I need some support - Interstitial Cystitis Network Support Forum

**ICNJess** · 08-10-2006, 07:08 AM

Sorry to ask for this. I haven't been around for a week or so, I've just been having a rough time. Firstly, I was diagnosed with post-partum depression. I've been on Lexapro and it is helping, but I still feel a little down. So much has been going on.

My nerve pain is not getting any better from the InterStim. I am so upset over this.

My husband's having a discogram on his back in a couple of weeks, and I'm worried about him.

My daugter is sick, on top of everything, with a cold and she's so sad. She just cuddles into me and wants to be held, she's just not her cheerful happy self and that makes me sad.

My husband and I are debating on permanent birth control. We've got a consult for a vasectomy set up, but it's so final. I keep going back and forth. Pregnancy was really hard on me, but I loved it so much. I am just having a really hard time with my IC and my fibro to get out of bed most days. My husband is a great help and is very understanding and loving, I just feel so sad that I can barely walk from the nerve damage and my body aches from the Fibro.

I just feel so down and like a failure. I was so sure I wouldn't get post-partum depression, yet I was diagnosed with it and I feel like I am failing my daughter somehow...

vm · 08-10-2006, 07:18 AM

I had post partum depression after my second child was born. It sucks.

I felt those feelings of failure, too, but Jess - you didn't cause or ask for the depression. You're not failing her - you've started medication, you're asking for support, and you're still cuddling and loving that baby girl.

The nice thing when they are so little is that most of what they need - love, cuddles, physical safety, and nourishment - you are doing! You're doing all of that AND you are doing the best you can.

Do you guys get out for play dates or anything like that? Are you able to meet up with other mommies? That helped me a lot. I know your daughter is sick right now, but when she's well it would be an option. I found that getting OUT helped me tremendously, even though it felt like a huge battle to get motivated to go out.

My IC started a month after my second baby was born --- so I was dealing with that on top of the underlying depression. I know how dark, lonely, exhausting and frightening it can be. DO NOT LOSE HOPE. This too will ABSOLUTELY pass even though it doesn't feel like it right now. I promise you that you will not feel like this forever. Believe that, OK, sweetie?

poetgirl · 08-10-2006, 07:21 AM

Jess,

You are not a failure! Post-partum depression is very common for women. One of my best friends had it with both of her children (and in fact, experienced depression during her first trimester with her second child) and she said it does lift after a while. Your hormones are all wacky right now and your body has gone through a lot in the last year or so! Try to be easy on yourself and trust that with time and medication, you will feel more like your old self. I'm sure you're very loving and affectionate with your daughter, so you are not failing her or yourself as a mom.

I'm sorry to hear you're still having nerve pain. That must be sooooo frustrating!

Have your doctors recommended any other meds or treatments to help with blocking the pain? I know it must be hard to manage all of this right now. Do you have family who can help you out at all, besides your husband? (Keeping my fingers crossed that his discogram comes back OK.)

Sending you lots of hugs so that you can feel better soon!

dancemomof2 · 08-10-2006, 07:44 AM

Gosh no Jess you are not a failure, you are a thriving young loving mom and wife. You got through the toughest with you Ic and fibro and that was the pregnancy trust me I know how hard that was. You are headed down the right track you are getting the treatment and this will get better. I went through this all 3 times and it did pass with help and support. '

So sorry to hear that Belle is not feeling well that is a stressful thing for both of you, just take those little cuddles while she lets you before you know it they are all grown up and won't do that anymore. To hug my 14 year old is like coming towards a grizzly bear that just had cubs. ( not a good thing).

As far a hubby and the contraceptive issue, you guys are so young and someday there will be an IC cure and you may want to have another precious gift.

Give yourself a great big hug from me becasue I think you are doing a wonderful job

***SharonA*** · 08-10-2006, 09:04 AM

Aww Jess, like the girls said, you are going to get better. I remember what is was like after I had my son. I was so down. They didn't call it post-partum depression back in those days. At least my doctor didn't use that term. They just told me that I would get a handle on all the new stuff that I was having to learn because I had a wee one to take care of. I thought that I was the worst mother in all the world. Why couldn't I be like ___ (fill in the blank)?

