Empty nest

**Mel53H** · 11-01-2004, 07:29 PM

I am having a real hard time, because my youngest is moving out on his own. My daughter is still living here, but is not always here because of work and sometimes she stays with friends near her work. She will also be out on her own soon. My oldest son lives in Calif. and has been out on his own for several years. My husband is in a nursing home 1 1/2 hrs away, so you see, pretty soon it is just going to be me all alone. I have been very depressed about all of this. It will just be me and the cats. I am thinking of getting a dog, but I am not sure about it. I am also thinking of either getting another job or join a club or something. We will see what happens. I guess I need to keep busy, because I have always have had kids around.

I just needed to tell you all, because it helps to get it all out.

Sad in Oregon,

Mel53H

**work it** · 11-02-2004, 03:30 AM

Oh Mel I feel for you, all my kids are still at home but think about how lonely it will be once they have moved out. Hopefully with an empty house you will be able to have the all important "me time". Then on the times you wish to go about think about doing some volenteer work with kids or something to help the days go by. Best of luck to you!

***ICNDonna*** · 11-02-2004, 03:41 AM

Our pets can really be a lot of company to us. I hope you're able to find an outside activity to help keep you occupied. I joined Lions Club and sometimes there just isn't enough time to keep up with everything.

I hope you'll be able to make it to the IC luncheon in Eugene/Springfield next weekend.

Warm hugs,
Donna

**lindy lou** · 11-02-2004, 04:55 AM

This empty nest is new to me also. I have two in college and they only get home about once a month. Since my dx this summer, I didn't have much time to concentrate on me. I wasn't until my youngest was packed up and off to college, that the dx of IC really sunk in. It does seem strange when I pass their open bedroom doors and the piles of laundry are half the size. In a way I am glad that I have that alone time. I can put my feet up when I get home from school and relax before dinner. I'm getting used to a new normal for me. I have always been big on the volunteer thing and couldn't wait until I could retire from teaching so I could do all the things I missed while the kids were in school. Now, it's about what I want to do. Hope you find some activities to occupy all your new found time.
Linda

***dyno*** · 11-02-2004, 05:02 AM

It really can be an adjustment. Just when our last one graduated 5 years ago, we moved 750 miles away from the kids and Gkids the next month. It was very, very hard. Now we have 2 of our kids where we live and the other 2 are still up there. I have found that keeping myself busy during the day helps a lot. I also watched our GD when they moved here until she started school this fall. Now I am alone again during the day.

So I do agree the getting an outside activity is the thing to do.

***Julie B*** · 11-02-2004, 07:48 AM

I have one suggestion. If you are considering getting a dog, check to see if they need volunteers at the shelter near you. My husband's office is right next door to the local Humane Society and many people from his office volunteer to walk and play with the animals during their breaks. It is a HUGE mood lifter for the people who do it.

I will have an empty nest within the year, and this year all five of us are living at home. What a change. I am willing to bet, however, that your children still need you. :-)

**Cricketmk3** · 11-02-2004, 09:23 AM

I agree that volunteering is an excellent way to fill your time! I am nowhere near retirement but when I make it there one day and my kids are gone and it's just me, I plan to volunteer for the local Meals on Wheels who takes food to people who can't get out of the house. I think something like that would make anyone feel needed and worthwhile!

**VickiB** · 11-02-2004, 01:12 PM

That's an awful hard transition to make! I know many friends of mine in that same position have found wonderful groups to become involved in. Animal groups, elderly programs, food banks, etc. It's really a win-win situation!

My son was the last to go. He's in his 4th year at college, rents an apartment there, and rarely comes home anymore. It's funny, we work so hard to get them self-sufficient -to get them where they don't need us. Then we realize,...they don't need US! I sat alone in his room a few times and just cried!

But now I'm over it. I've come to like all the "me time". Heck, I'm thinking it's time to tear out the wall between his bedroom & my studio and get me some more space!

Vicki

**Mel53H** · 11-02-2004, 06:29 PM

Thanks all for your kind words.

I was extremely depressed and crying when I wrote that note last night. I have found that I have been doing that alot lately. My doctor wrote me a RX for Ativan and another antidepressant. But, I have to say that it is kind of depressing no matter what being all alone all at once. It sucks, but I will figure something out.

to all of you!!

Mel53H