Dread Sex But Want Some Once In Awhile

[MsSmiley]

I get so frustrated because there are times I want to be intimate with my husband but it always turns out bad. I push him away most of the time because even a touch or a kiss turns him on & is all over me which always leads to sex. I have always hurt during intercourse & since I found out I had IC DH realized we need to take different steps but it doesn't always work out that way or the steps just don't help. And finding out having IC is the reason for all the sexual pain & not all in my head is a somewhat relief. Well, tonight I feel like the man that couldn't perform, I guess I now have an idea of what it is like for them. I feel so bad & guilty & so dang angry that it has gotten me all upset & crying. I HATE this so called disease & how it effects everything I can & cannot do. How do you rule it instead of it ruling you? DH asked me if HE hurt me & I said no it is me not you!

I wasn't sure where to put this post, in here or the venting post because it fits in either/or. Can't see thru the teary eyes so I am gonna go

Marlene

[lulu5]

Hi Marlene-I can feel your frustration. I made love to my husband last night, and I had only started feeling a bit better from the last time we had sex three days ago. I don't want to tell him that it is putting me in pain-now it isn't really pain, but just feeling like I have to go every ten minutes. This disease sucks doesn't it? I have this unbelievably gorgeous husband :) who I look at and still get butterflies even after ten years of being together, but I can't make love to him without paying a price later. I hope that someday this will be a distant memory and things will get better for all of us.
Mindy

[Melanie]

Marlene, Here's some suggestions.... I hope 1 or more might help you.

Communication is key. Talk to your husband about your fears, pain and alternatives. I suggest that you & your husband explore intimacy that doesn't always have to lead to intercourse. There are plenty of other intimate acts that you can share w/o penetration. My hubby and I went thru and adjustment period w/ this too.
If every kiss or hug makes you feel anxious about it leading to intercourse, that can be very destructive to your relationship. Try working on just kissing, then progress to other things... like massage, lying together naked and touching (no penetration), oral sex, mutual masterbasting, etc, etc. Learn to be intimate and explore your sexuality. Also, some ICers suggest anal sex if it's something you aren't opposed to trying.
If you do have intercourse, use plenty of lube. Astroglide and Liquid Silk are favs around here. Plenty of foreplay. Start slow and experiment w/ different positions. I find that side by side, man behind woman is a good position for less deep penetration and it allows me to better relax the pelvic floor muscles. Of course, drink water afterwards and pee immediately to prevent UTI.
I've also found lately that I have less pain without condoms. The less friction the better. *OF COURSE, there are situations were condoms are a MUST.*
Also strangely enough, we've discovered that having more sex (and keeping those pelvic floor muscles loose and exercised) is actually causing less pain. Yes, I still have increases freq/urg. But honestly, I can deal w/ that. It's the pain and burning that drives me crazy. (We've been trying to concieve so we've had to up the frequency of sex. That's also how I've discovered that sex w/o condom is better.)

My biggest piece of advice is to consider trying physical therapy and myofascial release. I believe my sex life would be non-existant w/o PT and the tools I've learned through those sessions. Kegel exercises w/ vaginal dialaters have helped me alot. Also, I use a "Mr. Frosty" after sex to cool down. It's a condom filled w/ ultrasound jelly that's kept in my freezer.

Remember: IC does not have to ruin intimacy! Best wishes to you & your hubby.

[Cheryl529]

MsSimley, I'm so sorry to hear your frustration. I too have many of the same feelings you shared here on the message board. I too suggest communication with your husband and seeing what suggestions your doctor might have to offer. I too have found that not using condoms with my husband is a little better. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts b/c of the acid in the semen and it's a mess but it's better than the condom. I also suggest expierimenting. There are some great suggestion in other areas of the message boards under romance and sex. The best thing is to take it slow and listen to your body. Try and see what hurts and what doesn't. Good luck! Know that your not alone! :angel: