I think I'm having a major depressive episode. - Interstitial Cystitis Network Support Forum

ljharris · 11-28-2009, 04:50 PM

According to my blog, this started about three weeks ago - November 10th. I had a slightly stressful day at work - nothing that I would call unusual - and came home and cried for about an hour. The next day, I cried a bit at work, and then the entire way home from work and it didn't stop when I got home (so, about another hour).

I called my therapist, because I was worried - I don't usually cry this much, and I couldn't really pin down a reason. Luckily, she had a cancellation the next morning, so I saw her that Thursday (the 12th) and cried some more. It's been quite the year - between the IC, and lots of job stress, and family health problems, too. She thinks it's just all catching up to me.

I saw my psychiatrist the following Monday, and cried in his office, too, but he concurred - that this was not a chemical thing, but just me dealing with emotional crap.

From then on I felt a little bit less fragile. Until Thanksgiving. I was so excited to have it at my home, because I thought it would be less stressful. I'd cook IC safe food, and I wouldn't have to travel. But it was very stressful - I worked my butt off on Wednesday cleaning, and cooking all day Thursday was quite tiring, even with my mom's help. I took a nap mid-afternoon and woke up crying, because I'd had a nightmare that involved arguing with my mother over gravy.

It pretty much went downhill from there. I burst into tears again Thursday night, and asked my brother (who was going to stay with me until Saturday) if he could leave early, because I needed time alone.

My entire family was freaked out and worried I was going to hurt myself (the farthest thing from my mind) and didn't want me to be alone, and there was drama and it sucked. But my brother went home with my parents and they got him on the train back to his place in Chicago.

I had not slept well since that first crying jag - so on Wednesday (before Thanksgiving) I called my psychiatrist and he called in a prescription for zolpidem (Ambien). I've actually gotten a few full nights of sleep now, though the dreams - not so much nightmares, just stress dreams - that I've been having for the last two weeks or so haven't stopped.

Cried a lot tonight.

I'm so scared and freaked out by this. I know I'm going to be okay, eventually. I do want to take care of myself, and I am talking to my doctors (my therapist, my psychiatrist, my urogynecologist, etc.) about this, and about medications, and what not.

I'm just tired and freaked out and I don't have any emotional energy left to deal with anything. My normal comforts - hot baths, trashy romance novels, etc. - they don't so much help now, as put off the inevitable.

Have you ever been in this kind of situation? What did you do? Is there anything I can do except cry until I am done, and just hang in there?

***dyno*** · 11-29-2009, 03:37 AM

Many times when people go through a lot of stressful stuff will experience what you have been. I have been there and it just takes time. You are doing the right things by getting help.

Other things that helped me when I was feeling down was making sure I was getting enough exercise, listening to upbeat music, reading uplifting books. Spending time with good friends and family when you are down also helps so you aren't isolating yourself.

Hang in there, hopefully it will get better soon.

***ICNDonna*** · 11-29-2009, 03:48 AM

When I'm feeling extremely stressed, I do something I want to do --- like shopping! It's amazing how good a new pair of shoes or a new sweater can help my mood. I also like to watch movies, and dumb TV programs.

Donna

nottoc4 · 11-29-2009, 04:46 AM

When I am down I just cry and cry untill I can't cry anymore. Having someone to talk to and a journal are helpful too. Just coming on this site and reading everyones ups and downs with this disease is very helpful to me.
Hang in there.....hugs.

Skynard · 11-29-2009, 08:59 AM

Guess I'm not alone

purpleviolet · 11-29-2009, 02:53 PM

We all hope you have brighter days and they will come. I always look forward to the sunlight of spring. I know holidays are hard, so be as forgiving to yourself as possible.

dawnja · 12-01-2009, 03:21 PM

ljharris,
I'm so sorry you are feeling this bad. I think those of us with this disease all have our moments like this because it is so difficult dealing with it from day to day, but you definitely seem to be on the right track, seeking help from others. I really agree with the advice about finding something to do that you really like, even if just for a short time. I know I try to do that when I'm getting into a funk. It doesn't take all the anguish away of course, but it helps!
Wishing you a good day tomorrow!
dawn

Cassaundra · 12-01-2009, 04:59 PM

What you are experiencing is NORMAL. Everyone who has a stress load like yours eventually feels it. However, we all react differently to it.

When I was first diagnosed I was angry, and depressed, and confused, and in SO much pain.

I cried a lot. At home. At work. On someone's shoulder. Into my pillow. To my family. My husband.

Eventually it will get better. This isn't your fault and you will work through this. I know you can!

I wish you good luck and I hope that you feel better!!