My surgery story begins now.

[CoyoteMystro]

Well, I wanted to let everyone know that on October 12th I check into a hospital in Memphis, TN for pre-admission and on October 13th at 12PM I have my Bladder Augmentation surgery.

Basically I am having bladder augmentation surgery and a stoma put in my side so that I can self-cath.

Very excited about this because than I'd be able to change my own catheters incase they clog-up or something, not to mention more freedom, but I'm also worried about the recovery nightmare and etc. However, I guess that's half the fun of surgery.

Anyways, I'm gonna post in this thread every so often when I find out more about it and during my recovery.

Basic story of CoyoteMystro:
I am 19, male, homosexual, and I live in Arkansas US of A. I've suffered IC symptoms since I was 11 years of age and I dropped out of school in 11th grade because the pain/frequency became too much of an inconvenience. On June 18th, 2003 and again on March 16, 2004 I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis. For years I had no treatments, I was told I'd grow out of it and was undiagnosed. Than after being diagnosed I started medicinal treatment but unfortunately the meds made my bladder even worse and actually made it where I couldn't urinate on my own power, so since October 16th I've been wearing an indwelling urethral catheter everyday.

If anyone has any questions/comments about me feel free to ask.. I kinda see myself as a dead man walking, lol.. But I suppose I'll survive, we all possess a very srong inner strength that helps us survive through times like these.

For those that know, me and Thomas are doing well, we had our unofficial four month anniversary on the 1st and he bought me a dozen roses. :) I can't wait to meet him someday. *smiles*

Anyways, take care all.. I'm hoping to finish this thread with good news.

PS : I had an IC friend, Jessica I believe that wanted to come see me the day of my surgery, I lost your email Jess, but if you want to come, I won't mind, I'll give you all the details as to the location as soon as I get them. :)

[arcticfox]

Coyote,

Congrats on your 4 month anniversary with Thomas! Happy for you! :woohoo: :dance: :bouncy:

Lynn :)

[lalarainbow]

Hi Coyote,
Glad to hear you have come to a decision and that things are getting done..
got the date marked and I will be praying for you.. take a cd player so you can listen to "Drove all Night".. I remember you saying you really liked that tune! Great to see your picture on the board..
Keep us updated..all the best and pray all goes well.
~~Pam~~

[ICLori]

Wishing you the best of luck on your surgery, I hope and pray it will give you your life back! And congrats on the 4 month anniversary, I am so happy for you and hope that there will be many, many more anniversaries and happy times ahead for you!

You are very courageous, I know you will get through this and soon be posting on the boards about how much better you are feeling! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Blessings, Lori

[Katrina]

Praying for you and hoping that the surgery helps you in all the ways you need it to. I hope you recover well with little pain. Thank you for posting and having the courage and hope you have in this.
God Bless,

[CoyoteMystro]

Thanks everyone for the prayers and well wishes, Thomas and I thank you so much. :)

[Iris]

Hi Coyote and certainly wish you well on your surgery date, will be thinking and saying a prayer for you, hope everything goes well for you and your recovery. Congrats on your four month anniversary with Thomas, and enjoy many more to come. Take care and keep us posted how you are doing, many good wishes coming your way, and a hug to go with them, Iris. :hi: :grouphug: :flower:

[Sarojini]

Good luck with the surgery!!! :) I'm sending you lots of hugs and all of my support!!!

[ICNDonna]

I hope this surgery will be the answer for you. You have been through so much.

Warm healing thoughts,
Donna

[SheriG]

Hey Buddy...I hope that after your surgery, you can post a new picture in which you are smiling. IC is such a nasty disease, and I don't smile much these days either. I am so happy for you that you are enjoying a good relationship with Thomas, that has to help! I want to wish you all the luck for an uncomplicated surgery, and an easy recovery. I will keep you in my prayers! Best wishes for health and happiness! Sheri :)

[CoyoteMystro]

Figured I'd post a message here to vent.

My father is making my pain much worse because of the stress. I've been taking more pain pills than usual lately because of the pain.

I'm hoping that after this surgery I can get on a program and get out in an apartment or something on my own. *sighs* I hate my life right now... I wish I were with my Thomas... but I can't be.

Did anyone else have to go through alot of stress during their surgery and recovery because of family or friends?..

[dyno]

Good luck with your surgery, hopefully this will help to turn your life around.

[Sarojini]

I am so sorry to hear that you're stressing badly over a situation at home... try to relax (I know -- easier said than done, huh?) Think good thoughts of Thomas. Think of how free and hopefully happy you will be after the surgery. :)

[CoyoteMystro]

I am so sorry to hear that you're stressing badly over a situation at home... try to relax (I know -- easier said than done, huh?) Think good thoughts of Thomas. Think of how free and hopefully happy you will be after the surgery. :)

*smiles*

That's what I do most of the time, I day-dream about being with Thomas someday. He's the most amazing guy in the world in my heart. He doesn't think to much of himself but I'm the same way about myself, but to me, he's an angel. I can't wait to hold him as he sleeps someday, to take care of him. :) I'll fight however hard I have to to make that dream come true. :)

*hugs*

[dancemomof2]

Hugs, I sure hope you get some relief from all this. Prayers to you and all your dreams. I sure hope they all happen for you.

[mayray518]

Miss you on the chat coyote. I am so glad that you can start a new life with the surgery. You are so young. Let us know how it works out. Mayray

[Iris]

Heres wishing you all your dreams come true for you and Thomas. So sorry that you are under so much stress right now, but we are always here for you, for support, and venting, when it all gets too much for you. Take care and keep dreaming, and looking towards your future together, hugs Iris. :hi: :grouphug:

[Judith56]

One of the worst parts of surgery is the wait beforehand. Feel free to ask me any surgery questions. I had my bladder out 18 years ago. I have an internal pouch which I catheterize. You will be so much happier and feel so better after the recovery period. Judith

[CoyoteMystro]

Well, got a month to go before I go to the Hospital for surgery now. :(

Also gotta go to Doctors office on the 21st to get my last catheter change. Wee.

Anyone have any advice for me? *hugs*

[Katrina]

:hi: friend! :love: Thinking of you and praying for you! I know the home stuff is a big sourse of stress but I also know you are a strong leader and full of love...I believe in you and your strength to get through this! Just to make sure though I send you a lot of cyber hugs and love!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My advise is you made the decision...if you have any worries...write them down and destroy them.....spend time remembering the love you have with Thomas and your friends here....you have the support and the strength you need!!! Or call me if you need to! ;) Have faith that things will turn out....our faith can make things happen!!

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Judith56]

Here's my advice- do something nice for yourself each day. Plan on things to bring to the hospital, ie, pad of paper, writing utensils, pillow, hard candies to suck on, etc. Ask your doctor if he has any patients who have the surgery for IC that you can talk to.Plan on all that you will able to do once you have healed from the surgery. Keep a journal. Lots of luck, Judith

[curlycue]

Whishing you the best of luck and a fast recovery. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You are a brave person.

[CoyoteMystro]

Well, I had my last urethral indwelling catheter change just the other day. So no more painful urethral catheter changes for me until after surgery. :)

Huring reallly bad tonight unfortunately, painful bladder spasms that have kept me awake. :(

Hope everyone is ok, I'm surviving one way or another. *hugs*

20 more days to go before surgery. *hug*

:dogrun: :dogrun: :dogrun: :dogrun: :dogrun: :dogrun: :dogrun: :dogrun:

[Jen_Cole]

What great news, Coyote. I had no idea you were going to have surgery-must have missed the post. I'm so glad-It seems like you are in pain ALL the time. A question-will you always have to self-cath thru your stoma? Or wil you eventually have a urostomy bag?

[Iris]

Hi Coyote, and I know you are counting those days now until surgery. I know we will all be thinking of you on that day, and wishing you well, and hoping everything goes really well for you, take care and keep us posted, good luck hugs Iris. :grouphug: :flower:

[jaime15]

Hmmm......good advice for surgery day..........make sure you pack chapstick...a must-have!! :) Your lips will be so dry after surgery...and no telling when you'll be up to eating, that day or the next.
I wish you so much luck on the 12th!!
And I'll be waving at you from the other side of TN! Take care.

[CoyoteMystro]

The augmentation will leave my bladder inside me with a bigger capacity, so I'll be self-cathing through my stoma. *hugs*

[Sarojini]

Coyote -- the date is rapidly approaching, and know I'm thinking of you and sending lots of encouragement and hugs.

Jaime's Chapstick advice is the best -- being intubated during surgery makes everyone's lips totally dry and cracked. Even during my little cysto/hydro I ended up with dry lips. The fact that my husband was waiting in the recovery area with a pocket full of different flavored lip balms made me love him even more!!

Oh, and if there's anything you need while hospitalized here in Memphis -- I live here, as you know, and would be glad to help out. Let me know via PM if you need my number again, just in case. :)

[curlycue]

WOW I cant belive that it has been almost over a year that I have been chatting with you regarding this operation that you want to have done and its taken so long? I hope its all that you expect it to be and more. I hope it totally changes you life and I will be thinking and praying for you.

[CoyoteMystro]

Thanks everyone for the advice, I'll buy some chapstick October 1st when I get my disability check and save it for the big day. :) Thanks all. *hugs*

[darlene]

Coyote, I wish you the best of luck with your surgery. It must be awful to have IC from the young age of 11. All of us are hurt by the lack of general knowledge about IC. That can cause parents to be "less than helpful" about our situation. Never give up hope! We are all here for you!

[CoyoteMystro]

*hugs* Can't sleep tonight, bladder starting to hurt. Got a UTI and taking some medicaton for it, stressed that I must have one that doesn't crystalize in urine so it doesnt clog-up cath and so far as I know it doesnt. But when I hurt, I get so scared that maybe the cath is clogging up.. Because I cant be if it does, and the ER will take two hours to change it and my bladder is only 120CC's.. Hope I'll be ok, hehe.. Got 16 more days before my surgery.. It's coming... :(

-- Sleepy yote.

[curlycue]

Yea 16 more days. I will be praying and thinking about you tonight I hope that you dont have to go to ER. Good luck

[CoyoteMystro]

I'm crying right now.. It's 2:38AM London time..

At around 8:30AM London time.. my Thomas.. my soul-mate.. my boyfriend/husband/lover/partner is gonna be going on a trip to the US to be with his sister and brother in law for a short vacation.. Starting today I'm gonna be alone.. I'm gonna be a zombie.. Because I'm without my better half.. I'll cry everynight before I go to sleep because I won't get to see him sleeping over his webcam.. I won't get to give or recieve a webcam kiss goodnight to him.. I'll wake-up knowing he won't be there to tell me good morning and listen to my freaky dreams..

While everyone else likes the idea of once in awhile being away from their mates.. I hate it.. I wish he didn't have to go on a trip right now.. I wish my surgery was scheduled later so I could beg and bribe him to come to my surgery and be with me instead.. I hate knowing I'll have to survive it alone..

I should probably be asking questions about the surgery..
But can I ask you another question?.. I know I'm a fag and as result half of you probably hate me.. but.. for those that don't judge me and don't mind.. could you tell me.. How do you make it when your mate has to go away for a trip or vacation without you?.. What do you do?.. Right now I just wish I'd go to sleep and not wake-up until he returns..

I'm gonna try to sleep now.. took a pain pill along with my UTI med.. I don't know what to do.. my bladder is really hurting tonight..

P.S.. I got a dozen roses from him today.. with a card that said.. "cries gently.." "My Yote.. MIss you already baby... Love you... WWWD?"..

WWWD be our little parody of that WWJD thing.. Where we have "What Would Wolf Do?".. Him being wolfe.. and I know what he does.. He takes care of me.. He loves me.. *tears as I watch his webcam, watching him sleeping..* Oh god I don't wanna be without him.. I'm so scared I'll die in the surgery and I wont ever get to see him again..

Thomas's first boyfriend/soul-mate committed suicide last November.. Thomas slipped into a severe depression.. at the young age of 17 he was drinking heavily.. cutting his arms and shoulders with razorblades.. He was a zombie.. We found each other.. we saved each other.. I love him so much.. what if I die on him?.. What if the surgery kills me?.. How will he survive?.. I don't wanna die.. I wanna live and protect him and love him for the rest of my life.. I want to fight however hard it takes to survive this so I can be his guardian yote.. I love Thomas..

I'm sorry for rambling.. *hugs*

Thanks for listening to me.. thanks to any of those that reply..

P.S.S.

Thomas I know I've told you before.. but I dunno if you'll check this thread, but I want them all to know.. I'm so sorry that I'm diseased.. I'm so sorry that I'm putting my life at risk by undergoing a major surgery that'll seriously and permananently damange 3 organs inside me.. I'm so sorry I'm not normal.. I'm so sorry pup.. I'm sorry.. I love you so much.. I wish I were better for you.. Everyday you tell me I'm perfect.. that you love who and what I am because I'm so strong.. and I am.. half the fun of being diseased is winning the battles that come along with it.. An honor most ppl never get to feel..

Thomas, I'm sorry I'm diseased.. I love you with all my heart.. I'm so sorry that I'm not healthy.

[ICLori]

(((HUGS))) Oh sweetie I hope so much no one here on this board would ever judge you in any way, everyone here is so nice and I hope so much that you feel at home here and safe. I know how evil the world is, but I feel like these boards are different, you know? I hope they are anyway and I hope they feel like a special place to you, one that is better than the world in general.

I'm so sorry you are feeling sad right now. My husband travels frequently on trips for the Army, and without fail, the first day he's gone, I cry. But then I feel a little better after I cry. And I look forward to him calling that night to tell me he landed safe. Then, depending on where he is, I get to look forward to phone calls either each night (calling card, it's cheaper) or at least once a week if he's in Korea or some place like that. And I kind of get by, by looking forward to those phone calls. Sometimes we write each other notes, and so we have a "letter" from each other to read and reread, which is very comforting. And I try to stay really really busy. Alot of times I try to think of something nice I can do for him to surprise him. That keeps me busy! :)

I believe when we love, we are never really separated from a person - not by death, not by distance, etc. I still feel my Mom with me, although she has passed on. But I do miss talking to her, of course.

This is a really big operation you will be going through, honey, but the chances you will die are so very small - you are young and healthy (except for this IC stuff) and you are gonna come out of this surgery just fine! Now you might be sore for a few days, there's no way around that, but they do give you good pain medicine and I'll bet it won't be too bad at all. And hopefully you will feel so much better once you've healed, that you will really get your life back and all the good things that you dream of, will be yours!

You're going to get through this and happy days will come again, I just know it!

(((HUGS)))

Blessings, Lori

[ICLori]

P.S. When I'm feeling really scared and lonely sometimes I wrap up in a warm blanket and then it almost feels like I'm being hugged.

[curlycue]

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You are stronger than you think you are and you will get through this with him next to you. You just wont be able to see him. He will be there in spirit.

