Where NOT to go on Vacation... LOL!

[BellaTutu]

Ok..so Traceann and I were sharing "horror stories" of vacations past and she told me I should post mine under "WORST VACATION EVER" thread....so here goes....sit back, enjoy the laughs, its funny NOW..but at the time,,I was horrified! LOL. DO share your worst vacation too!

My Vaction from H E L L

So...we decide we want to go somewhere new...exciting..whatever. Our daughter, who loves horses and who kept watching "Misty of Chincoteague" (its a horse) said one day "how about we go there - to chincoteague island?" So....we thought, ok...heard alot of good things about the Eastern Shore, why not. SO I call up the Viriginia Travel thingy and order brochures - get them in the mail and look them over. See this place that looks very quaint, small town charm, "little house on the prairie" type of thing right? Ok..so its called "The Mystical Pony" or something like that...something cutesy, looked nice in the pics and whatnot. So I call, talk to the owner, she seemed very nice - says theres a petting zoo on site, the kids can feed the farm animals - ponies on site too. She says "We have cabins...one and two bedroom and side by sides, AC/ kitchen unit, you name it we have it" So...I talk it over with hubby and tell him everything - he says Alright..go ahead and book it and while you're at it, why dont you invite your parents to come along? We're paying...all expenses paid vacation if they want to come." Ok...so I call them - they're pleasantly surprised and accept. GREAT - now we've got 1 month before we go - we're all excited by now LMAO! So....we drive the 6 hours to get there....thinking OH man..this is gonna be GREAT...I'm EXCITED to get there! Wild ponies running about...get to relax, the kids can play WHOO HOOO! VACATION AT ITS BEST.....

We get to the address per directions...and I'm excited as can be - we pull up...its a beautiful Victorian House...I CANT BELIEVE IT...TERRIFIC, we're gonna stay HERE??!! WOW!! Everyone gets out of the car(s)...pretty pleased with myself....right?

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Uhm....this CANT be the place....it looks nothing like the photos and I see no cabins as described " Hubby looks at the brochure and says "Uhm....hun..this isnt it" Then he proceeds to look closer at the brochure..to the run down place NEXT to the Victorian..it says "Mystical Pony" or whatever...he then glances up and says HOLY CRAP..NO FRIGGIN WAY!!" Of course..by this time we'd all stopped gushing and look over at Hubby....he starts laughing then shakes his head...and points. I'm doing one of those "following the finger" directional thingys...and almost friggin passed out right there! SOOOOOOO...NEXT to the gorgeous Victorian is this run down shack..and BEHIND the shack in muck, mud, and piles and piles of animal crap ....is *drum roll please*... ...FREAKING TRAILERS THAT HAVE BEEN CUT IN HALF!! OMG...I FLIPPED OUT!! So this guy comes walking out of this dilapitated house and with what 2 teeth he has left (black mind you, his teeth, not him LOL) he looks at us and goes "You must be our guests for the next 5 days". My parents look at us...we look at the kids...then at this guy and say..Uhm.....but....(pointing mindlessly to the brochure now).......you said.....uhm....(getting more quiet by the minute now).....ca....cabins??" LMAOOOOOO Now....my father proceeds to cough a few times..and turns away..going back to his car..mom is hot on his heels....they both get in the car and I see them laughing thier asses off!! SO....Hubby looks at me..says "well...its paid for..and there are no refunds...maybe its not as bad as we think it is....although its doubtful" So...by this time my parents are STILL in their vehicle..and I give them the kids..terrified at this point because hell..I have this fear of public restrooms being filthy and now I've got my ENTIRE family staying in what seems to be a public outhouse - terrific! So....now the wife comes out...HOLY SH*T she looks worse than the husband...tells us to come inside THEIR house to fill out some paperwork. By this time I'm breaking out my purell and rubbing it all over myself...just afraid to breathe OUTSIDE let alone inside. SO we walk inside their house....HOLY MOLY I freaked! Friggin roaches everywhere....and I say to myself...Uhm....Hmmmm. So I say outloud "Uhm...hmmmm...honey? Can I talk to you for a moment?" He says "wait a sec..." Ok..if I wait any longer, somethings gonna carry me off or steal the baby (he was 2 at this time). SO I wait...but nervous as hell and I hear the wife say "we have no electricity, but we have a generator in the "cabins"" Again...I glance out at the "cabins"...uhm....1930's trailer cut in 2....not a cabin in my eyes, but...ok.

