Has anyone noticed that their libido has greatly decreased?

**liz25** · 05-25-2006, 04:52 PM

I am 27 and have been diagnosed with IC since 2001. I have been a memeber here for quite awhile and have found all the info. and support from everyone to be a great help. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and he has been great with dealing with my IC. I cannot talk to my girlfriends about alot of my problems because they don't understand the way my IC has really affected my life. Anyways, has anyone noticed that their libido or desire for sex has greatly diminished? In the past year I would say, I have noticed my desire for sex has just gone kaput.

I love my boyfriend and I have always been a very sexual person. But, I have noticed that I do not even want sex often anymore. I have asked my uro and my pcp and all they can say is that it may be because I associate pain with sex. I honestly do not think that is why. Yes, sex can be painful sometimes and I cannot always do it when my boyfriend or I (when I actually do) want to, but I don't get afraid about the pain I may get from it. I have also noticed that it is alot more difficult for me to orgasm and I usually only can from my vibrator, which has not always been the case. I know it makes my boyfriend feel awful if he cannot make me orgasm by himself and if I orgasm from my vibrator instead of from him then [I]he[I] has trouble orgasming. I am not used to being this way because I have always loved sex and it really bothers me that ibeen feeling this way. I don't know what to do or try or anything at this point!

Any info. you ladies can tell me would be greatly appreciated! Thank you !

**Briza** · 05-25-2006, 05:06 PM

In a word, YES. When my IC symptoms were worse, it WAS because of the pain. Now, I feel I have become very protective of my personal space...probably a little post traumatic stress going on here. The pain isn't what it used to be, but I'm still not often in the mood to initiate things.

Medications, especially antidepressants, are well-known for descreasing libido and making orgasm diffiucult to achieve. Other medications may have this effect as well.

You might want to talk to your doctor about any of the meds you are on, to see if one might be the culprit.

Best wishes

**traceann** · 05-26-2006, 04:40 AM

Oh yeah, I can agree on the fact that meds can affect things hugely! I had tried taking Paxil and even though I still wanted to have sex (still had a drive) I couldn't orgasm at all. Very frustrating. If too would talk to my doc to see what role my meds may be playing in it all. I remember telling my boyfriend (now husband) that IC was an unfair disease to a girl who enjoyed sex!!! LOL Not that I wished it on anyone, but why couldn't one of my friends who did anything they could to AVOID sex have it instead of me?

And I also believe in the post traumatic stress issues - you may not even be aware of it at work, but by decreasing your desire your body/mind is protecting itself from a percieved "threat". The conscious mind probably doesn't think of it as a problem but the subconsious mind does. I know that I am just now becoming less reactionary to things. I used to startle easily, loud noises were too much for me to handle, sometimes touching me anywhere was annoying etc. I am finally starting to get my "norm" back. Although, loud noises still get to me... lol.

Then I also think fatigue has a lot to with it. I know that when the bladder is acting up, I am so tired. Even if it's minor "activity" that it's doing, it still wears me out, which leads to decreased sex drive in itself.

Frustrating isn't it? There are so many contributors and variables in what and what doesn't affect our libidos. Ugh.

***Sarojini*** · 05-26-2006, 05:17 AM

Meds can definitely affect things... as traceann points out, many antidepressants have a direct diminishing effect on the sex drive; in addition, if you're taking other meds used to treat pain (particularly opiates and anti-seizure meds that are used to diminish nerve pain), these can also diminish sensations you DO want -- like the sensations that help you orgasm.

I have found the same issues with my own sex drive, and the only way I've found to get past it is to stop thinking about having an orgasm, oddly enough. We've incorporated longer foreplay, with lots of touch, massage, kissing, to allow those nerve signals that have been dampened to come to life. Sex for us is more relaxing rather than goal-oriented -- well, at least for me

I find slowing things down, taking my time, and focusing on the sensations I AM feeling (not only touch, but the smell of my hubby's skin, the way his body looks) is just awesome -- and you know what, once I started doing this, bang! Surprise, I had an orgasm again ...

I can't do it ALL of the time, and hubby understands that we women are kind of wired differently, so if it doesn't happen for us sometimes we're still okay with that.

Keep practicing -- even if you don't want to, try it sometimes (not all the time, because it's still okay to say no). It's amazing how sometimes you think you're not in the mood, but once you start, you GET in the mood

**traceann** · 05-26-2006, 06:14 AM

You are so right Jen! I can't tell you how many romps ended up being wonderful when it was at first the last thing on my list of to-do's! LOL And I have told hubby point blank before - it's not always about the "end result" for me, I can sometimes care less, it's the closeness and all that goes with - that I am after! It does take soooo much pressure off of me and can be very conducive to getting me in the "mood" know I don't have to "perform" if I don't want to, lol.