[CoyoteMystro]

Thank you both very much.. I'm crying reading that.. thank you.. *Hugs tight*

*cries* I miss him so much.. and it's only the first day..

[amaris]

I've been married for 3 years and dated my husband about 4 years prior to our getting married. I've had IC for 5 of those 7 years. I have felt guilty in the past about getting sick but my husband always says he still loves me for who I am. Sounds like Thomas is that kind of a guy too.

I'm grateful that neither one of us have a job that take us away for extended periods of time, but I still miss my husband terribly when we're apart. I've learned to stay busy and plan something to look forward to each day he's gone, whether it's reading a book I haven't had time for or doing the hobbies that I love. I also look forward to speaking to him each night before I go to bed. Getting to sleep at night is always the hardest part for me, but I find his voice soothing and comforting.

I wish you and Thomas the best and will be praying for you for your upcoming surgery.

Amaris

[Jen_Cole]

For me, it's something I just got used to. My husband has to work out of town, and he's done it sooo much since we've been married that I've just grown accustomed to it. I'm sad when he leaves, but excited on the day he comes home. Kinda like having bladder spasms-they hurt like hell at first, now I barely notice them at all.

What are the risks involved with your surgery? I didn't realize other organs could be damaged. I'm sure Thomas would be with you if he could. He is 18? Sometimes when you are still a teen you have to do what your parents ask (like his trip)-but I am sure you already know that! I had more questions for you about your operation-but I've lost my train of thought due to the crying baby in the background, lol. Please keep posting.

[Katrina]

Hi Coy, miss chatting with you. When Mike goes on trips I too try to sleep more....I will watch a lot of movies ....basically try to stay busy. I appreciate the possitive change Thomas has made in you. I am like Lori with the blanket hug thing. You know that I have had some serious surgeries in my past...and somehow I doubt they are last....I worry about how hard the surgeries are on my loved ones....so with Mike I talk that through to reasure him. I believe that you will do well with your surgery. You have been a great sourse of encouragement when I need it...you send strength to others....thus I feel you have a lot yourself. Well, I could ramble on and on....please contact me text my phone or whatever to let me know you are ok after surgery....I will be thinking of you! :love:

[icnmgrjill]

Coyote... if anyone tries to mess with you because you're gay... you let me know. kay? I have several good friends who are gay and I just won't tolerate it on our site.

I wish you the best on your surgery!!!!!!

As someone who also met a "true love" on the web (several years ago), I just want to caution you to be careful with your heart. I gave mine away to someone who, it turned out, lied to me about a number of things. It wasn't until I flew across the country and paid hundreds of dollars on plane fares, hotels, etc. ... that I really figured out what was going on. So, please remember that long distance relationships can be very complex. I truly hope you two are destined to be together... but, if you're not, that's okay. That just means that your real love is on his way and closer than ever.

[tigger_gal]

Jill,
Your post was great... And its very true.. internet romance can turn to be ugly.... I sit here an think of all the teen age girls and boys.. think they found an internet love.. and thet go to meet them and there never heard of again....
So please be careful... and hopefully it is ment to be.. if not.. it will come along when the time is right...
Brat

[Sarojini]

Internet romance can be ugly, but can be beautiful too. I met my husband and soulmate on Yahoo! Personals 3 years ago, and he is the best thing that ever happened to me :) You DO have to be careful, but also know that sometimes it DOES work out.

Also, Coyote, I certainly don't judge you for being gay, but you already know that as we've chatted off the boards. Please, feel free to email or get me on Yahoo messenger during Thomas' absence... I know I can't replace him, but perhaps I can help distract you with some scintillating conversation (ha ha ha :lmao: ) for a while!

And I hope that if anyone DOES judge you for being gay, they keep that opinion to themselves on the boards. I would like these boards to be a place where ANYONE can come, without fear... we are all joined by a common disease, after all.

[nippersmomma]

Greetings, and the best of luck to you. When your lover gets back it will be all that much better to see him. when I am separated I watch comedies, movies, nothing serious, and play upbeat music. Please don't think of yourself as diseased, we are just very special. I have had IC for 30 years, since age 18 and things will get better, you will get stronger, IC cannot destroy us it only makes us stronger. Jody

[CoyoteMystro]

Thank you everyone..

@ Katrina. I gave-up my cell-phone, so I can't text cell phones anymore. Private message me and I'll give you my home phone number if you want it. Haven't heard from you on Yahoo Messenger, I hope everythings ok. *hugs*

@ Everyone. Thank you so much for the replies. For those that asked, the surgery I'm having is bladder augmentation. The Doctor is Dr. Jerkins in Memphis, Tn and he's gonna perform the surgery and Dr. Regula Wihgul of Memphis, Tn will be there participating and viewing the surgery. She said I'm a very unique case since I was confirmed to have IC by her and my bladder has died on me at such a young age. The surgery they'll do as I said is Bladder Augmentation. He'll cut my bladder in half, than cust some of my intestines off to sew onto the bladder in an attempt to enlarge it, than he'll cut out my appendix and use part of it to make a stoma from the edge of my skin to the new bladder where I'll self catheterize through.

I'm scared about the operation, but at the moment I'm more scared about whether Thomas made it or not. He flew from London, UK to somewhere in California I think, he said the plane was supposed to land around 3PM I think, but I don't know if thats his time or my time or California's time. It's 7:30PM here and he's yet to call. I'm so scared, my mind keeps thinking that the plane had problems and crashed. I keep thinking how am I gonna survive without him. I'm so afraid. I called his cell phone 3 times leaving voice mails on it, the last one with me crying.. Asking and begging that he be ok.. I'm so afraid.. If he doesnt contact me before surgery.. I.. I don't know what to think or do..

I dont have any other number other than his cell phone.. and I dont have any way of contacting his family to ask if he's ok.. I don't know what to do.. *cries* What if something happened?..

[ICLori]

Hi, sweetie, ((HUGS)). I understand completely the anxiety about whether or not a loved one has arrived safely.

This probably sounds really silly, but...when my husband is flying somewhere, I leave the news channel (TV) on all day. If there are no reports of an airplane crashing, I know he didn't get in a plane accident. Because whenever there is a big airplane problem, it always hits the news almost the same minute it happens. Even if it was only a near-miss, like sliding off the runway or something, it would be in the news without fail.

I've been watching the news lots these last couple of days, and haven't heard of any plane crashes so you can rest assured that your love has not been in a plane crash.

One thing I have noticed in recent years with traveling by plane is, delays are getting more and more common, flights being cancelled, that sort of thing. What most likely happened is that for one reason or another his flight was delayed, and he didn't get in yet to a place where he can call you and tell you he's okay.

Or, since he's with his parents, and you know how parents can be, they might have said "we're tired, all of us turn in for the night, you can use the phone tomorrow." And perhaps he had no choice but to obey.

I hope this helps reassure you a bit! :) I know it's no fun worrying.

Blessings, Lori

[VickiB]

Hey Coyote, think positive thoughts! That's probably 3:00 pacific time, and also right about the time Mt Saint Helens let off some steam. I heard on the news some flights were diverted/canceled or delayed, so perhaps air travel on the west coast is a bit messed up for the time being.

It sounds like Thomas and you have a special relationship. I'm happy for you.

Vicki

[CoyoteMystro]

Thomas went on the flight by himself, but when he arrives as his destination he'll be with his brother in law and his sister. They're going on a road-trip and he'll return October 17th.

I don't know. I wish he'd call but maybe he won't afteral, I don't know. I'm hurting so much right now in bladder and heart and in a way I'm so mad at him for not being here, but I'm glad because I know he missed his sister and brother in law very much since they moved out a month ago.

Thanks for the tip, gonna watch Headline News like a hawk now. *whimpers*

[ICNDonna]

Another thing to think about is that there are many, many cell phone "dead zones" on the west coast. I live in Oregon and when we go into the mountains, we don't usually have any cell phone reception. And the Oregon coast is especially bad for reception.

I'm sure you'd know if anything bad happened.

Sending a hug,
Donna

[CoyoteMystro]

I dunno..

Before he went on his trip his brother in law and sister would call him and his parents a few times. Maybe when they picked him up at the air-port, they called their parents to let them know they were together and ok, so pup naturally couldn't call me in that case.. and hasn't had time to call me.. and he said that during a point in their trip they'd be camping somewhere.. So maybe he's got no cell reception or his UK phone ownt work out there and he cant use his brother in laws to call me..

I dont know.. *tears*
I cant sleep.. I miss him.. I need him..

[heiwalove]

i send you so much love and support, and wishes for a full, beautiful recovery.
i'm gay too; i've got your back, brother.
xoxoxoxo
heather
.

[ICLori]

Hi, sweetie, ICNDonna really has a great point, a lot of times cell phones won't work in certain areas, if you are out of the service area etc. Radiowaves. You can't get a decent radio station half the time when you are driving out west in the mountains too, for the same reason!

So he might be kind of in an awkward position - probably doesn't want to make a long-distance call using anyone else's phone, because it would cost too much, and maybe he had a chance to call at one point but it was in the early hours your time so he didn't want to risk waking you. And if he's camping, that really would make it hard for him to call!

He probably has no idea you are worrying so much. I'm sure if he realized that, he'd find way to call you. He's probably thinking, oh, coyotemistro knows where I am, he knows I'll be in touch later, etc....

Plus...well, when I was overseas, in Europe, I found the phone system to be very confusing because it was so very different from U.S. phones. It could be that he just doesn't quite know what to make of U.S. pay phones.

Anyway, tons of reasons come into my head, but I wanted to reassure you, he's safe - his plane hasn't crashed - and he still loves you. Because those two things are the most important things, am I right?

And you can come later and tell us the story of why he couldn't call right away, and it will probably be something that the two of you will even laugh together about one day.

It's just that it's a bad time right now - you are naturally kind of worried about the operation, and it's not a good time for him to be gone, I really do wish the timing of his trip had been different. So you are more anxious than you would be normally.

Sometimes when I'm anxious, I try to distract myself by reading a good book. And taking a nice hot bath is very soothing, too, it seems to calm me down when I'm feeling tense. Or watching a funny movie...just to make the time pass.

Everything is going to be okay, honey - I have a sixth sense about these things - please have peace in your heart.

Blessings, Lori

[CoyoteMystro]

*smiles gently*

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling much better. Thomas emailed me. Due to many circumstances he was unable to contact me. As soon as the plane landed there were no pay-phones in the lounge, and they had to get on the BART train thingy, and by time he got to a hotel it was too late to make a call and despite calling his cell company in Europe before trip, his phone isn't getting any reception so he was unable to call with his own phone.

So he's safe, and I'm feeling much better knowing he made the flight ok. I'll be alot better now knowing that he's having fun and enjoying his vacation. :)

Otherwise to keep my mind off his absense, I'm hoping to go shopping tomorrow. There was a new Wal-Mart opened in a small town that's about a half hours drive away so I'm gonna go check it out with my mum, and also gonna browse around the two Wal-Marts we have here in town. So that'll keep me busy, I got my disability check, so I'm gonna use some of it to shop before surgery, hehe. May be the last time yuh know?

I feel ok about the surgery, as I said, it's a major surgery but half the fun of being diseased is winning the battles. Because healthy people don't get such challenges in life, dunno about you, but when I have a night of tremendous pain, where every minute feels like an hour.. the next day when I feel better, I feel much better in heart and mind knowing I survive nights like those, when normal ppl would be crying in an ER room swearing they're on their deathbed.

I'll be packing on the 11th and leaving on the 12th to get there around 10-12AM. Than the surgery will be performed on the 13th at noon. A little nervous yeah, but since I've been having bladder pains these last few days, I'm looking forward to it again in hopes that maybe I'll get rid of these pains, even though I know I'll inherate all kinds of new limitations and pains.
So yeah, I'm looking forward to the surgery.

*hugs everyone* Thank you for making this easier on me. :)

[VickiB]

Glad to hear Thomas is okay and has contacted you.

Yes, seems like with so many people having cell phones they're taking the old pay phones out left & right. I don't have a cell phone. I found myself in the town where my daughter lives and wanted to give her a call prior to stopping by. You think I could find a pay phone? They used to be on darn near every corner, restaurants and certainly every gas station had one. I had to stop a number of places before I found one.

And Donna's right, once you get in or near the mountains, all bets are off when it comes to cell phone reception. Up where I live in any given place, you're half shocked if you actually get a signal!

Vicki

[ICLori]

I'm so glad that you were able to hear from him finally! See, I knew that it was something like this, rather than something serious! :)

Now that sounds like a good plan, I love Wal-marts (their scented candles there are nice BTW) but don't charge up too much, because you are going to survive this surgery and you don't want big bills from Wal-mart, LOL! :) Just kidding, just wanted to say, you are going to come through this surgery with flying colors!

If you like to read books, you might want to pick up a book or two while you are out to read while you are recovering, to make the time go by faster. I always love to read books and magazines when I'm in the hospital, even when I'm just there for a day for surgery.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you that your recovery will be quick and hopefully painless and that the nurses will be really nice to you and give you extra blankets and pillows and keep you from being sad while you're recovering.

Blessings, Lori

[CoyoteMystro]

Well I went to Wal-Mart tonight and I got a new shaver, a bathrobe, the Angels In America DVD, and some more Lip Balm. I got Strawberry, Cherry, and Mint flavored lip balms. :)

Going again tomorrow to a new WalMart in Trumann nearby, still gotta get an answering machine, forgot to get it.

*hugs*

[nippersmomma]

You go Guy! Taking care of our regular business is what helps us feel empowered. We can take care of ourselves and you are not alone! Have a great day, Jody

[green_the_fish]

A shopping spree, wow :) That can make even us IC patient feel better :lmao:
Good luck with your upcoming surgery.

[curlycue]

Yea shopping is always nice. When I am feeling down my mom says go shopping and even though I fight her on it. I end up feeling good? I wonder why? is something wrong with me?

[CoyoteMystro]

Well I went to the stores, the Wal-Mart in Trumann isn't worth a damn. :( But I got a few bandanas there. Than I went to the Wal-Mart here in town on highland drive and got a few more bandanas (I wear bandanas, lol) and I got my answering machine and I got a lego set I like, lol. Than I took my parents out to lunch, though my mom owes me $100 now, lol. My dad got a $30 Dukes of Hazard DVD and she got a $40 Holiday Barbie, LOL, I can't afford those but I payed for them until she pays me back.

I've only got $160 left from my $564 disability check, and $108 of that goes towards the washing-machine payment. :( Only gotta make two more payments on it, and mom needed it so I bought it for her.

Kinda depressed, I reallly wish I could save-up money to be with Thomas sooner someday. :( I mean, he lives in the UK and I live here in the US.. He has a pretty good job in the UK but has no education, but here he'd have extreme difficulty getting a job so I'd prolly end-up moving to UK so everything would be easier on him. Though I have to admit that's kinda scary, because I don't know much about britain.

