IC. I've been a stay-at-home Mum since my 1st child was born too, 4 years before I got IC.
I understand what you mean when you say you'd rather be looking after your family yourself than watching someone else do it for you, but you really are lucky to have the help. I had NONE.
I've also experienced that feeling of not being a good mother or wife because of IC. The important thing is that you're there for your kids and husband, even if you can't do as much for, or with, them as you'd like to. Is your husband supportive and understanding of your IC? Mind is, and that's a big help.
Overall tho. I don't think my kids have suffered too much in the long term and like your kids, mine are very mature and independent too. That's quite an advantage. School teachers love it.
Don't feel too bad about not being able to drive your kids to sports, or whatever, because there are a lot of other Mums who can't do these things either for various reasons like having to work full-time for example.
I never used to help with school trips or go to school assemblies etc. but our kids didn't mind too much because lots of other mothers couldn't either.
Sorry this is sooo...long, but I don't see posts on this board very often and really like to talk with other IC Mums who have children similar ages to mine (12, 10 & 9).
I REALLY hope you find some IC treatments which help you soon.
Shelley




[This message has been edited by Shelleynz (edited 03-13-2001).]

[Shelleynz]

Hi again
I've been reading some of your other posts on today's active topic board and see that you have some other health problems going on as well as IC, not to mention your doctor and his staff bungling things up. Good on you for asking your dr's secretary how she'd like to be you with all your problems. You've done well. I always find it harder to be assertive when I'm sick.
Good luck with getting some of these things sorted out.
Shelley

[lala23]

i alsoam a mom with IC and i to feel like i'm letting my daughter down.she's only two and she already know that when i leave it's to go to the doctors.i wish i could spend more time with her but unfortunatly i still have a full time job also.(like being a parent isn't a full tilme job)and i feel like all i do is sit around because i'm so tired and in pain but i know that it will hopefully get better soon.

[lilac22362]

I too understand so well where you are at. My prayer since I got diagnosed in Dec 2000 is to be the wife and mother I was once. My heart breaks when my son sees me upset and he has seen way to many tears over IC. I did not handle finding out what I had well at all. I had never heard of it, as I had never had a bladder infection or anything until after my Oct hysterectomy when this whole IC nightmare begun. I started Elmiron Jan 17th can feel a small improvement. I use Xanax and Vicodin also. I pray that one day here soon I come to this board an dit says there has been a cure found! I hate IC and what it does to our families. But you do the best you can and don't tear yourself up over all this. You love your children and that is what they want the most.
Prayers and Hugs to you
Rene

[Kaye Kaye]

Hi everyone, Well it was really bad morning--I havent been able to sleep in 4 days at all--started period--and always worse first couple days before and first day or two on. I got into argueing match with my son and feel like a heel.. I love him so much--he has Tourettes Syndrome--OCD.. Obsessive,Compulsive Disorder..And ADHD>he was just placed on medications-Remeron--and it takes 4-6 weeks to start working--im praying it does--He has mild to moderate--forms of these illnesses--but he is so emotional--and concentration is gone... His tics have been progressively worsening over last 6 months or more--me being ill is not helping. I woke up this morning and hes not dressing-eating-and dragging feet to prepare for school.. I told him last night to have everything prepared-that way mornings arent a fight--i ended up yelling at him-which i try never to do.. I feel so awful--I ended up calling him at school and apologizing--i woke up in so much pain--and had only slept a couple hours--If that. Im so sick--of my kids getting the bad--i get so angry and frustrated--and know its not them but these illnesses.. Im a good mom i know this--but would rather die-then hurt my kids. There beautiful children. Very well behaved-my son even with his disorders--hes very smart-doesnt have behavioural problems at all. He didnt even realize he had tics-Tourettes until few weeks ago. He mainly has the emotional--upsets--ie crying, Im lucky his doctors say. But I feel so awful- what can i do to not be so angry-i have a therapist-and shes about no help at all. Says i have hard time adjusting to this disease-but who doesnt? Well i hope all your children are well... Take Care Everyone Kaye Kaye

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[shell]

I am a custodial stepmother of an active 13 year old boy, and developed IC before I entered his life almost 12 years ago. I regret that I am not physically able to share activities with him that he enjoys, such as bike riding, hiking, basketball, trips, etc. I also work one full-time job and one part-time job, so the work schedule figures in there too.

To compensate for this, I have always tried to encourage him to participate in events and activities at school, such as sports teams and drama club. The last few years he has been able to be involved with a school-sponsored outing club that goes rock climbing and whitewater rafting. I also try to find a few camps for him each summer where he can be active. And I try to find things for us to do a home together, like cooking and board games, for some bonding time.

I also encourage my husband to go off with his son to do the activities I can't, such as bike riding and hiking, so that they can have some alone time (and give me alone time as well!). I am very fortunate that my husband is extremely helpful with driving. If I'm supposed pick the kid up from an after-school activity and then have a bad IC day, my husband will do the picking up.

I guess my point is that we have to be creative in finding ways to be "Mom" and still deal with our illness(es). There's no one right way to be a mom, so find little times while you're feeling well to do something special with the kids.