**liz25** · 05-26-2006, 05:37 PM

Thank you so much! In the past year I have started Elavil and in thepast 3 month Neurontin. My uro want me to keep trying the Neurontin, but if it is the culprit I don't want it! I also have times where just touching is annoying, but we are not living together for a few months so hopefully that will increase my wanting to hve sex when I actually get to see him!

**lisacar** · 05-26-2006, 07:10 PM

You are not alone! I think it's a combo of pain and being worn out emotionally and physically for me. I don't have the energy or desire that I want, and I'm a newlywed (less than 2 yrs!).

SSRI antidepressants can cause you to lose sex drive, and even some blood pressure meds. And antihistimines can dry you up down there, etc, etc. I've never heard Neurontin can cause you to lose your sex drive, but anything is possible in any different human being.

I can even relate to the vibrator issue, and I think it's because it's harder to climax with discomfort, and if my husband is slightly off track, forget it, I just feel raw. Yuck.

For me I have to feel totally relaxed and have a quiet house (yeah sure!) to be able to ALLOW myself to enjoy the experience. And often it's better if it's not directed at orgasm, just pleasant feelings/sensations. It's like the more you worry, the less it works.

And you know, men are sensitive. I don't mean to sound sexist, but in my experience...they really, really, want to please, and I think they can take it really, really, personally if they can't satisfy you. It may not even be about them or their masculinity - it probably isn't! Naturally I'd rather have my husband than BOB (battery operated boyfriend), but BOB is sometimes faster, and faster can mean I am more comfortable in the end.

This may be TMI, but there are some good "educational" dvds out there, and I have bought them. Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I should bring them out again.

I truly mean with an educational focus, not just porn for porn's sake - but more focused on intimate massage. PM me if you want me to give you the name (i'll answer in a few days after I get back from my weekend trip)...

Lisa

vm · 05-27-2006, 07:30 AM

Originally Posted by traceann

I can't tell you how many romps ended up being wonderful when it was at first the last thing on my list of to-do's! LOL

That is SOOOOOOOOOO true!

**traceann** · 05-31-2006, 02:03 AM

LOL Kim, the poor Hubbies, if they only knew how they get "penciled" in sometimes - and at the last minute!! LMAO!!!

**sexymami04** · 06-16-2006, 12:42 PM

have you guys noticed a lower sex-drive with ELAVIL or ELMIRON? A couple of months ago, I quit taking my anti-depression and anto-anxiety meds b/c they're known to lower your sex drive, so now i'm only on these 2. is anyone else on one of these who have noticed a difference?

**ICLori** · 06-16-2006, 01:55 PM

I think it's very common with this disease to have a decrease in libido, from pain, the meds, exhaustion, just generally not feeling well.

If you think about it, mother nature (or God, if you prefer) created us to procreate when times were good and when we had full health. I truly believe that there is a built-in mechanism that dulls the urge to procreate when we are sick or when we are starving. That's a theory I have, anyway.

Also, I think that Elavil might have the effect that many antidepressants have, of lowering libido. It seems very possible to me. I'm not sure that Elmiron would have that effect, but I don't know.

Blessings,
Lori

**liz25** · 06-17-2006, 09:22 PM

Sexymami04,

I also take Elavil (well, amytriptiline the generic) and I am starting to wonder if that may be part of the problem. But, I also learned that many women with IC have a hormone imbalance, so I want to get my hormone levels checked. I also wonder if there is some sort of supplement that I could take that may help. Good luck and take care!

**ihurttoo** · 06-17-2006, 10:35 PM

Count me in on this one too! I just dont ever want it anymore! I am sure that illness, exhaustion, and meds all contribute for me. However, after almost 5 yrs of constant pain, I have finally struck upon a combo of meds that is effective for me, so I am not about to get rid of them and start over! I just go ahead and "go thru the motions", and never tell him any differant. Forunately for me, it is over soon anyway! (Not a characteristic in a man most women would want, but one that I am eternally grateful for!) I wish I felt differantly, but I just dont want to hurt anymore, and am too scared to mess with the meds.

**sherry6** · 06-26-2006, 01:03 PM

I am sure the different medications make a big difference, but I find it is mostly hormonal for me. I had a horrible time, and rarely wanted to be intimate, until my last pregnancy. With my last pregnancy, my sex drive came all the way back, and mostly stayed while I was nursing. I am not, and had not, been on any medications at all.

Of course my IC went into remission with my pregnancy and nursing also. I think it is ALL linked to hormones with me. The libido coming back was a wonderful by product produced by the change in hormones. Life was so different.(and let's face it, my husband was happier)

Good luck!