Anyways, I'm rambling, lol. I'm missing my pup so much, it's been EXTREMELY hard for me to get to sleep lately. I've always had insomnia but now it's even worse because i'm so used to getting a kiss from him over his webcam, and I kiss him over mine, and I get to see him sleeping a little while in his bed than I finally go to bed as well.

Cute thought, I watch Thomas sleep via webcam, he's so cute, and I love watching him sleep. Dunno, it's just kinda amazing watching a male sleep. They're kinda upheld as the leaders, the guardians, etc.. So the idea that a male feels secure and safe enough to let me watch him sleep feels so magical. :) I can't wait to hold him in my arms someday, as he falls asleep in my arms, and I hold him, watching him. :) Hehe, I'm rambling again, I wuv him so much. :)

Only bad thing though is that I'm out to my family, he isn't. His last soul-mate commited suicide over a series of events that resulted from him being outed by a friend.. He was beaten my fellow students.. even though he was strong he wouldnt fight back.. So.. Like alot of gay teens, he killed himself.. I hate people so much for things like that that really happen. :(

I member when I was in school, I had a 6th grade teacher that'd call me bathroom king.. She even announced me at an awards ceremony as bathroom king, but I didn't rise, I wait until she called me by my name. I hated that old cow, lol. She hated me because I'd always have to get up to pee during her class. 6th grade was the first year IC affected me, but I had a really poor family doctor, he thought I was lying to get out of school, and he than told me I'd grow out of this problem, so I didnt get any treatments, and I went to see one urologist, he just looked at my penis and said I was fine, he didn't even do anything. :(

Anyways, I was rambling again.. can't think of anything else to say though, lol. Oh yeah!

Can I ask your opinion?.. Is it wrong or right of them that.. I'm gonna direct my mother to send my soul-mate back the gifts he bought me.. and a few things that mean alot to me if I die in surgery?.. He wasn't comfortable about the idea, and I understand with his history, but I'm a realistic, if by some change i do die, I want him to have all the gifts he bought me and the things that maen the most to me, like my bandanas. Is it wrong of me to make preparations for that possibility?

Anyways, I'm gonna try to rest, goodnight all. Thanks for taking care of me and posting. :)

[Katrina]

In my opinion you should do some preparing for that possibility ...surgery or not. I would keep a possitive attitude non the less and expect that you would need to revise your wishes many times over before they ever get used....but it takes strength to face possible death....and death is a possibility for all of us mortals...but I don't expect it will be soon for you.....non the less...you are an adult and preparations are a good idea.

It breaks my heart hearing about what it was like for you back in sixth grade...I am so so sorry.

You are a very romantic love sick guy.....it is definatly inspiring in a way to hear you talk about Thomas.

:kiss: Know you are in my thoughts! :grouphug:

[lalarainbow]

Coyote,
Very natual to have those fears when you are going in for surgery.. but those plans are good to have..
Grade 6 teacher - well I sure would like a word with her :ignore:
I have had 5 surgeries.. so now I just say get it done and get me out of here!! I used to get sick from anesthetic so now I tell them that and the last two times they gave me something to prevent the nausea.. and it really helped..
Another thing the sheets are so rough in hospital and you use your elbows to get out of bed..mine got really sore so some lotion for that might be a good idea.
And Coyote, I met my husband in England.. been back for visits and we lived there for a year in 1984.. My son and his new wife have been living in Manchester since Aug..both have found work there... England is great!
Love, Pam
Ps the bandanas are cool!!

[CoyoteMystro]

Woke-up this morning hurting a bit but otherwise I'm fine I guess, I have just enough pain pills to make it till the surgery, I've noticed that I'm going through maybe 3 a day.

Gonna start preparing my list of things I'll leave my pup if I do have complications and well.. die. I'll post them here for you all too see too. :)

The items I want sent to him are:
01.) The Yellow 4x4 Truck Lego Set.
02.) The Blue Hot Rog Lego Set.
03.) The Red Truck Lego Technic Set.
04.) The Yellow Backhoe Lego Technic Set.
04.) The two Yellow Semi-Truck Lego Sets.
05.) The Police Semi Truck with Trailer Lego Set.
06.) The Black Police Van and Black Police Truck Lego Set.
07.) My Bandanas
08.) The 256MB Laptop Memory Chip, he bought it for my laptop.
09.) The Silver/Black USB Hub, he bought it for my laptop.
10.) The silver rectangular external Hard-Drive, he bought it for my laptop.
11.) Midnight Club 2 PS2 Game.
12.) My button-up Blue Dragon T-Shirt.
13.) The Running Wolf Figurine.
14.) The envelope containing his receipts for the gifts he bought me.
12.) Burnout2 Point Of Impact PS2 Game.

I guess that's all I'd send.. Maybe more if I can remember anything more. I hope I make it, I want him to have these someday, but I want it to be when we're together, not if I die. :(

[ICLori]

(((HUGS))) You are gonna come through this with flying colors, honey, you are going to be fine, I promise!

Blessings, Lori

[Babs RN]

Coyote,
I'm sure you'll come through this with flying colors. You have an awesome attitude. Thomas sounds like a great catch. My intuition says things will work out. Take care of yourself. You deserve it, and if I can help let me know.


Hugs,
Barb

[andcohen]

COYOTE,
PLEASE TRY NOT TO PUT SO MUCH PRESSURE ON YOURSELF :bonk: WHILE IT'S GOOD TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE SURGERY & THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE TRY NOT TO LET YOURSELF GET TOO NEGATIVE ABOUT IT. I KNOW EASY FOR ME TO SAY, I'M NOT THE ONE THOUSANDS OF MILES FROM MY LOVED ONE & GOING THROUGH THIS MAJOR OP. YOU HAVE TO TRY & KEEP POSITIVE FOR YOUR RECOVERY. REMEMBER YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF TO PUT YOU NUMBER 1 SOMETIMES. YOU DESERVE THIS SURGERY FOR YOU TO GET WELL & TO GAIN BACK SOME QUALITY OF LIFE. I KNOW YOU LOVE THOMAS BUT YOU NEED THIS FOR YOU! NOT ONLY FOR HIM OR YOUR FAMILY & FRIENDS BUT FOR YOU :thumbsup: I'M SORRY TO GO ON BUT SOMETIMES I DON'T THINK YOU GIVE YOURSELF ENOUGH CREDIT FOR THE STRONG PERSON YOU ARE.......REMEMBER TO LOVE & RESPECT YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN ANYONE ELSE. DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT OF THE PERSON YOU ARE.
WE ALL KNOW YOU WILL BE FINE & HOPFULLY A WHOLE LOT BETTER AFTER THE OP.
BYE FOR NOW
ANDREA

[CoyoteMystro]

Thanks all. *hugs tight*

Been missing Thomas alot today.. Did anyone watch Las Vegas tonight on NBC?.. I cryed..

For those that didn't watch the show, there was a story line within the main story line of course. This guy came to the hotel and was a child-hood friend of the casino's owner's daughter. As a kid he was a joker, he wrote the High School diplomas in invisibile ink for a gag. So when he told the daughter that he wanted to mate with her and that he had cancer, she thought he was joking as always just to get sex. So she asks her father to do a medical history check on him. Meanwhile he also screws a few of her co-workers, and she learns about this and confronts him, but not until she finds out from her father that it is in fact true that he is dying of cancer. So when he contronted him he said some stuff, and asked if she decided on whether she'd sleep with him, she denyed him. He was a bit heart-broken but he was ok about it, he revealed to her that he was scared. She didn't mate with him, but she did kiss him, and he commented that she was his first kiss ever when he was a kid and now his very last kiss. He said he had two things on his list he had left to do before he die. Mate with his true love and sky-dive. But she denyed him the first request, but at the end of the day he admitted that all his heart wanted was her company, to talk like they did back when they were in school, the way she took care of him. So, at the end of the day he goes sky-diving. *cries gently* Here's the really sad part. He's got cancer, and only a month to live right? Well, when the airplane finally reaches the right place for them to skydive, he's first to jump, he hesitates, than decides he's ready, and right before he jumps out the plane, he throws off his paracute and jumps out of the plane to his death.. *tears*

God I hope I dont die on pup.. I love him so much, I dont want to leave him alone again. :(

Anyways, now taht I got myself crying I can't read the screen.. *growls and wipes away my tears*

Watching the "Angels In America" DVD.. an awesome movie.. Course it's fun to read the reviews of it at Amazon.com, most of them being from religious people bashing the movie and homosexuality, lol.. Kinda funny to see how ignorant some people are.. But it's a great movie, if you have a chance to see it on HBO, do so. :) It's a 6hr movie though. :)

Well, nothing else to chat about I guess. I miss Thomas. :( Oh yeah!

[nippersmomma]

Hello CoyoteMystro! Hang in there and stay positive. It does no good to worry, ha ha, I know that is easier said than done, but all you can do is prepare and have faith that hings are going to go the way they should. start making plans for the things that you want to do when you are recovered from your operation, make a list of the things you want to tell/share with Thomas when you can. You can do this!!

[ICLori]

Nippersmomma, that's super advice! CoyoteMystro, I promise you that you are going to come out of this just fine! Now, my uro was explaining to me about this procedure and bladder removal, and he did say it had a 20% rate of complications, but that doesn't mean 20% rate of dying - it means infections developing, or having to redo some surgery because some stitches didn't hold or some scar tissue developed, that's all. I know, I know, even that isn't fun, but the odds are in your favor that none of those complications will happen to you - and the odds are wildly in your favor that you will not die in this upcoming operation!

So it's a great bit of advice, to plan instead on what fun things you want to do when you are feeling better and all recovered! :)

Blessings, Lori

[CoyoteMystro]

Yeah, but of course there's always that 1% and that 1% is just enough that I should make my will. :)

For those that are curious, a friend of mine and pup's did a commission artwork for us, but Donna of course removed the link to it. She loves to edit my posts. *growls*

Anyways, I'm hurting bad tonight and I dunno why. Not surprising though, I'm not healed and never will be, but don't you hate it when/if you go through a day or two relatively pain free.. than the next day you hurt and no matter how used you are to the pain.. It always seems new and scares you?

Hmmm, interesting idea to make plans after the surgery though I'm kinda against that. Cause I'd be afraid to make plans and not be able to go through with them, lol.

Well, let's see anyways.. Plans.. Well, I'd recover.. and than I'd spend time learning and getting used to my new physical and mental pains and limitations. Oh! By that time Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas will be out. I'm sure though alot of you are prolly against that game, lol. So I plan on playing it while I recover, I have like $50 in my checkbook dedicated to getting taht on the way home from surgery, lol. Otherwise, my first plan is to call Thomas on the 17th *When he'll be home from his trip* to update him on my condition and tell him how much I love and miss him. :D Nothing else on my agenda I guess.

*hugs*

[curlycue]

I am thinking and praying for you everyday. I cant wait until we chat again a year from now and you are 90% better.

[Katrina]

I so enjoyed chatting with you today! Always sending possitive thoughts your way! If I didn't stress this enough before....YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS SURGERY AND THINGS WILL GO WELL!!!! :) :love: :hi: :grouphug:

[lalarainbow]

Cotote,
You wrote that inspiring post "we all are heroes" quite some time ago. It spoke to many us.. Remember You are a hero!!!
Love Pam

[ICLori]

Hi, sweetie, you are closer now to the surgery, which means closer to soon feeling better! :) I hope for you a new life free of pain. And that plan of talking to your honey again sounds like a very good plan! :)

Blessings, Lori

[Babs RN]

Coyote,
I loved Angels in America. I have seen it 3 or 4 times. Another good movie is Wit that was on Cinemax initially but is now out on DVD. Even though I am a nurse, and a compassionate one, it brought some small nuances as to how all should be treated. You sound like a great guy, I know you will get through this will flying colors. In addition you strike me as one smart cookie. Good luck with Thomas---you deserve a special partner. One thing I have found is that most of my gay male friends would make better boyfriends. Turned out my first boyfriend came out after he broke up with me. All I saying and hopefully making you laugh is that you deserve the best, I have nothing but admiration for my gay friends because once you come out publicly you place yourself in a very vunerable position. Kudos to you, and let me know if you need anything.

Hugs,
Barb

[CoyoteMystro]

Thanks everyone, and thanks Babs, lol, I could use some morphine or an epidural if yuh got it. ;)

Woke-up this morning and had an interesting dream. Another question for you all, do you ever wish you could go back and see the cities you lived in back 20 years ago? I had a dream about Jonesboro in 1986.. I must admit I miss what I grew up in, and I hate that I can never see it again because as we progress, we destory the old to bring in the new. Back when I was like 2 years old here, we had 2-lane roads everywhere, now we have 4-lanes in the busy parts of town. We also only had a few stores, now we have like 30 at least. It's kinda hard-breaking.

Never thought of it before... but we live in art, yuh know?.. Our towns and homes.. 20 years from now they'll be different from what they are now and we'll never get that magic back. *whimpers*

Anyways, I've yet to hear from Thomas since his call/email a few days back. I miss him, I expect the delay so I trust he's okay, but I still wish I could talk to him one more time before surgery, I so want that chance to tell him how much he means to me, how much I love him, and to tell him goodbye with my own voice. Voice is much more powerful than text on a screen.

Anyways, the day has just begun for me, I gotta figure out what to do, but I'm leaning towards taking a pain pill to make me sleep. When a yote is alone and bored, he's heart-broken.

[CoyoteMystro]

Was just thinking about something, I notice in alot of post alot of the moderators and stuff will strongly recommend users visit the IC patient handbook and stuff.

I must be a real rebel, because I browsed a few things there but I never follow them. I drink Dr. Pepper and Coca Cola, rarely drink water, and the only drink I avoid since I have bladder problems is Mountain Dew products because they always made me pee more than average.

So this brings up an interesting question I want to ask any of yuhs that'll reply. Do you strictly follow the IC diet/handbook? Half-ass follow it? Or don't' follow it at all like me? hehe, I hate it when someone tells me to shut-up, I hate when someone restricts my right to speak *looks around at someone in particular* and I hate when someone tells me I can't do something, lol.. Of course there are alot of things I can't do and won't try, but when it comes to IC Diet and stuff, hehe, I don't listen, I'm a rebel. :D

[ICLori]

Hey, Coyote, don't feel bad, I've had tons of my posts edited too, and so have lots of people I bet. I just try to learn from it and move on. Remember, we are guests on a board that belongs to other people - we have to obey their rules! They are using the best judgement they can to make this board a happy place for everyone to come to.
Trying to "fight back" just gets a person banned, and what good is that? :) No good at all. So please just shrug your shoulders and say "oh, well" and let it go.