Now..hubby gets the key - and the guy goes "They are adjoining cabins as you requested, so here's the key" uh...just one key? "Oh yeah...to get to the second cabin you have to go through the first one" TERRIFIC! Thank GOD we're family else ya know...*** - Jeffery Dahmer himself might come through OUR cabin to get to HIS . Parents finally get over their laughing fit..but only briefly - as they get to see their "deluxe accomodations". The husband and wife are now BOTH with us and my father pulls me aside as they are showing us "the tour" and he says to me "Jesus...he looks like the guy from Tales from the Crypt" OKAYYYYYY DAD..>SO NOT COOL... Now I'm laughing my ass off hysterically - thanks for that one pops! Now I gotta worry not only about the filth, I've got to worry about the owner killing me while I sleep!!!

..there were mice....it was horrible....we had to go out and buy TONS of those little tree airfresheners and some fans to air the place out. It was THAT bad. I could tell you some nightmares..we stayed 2 nights..until we couldnt take it anymore..we ate the rest of the money - and left the island. There was one point when my father asked the Tales from the Crypt guy "Excuse me..do you have an iron" and the guy goes "Ya mean an electric one?" Uhm..yes says my father...the guy goes...Nope...we only got one of them you heat up on the stove! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! We had chickens running under the friggin trailer....we had bugs everywhere....we slept in the CARS for both nights...OMG it was just awful!

FRIGGING NEVER AGAIN....it was the most horrible - yet most fun I've ever had that I will never do again ever ever ever.

Best part was...we had "guests" in the next "cabin" over - and HIS entire family is saying Man this is the best place we've EVER stayed!! ANd they're all like "Whoo hooo Betty...come out here and look at these chickens" I mean....where the hell they came from must be HELL compared to this place if they thought it was like 5 star accomodations!! HOLY CRAP..never in my life..and never again....

I might mention the island, while quaint...was mosiquto ridden - they even sold Tshirts with HUGE mosquitos carrying off humans on them - and it read "GOT BLOOD?" (vs. Got milk?) LOL!! NOT a fun vacay by any means...

[Kara Isabel]

OMG!!!!!!

That is SOOO true about the Eastern Shore! I would've warned you had I known you! LOL......I believe it was every bit as BAD if NOT WORSE than you described it!!!

I Live in Va. Beach, but have driven through the eastern shore several times on my way to NY or NJ! Even stopping at the quick-marts there is downright hilarious! There are dead critters stuffed and hanging on the walls! Several of those Eastern Shore towns are worthy of a tales of the crypt or twilight zone episode!!

That sounds rough!

Hey, next time..........come to Virginia Beach or the Outer Banks of NC! I can give you the 411 on places here and the Outer Banks!

My worst vacation was to Bermuda:

We land in Bermuda and get our luggage. The airport security pulls us aside and tells us they are doing a random search. Uhh....okay, sure whatever. They proceed to go through every INCH of our luggage! They swiped it with some rag and said it tested positive for DRUGS! NO FREAKING WAY! I don't do drugs......I've never touched a drug in my LIFE! (I had just bought a new suitcase from TJ Maxx literally the night before!) So I'm freaking out and saying this is ridiculous, go through my stuff "I DON"T HAVE DRUGS" and he was like, "If you do, I will take the drugs and let you go"..........Well, sheesh....that'd be great if I HAD ANY! So we are arguing with this guy and I'm getting REALLY annoyed at this point so after he went through my stuff with a fine tooth comb and EVEN took my make up apart!! He was taking apart my powder and eyeshadow cases to look IN THEM! I was freaking LIVID. So he finally calls someone to bring the drug dogs in. I'm deathly afraid of big dogs! (I was attacked by one when I was little and never quite got over the phobia) SO this HUGE DINGO comes in and I start having a panic attack!!!! And this dog gets up on his hind legs and is sniffing me and NO bark....so they take him to our luggage and he runs his slobber SNOTTY nose all through my clothes!!!!! UGH! No barking!