[Shelleynz]

Hi Kaye
Try not to feel too bad about agruing with your son before school. I used be like that almost every morning. I was just soooo....tired and sore, which made me stressed, anxious and irritable. I hate the way IC changes my personality like that. It's not easy to get kids ready for school by a certain time. And guess what, I've talked to lots of mothers who don't have IC who scream at their kids in the mornings too. My neighbour has 4 kids aged 11 thru. to 5 and she finds it hard when they're fighting and won't get ready for the bus on time. Many mothers feel that guilt that they should, or could be a better mother for various reasons.
All things considered I think Mums with IC deserve a 'pat on the back' for coping as well as we do.
Starting this year my kids get themselves ready for school then come to me with a verbal check list of what they've done, just so they don't forget anything. Personally I've found that every year my kids get older is better, and easier to cope with being a Mum and having IC. I hope this helps.
Shelley

[Dianna Maddison]

We really need to give ourselves a break! We need to remember that we love our children and that as long as they know and feel that love they will do well. I have two children. My beautiful daughter is now 16 and has become more independant,loving and empathetic since I got this terrible illness. My son who is almost 13 comes intop my room everyday when he gets home from school to give me a hug and tell me about his day. YES, I hate it that he knows that I will be in bed everyday at 3pm in pain! In some ways my relationship with both of my children is better now than it was before I got sick. Before I became ill I was always taking them somewhere and rushing to committee meetings or someother activity. Now, I have lots and lots of time to listen to everything and anything that they have to say.
I can honestly say that I have spent at least one hour just talking with them everyday for the past four years. And I think because of these talks I have 2 teenagers who aren't afraid of telling me what is going on in there lives.
I thought that all of you with small children might appreciate knowing the bright side of being a person who really STAYS at home with our kids.

[Michelle in AR]

Welcome to our 'club' Kaye. I'm Michelle, and I am the moderator of this board. I think that you will find that there are a wide range of Mom's here with older kids, ounger kids, careers, and at home careers. I am right now working in a Doctor's office, I am a new Mary Kay consultant, and I have 2 children, Emilee is almost 9 and Justin is 3. I find that all I have to do is explain to the kids that Mommy isn't feeling well today and they will go play elsewhere. I also have a grat husband that when he is not working , will take over all aspects of kids life and will make me go rest. We may have our moments, but would we be 'normal' if we didn't?? Just know that your kids will adjust well and learn that just because Mom can't always go everywhere and do everything with them that you love them none the less! Take care, Michelle in KC

[ICNDonna]

My children are grown now, but for a good part of their childhood, I had IC and worked full time. I now enjoy a very close, loving friendship with my adult children. And I think they have more compassion and understanding for others because they learned it by having a mother who was in pain a lot of the time.

Warm thoughts,
Donna

[Donna LCR]

I am a mom of four! They are 17,9,6,4. I'm sorry for all you go through ,but it was good to know someone else has the same problems and feelings I have. For the last month especially I have depended on my husband and mom for so much. Out of 18 loads of laundry I can do about3-4 a week,maybe. I can't always drive my kids either and I also had to give up coaching soccer. I can't even pass the time with my hobby because sitting hurts.
I have a couple of people who will help on occasion, but I know that won't last as long as ic does.
In home help probably isn't an option due to finances, but I sure need it. My once clean house is a disaster!, with no light at the end of the tunnel.
The one ggod thing about ic is that I now have time to actually look at my kids and listen to them instead of always trying to get one more thing done. Nothing gets done, but I know my kids alot better!
Hang in there. I hope you find relief soon.

Donna LCR

[ICNDonna]

Donna, don't worry too much about keeping a spotless home. When your kids are grown, they will remember being able to spend time with you more than the lint under the bed.

Warm hugs,
Another Donna

[icnTerri]

(((((((((((((((((((Kaye))))))))))))))))))))))

Everything about your post is so familiar... just know that we know, and we feel for you and your family.

My kiddos are 9 and 10 now, and I've had IC for 8 years. My son's lucky number is 5 because that was when I could jump off the swings with him. I stillllllll feel so lousy for constantly saying I can't. I used to be the mom actually out there playing with the kids, and now I'm like the rest of them hanging out inside watching. It really bothers me. Usually Isaac and Sarah are good about understanding. They get worried tho too. My daughter is afraid I'll have a heart attack from the pain. Just keep reassuring them, and do as much as you can. One thing Isaac and Sarah really like and look forward to every day, is that at bedtime I lay down with each of them and talk and scratch their backs. Simple stuff like that they will remember forever, not that you couldn't go out and play ball.

Love them lots and take good care of yourself Kaye!
We're all here for you.
Terri

[JackiePecora]

Hi Teri,
I'm new to this board but not to IC. I have a 2 1/2 year old son and have had IC for 8 years now. Just in the last 5 months have I really started to get my life back. I can climb on the slides and dig sandcastles at the beach with my son.
The state of my IC has to do with seeing a naturopath who has been helping me deal with my overall health. There is a reason we have IC, why our bladders have become inflamed and I believe that it has to do with things that we've done to our bodies in our younger days. I had terrible urethral pain along with my bladder pain and my urine output was not very much. Now I have no urethral or bladder pain and I have an unremarkable urine stream. The naturopath gave me a blood test to see if I had any allergies, delayed or otherwise. It turns out that food (OK on the IC diet) was causing me pain. I can't say I'm totally out of the woods yet. I have IBS and yeast and am working toward the day when I can eat what I want without symptoms - but being pain free while I'm working on it is a blessing from God. (FYI - I use cranberry caps and MSM among other things).