I'm a bit of a rebel regarding my diet too, sometimes. Sometimes when we are out, and I really want a drink with alcohol in it, I will have one - even though I know I will be paying the price later for it. And when I want a soda, I have one - Coca-Cola is actually the least irritating, I find that even with Prelief I can't do the fruit-flavored ones etc. - and generally if I take enough Prelief it doesn't seem to bother my bladder any so I go ahead and enjoy it when I want one.

It's just a matter of trying this and that - you might find that some foods that are no-no's, you do just fine on - everyone is different - and some foods are no-no's but you can enjoy them without pain if you take Prelief. And some foods, cause you pain but maybe you want to enjoy them sometimes anyway.

Blessings, Lori

[VickiB]

The IC diet? I do try to follow it. My symptoms are pretty directly related to what I drink & eat, and for me pain is a great motivator! However, sometimes I think it's a lot like the pain of childbirth. They say you forget, otherwise no-one in their right mind would ever get pregnant again! I 'forget' how bad something like salsa hurts after a month or so of feeling good, and next thing I know I'm in a world of pain. What's the definition of insanity?

After 25 years away, I went back to the town I was raised in. It was certainly changed, yet in many ways the same. Felt really strange driving by the house I grew up in, knowing that people I've probably never met now call it "their home". I hope to go back again next summer and spend more time looking around.

Vicki

[CoyoteMystro]

Well having a REALLY bad flare tonight.. I took a pain pill and hour and a half ago but its not helping at all. After two-days of having finished my UTI prescription, my urine has gone back to being cloudy. How come?

Anyways, I just took a UTA and I'm hoping it'll do something, really hurting and so tired of it. But I guess it's good that I'm hurting, the more I hurt, the more I'll look forward to surgery I guess. Have yet to hear from Thomas, I miss him, I miss him so much.

Seems kinda odd, 8 years have gone by and now I'm finally getting treatment, but instead of some miracle pill I'm having dangerous surgery. I just love knowing there could have been a cure for IC now HAD there been more awareness of it AND had Doctors not wasted time making drugs to make breasts larger and cocks harder. *growls at Viagra* Sorry, letting off steam. Gonna try to rest.

Btw, if anyone uses Yahoo Messenger, feel free to add me and chat with me, am very lonely since my Thoams went on vacation, got noone to chat with. :( *hugs* Tak ecare all.

[nippersmomma]

I will l second those feelings!!!! I too am having a really bad flare, i took part of a vicodin, because a whole one makes me sick. I took my urised and am still miserable, more than I have been in years, BUT, I know this will pass. It will get better eventually. The only thing I am careful about regarding food is: I don't drink sodas or alcohol, I don't eat onions or peppers, most everything else is just how I am doing at the time. I have gone on the IC diet religioulsy in the past with limited results, but it did help me identify some things that really don't agree with me. Writing and sharing with others is the best way to get all this crap out! BestWishes!

[CoyoteMystro]

I hate flaring, course I don't think tehre's anyone that likes it but for the last three hours I've felt like I've had to constantly pee, even when I wear a catheter and am draining! It feels so wierd, like my bladder is trying to urinate the catheter out or something.. I hurt. :(

Cant wait till morning so I can call Doctor.

[nippersmomma]

I am going to try my chiropractor first, he did some accupressure treatment that helped a few days ago. My urologist is an hour away and generally unresponsive, we don't have any good urologists around here. I hate to go to the docot because they always order a bunch of expensive painful tests and then say there is nothing they can do it's just the progression of the IC, whine, whine, whine. Okay enough of that. I suspect I will feel a little beter in the morning. I certainly hope you get some relief, definitely it probably shouldn't feel like you have to pee but the bladder wall is strange, it tells us it hurts when there seems to be no reason! I wish i could "turn it off". Oh well, I"m going to soak in a tub of hot water, that helps me. Take care!

[CoyoteMystro]

You take care too Nip. *hugs*

I don't visit a Urologist, I visit regular clinic Doctors. My doctor here prescribes me meds, otherwise, my Urologist is in Memphis, Dr. Wihgul, an IC expert, but I rarely have to see her thankfully since she's a two hour drive away. :)

[amaris]

I try to follow the diet for the most part. I've been able to add more foods as I've been getting better. I'd still rather not have a food-caused flare. As far as being rebellious, I don't consider myself rebellious, but boy can I be stubborn. I'm definitely stubborn when it comes to exercise. I've always enjoyed running and mountain biking. After a hand full of week long flares this past year, I decided that running wasn't such a good idea. Ok, so what really happened was that my husband begged me not to do it anymore and then in a silly tone of voice "forbid" me to run. He had to resort to humor to making his request since I've been known to respond to him with "don't tell me what to do."(that stubborness). Anyway, I still bike, which would be ok if I didn't overdo it.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

Amaris

[ICNDonna]

I follow an IC diet because for me it's worth it to feel better. I know that if I drink a carbonated beverage it's going to cause pain. I think of it the same way I would think of touching a hot stove burner --- I don't do it because I don't want the pain of a burn. The diet can have a huge effect on IC for many of us.

I hope your surgery goes well for you. I know it's been a tough road.

Donna

[mayray518]

Geez, Coyote, I wish I was 2 years old 20 years ago. Good luck with your surgery

[CoyoteMystro]

I can't $%#%## believe this. I added those characters on my own, but I am very upset..

My Surgeon's office called this morning. Turns out he knew a week ago, but he's mentioning it today that he won't be in all next week. Dunno why, maybe he has a $#$#%# golf tournament.

Anyways, the ******* rescheduled my surgery for October 20th and I go in October 19th for pre-admission.

I hate this because I'm wearing a catheter that was changed on the 20th of September, so this means I'll be going 30 days with this catheter which means it might clog-up since they're supposed to be changed monthly. Hopefully it won't.

But there is some good news, if Thomas does come home on the 17th, than taht means I'll get to see him for ONE day online before the surgery, so I'm liking that idea. I miss Thomas, and I want us to have one day together before surgery online. I just hope he doesn't stay later in California.

Anyways, I'm ****** off. *growls* But as long as I get that day with Thomas, tis ok.

[ICLori]

Well...I'm sorry your surgery got delayed, I agree with you that was a rotten thing your surgeon did...it's awful to be ready for surgery then have to delay it. But it's a good thing in a way if you at least get to meet Thomas, that would be nice! :) So maybe it's something that's meant to be?

Wishing you good luck and no clogs and hopefully very little or no pain until your surgery,

Blessings, Lori

[nippersmomma]

OH! I am so sorry they changed your surgery date. I had the same thing happen with my back surgery, only it was postponed for a month, I was in agony and had already taken leave from work and found out 3 days before. The medical field is so impersonal that would really tick me off, too. I sure hope you get to see Thomas online before thought, that would be fantastic! Keep your chin up!

[CoyoteMystro]

Hope I didn't type my text wrong, I won't be meeting Thomas, we don't even have any plans to meet. I just meant that Thomas will be back at his home on the 17th, which is 2 days before I leave for surgery, which means he'll be online on his chat program and we'll see our webcams and see one another and have some more time together online before I go to surgery. :) I've yet to meet him, but I'm hoping I will someday. :D

[nippersmomma]

Yeah, I understood that. I think it wil be good to be able to "chat" with him. I'm sure Thomas will be proud of you to undertake such a courageous thing. you are breaking new ground for most of us and we are all rooting for you. I finally got some relief with a one dose antibiotic (tequin) and some vicodin. I have been sleeping and of course waking up repeatedly to use the john, but the pain is better. i hope the same for you. I am doing my favorite pastime, cruising on ebay. Have a good evening!

[CoyoteMystro]

We dont have a date or anything, but yeah we do plan to spend our lives together, taking care of one another. I'll love and take care of him as long as he lets me. :)

I miss him so much right now, very disappointed that they pushed my surgery back, but as I said, at least Thomas will be back at hims home a couple days before it so I can at least get too chat with him online again.

I know my relationship with him is prolly confusing to you, but basically we're in love thanks to the magic of the internet. I met him at deviantART.com and I stumbled upon his page, we began private messaging, than we began chatting over Yahoo Messenger, than we began chatting 24/7, than we began viewing each others webcams as we chatted 24/7.. and well we fell in love. :) He's an amazing guy and I'm so lucky to have his heart, though I guess some of you are right, I don't really have him yet. :( But we're devoted to one another, we're exclusive to one another, even if he had a sure-fire date/one-night-stand in UK, he'd turn it down because we WILL be together in the future, and we'll have our dream home and our future son. :)

I'm rambling, but I feel better now after chatting about him, I love him so much. :)

Not hurting so bad atm, was looking forward to some thunderstorms tonight but most of them broke-up getting here so it's yet to have stormed, but the next few days still have high changes for active weather.

Anyways, Thanks everyone for keeping me company. I love hearing your views and opinions and stuff.

I bought 3 sticks of chap-stick, lol. Cherry, Strawberry, and Mint since alot of you suggested I bring some to the ER with me, hehe. Can't wait to use the mint. *whimpers*

[nippersmomma]

A cool love story, very romantic. The internet has opened a lot of fabulous doors for all of us, your relationship, this chat board and I met my IC buddy on line, she is too ill right now to chat but will be back up in a few weeks. I think Thomas will feel better being able to communicate with you before your surgery! Hugs!

[Judith56]

Boy, it is so hard when you have a mind set about having surgery a certain date and then it gets changed. I think you are trying to do the right thing by looking at the positives that will come with the date chnage. Just focus on those. The other thing to remember is that it will be so much better to have your surgeon around right after the surgery, there is nothing worse than to have an operation and the surgeon goes on vacation. I always plan my surgeries for when my surgeon will be around for at least two- three weeks after the surgery. Unless it is an emergency and I have no control. I have also worn catherters for long periods of time. I hope you have been good about drinking lots of water so that there will be less change of crystals and bacterial build up in the catheter. So it will only be put off for another week right? You can do this, just think, you have waited this long and have only gotten stronger from the experience. Enjoy the precious time you will have with Thomas. Judith

[CoyoteMystro]

Well actually I'm taking Lortab 10-500MG for pain and a drug called Cefzil or Cefprozil for my urinary tract infection, I have to drink alot of liquids or the medication hurts me, so I usually drink lots of Dr. Pepper or Coca Cola, lol. I just hope they dont call a few days before surgery to cancel, because I dunno if I'll be able to get an appt that soon without notice with my Doc in town to change my catheter. Second to last time I had to go to ER on the 29th day because I was having severe pain/flairs and it just needed to be changed.

Tis kinda odd, around the 25th day the catheter kinda turns into a cactus or something.. Because it starts feeling like my urethra has a cactus in it, maybe because the latex is getting old, I dunno. I just hate catheters. :'(

[ICLori]

Hi, sweetie, I misread your post, I think it was wishful thinking on my part that you could get to meet him in person while he was in the States. I wish it were true, I wish he'd show up at your side and say "I'm going to stay with you while you go through surgery and while you get better!" That would be so cool. Someday! It will happen someday, that you two will be together forever.

Sounds like you are keeping a really good attitude and hanging in there, that's great! And I'm glad you aren't hurting too bad or anything. I hope you will be comfortable from now on!

Blessings, Lori

[green_the_fish]

Oh wow, you have a UTI and a catherer in... and you can still type?! You are just the bravest dude ever! I would be in an insane ward, tied up in a straightjacket, kicking and screaming! :dizzy:
I hope your doc's "$#$#%# golf tournament" goes well for him, then he can be in a good mood to do your surgery :lmao: I'm just getting to see my regular uro this week after he went on vaccation for like, three weeks, so I think I might know a small fraction of what you feel.
By the way, it's so cute hearing about you and Thomas! You guys sound so adorable as a couple! Aww :)
Well, good luck on the surgery :thumbsup:

[CoyoteMystro]

Well, I lay in bed 24/7 really.. I rarely get up but to shower and maybe get something to drink/eat.. I also lay in bed nude now, lol.. Because the pain killers seem to raise my body temp and I HATE to sweat..

I have a laptop PC, a DELL Inspiron 8600 with a Cetrino Processor so it's a very nice laptop.. I type and stuff and do all my online fun while laying in the comfort of my bed.. I also have my 13" TV with Satellite and a Playstation2 at the corner of my bed.. So I kinda live in the lap of luxury for an IC patient in a sense..

As for the UTI/Catheter.. Well, when my urine gets cloudy I start to hurt REALLY bad.. So bad that I breath less so that my mid section jars less often.. and I lay in bed nearly perfectly still because it hurts so bad.. As for the cather.. If you put one in.. after a couple weeks, you get kinda use to the limitations.. Right now it's not at all painful, it feels natural almost. Now if you pulled it, yeah, it'd hurt tremendously. :(

Was thinking about that earlier today.. Had I not been so lucky, I'd lay in bed all day in a bedroom without anything but maybe a lamp and a few books.. I can't survive on that.. I need my TV, my Satellte TV and Internet, my laptop computer, and my PS2.. hehe..

[curlycue]

I dont blame you. I could not survive with out that stuff either.

[CoyoteMystro]

Oh, and I have another thing to add to that list, everyone needs a lamp right? I bought a $90 lamp from Fingerhut that looks like an outside architectural lamp-post thingy, I love lamp-posts.. They're so mysterious and beautiful.. They contain light.. yet only light a radius of 15ft around them.. Mysterious.. lol

[Katrina]

Good to know! That spirit inside you shines through! So sorry you are hurting today. As you know I couldn't live without my laptop, internet, tv, and well since I live at night light is very helpful....but I would have to add my pets and husband. Someday hopefully you will be living with Thomas and have all of theese wonders and many more in your life. Always hoping for the very best for you.
:love: :kiss: :grouphug: Thank you for all that you share here
Coy....it is a wonderful gift!

[Dani72]

I was just wondering, have you asked your docs about taking something stronger than Lortab for your pain? Just from my personal experience with IC pain, that I started with the Lortab, and worked well for a while, then either my pain got worse or my body built up a tolerance for it, so I started taking Endocet(percocet)7.5/500mg. Now I take liquid oxycodone(percocet) 1 ml. which equals 20 mgs,without the tyelenol, thus less damage it to my liver. Of course I don;t know your whole situation, but I just know what pain is like, day after day, and I HATE that anyone is suffering. Also that ther might be something else out there besides Lortab to help you. Sorry if I seem nosy, again I just don't like to know you are in so much pain, or anyone else for that matter. Just an idea for you to think about. Good luck with your surgery, God bless you are in my prayers. Keep us all posted.
Big Comforting Hugz :grouphug:
Danielle

[CoyoteMystro]

Well I've had Vicodin and Percocet in my history but my Doctor prefers prescribing Lortab, I guess because it's cheaper and just as strong in a sense. If I hurt too much I just have to bare the pain, sometimes the pains so bad that no matter how much I take, I can't sleep until the pain subsides somewhat. :(

[Dani72]

Oh please, please consider trying something else or something stronger. Just the thought of you not being able to sleep because of the pain and there might be something else that could help more, oh it makes me so upset. All of my meds come in generic, so what I am taking now costs the same as the Lortab.
Danielle :)

[CoyoteMystro]

Nah, no point anymore at this point, I have surgery in 8 days. I'm just an insomniac, I stay-up at night, than finally get to sleep during the day, lol.