SO......after atleast an HOUR of arguing with customs that I wasn't smuggling drugs they FINALLY bring a DOG in that saves the day and proves that we are "clean" LOL........

But there is literally dog drool all over all my stuff!!

We finally get a cab and head off to our secluded condo. We booked this trip for REALLY cheap since Bermuda isn't really that far from VA......it is a direct flight! SO we get to the room and it was disqusting!!!!! Roaches, a kitchenette with dirty dishes in the sink.........Stains EVERYWHERE! The toilet wouldn't flush.....the shower just trickled water that was brown.

GROSS GROSS GROSS!!!!!

I'm ready to go home at this point, but my husband gets on the phone and is calling around to find another hotel.......no luck that night, but he managed to swindle us in for the other 3 nights at this really nice resort (which was heavenly!)

SO we are stuck in this nasty place on the "bad side of Bermuda" for the night.....OH, and I almost forgot about the gang graffiti written outside our "suite from hell", and the oceanside view was a dramatic cliff that was littered with tons of trash and when we checked in the lady warned us about going out there at night because people get "raped or mugged"

Oh vey!!!!!!!

So we go get some booze and snacks and decide to settle in for the night! We go out on the porch with our wine and Pringles and try to unwind and our neighbors.....the guests next to us, hear us and start talking to us. They were pretty nice and said they were there with a big group having a "seminar" of sorts. They were lesbians (which is cool, I have no prejudices) But it turns out that the motel was booked with a lesbian group from California.....so we are the only straight couple there. LOL......Which was just sort of funny because people were looking at us really strange, maybe they were wondering if my husband was just a really GOOD cross dresser!!!

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, they were STARING at him!!!

Ok....so my newfound friends were telling me that Bermuda really looks down on "alternative lifestyles" and this is the only motel that will tolerate the gay community, etc.......and she went off on a tangent about gay rights and gay marriage, etc......and I swear, I was getting a migraine at this point! After the drug smuggling fiasco, the roaches that were about as big as my hand, and the very angry drunk gay rights thing that was happening...my head was pounding.

I had no aspirin! or tylenol!

Live and learn.

NOW I will never book a vacation again without researching the accomodations thoroughly! I found a website w/ reviews that is just awesome! I'll post it when I remember what its called!

The next day we get to the other hotel and it was beautiful!!! so the rest of our anniversary was wonderful! But I doubt if I'll ever go back to Bermuda again! lol

[ICNDonna]

Not fun, but funny in retrospect!

Thanks for the laugh --- I needed one today.

Donna

[armslee]

Thanks for the laugh!
Sorry that you had a bum vacation, but I am sure you will never forget it!!!

[BellaTutu]

Kara...LOL - So you KNOW what I"m talking about then? I swear I thought I was gonna start hearing the banjo playing scene from the movie Deliverance! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG OMG..I'm dying laughing here ya'll.!! Kara...tell me of some NICE DECENT places in VA Beach...we're looking to go to the beach, either there or NC but God i"m terrified to book another vacation - and its been 5 years ago since this happend! You can PM them to me if ya dont mind!

Bermuda sounds lovely (NOT!) I'da been terrified the dog would start sniffin my butt or something..EEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YA AINT SEARCHIN THAT MR. POLICE MAN!

[Janie Miranda]

oh my gosh! You guys had some kind of a vacation. Can't say that we've ever had anything like that happen.

[traceann]

LMAO!! Oh my gosh, mine are soooo TAME compared to you two!! The worst/scariest to me would be Cancun - the other motel/hotel/camping experiences were awful, but at least I was in my own country, lol. Ex and I arrived, immediately was confused by the customs arrangement, push the red button if you want your luggage searched, and press the green button on your way through if you don't - um, ok. The "Help Desk" wasn't very helpful, I think the only English words she knew were "push the green button" to any question you asked her regarding customs.... We arrive at our hotel, it was GREAT, beautifiul - wow. Then our "consierge" comes to greet us, and help us with any trips we may want to take ect, and advice.... No walking the beaches at night, due to robbers/pickpockets, etc. Oh lovely. So much for those romantic beach strolls by the moon. Wake up the first morning there, ordered room-service for breakfast, this is great as it's all-inclusive, etc. Husband goes out on our balcony and I hear, "honey, come here a minute - you gotta see this!!!" I go out and see a group of people gathered around a white sheet on the beach...yep a dead body on the beach!!!! What a way to start our vacation....ugh. I will now go just about anywhere in the world except there and now Bermuda, LMAO!!!!!!