Belle will get better. Kids are always coming down with stuff. They love to swap illnesses amongst themselves. I don't know a baby who doesn't want to cuddle when they don't feel good. The trick is not to come down with it yourself.

Sending you lots of (((((hugs))))) and cuddles. Once a Mom...always a Mom.

**Kara29** · 08-10-2006, 11:15 AM

Jess,

I want to extend a hug to you and let you know that I am sure you are the best mom you can possibly be under the circumstances. You work with what you have and I'm sure you are doing just fine. Your daughter may sense that you are down and maybe that is why she is feeling down too. I don't know because I don't have babies but I wanted to let you know I am thinking of you, your husband, and your daughter.

Prayers and Hugs to you!

Kara

***ICNDonna*** · 08-10-2006, 11:28 AM

I'd just like you to know that I have a great deal of admiration for you. You have faced your depression and it's being treated --- that alone tells me you are a wonderful mother. You went through a very tough pregnancy with not only IC, but the pain from a problem interstim that had to wait until Belle arrived. I sincerely hope that the problems created by interstim will resolve now that the unit has been removed.

Sending gentle hugs,

Donna

P.S. How I wish I could give little Belle a hug (and you, too)

***Katrina*** · 08-10-2006, 01:25 PM

Like Donna I admire you! I think those that every single day can be like climbing a mountain for some of us....and yet you have done so! It is a major accomplishment!!!

Cali girl · 08-10-2006, 01:26 PM

Hi Jess! You absolutely have my support!

ICLori · 08-10-2006, 01:33 PM

I think you are doing a wonderful job as a mom and a good human being, and a wife. You've been through so much but you are still there every day doing your best!

I hope so much things will turn out okay for you. I hope with time the nerve pain will go away - I truly believe that it will!

Blessings,
Lori

ShePurzz · 08-10-2006, 02:08 PM

Hello Jess,
Although I don't know you other than through here, I can tell from what the others have said that you are a great mom.

Keep in mind that there is a huge change in hormones during and right after pregnancy -- like you, I also had the baby blues after my daughters were born. I struggled with the last one especially because I had my tubes tied during the C-section. There was that 'final' feeling that you seem to be referring to in your note.

Pray about whether or not to have anything done to be permanent -- there are other things you can do that will prevent pregnancy now, but allow you to get a period of time behind you so that you make the decision when you are feeling more like yourself again.

Hugs to you and your daughter.. perhaps if she is seeking hugs from you, she is not only sick, but feeling a little depressed and concerned about being replaced by a new sibling... this could be a good healing time for you and her. Nothing like housekeeping, etc.. is so important that it can't wait a week, or two, or three for that matter ... hug her and be hugged by her! It will be like a natural medicine to your soul!

HUGS,
Mary

Dixiefireball · 08-10-2006, 04:15 PM

Jess,
Even before Bella was born I thought you would be a wonderful mother. I still believe that to this day. Look at that baby she is so pretty and healthy! Yes you where handed a bad deal in life, but hon that has made you so much stronger because look what you have over came already! I know how that post par. depression can be. It will make you feel like your not being all you should be, but hon you are and much much more!

You are are an amazing lady wife and mother. Please think Twice before doing something so perm about birth-control you may find a very long time remission down the road or they may be a cure knocking at our doors soon if that was to happen and you wanted another angel you wouldn't be able to be blessed with yet another one.

Jess you and your husband both are so young to decide not to have any more children right now. I personally regreated having my tubed tied. I was 23 when i had that done.

I wish you well hon. I will keep you and Bella in my prayers. Once you get over this road block in your life you may see things in a totally different light.
Please wait until everything your dealing with right now has been resolved first.

sending you hugs and prayers.
Rhonda