Took a half pain pill, it's now almost 10AM, hopefully I'll get to sleep soon.

Thomas called me today so I'm feeling better, he's yet to get to Vegas though but they'll be there in a couple days prolly, lol. So glad he's alright, he says he's takens lots of pics, I can't wait to see them. That and he said that there's a Highway in California that''s beautiful to drive along because it's right along the ocean. :)

Gonna rest now, take care.

[curlycue]

Yea its the 101 and he is right it is beautiful. Hey are you all wired cuz of the surgery?

[CoyoteMystro]

Wired as in nervous? Not right now, ,but I will be in a few days prolly. :(

[curlycue]

Hey I like your avatar? is that how you say it?

[CoyoteMystro]

Yeah, an avatar. It's one of the default ones, I deleted the old avatar of me thinking I could replace it, I had a whole new avatar of me fixed up, but I didnt know you couldnt use custom avatars anymore, so Im stuck with this devious looking tiger char.

[curlycue]

Can I get a avatar or not?

[CoyoteMystro]

Of course, just click "User CP" in the blue option bar on this page, and when the new page loads, select "Edit Avatar" from the left side-panel. Than just choose the existing avatar you want to use, you cant upload custom avatars though. :(

[curlycue]

Coyotemystro,
Thanks for walking me through that. I guess if you never ask you will never know things? Learn something new everday. Thanks

I picked that avatar cuz I have always wanted red hair. I always wanted to live in those glamourse times.

[CoyoteMystro]

lol, I always liked the idea of living in the 50's back before McDonalds was popular, but than I learned how racist America was and how little rights there were for gays and females, so meh, I'm happy here I guess, lol. :)

[CoyoteMystro]

Just had a very bad dream that has me rather scared at the moment.. Almost afraid to go back to sleep.. Almost making me want to cry, wishing Thomas were holding me.

Have you ever fallen asleep and a dream just kinda.. picks-up at that point? So it's like you haven't yet gone to sleep than suddenly something happens?..

I dreamed I was on the laptop, resting holding my blue-wolf by my side trying to sleep. Than suddenly I felt a numbing throughout my body. At first I can hear and see and speak. I call out to my dad, I say "Dad help".. than quit, thinking maybe it's nothing serious. Than the numbing becomes more intense and I can't even move my body nor keep my eyes open, and I try to say call for help, I manage to say "Dad Help" in a soft voice.. before my voice goes..

Now my eyes are closed, I can't see, I can't here.. The first thing I think is "Thomas plz help me.. Plz save me.. I don't want to leave you.." than the next thing I think is.. "Well, I guess I'll be seeing the devil now since I'm such a rebel and hate religion. Than I think, oh ****.. I took that extra half pain pill before bed to help me sleep. Maybe I over-dosed accidently. Than I wake-up from this dream, that seemed to real.

I'm almost in tears but feeling better knowing it was just a dream... But I wish so much that Thomas were home.. so I could wake-him and he'd comfort me and tell me I'm ok...

I put my bottle of pain pills in the bottom drawer of my nightstand.. Scared to take them now in fear of that..

Maybe.. Maybe that's what Michael kinda felt when he took those pain-pills that night and killed himself.. dying in his sleep.. We always think that if you're asleep when you die you feel nothing, but maybe you actually do feel something.. You're in slumber, but your mind is awake and frightened.. *whimpers*

*holds onto my blue wolf toy*

I miss Thomas..

I hate religion.. I don't really know nor care if there's a god out there because life is so screwed-up and so are the people in this world.. But the only thing I want is to survive this surgery to take care of Thomas.. Consider me a slave to him.. I don't want to die on him.. He already lost one soul-mate, he doesn't need to lose a second.. I don't want to die on him.. I want to survive my surgery..

Before I went to bed I was thinking.. "What happens if I went through the surgery.. than barely awoke to see my mom.. but didn't have the energy to stay awake and fell back to sleep?.. What if I went into a coma?.."

I guess my dream answered my question for me.. I hate life in a sense.. It's unfair.. I'm scared not of dying or burning in a hell that may or may not exist, but my biggest fear is that Thomas will lose me.. I don't want to die on him.. He deserves better than that.. I love Thomas, I must survive and live for him, he needs me. *holds blue wolf toy tight*..

I'm sorry, I'm rambling, this dream has really really really upset me.. I wish I could hold Thomas just one-moment before my surgery.. Just incase it does end up killing me.. I've never even held another male before.. or kissed or anything.. I'm a virgin in every sense of the word.. I want to feel Thomas's lips against mine.. and to hold him close to me, to hear his breathing and his heart-beat.. That's all I want before I die if I must die early in life to this disease and it's complications..

Gonna try to rest.. Scared to go back to sleep.. but I gotta face my fears and survive..

Night everyone, sorry for rambling.. Very upset/afraid right now..

PS: Plz, I know alot of you all will prolly be praying for me when I leave a msg here and leave for surgery on the 19th.. But plz pray more for Thomas.. Plz pray that he'll be ok, that he'll find a third love if I don't make it.. Plz pray that he survives.. Plz pray that someone will take care of my Thomas as much as I want too if I don't make it.. *tears*.. Thomas.. I'm so sorry I'm diseased.. Life is so valuable and vulnerable.. I wish i were healthy for you. I'm so sorry hon. *holds tight*

Night all, I'm sorry I rambled more.. *hides*

[Katrina]

(((((((((hugs Coy))))))))) Sounds to me like you have a lot more faith than you would dare admit...even to yourself. My I am sorry you had such a scary dream...sound like you are dealing with a lot of fear and it is coming out in your dreams.....YOU WILL BE OK!!!!!! Your surgery will go well. Try to relax and focus on good thoughts. Sending you strength!

[nippersmomma]

I agree, I think the dream is reflecting the helplessness you are feeling now, it is a horrible feeling to feel like there is no help and to not know the future. When you firmly state that you want to live that helps. Please don't focus on the negative in the world,there are so many awful things, but there are also beautiful experiences that flourish despite these things, like you and Thomas. You may be more sensitve to the pain pills than others, I am and have to be very careful to only take very low doses. I think it is very important to strongly imagine yourself moving through the surgery experience and coming out the other side a much stronger happier person that can activley persue your relationship with Thomas. When you have negative thoughts and are afraid write it down on a peice of paper and then throw it away! That symbolically shows that you are refusing the negative. Write down some positive statements, such as My surgery has been successful" and "Thomas and I are very happy together", sign them and put them under your pillow.Fight those negative thoughts with everhthing you have and then you won't feel so helplessness. Take care!

[CoyoteMystro]

*hugs* Thanks Kat and Nipsmum. :)

Feeling a little better now, but I must admit I wish I could have a pain pill, beginning to hurt but I fear taking them now. I like the way you interrupted the dream Nip, a feeling of helplessness. That's not the first time I've had a dream like that.

Tis a scary thing I guess when you're at your weakest.. and noone can save you, not even your soul-mate. :(

[nippersmomma]

You sure got that right, and if there is anything I hate it is not being in control and being helpless!! I think that is the worst part of this disease, it is so scary, and nobody can "help" us, we have to do it on our own, suffer alone etc. But aperson's frame of mind can help. Sometimes that is the only thing that saves me. Have you tried taking a half of a pain pill, or maybe yours are capsules, mine are tabs so i can break them in half. I will continue to send you good energy!

[CoyoteMystro]

Yeah, I brake them off in halves sometimes. They're tablets. Purdy powder-blue, hehe. Just wish there were safer and more effecient ways to get rid of pain with a pill, heh.

[curlycue]

You do what you got to do.

[CoyoteMystro]

*growls gently*

Had internet problems all day, my Internet Service Provider's satellite was having technical difficulties. Thank goodness it's working now, I was worried my internet wouldn't return before my surgery. :( Missing Thomas very much, but feeling a bit better. Was thinking about what I want to see in life. I want to be with Thomas, I want to share our happy and sad moments together, I wanna play GTA: San Andreas with him, I want to raise a child with him.. hehe.. so many things, I wanna live for for him. :)

Gonna try to fix the rest of my PC probs, take care all.

[ICLori]

I'm so sorry you had such an awful, scary dream. Those are terrible! I have had some like that and boy you just wake up crying. (((HUGS))) It's totally natural to be scared before a big surgery like this, and dreams like this are our mind's way of dealing with those fears.

I know you are going to come through this surgery just fine. Please don't laugh, but I get "feelings" about things and I'm always right when that happens.

You know what I am hoping for? I am thinking, wouldn't it be beautiful if, after your surgery, when you are feeling great again, you and Thomas make a trip so he can show you that beautiful highway in California, with the ocean in sight and the beautiful flowers and trees....that is something to look forward to, I think!

If you could go anywhere in the world on a trip with Thomas, where might it be? (Just something more happy for you to think about!)

Blessings, Lori

[CoyoteMystro]

Depends on where he'd want to go, but I must admit I'd love to see Tokyo, Japan. I love the beauty of the land-scape and the sky-scrapers and it's just a real city of lights, hehe, I'd want us in a hotel room high-up so we could watch the moon dance in the clouds, as the city-light shine bright and beautiful, hehe.

That or maybe a vacation to a quiet/remote location, it all depends I guess. :)

[JessicainArkans]

Love you Coyote!! Warm fuzzy hugs and a good nights rest to you!!
You're the greatest,Thomas is lucky to have somone as funny,caring and full of love like yourself!!
"If I had a million dollars", I would buy you a warm coat and a ticket to Europe, you can take it from there!!
All OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jessica

[curlycue]

Yea Jessica is right. I have friends that have spent 30yrs of there lives to have a relationship like yours. I am glad that you want to have kids. They would be lucky to have you as a parent.

[CoyoteMystro]

Thanks for the kind comments. :)

A little tired tonight, I think I missed a dose of my UTI med again so my bladder is hurting so I took a UTI pill with a pain pill, still not feeling better, still hurting a bit.

A little depressed over various matters tonight but i'm not sure what all about. :(

*hugs*

[CoyoteMystro]

Woke-up in alot of pain this morning but I found it raining outside, I've noticed lately that if the weather is "bad" aka raining or storming than my bladder tends to hurt more. Does anyone else have this problem? I hate that since I love storms/rain. :(

[CoyoteMystro]

Watching as much as I can of my favorite shows on TV before I leave..

My current favorite shows are The Nanny, The Golden Girls, Roseanne, and a couple other programs that come on maybe once a week like Las Vegas, ER, and Father Of The Pride.

Looking forward to surgery a bit more as time goes by.. Hurting a little each night and my UTI med doesn't seem to work as welll as it used to.. So thankfully the surgery is coming, I can take better UTI meds like Cypro and Levaquin, which I couldn't take right now because they'd clog my Indwelling catheter which I cannot change.

A little depressed, Thomas emailed me, he reassured me how much he loves me, but there was some bad news, his plane may be delayed so he may get in on Tuesday morning.. which is late monday night my time.. So I may not have all-day monday like I planned if his flight is delayed.. Figures.. My luck..

Take care all.. *hugs*..

[nippersmomma]

Hang in there Coyote, you are almost there and then the healing can start. HOw reassuring that Thomas is telling you how much he loves you. I am glad you are getting ready for the surgery. Stay positive! Hope fully you will have plenty of time to talk with him over the web. Myself I am addicted to the decorating shows! Ha ha, I haven't really learned anything but I enjoy them. I like you pick of funny shows, they will help you get through! Hoping you are feeling comfortable tonight, Take care!!

[Katrina]

so sorry Thomas may not get home as early as previously expected. Hopefully it will all go ok. (((((hugs))))))) :kiss:

[CoyoteMystro]

Blanche: My brother Clayton will be here any moment!
Rose: Oh we better lay out the welcome mat than!
Blanche: We don't have a welcome mat...
Rose: What about the one Dorothy says is at the foot of your bed?

---

Rose: Clayton your selling your sister short. At times she can be undestanding and compassionate and forgiving.
Blanche: Get away from my baby brother you cradle-snatching, empty-headed, two-faced dummy!
Rose: Than at other times she can be a real b**ch.

---

Dorothy: Ma? What are you doing up?
Sophia aka Ma: Someone left the lock off my cage. I couldn't sleep.

---

Sophia aka Ma: Hi pussycat!
Dorothy: It's too late you little sicillian gecko!

---

Sophia: A slut's someone that gets knocked up in the back of a Studebaker. It was a Studebaker right Dorothy? No offense.
Dorothy: None taken you cancourious little prune.

---

lol, I love the Golden Girls and I love the relationship the daughter/mother have with one another. :) They're mean sometimes but they love one another much. :)

Watching Roseanne on TV atm.

Thought I'd share a list of some of my fears I'm having about my surgery.

1.) I fear that I'll be put under, than wake-up 20 years later to learn that I went coma-tose during the surgery.. Would my mother still be there?.. My father?.. Where would Thomas be?..

2.) What if I wake-up with severe memory loss? What if I can't remember Thomas, or my parents, or even myself?

3.) What if the surgery is a success than two or three weeks later severe complications arise, like internal bleeding or something?

4.) I'm not religious, so if I do die, it's anyones guess what could happen. Becoming a ghost, a spirit, a demon in hell, a bit-rebellious angel in heaven, a guardian angel to Thomas, etc.. Must admit it worries me that I don't know for sure what could happen if I die..

5.) That I'll die.. hehe.. big fear there..

But there are also some other things I'm thinking of..

1.) After the surgery and recoverying, I can get Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas which is released October 26th and will be TOTALLY fun. I've played GTA:3 and GTA:Vice City and love those games, in fact the last week I've been playing VC to beat it 100% again.

2.) Thomas.. I'm very curious to see how much our relationship grows or suffers from this surgery.. and whether or not we could meet sooner if my surgery is a success.. I'd love to see him for Christmas.. even though we don't really celebrate it in my family.. That and his family would want him for Christmas anyways, so that fantasy is shot to hell already..

3.) Kinda eager to learn my new physical pains and limitations after the surgery. Such as before surgery and catheter, I learned to pee right before I leave the house on a trip, pee when I get to my destination, and pee before I leave the destination heading back home.

4.) There are many things I want to see in the future.. Sometimes I feel like giving up.. but I keep thinking about the things I love.. Video-games.. Computers.. If I don't fight to survive, I'll never get to see what the future holds in these categories. 20 years ago, a video-game was considered State-Of-The-Art if it had more than 5 colors. Now they have millions of colors and millions of polygons. What will the future hold? Even todays most "realistic" game still looks rather fake. When hard-ware enhancements are made, vehicles in games can go from being 1,500 polygons to 1.5 million polygons. With so much detail that every spec of detail is added, even the interiors and radio-knobs, hehe.

