Need help making husband understand IC better.

[Cheryl529]

Hi everyone, I could use some advice on how to better help my husband understand IC. He has gone to my urologist with me and even seen me receive a DMSO treatment but I think he has a hard time understanding why some days I'm fine and others I'm not and things along that line. Does anyone have any advice on things they have tried and ways to better communicate. I try not to complain too much about my pain so he doesn't get fed up with hearing it. It's just a tuff thing, ya know?

Thanks so much.-Cheryl :bow:

[ICNDonna]

You might print out some information from the Patient Handbook --- or purchase a copy of The Interstitial Cystitis Survival Guide by Dr. Robert Moldwin. If he's interested in learning about IC, both would be good.

Sending encouraging hugs,
Donna

[Cheryl529]

Thanks for your advice Donna. Unfortuanately he's a typical man and not a huge reader, especially if it's not of a huge interest to him. :rolleyes: lol. I think I'll still give it a try though. :)

[kadi]

There is an article reprint from "Self" Magazine available on the ICA website. It's about a page & a half long. It really shows how devastating the illness is.

www.ichelp.org

[Cheryl529]

Thanks Kadi, I'm gonna check it out!!! -cheryl

[Helen B.]

Try this book, it sure helped me and is very englighting. www.myida.org/booklet.htm
I ordered a few and handed them out to my children.

[Teri]

It took my husband about 2 years before he "got it".....now, on most days he is completely understanding. He still has days where it's all too overwhelming to him but I've learned to allow him those days and not take it personal. It's very hard for a man, since they are suppose to take care of us, to accept there is nothing he can do but understand :rolleyes:

[Babs RN]

It has taken my husband to get it. He actually acknowleges now when I do feel crummy and tells me to just let him know if it is a bad day. Before that I was called a whiner, drug addict, lazy. I have continually worked since my diagnosis but after a few admission to the hospital and ER have shaken him up. Please PM me or e-mail me if you just need to vent. I have endured the worst part and am now not walking on pins and needles. :)
Hugs,
Barb

[Pisces228]

My husband has IC. I've always understood the medical mechanics of it, but the way I really became EMPATHETIC to the IC sufferer's situation was simply by reading all the posts on these boards. Once I started to see the same pattern of symtoms mentioned over and over, especially the feelings of depression and overwhelming physical pain, well, that REALLY opened my eyes to the severity of this disease.

Have your husband read these boards and he will soon see that what you are experiencing IS real and is similar to many other people suffering from IC.

[Lyn40]

Helen,
Thanks for sharing that website. That looks like a nice little booklet to share. I ordered a couple.

[PikkuMyy]

I also think that not talking about it or complaining is a bad idea because then he won't realize how bad it is and how often you feel really bad. I also kept quiet for a while and I don't think my husband really understood, and that was my fault. Now if I feel crappy, I tell him, and he understands.

[Member has resigned]

Hi, maybe it will help from the view of a caretaker of an female IC patient.

It is extremely frustrating to watch the one you love suffer and you can do anything to help them. It enters your world and theirs. They are as helpless as you and maybe in some instances more so because you cannot help them and they feel alone. It is hard for everyone, the stress, the anxiety, watching them wrenching in pain. Counselling is important. Please get counselling dont give up on each other, before it ruins your relationship like it has mine.

[RedLione]

I agree with Pisces that you should have him read these posts, because I didn't realize how WELL I'm doing until I read what a difficult time so many are having. These boards have been an eye-opener, and I already KNOW how difficult it is. Bless all of you.

[Melanie]

My hubby and I found a really great couples therapist who specializes in treating couples where chronic illness is a factor. We have both learned more from her about coping and communicating than anyone. It is expensive, but worth every penny.

[andrearsnyder]

My husband understands now. He has seen my pictures of my bladder. Talked to my doctor read about it via internet and books. It takes time for them to understand, but he will in time.

[Sarojini]

You've gotten some good advice already here... I think you should encourage hubby to read all he can about IC. That's really helpful. In addition Melanie's couple's therapy idea is good... we don't do traditional couples' therapy, but occasionally my husband comes with me to one of my sessions with my therapist. I invited him to do so, and my therapist doesn't mind at all... while my hubby and I don't really have many problems, it is good for both of us to periodically express feelings like frustration in a neutral environment, and it really makes us feel closer.