[BellaTutu]

LMAO Tracey....did they make a Tshirt for that too? Ya know..something like "My mom and dad went to Cancun....and all I got was........"

Hey..they had one for Chincoteague!

Ok..I could SO "go there" with the tshirt thing ..but....LOL..I wont!

[Kara Isabel]

It depends on what kind of vacation you want! If you want *alot* to do, many restaraunts, nightlife, fireworks for the kids, Bands playing on the boardwalk.....people dancing and skating and renting bike cars that seat up to 6, face painting, miniature golf, etc.......come to Virginia Beach. There is *alot* to do here, and the city does a really good job of keeping it family friendly! It is even against the law to *cuss* in public here! The cops do a really good job of keeping the riff raff/ rowdy crowd off the streets.

The nicest hotel here is the new Hilton.....I'm not sure what the summer rates are, but it has a pool on the top level that is built UP to look like it runs into the ocean! It is really NEAT!

My sister in law rented a really nice place here w/ a kitchenette and 2 bedrooms that was really reasonable, not an ocean view, but a block away....I'll have to ask my husband what the name of it was.

The outer banks of NC is way more secluded! Usually those beach rentals are pretty big, but there isn't much to do besides go to the beach....so that'd be the place to go for *relaxation*

We have all the bells and whistles here! The speedboats and parasailing and jugglers/street performers! LOL

If you like the theme park stuff, Williamsburg, VA is good too! They have a Great Wolf Lodge (with the water park in it for the kids.....which is right next to Busch Gardens and Water Country USA) That is about an hour from here.

My whole Bermuda vacation was SURREAL! I was like....."Is this really happening?" LOL.....I KNOW you can relate!!

[traceann]

LOL, nope Bella no T-shirts... now that I think of it, I am bummed! Brings a whole new meaning to somewhere being "dead", lol!!! OOOh But there were lots of cute guys - holy moly, playing volley ball, yum!!! Dark with dark longer hair, and curls.... *sigh* Kinda reminded me of Sayid on "Lost"......

[BellaTutu]

yum..Sayid.....*day dreams for a few moments*......Why couldnt HE be the Tales from the Crypt guy - I'da probably stayed at that dump if Sayid was the owner! Roaches and all!

[traceann]

Oh yeah, totally hear ya, he's got the greatest eyes and cutest accent!!! *sigh*

[Kara Isabel]

Traceann.........dead body on the beach! YIKES!! And I was looking into those all-inclusive places in Cancun! Which one was it?? LOL......I'll probably do the cruise thing again next year. Those are relatively "safe"!

Did you get a massage by a hot guy named Juan in a cabana on the beach?? LOL

Bella, did you get a mosquito T-shirt??? That's hilarious!!

[BellaTutu]

Kara,

Nope...I passed that shirt up - didnt want ANY "sentimentals" from that vacation LOL!

I told Traceann that'd be a terrific "vacation video" - ya know...pan out from the hotel balcony to the ocean...come in closer....start to show the beach....then a bunch of people......Suddenly you hear Toby Keiths "What Happens Down in Mexico..stays in Mexico..." with crime scene tape and a dead body on the beach LMAO!!

OMG thats so not funny.....but...I gotta make the best of a bad situation..so...LOL There ya go!!


Kara - I'll have to find some place in the brochures I have..for NC and VA Beach. I'll PM you and ASK before I make any reservations this go round

[BellaTutu]

ya know ladies..I was thinking of going on a cruise to those areas - Bermuda and Cancun. Now I'm certain I dont want to go after your experiences! My hubby was reading this and he told me "I cant believe you told the whole Chincoteague story in public" Told hubby "Well...I left out some parts...you know...the WORST PARTS " Still makes him cringe though everytime we even see a commercial for the Eastern Shore!