5.) I wanna be with Thomas.. I'm only 19.. he's only 18.. but I wanna spend the rest of my life with him. I never wanted to be one of those that "play the field" for a few years or whatever.. I wanted to find someone to love and settle with immediately.. I love Thomas, I wanna take care of him, I wanna take care of our home as he's at work, than as he'd come home from work, I'd rub his shoulders and make him dinner and that night I'd hold him as he sleeps, gently nuzzling him. I really hope that our relationship survives. We've only been together 6 months, and I know it's human nature to think whatever relationship you're in, is the one and will work. I just hope that I'm right, I really do want this to be the one. I really do love him, I love everything about him, even the annoying little things he sometimes do are so cute and amazing to me.

6.) Because I want to live.. Tis human nature.. I'm only 19.. I haven't driven a car yet.. I haven't worked an honest days work.. I haven't kissed my soul-mate or even held him yet.. I'm a virgin in every sense of the word.. I've never even kissed or hugged another male yet.. There are many things in life I want to experience before I die.. I wanna live to see the day when they elect a African American Lesbian President, LOL.. :) I wanna see Oprah run for president, god knows she'd win by a landslide if she did.

7.) I can't think of any other reasons.. but I know there are.. My mother for instance.. She needs me as much as I need her right now. I want to be able to take care of her later in life like Dorothy takes care of her mother Sophia in Golden Girls. Depending on if Thomas would want her in our home, though of course if his mother/father needed care, I'd of course ask them to move in so we could take care of them. :)

8.) Now that I think of it there is another reason. I've mentioned Thomas many times, I'm proud of him and I love him. Bringing up his parents health back there made me kinda realize something. His father has cancer, I can't remember what kind, but I know he's undergoing Chemo after Christmas. He's supposed to be going through it now, but he chose to wait till after Christmas, jeopardizing his health, so he could have the holidays with the family. I.. Now that I think of it.. It kinda worries me whether he too will be ok.. I hope me and Thomas are together if the Chemo doesn't help.. Because I wanna take care of Thomas if his father doesn't win his battle with his own disease..

I rarely think about it.. Now I feel bad now that I do realize it and how little we bring it up.. Even though he might abandon Thomas if he knew his son was bisexual and in a gay relationship.. and might dislike me.. I'd still want the chance to meet my father-inlaw someday.. *hangs head* That's another thing.. I love Thomas.. and I want so much to meet his family someday, especially his brotherinlaw Kevin and his sister Charlotte. They took good care of him before they moved, they bonded well. He really looks up to them I believe. *hangs head* I want to see my other family someday.. if Thomas would let me.

Sorry for rambling everyone.. *smiles gently*.. This Coyote is love-struck.. I love you so much Thomas, more than I can ever express, I love you pup. *holds onto you*.

Gonna try to rest I guess.. Take care everyone.

[nippersmomma]

Well, I am glad to see you have been busy writing it all down, that is just great. I know it is very scary to have surgery. I have had at least 10 operations or procedures where thye had to use anesthesia, the only problem I have ever has is twice I was sick afterward, throwing up. I haven't had any memory loss (ha ha maybe I wouldn't remember if I did!), or go into a coma. I am not into religion but I strongly belief in an afterlife so why don't you decide what or who you would like to be when you pass away. I would not choose to be a demon or monster, maybe be a spirit that helps people or come back on this planet as a favorite pet or have anew body and try it over again!! I am sorry to hear about Thomas's father. He has a lot to deal with both you and his father ill. Maybe you would like to see Thomas at New year's, that's always more fun for me becaue the Christmas holiday is so formal for my family and is not "relaxing", New Year's Eve is about Fun! Best Wishes!

[CoyoteMystro]

Well, if I had a choice of what I could do if I die.. I'd choose to be a spirit.. I have many things unfinished that I want to do before as I die.. I want to watch Thomas grow-up and survive.. I want to see him find love again if I don't survive.. I want to watch him grow and live his life.. Taking care of him from a distance as his guardian spirit.. Than I'd float across the world.. Seeing the sites.. Dunno..

Kinda gives me an idea for a story though, but I'm sure it's been done..

Two teenage boys, that fall in love at an early age of only 15.. One tragically dies in an auto-accident.. but reincarnates half-way across the US.. Gone of every memory from his previous life except that he loved his soul-mate.. When this reincarnated male turns 20, he searches for his previous life's love.. Who's now 35.. They meet, the 35 year old feels like he knows him.. Like they were together before.. but can't quite understand it.. The 20 year old explains to him.. How much he loved him in his previous life.. That he had to live a second life to be with him.. Even if now they did have an age barrier.. Though the 35 year old has problems accepting this for obvious reasons.. How would I end this story?.. Would they realize that the 20 year old is indeed the 15 year old that died tragically and reincarnated as a new person?.. Could the 35 year old love this person when everything about him has changed minus his personality?.. *thinks* I kinda like this story.. I may look into it more after surgery..

In other news, I called my Doctor today. I was supposed to call him yesterday but by time I waked up his office was close. Needed to get a refill of Cefzil, been taking it lately for my Urinary Tract Infections. Seems like no matter what I take, as soon as I stop taking a UTI med, my urine goes back to being as cloudy as orange-juice pulp. Which than gives me severe pain/inflammation in my abdomen. Anyways, I called today but he won't be in till Monday, so that defeats the purpose I guess. That and the nurse said they wouldn't refill it, that I'm only supposed to take that med 10 days, and I've been taking it for 20 now.

I have one left, and I'm gonna save it for monday night. Gonna go back to taking some extra Macrobid's I have left, they worked but I grew kinda used to them I think. BUt they'll have to hold me these next few days. So, I guess it's fate that I suffer more pain before my surgery.

Which is a good thing in a way.. because if I hurt, I'll look more forward to the surgery because I'll be hurting so much that I'll be "used" to hurting.. therefore when I wake-up, the pain may be more intense, but it won't hit quiet as hard as it would if I were pain-free that day.

Don't you hate when that happens?.. Sometimes I hurt constantly and I grow used to that.. getting little sleep.. Than I go pain-free and get good sleep for a few days.. Than suddenly, the pain flares up really bad. Even though I'm used to my condition, when I go a few days pain-free, than have a night of sudden and constant pain, it always scares me, making me think the catheter clogged up or something, but than after a days worth of constant pain, I grow used to it yet again.

*hugs*
Sorry all for rambling, you're all prolly sick of hearing from me.. :( Sorry.

[green_the_fish]

Hi, Coyote! :hi:
I don't think anyone here is tired of hearing from you. I'm sure not, 'cause you seem like such a sweet person!
I can't say I'm a big believer in "soul-mates", but I'm starting to make an exception in my beliefs for you and your "pup" :) You just seem just like two soul mates would be, loving each other despite tough circumstances.
I like your story. You know what I think would be cool? Having the reincarnated teen start as a girl (when 15), then reincarnate as a guy. As a plot point, the 35 year old would have previously considered himself straight. Then, he would be inexplicably attracted to the 20 year old and have to re-evaluate his entire persona. I would end it with the older guy coming to the conclusion that souls have no gender, and loving the 20 year old guy...not even for who he was, but for who he is now.
You should trust Lori's feminine instinct :D You're gonna be OK here! You've already imagined the worst-case senario, so let's imagine the best one. Let's say you're gonna live to see video games that involve completely submerging yourself in a virtual realtity enviroment. Kinda like the matrix, but with out the whole mind-control bit :lmao: You and Thomas are gonna end up living in a mansion with two cute kids and a whole room dedicated to holding all your state-of-the-art computers and video game consoles that you will buy with all the money you make from the novel that you write about reincarnated soul-mates! Now you have a worst-case senario and a best-case senario...the future is probably somewhere in between.
Good luck to you :thumbsup:

[nippersmomma]

Yes, I hate the pain. I can't say I am ever "pain-free" but there are lots of times when I don't think about the pain and then it gets really bad, just like you said, who knows what the hell goes on!!! That is the time when I feel weak and and am hurt more easily, and need to rest a whole lot. I like your story, love is really what makes everythign worth while. Maybe you will become a famous author??? We are never sick of hearing from you. It could be anyone of us and I would feel so alone if there was nobody there from me to "talk" to when I need support. "Hugs" P.S. Nipper was a beloved cat that died of leukemia and on my birthday a fe years ago a beautiful dog came to my house to me to say hello and his name was Nipper. His owner said he never ran away before. Later that day we found a beautiful stray puppy that we have kept, Mr. Peepers. i think Nipper watches over me and sent me the puppy and sent the dog to say hello for him! Crazy? maybe, but it makes me feel better so who cares!

[dancemomof2]

Actually, I really feel supporting you is great, but reading what your watching on TV and some of the rambling is tough to read when I feel like crap also. Please don't anyone yell at me for this post I know I should keep my mouth shut but I feel worse then the bottom of a bird cage and find it hard to read what happened on old episodes of The Golden Girls and The Nanny. So NO HATE MAIL PLEASE> I know I am probably in enough pain that this is just irrating me a little to much. I do so worry about Coyote daily and his surgery would scare me to death if it were me and I think he is a wonderful brave young man. I check on him daily to make sure his pain, his IC or whatever he is going though at the time.

[CoyoteMystro]

*smiles gently* That's a great story Nipsmom. :) and thanks for the kind words Greenfish. :) I must admit I like the idea about the female reincarnating as a male. :)

Looking forward to it almost every moment of the day, but I still fear some new stuff now. Such as the IV with antibiotics they're gonna give me. Might it clog-up my catheter? If so, that'd be yet another painful catheter change before surgery, hehe. Hopefully it wont clog though, surely they'll give me pain meds to help with the pain too.

[tigger_gal]

hate to say it but I agree with stasny... I like the Nanny and the Golden girls too... Comedy is a great stress and pain reliever...
I worry about your state of mind.... you must be worried sick.. which I can't blame you, you have all of use for your support... Go to Bathroom humor and to the 30 boards.. and read some good jokes.. they will get you rolling.. I have a good mamogram one.. but I surley can't post that.... I want you to laugh and be happy.... lol wanna see someething funny ?? go to the pets board and see my sill dogs in towels..... . Do you like dogs?? . I have a ton of funny pictures of my lil crew.... I have one where piper and bear chased a squirell up a tree.. lol any way.... keep you chin up and sending prayers your way....
Brat

[CoyoteMystro]

*hugs*

Thomas just called me about an hour ago from either his hotel or the airport, his plane leaves in about an hour now, so he'll be home around noon my time tomorrow. :D Can't wait to see him over his webcam. :D

[nippersmomma]

How exciting that is! Have a great time! I'll bet he can't wait to see you on the webcam--so "put on a happy face"! Take care!

[Katrina]

You know I don't want you to fear things that happened to me or anyone else. Come into this with your head high....and knowing you are baked by many, many, many that love you. Know you don't have control over the ending but that being relaxed as possible helps it go well. I don't think you need to worry about that pain to much....pre op pain meds could help. Remember....I turned out ok even though I was in coma for three days, and lost my memory....I did end up having the love of my life...and I am proud to give of myself to others online....I enjoy my life regardless.....even if many things go wrong....you will still win out!.....but that will not happen...all will go well and this will help you feel better and enjoy life more fully.

((((((((((((((((((very strong long, loving hug from a loving friend))))))))))))))))))))
:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:

[CoyoteMystro]

Well Thomas is back, I chatted with him earlier today but now he's sleeping because he was up 26hrs with the plane flight and all, so now I'm watching him sleep. He's been asleep some 4 hours, I managed to sleep 3 while he is sleeping, but I'm gonna let him get at least 8 hours sleep even though I have so little time left with him. I want him to be rested and feeling better from the long trip.

Watching him sleep.. is so amazing.. I love that he's back.. I feel whole again.. Almost as if I could conquer anything.. *better not sound too confidant yote or fate will kill yuh just for being confidant.* Anyways, watching him sleep, he's tucked in his covers so it must be a cold night.

It's supposed to storm here tonight and tomorrow, so hopefully my internet won't be affected too much.

I managed to vacuum my room today. I'm washing all my bed linens, robe, jacket, etc so I can have them fresh when I get home since I'll need a warm jacket for the numerous Doctor appointments/check-ups I'll need the first six months after this operation.

Kinda funny, I think of this operation in a sense, that I go in, have a very painful first day from the IV hydrating me so much and the catheter clogging possibibly from the liquid-antibiotics fed from the IV.. and than the surgery.. than I wake-up.. The first day they make me walk and make me BM to see if my intestines are good.. Than I stay the mandatory week for evaluation, than I'm sent home.. That's as far as I thought.. but now I'm realizing that I'll also have to have monthly check-ups with my Doctor for the first six month for blood tests, urine cultures, BM tests and etc to make sure everything is going well. So, it's gonna be one hell of a battle but I'm looking forward to winning it.

It's kinda funny. In todays society, the strongest male you imagine is super-buff, like an Army soldier.. Very athletic.. Strong.. Can survive any pain and live..

Yet the real heroe's of america are those with disease.. The children that are only 8 and already going through chemotherapy at St. Judes in Memphis. Those children that don't even understand the concept of life yet are battling something not even most adults can grasp to understand or survive.

To me that's a hero.. That's the strongest that a person can be.. A strong person is someone that no matter they're physical condition or looks or check-book.. Can survive their disease everyday with their head held high, not knowing if they'll see tomorrow or the next day.. Those are the people I respect most..

Anyways.. Today I finished cleaning.. So tomorrow I'll make my bed.. and sleep above the covers so not to mess it up.. Than I'll lay out everything on the side of my bed that I'm gonna send to my pup.. So far I've figured I'll send these to him:

1.) My Lego Sets
2.) The Video-Games he bought me.
3.) The paperwork from the roses/gifts he bought me.
4.) An artwork I commission Strype for on DeviantART, I have the original line-art, though it's not worth anything.
5.) My Bandanas
6.) The laptop accessories he bought me.
7.) My blue-button-up Dragon T-Shirt.
8.) My two necklaces
9.) The running wolf figurine Katrina bought me for christmas. His nickname is Lostwolf.. and I love wolves and wild canines just like he does.. so I want him to have this. If that is ok with you Katrina? *hugs* It's a beautiful figurine, I love it, it sets on my dresser where I can always see it, the detail is amazing, it must have been expensive.

*pauses* I love thomas so much. I'm so lucky to have him. As beautiful as he is to me, he could have any male or female he wants.. and sometimes I must admit I wonder why he chooses me.. but I'm greatful that he has.. I love him.. and I'll always take care of him as long as he lets me. *holds him as he sleeps* If anything, I want to survive this surgery for him.. Not for myself or even my parents, but for him. I love him, and I need him as much as he needs me.

Well.. Guess I'll rest a bit now, my pain pill from shower is fatiquing me. Thank you all for reading this story.. as long as it is.. hehe.. I'll make a few more posts before I leave.

I'll be leaving Tuesday morning at 6-7AM Central Daylight Time, depending on whether or not it's storming.

[curlycue]

Ok when is the surgery again? I am sorry I lost track.

[arcticfox]

We will all be thinking about you Coyote and sending prayers to guide the surgeons hands on October 20th.

Lynn :pray:

Here is an :angel: to watch over you.

[nippersmomma]

We will all be sending positive energy your way, you are a "hero" in the best sense of the word! Thomas is lucky to have you! Glad you are getting ready, the first day you will have pain but also probably be so loaded it won't matter! Get rested up!

[CoyoteMystro]

I'm hoping the pain meds wll be very good indeed so that I'll sleep through most of the pain.. hehe.

Chatting with Thomas now, wuv him so much and wuv watching him. :D

Okies.. so I guess Im all ready for the hspital trip.

I got my breath mints and 3 flavors of chap-stick.. lol.

[Dani72]

Sorry but there are others especially new ICer's to the site that might see your many posts and get overwhelmed and think that there is no support here, that it is only a place for people to talk about their love lives.

[curlycue]

I am praying and thinking about you everyday. I even have my mom on it as well. Good Luck and hope to hear from you soon. Love

[JessicainArkans]

Everyone play nice!
After dropping Coyote a personal e-mail I have stumbled onto these pages, some make me laugh, some make me angry and some make me cry!
We as human beings get so ego INFLATED on these pc's that we forget that there are feelings of others behind all those letters, sentances and paragraphs. We forget what our mothers tought us first and foremost, that is to " Be kind to others" and "If you do not have anything nice to say, say nothing at all!"
We forget that our fathers loved us unconditionally even when he did not agree with how much paint we put on our faces, or the two nose rings intentionally put there on ones sweet sixteenth birthday where really a cry out for "help and love me for who I am, not what you want me to be"!
We all come here to learn, love, be loved and to sometimes cry, but I will be damned if I will cry any longer because of those who wish to push the bottoms,to do so in the name of love!
Love is limitless and free, has no boundries or gender. It moves us forward away from the heat of the flame that burns and twists beautiful things into unrecognizable form. Love is what made both you and me.

[CoyoteMystro]

I've asked Thomas to register, he'll keep yuh up to date. As I'm no longer gonna post until I cool off from both surgery and anger. I'm not gonna harbor my spirit or happiness. This is afterall, share your story. I love many browsers here. If yuh've got a problem with my spirit or how I type, than don't browse my threads anymore, simple as that. I realise this is a public board, and i am simply a guest here, but i'm just telling my story as i feel i should. I'm not gonna change who I am, and harbor my happiness because some of you cannot tolerate my choices in life.

As for me, I'm leaving at 7AM in the morning and checking in around 10AM for pre-admission, than on Wednesday at noon I'll go into surgery.

Thankyou all for your support

[JessicainArkans]

Yet again, I have your back Coyote!
Perhaps I will see you happy, recovering and watching T.V., I do hope so, if you wish to let me in.
My daughter is having surgery on Friday and should recover quickly, as I hope you will too.
XOXOXOXOXO
Jessica

[CoyoteMystro]

Hope your daughter recovers quickly. :) *hugs tight* Thanks for the care Jess.

[nippersmomma]

Wow, happy to say I am not offended. All my best wishes to you Coyote!!!!! Lots of hugs!

[CoyoteMystro]

Thanks Nip. :) *hugs*

[calmkiwi21]

Good Luck with the surgery and I'm Sending loads of warm wishes for a speedy recovery your way :)
From
Amy

[Annie2]

You will be in our thoughts and prayers. Hope this journey you begin tomorrow will lead to a new, wonderful & pain-free life for you!

Annie :butterfly

[ICNDonna]

I totally understand that these past few weeks have been exhausting and frightening for you. I hope that being able to post here has made it just a little easier for you. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow when you are being admitted and on Wednesday when you will have your surgery.

Sending warm healing thoughts,
Donna

[VickiB]

Just wanted to pop in to let you know I was thinking about you and your up-coming surgery. Sending you good vibes, & look forward to you finishing your 'surgery story' when you get back to us!

Vicki

[CoyoteMystro]

Thanks Calm, Annie, Donna, and Vicki. :)

Have to admit I'm a little nervous.. but not as much as I figured I would be seeing as I am leaving in like.. 7 hours.

Just finished my packing.. Packed 3 days worth of clothes, my chap-sticks that some of you all recommended, and some breath mints. I might look my worst, but that doesn't mean my breath ahs to be, lol..

Also finished laying out the items on the end of my bed I wanna send to pup if I don't make it through the surgery or recovery. Laptop runs considerably slower on 256MB of ram, hehe. *sighs*.. Watching Thomas sleep.. *Nothing sexual or wrong about that.. Alot of you get to hold your husbands in bed at night.. So don't frown at me just cause I can only watch him visually over the webcam while he sleeps..* He has work today and has to go in a half hour early.. but he stayed up with me tonight as much as he could.. He's only gonna get 2 and a half hours of sleep at the most.. Very grateful for him and that he stayed up with me tonight.

hmm... Make that 2 hours sleep, his mum just came in and turned light on and brought his breakfast, poor pup.

Dunno what to think. He's gotta leave in an hour and a half to go to work.. Kinda makes me wonder this is the last time I'll see him or chat with him..

Sorry to ramble about him.. but meh.. he helps me survive and that's reason enough for me to share him here.

Ahh, she just brought milk which he drinked and is back to sleep, good, he needs more than 2 hours sleep before work.

Anyways.. Dunno what to think.. I guess my biggest fear is that the IV with anti-biotics in it will clog up my catheter.. but since I'll be on an IV.. and constantly hydrated.. surely the catheter won't clog.. Hopefully.. I'll just stress to the nurses/doctor that I can't have it clogging.. Much to dangerous/painful.

Anyways.. yeah.. heh.. I dunno.. Thanks all for the well wishes and prayers and thanks for those that'll pray for my Thomas to be ok..

Guess I'm gonna get some rest.. Dunno if I'll make another post before I leave.. my mind is really empty.. Can't really think of anything to write.. other than thank you for those that have supported me and taken care of me.. Thanks.. *hugs* Take care all.

[Jen_Cole]

Just wanted to add my well wishes for a speedy recovery. Things WILL be better, once you get all the kinks ironed out. And you have all your friends/boyfriend to look forward to when you get back home. (Thank GOD for the internet!)

[heiwalove]

best of luck coyote. you're in my prayers. and please don't worry about homophobic people; i'm so glad you've found your love.
~heather

[Dani72]

Noone Here Is Homophobic

[Iris]

Hope everything goes well for your and your surgery, lots of well wishes and good thoughts coming your way, hugs Iris. :hi: :grouphug:

[Iris]

Sending you lots of well wishes for your surgery and recovery. Hope everything goes well for you today, thinking about you, Iris. :hi: :grouphug:

[andcohen]

I know i am a little late with my wishes as I have been away for the last couple of days. You were defenitly in my thoughts that day or night as it is here in Australia. But I wanted you to know that I enjoy your writing & are looking forward to hereing you are recovering well.
Best Wishes.
Andrea :thumbsup:

[Thom]

Hiya Folks.

Just picked up a voicemail message from Rob's father. Not many details but he say's Rob's doing well and they should have him on his feet by Saturday.

Thankyou all for you Kindness and Support, it means a lot to Rob and Me.

I'll keep you posted if i hear anything more.

Tom.

[lalarainbow]

Tom
Oh that is so good to hear..been wondering these last two days how he was doing...Give him our best...
Love Pam

[SueC]

Hi, Tom : It means a lot to hear the news. Please keep us updated PLEASE! :woohoo: :angel: :butterfly :grouphug: :pray: :flower:

[nippersmomma]

HI tom. thanks so much for updating us. I have been hoping that all went well. Coyote is special to us all. Thanks for keeping us posted! Jody

[heiwalove]

tom! please continue to keep us posted.. thanks so much.
:)

[Betsie]

Hey Thom.

Thanks for letting everyone know about Robert! That is great news and as you see here, he has a tremendous support system, so I know many have waited to hear something.

Keep us posted when possible and welcome to the ICN family, though it may seem overwhelming, there is so much here for Robert and when his recovery begins, he can get back to this not so small family! :thumbsup:

[Katrina]

Praise the Lord!!!! Thank you Thomas for telling us....I was so worried.

[Jen_Cole]

Yay! What a relief. I'm sure he can't wait to get home.

[ICLori]

Thank you so much for letting us know! I'm so glad he came through the surgery just fine! I hope his recovery will be very quick and he'll soon be feeling much better.

Blessings, L.

[Myli]

:woohoo:

I'm very glad to hear and I hope he will be home soon, if not already!

Thanks!
Myli

[heiwalove]

any word?? how is coyote??

[CoyoteMystro]

I made it through the surgery. Sorry for lack of updates. Room had a phone, but it only reached local memphis area so I couldnt call Thomas or father, but my father did manage a couple times to call, being why I asked him to call Thomas.

I'll update yuh all later, I'm ok, hurting alot from recovery, but surgery was just fine. *hugs*

[lalarainbow]

((Coyote)),
Glad to hear your back.. get lots of rest!
Love, Pam

[Jen_Cole]

Oh Yay! I'm really happy for you. Sounds like after-pains-and those are the ones that WILL go away!

[nippersmomma]

Glad you are back, we have been sending lots of good energy your way!!

[Myli]

Very glad to know you are ok and home again, that must be a big relief to you. Surgery is pretty tough on the body and it will take time to heal and the pain to stop. Hope you begin to feel much better very soon!

:grouphug: :thumbsup: :grouphug:
Myli

[Judith56]

Glad to hear you are home, I can't believe how short a time you were in considering what they did! Take it easy and let your body heal.Hope things get better now. Judith

[heiwalove]

looking forward to an update when you feel well enough for it.
so glad you're home!
xoxox

[dyno]

Glad to hear things went OK. Hope to hear the rest of it soon. Take care.

[CoyoteMystro]

I've decided to write this in parts because I have ALOT to type about and with my strength weak I can't really post the entire story at one time but I also don't want to have to wait a few days before I can finally finish it all and post it on here, so I'm just gonna start till I get weak, than I'll start where I left off the next time I feel able enough. :)

***** PART ONE *****

Right now my left hand and arm are hurting, hurts to type because at the hospital I had a total of 4 IV's because they kept leaking/blowing my veins. Had two IV's in each arm. My back itches, but when I scratch it it hurts, so I take it that's where my scars/incesions are.

The front of my chest is what I call my "wound" now. I have a suprapubic catheter and a stoma-catheter through my belly-button. Instead of using my appendix, they used my belly button for the intermittent catheter placing, which is fine with me.

Right now it's got alot of abdominal fluid and blood around the catheters because of the obvious wounds and incesions. However, they are fine.

Anyways, let's start the story, shall we?

--- DAY 1 ---

Day one starts on October 19th. It's morning and I managed maybe two hours of sleep before it's time to go for the 2 hour long trip to Memphis to check into the Le Bonheur Childrens Medical Center for my pre-admission and surgery.

I was rather depressed because the number one thought on my mind was surviving this surgery for Thomas, so he wouldn't be alone again. The entire way there I was thinking about him, hoping I didn't die on him in surgery.

We arrived around 9:30AM I guess and waited a half hour at the front desk in the main lobby. Le Bonheur's is a childrens hospital and from the main lobby it's very apparent, because they have laser-lights, neon-lights, and ceiling-star lights in the lobby that flash in a rainbow of colors. Not like it's gonna make the kid feel better, it actually soothed me. After the half hour wait the front desk finally sent us to the "welcome center" or something around the corner, where it took them two hours to sign me in because they were switching over their computers to a new program *State of the art, yet not State enough since it had many bugs when switching records over from old programs*. After the two hour wait, I was sent to my room, I don't remember it's number.

Let's tell yuh about the room. It was pretty standard, everything was what you'd expect. It may be a childs hospital, but the facilities were for adults so the beds, chairs, toilet, etc were no problem for me. I had a view of the St. Jude's Children's Hospital so I was on the north-hall on the 4th floor I think, not sure. Anyways, their were a few things that did bother me about the room.

1. The TV only had "child friendly, or as friendly as they could get stations". The stations, if I remember right, were ABC, NBC, CBS, Le Bonheur Information w/Radio Station Music of Pop Music, Animal Planet, Discovery, Cartoon Network, Cartoon Network in Es Spanol, Univision *OMG Mexicans have soap operas! I thought that was so funny and cute*, WB, and a few other channels here and there I can't member. There were NO good stations and their line-ups weren't the same as DishNetwork's here at my home. The Discovery channel's volume was 200% louder than all the other channels, and the Call-Light switch only changed the channels in the UP direction, no volume control. They also had a channel, where from the front desk, they'd play special movies during the day that included: Peter Pan, The Air Up There, Richie Rich, Aladdin 3: King Of Thieves, Freaky Friday, Country Bears. I watched Alladin and Richie Rich during my recovery, and I hate the other shows for various reasons.

2. The telephone only reached the Memphis local area, so we couldn't call home to Jonesboro and I couldn't call Thomas in the UK. A nurse let us borrow her cell phone, and we managed to leave a message with my father to call us at our room, since our room number, with the special 3 digits before it would reach us. So after my surgery, I asked he call Thomas to let him know I was ok.

So, not the best, but it had to do for the week I was gonna be staying.

Alright, I'm all situated in my room, what's next? The preparations. They had me strip and put on a hospital gown so my arse could hang-out the back, which would work for me since I'm gay. *poor joke at my expense, haha*. They also started an IV drip.

IV DRIP NUMBER 1 ON TOP OF LEFT HAND.

The next thing to come was very bad. My nurse came in with ONE GALLON of this solution that I had to drink so that I could clean my bowels. I was to drink this entire gallons worth within 8 hours. After 2 hours of vomiting it up, we decided to place a tube down my nose, to feed it directly into my stomach, and to put me to sleep with Demirol I think. So, they put the tube in my nose, gave me an IV injection of Demirol or something, and I went to sleep. When I awoke, it was around 3AM, the second day.

--- DAY 2 ---

So it's around 2 or 3 AM when I awake and now I'm having many BM's, cleaning out my bowels for the surgery today. I have to say, sitting here with my abdomen swollen in pain and leaking, that the WORSE thing was having that tube in my nose, having to swallow and feel that plastic thing in the back of my throat.

So, after cleaning my bowels and having drinked nothing or eaten nothing, being hydrated by IV fluids, around 11:30 they tranfer me into a different bed, where they wheel me down the hall, into an elevator, down a few floors, into a waiting room where I got to pick-out a toy. Now this is a childrens hospital, so patients get a free toy, even me. Cheap ass toys mind you, but hey, it's a freebie. I told my mom to pick something she wanted to have, she chose a bear. Than they wheel me into the waiting room with other patients. Which was hard for me because my neighbor was a mother/father with their baby.. In diapers.. maybe a few months old and it was so hard for me not to cry knowing that baby hasn't done anything in life to deserve his/her pain or disease. Thankfully they closed the curtain when their Doctor came to examine the baby. My doctors soon came, as my surgeon was stuck in traffic, I didn't get to see him, but I saw the other two doctors. My IC Doctor, Dr. Wihgul in Memphis, didn't come to see my surgery like she said, but it was originally scheduled for a week before, and with only a week and a half's notice, she may not have had time to reschedule.

So my Doctors talked to me, and explained what they were gonna do. That they were gonna make an incision in my abdomen to remove a stretch of bowel tissue, to sew onto the bladder in an effort to enlarge it. That they'd either use my appendix to make a stoma between the bladder and edge of my chest, or use another piece of bowel tissue and make a stoma through my belly button.

Than it was time to head-off to the surgery room. Right before we leave the room, my surgeon finally arrives, still wearing his casual clothes, to shake my hand as if I've just bought a car from him, course as expensive as this surgery is, I prolly bought a Mercedes. Anyways, he didn't say much I think.

They wheeled me into the OR, which was full of cabinets and machines with monitors and all kinds of freaky stuff. At this point I was scared, but wasn't tearing or anything, my number one thought was that I had to survive for Thomas and myself. They reconnected my IV and warned me that the shot they were about to give me would give me a "metal/copperish" taste in my mouth.

Now this fascinates me. How in the hell, can a liquid, shot into the IV on the top of a left hand, as soon as that liquid is inserted, make that awful taste in your mouth? It's mind boggling to me.

Anyways, that's all I remember from that point.

I'm not feeling tired yet, left hand is still hurting, but it will for awhile, so I'm gonna type some more. Why leave yuh hanging right?

Anyways, the surgery begins right on the 12AM schedule. I wake-up around 3AM the next night *seems to be a pattern here*.

[CoyoteMystro]

--- DAY 3 ---

I wake-up, my abdomen is swollen in pain, and I can barely move. They have my IV in my left hand still and a little machine with a clicker, that I could shoot shots of Morphine into my drip, but only one shot every 20 minutes the first day. Which I nearly did unless I was asleep, lol. The first thing I thought of that I was so glad I survived for Thomas and I, that I didn't fail him and die on him. The surgeon told me that the surgery was a success and that it lasted long than expected, around 8 hours I think he said, longer than he expected.

I also awoke with another tube in my nose. The first one I had, to inject the GALLON solution was very small, but this one was large, but rather unnoticable *until they pull it out, OUCH*.

It was set with a vacuum to suck-up any fluids from my bladder, to prevent stomach acids from building up and eating my intestines while they healed. The first day of recovery I was on RESTRICTED DIET. The IV kept me hydrated, and I wasn't allowed to eat/drink till. Which was funny, because that morning they gave me my breakfast tray, which was a "LIQUIDS ONLY" diet so it consisted of Juices, Jello, and Broth. My mom made me eat the jello, even though I told her I didn't think there was any point since the machine sucked up everything I swallowed and we'd see it ding that. But we did, and found out later that I was right, that I wasn't supposed to eat yet, lol.

I don't remember much, I think I primarily hit the morphine-drip every 20mins unless I was asleep, and didn't move in bed. Though I remember the thing I hated most was that it was so hot for me because of the bed. The room itself was very cold, but I'm warm natured, so I burn up easily. So the bed, since it was padded/leak proof, and therefore had to air circulating through it for the skin on my back to breath, caused me to over-heat and I sweat like a pig in bed and I just HATED that.

I was on a liquid only diet for another couple or few days, so all I had to eat really was Jello and god was I sick of it. Cherry, Watermellow, Orange, bleh! I hate Jello! I hate Chicken, Beef, Turkey Broth too! Yuck!

Though hospital food sucks, as I learned when they sent me solid foods. Because the Spaghetti, I didn't even touch it, and the salads weren't even near fresh. One night I had chicken, which wasn't worth anything cause it was on the bone, so I had a few bites since I'm a picky eater. Too bad I left today, because today for lunch they had pizza, lol. Oh well, I had McDonalds on the way home anyways.

My mom went on a diet the entire time I was there, only drinked, didn't eat, and she was kicking herself on the way home for not eating that Spaghetti that I wouldn't eat, lol. Though when we got to McDonalds, she ended up eating some fries and nuggets, and was full, I ate half of my Big-Mac I had later on down the road, and that was about it. She had her burger at home. So today Ive only ate half a Big-Mac, some fries, and some chicken Nuggets. So much for my "diet".

So anyways, I'm recovering, dad calls and my mom tells him how I'm doing, and I asked him to do me a favor. I gave him the 18 digit phone number I had for Thomas and asked him to leave him a voice-mail message letting him know I was ok and recovering and that I'd be home by maybe Thursday of this week.

Anyways, where was I.

Ahh yes, well, it's prolly the next day now.

--- DAY 4 ---

These people are mean, today they decide it's time to make me get out of bed. So, I can't move, so they move my legs to the edge, and I try to lean up but I can't, so my mom and a nurse help pull me up and sit me down in a chair. Big freaking victory, they could have pulled the head on the bed up and got the same result, I didn't even do anything, but I suppose it helped me. Later on, I'd get up on my own to use the restroom, having successful non-formed bowel-movements. I also got stronger and was able to get myself out of bed without any assistance minus my mom helping me, to ensure I didn't fall since I had IV's in my hands and didn't wanna risk breaking the needles off in me. I also got up in the hallway to walk around the hall. This was very had for me. Not because of the pain, which it is harder to breath standing than laying down, but because of knowing that I was walking passed the rooms next to mine, knowing behind them were babies and children in their 3's and 5's. It was very hard for me not to cry because it just seemed so cruel that they suffer without having deserved it.

Reguardless, I was strong enough to sit in my room chair/sofa and walk the halls if I wanted to, though I rarely did. I'm strong enough now though that I can get out of bed and use the restroom by myself, so mission accomplished.

So anyways, onto the surgery wounds. On my back I itch, but when I scratch I hurt, so I assume the surgical scars/incesions are there. The front is where I call my "wound". I have a suprapubic catheter and a catheter coming out of my belly button. Abdominal fluid is leaking around them along with a bit of blood, and the wrapping around them is dark red/semi-wet so it looks really bad, yet the surgeon/nurses said that's ok, that I could maybe every few days dab some Hydrogen Peroxide on them and I'd be fine. So, my stomach doesn't look good, but I don't expect it too.

Btw, I asked that they take pictures of the surgery, and they did, but they came out extremely poor so they didnt give them to me, so I'm sorry JILL that I don't have any pics of this surgery to share with you, though I can provide a webcam 1MP shot of my abdomen of the "aftermath". Let me know if yuh want any pics.

Dunno what else to say since I can't really remember anything in particular order around the time after surgery. Though I do want to mention that I had 4 IV's. The one in my left hand perferated the vein, blowing it or something, so they put another one on the top of my right hand, which leaked the next day, so they placed a 3rd IV on fore-arm of my left arm, which also blew, and the fourth IV was right on the knuckles of my right hand and was going bad today, so thank god they let me go home or I woould have had to get a 5th IV. My left hand hurts from two veins being blown and my right arm has a bad bruise from all the punctures of trying to find veins. My veins arent out on the skin, easy for picking, they're hidden and they roll around, so it was hard to get good veins. :(

Anyways, I'm getting tired, so I'll close and saved this document and let pup read it before I submit it to ICN, I want Thomas to get to read this first. :) I'm a loyal rebellious yote, hehe. *snuggles Thomas* Wuv you pup.

Goodnight everyone, thank you so much for the prayers and well wishes. :) I have an appointment in two weeks to see my surgeon again to get a check-up to make-sure everything's still going fine.

Night all. :) *hugs everyone*

[Imustpee]

:) Welcome back! So glad to hear things went well...

[nippersmomma]

HI Coyote, so glad you are back and in good spirits. You are a good writer! I think your future is bright! Hugs

[Myli]

In the surgeries I have had, I have always been eager to be put out in the operating room and the waiting to end. I can commiserate with the multiple IVs, my veins love to collapse or roll and many nurses can't seem to put in an IV without puncturing the vein all the way through. Even routine blood taking ends up with significant bruising most of the time .

You are right, sitting up and walking are very important to improve circulation and to get the body to get back on track in the digestive department. I believe they did studies to show that simple bed rest is not the best course for most folks. It definitely isn't fun the first day or two though. But in the end, it will get you sent home faster. I don't know about you, but I have always wanted out of the hospital as soon as possible.

Glad to see you back on the boards and continuing your writing about this whole experience!! I hope you feel better very soon!

:grouphug:
Myli

[ICLori]

Hi, sweetie, welcome back! I'm sorry that things didn't go better for you, I'm sorry that you had the problem with IV's. I have that happen all the time too and I hate it. The feeding tube thing didn't sound like any fun either, I'm glad that's behind you and hopefully you'll never have to go through anything like that again.

I hope you feel stronger and better with each day and that the pain becomes less and less.

Thank you so much for taking the time and making the effort to let us know how you are doing.

Blessings, Lori

[andcohen]

Glad to here your doing well..... Get plenty of rest & relax as much as you can.. Before you know it you will be up & running not knowing what to do with all your new found energy,freedom & hopefully pain free life.
Wishing you all the best
Andrea :)

[Iris]

Hi and wanted to add my welcome back to you, you were missed, and so glad to see you back with us in the IC family. Your writing is so interesting, and it was wonderful to read all about your experiences in the hospital, and your surgery, now you have to rest and let the body heal, and I know you are very happy to be back with your computer, and able to touch base with Thom. Keep us posted as to how you are doing, and so glad that everything went well with the surgery. You are special to all of us, and sending you a very soft hug and lots of well wishes with your recovery, take care IC brother, love Iris. :hi: :grouphug: :kissing:

[green_the_fish]

Thank you so much for sharing your surgery story. I hope that you heal so well that it surpasses all your doctors' expectations. Please continue to keep us posted on your progress :grouphug:

[VickiB]

Glad to see you're back! It sounds like your doctors believe your surgery went well. Take it easy on yourself while you recover!

Vicki

[CoyoteMystro]

Sorry for no replies, internet went out and I just had a new service installed yesterday.

Health is ok I guess, I ran out of anti-biotics and since that day my catheter was clogging up with sediments and blood clots so I had my Doctor here in town give me another prescription for it. Didnt get much sleep last night because I had to keep flushing the cath, but IM fine for now, bladder still hurtings though, feeling like I gotta pee, so I guess IC still infections my bladder.

[dancemomof2]

Glad to hear you are OK!!!!!!! I think I must have misread something and i don't mean to be stupid. I thought you had bladder removal surgery, and your post states your bladder hurts. Did you have to have something else done before this can be done. hugs glad to hear your home.

[heiwalove]

i think he had bladder augmentation surgery, right coyote?
i really hope you feel better soon.
please keep us updated when you have the energy..
we care!!!
xoxo
heather

[nippersmomma]

Hang in there Coyote, It will be uncomfortable for a while but is healing, and we will continue to send you healing energy!

[CoyoteMystro]

I had Bladder Augmentation surgery.

Could have had bladder removal, but we wanted to try augmentation first so that I could use what little bit of a bladder I had plus intestines to make an interior storage pouch. Otherwise, if this fails, I'll end up having another augmentation or perhaps removal.

Doing ok tonight. Took my second shower since surgery.. Was rather difficult, I accidently wet my chest and wounds.. So hopefully they will be ok.. Was difficult to shower because entire time I was standing, I felt strong sharp pains in my penis that felt like I had to urinate a brick out or something.. Maybe it's the infection.

Kinda depressed right now, this is November and pup is depressed about his first soul-mate.
Anyways, hope you're all well, Im gonna rest some more, take care all. *hugs*

Yuh can close topic if yuh wish.

[dancemomof2]

Thanks for explaining, I don't know where I got confused, I read in a previous post that someones URO explained bladder removal to them. I guess that is where i assumed you were having it removed.

[ICLori]

Sending good vibes your way and hopes for a speedy recovery. Hope that each day finds you stronger and that you find reasons to keep smiling.

Blessings, Lori

[CoyoteMystro]

Not gonna post anymore, getting tired of that broad editing my posts. If one is limited by what he can say and express, than one is not welcomed nor feel that it's a place worth visiting. Gonna recover, take care all. Close this topic if yuh wish, as I wont be visiting anymore.

[Dani72]

This is a place for support for an illness, not a place to call political leaders cusswords.

[ICLori]

Coyote, please don't take it personally, like I said I get edited all the time. Remember this is a discussion board that belongs to someone else, and they use their best judgement as to what should be edited, so that hopefully no one reading the boards is offended or driven away. So you or I don't always agree with what is edited? So what?? It's part of life - we learn to be gracious when we don't agree with someone. It's just not a big deal.

I know you are feeling yucky right now and cranky, it's easy to lose your temper when that happens and I know it's easy to get mad when you are edited, but you know what? Compared to the support we get here, the editing is not a big deal. In my mind it's just part of the "you can't always get what you want" thing of life, LOL!

I think it would be such a shame if you left. Think about it - there isn't another place on the whole internet like this.

Blessings, Lori

[curlycue]

Coyote,
Please keep on posting your recovery. You have come such a long way and it would be SAD for me not to hear how you are doing? You are always on my mind and I will always keep you in my prayers.

[massagedoula]

I was searching archives and found this....

Ok, this is going to seem totally strange to all you people who were around during this time that this thread was going on....but as a newcomer to the boards, I read lots of archived posts and I stumbled across this one tonight. I read the whole thing and I have to say that I have never cried about any posts before but I was in tears thinking about this young man and what he went through and is not going through with possibly no support! What could have happened for him to get banned? Maybe he went on a lot about his love life but was is only 19 after all, and going through something huge.

Maybe this is all in the past now but I can't hep but wonder what happened to this young man, and has anyone kept in touch with him?

Sorry to bring this back up if it was something that should have stayed hidden....

[nippersmomma]

I too wonder how Coyote is doing. When this was happening it was very emotional for me. Unfortunately public forums like this by nature have to be very traditional, although alot of us are very "nontraditional", If anyone has an update on Coyote, please post! Welcome massagedoula! I rarely post, but have had IC for over 30 years and have tried just about everything there is. I am finally relatively stable on ahost of medications and am able to work. Best Wishes for your treatment!

[ICNDonna]

In order to be banned from posting on the IC Network, an individual must refuse to follow board guidelines, which simply means no posts that will be hurtful to another member, no profanity, no unauthorized advertising. If someone does violate the guidelines, they are first contacted to let them know why a post was edited or removed. Only if they refuse to work with us are they banned --- and they are always given the option of coming back any time if they wish to abide by the rules.

Thankfully this doesn't happen often.

Donna