icnmgrjill
07-09-2004, 02:27 PM
Dear Frannie,
Since I have been ill, my family and friends seem to be visiting and calling less frequently. I feel like I am losing many of my old friends. Why is this happening?
I was in this situation for many many years. I could not understand it either, until one of my dearest friends explained it to me very gently. She told me simply, "What happened to you, Frannie, hits too close to home for me. Seeing you so sick and so suddenly, forces me to examine the possibilities that something like this can happen to me in my life." Keeping this in mind, do not take the fact that friends become scarce, personally. I know that is a really hard thing to do, but it is more a reflection of them and their own personal experiences, than it is one of you and your illness. Friends may not know how to act with a sick person. And when things become awkward because of this, it can be harder for them to visit you. You literally have to teach them what to do.
You may make it easier for your friends by doing the following:
1. Tell them what they can do to help you. Whether it is to pick up some groceries, drive you to a doctor's appointment, or to sit and listen to you speak. Give them a sense of direction. Tell them what you need. This eases their personal feelings of helplessness. If you lessen the feelings of helplessness, you will decrease the awkwardness.
2. Tell them how much you appreciate them. Just the fact that they are there with you spending time with you, express to them how much this means to you.
3. Start a new activity together. Teach your friend to knit, crochet, or play a new card game. Show your friend that you are still interested in making an effort in the friendship and creating new memories. This will also remind you that there are still things you can do. These are things that your friend will rely upon, and the friendship can continue to grow and flourish without awkwardness.
4. Communicate your feelings to your friend. Tell her that your friendship is important you. Explain about your illness and your limitations.
5. Remember you are turning into a new and better you, from the inside, out. You are changing in ways your friend may not understand. Most of us when we are ill become focused on ourselves. Some friendships will go by the wayside. This is a sad reality. But you will make new friends with the new, more enlightened, you. And when you are ready you will have much more than ever to offer a friend from the life-experiences your illness offers you.
Read more of Frannies sage wisdom at:
http://www.ic-network.com/frannie/
Since I have been ill, my family and friends seem to be visiting and calling less frequently. I feel like I am losing many of my old friends. Why is this happening?
I was in this situation for many many years. I could not understand it either, until one of my dearest friends explained it to me very gently. She told me simply, "What happened to you, Frannie, hits too close to home for me. Seeing you so sick and so suddenly, forces me to examine the possibilities that something like this can happen to me in my life." Keeping this in mind, do not take the fact that friends become scarce, personally. I know that is a really hard thing to do, but it is more a reflection of them and their own personal experiences, than it is one of you and your illness. Friends may not know how to act with a sick person. And when things become awkward because of this, it can be harder for them to visit you. You literally have to teach them what to do.
You may make it easier for your friends by doing the following:
1. Tell them what they can do to help you. Whether it is to pick up some groceries, drive you to a doctor's appointment, or to sit and listen to you speak. Give them a sense of direction. Tell them what you need. This eases their personal feelings of helplessness. If you lessen the feelings of helplessness, you will decrease the awkwardness.
2. Tell them how much you appreciate them. Just the fact that they are there with you spending time with you, express to them how much this means to you.
3. Start a new activity together. Teach your friend to knit, crochet, or play a new card game. Show your friend that you are still interested in making an effort in the friendship and creating new memories. This will also remind you that there are still things you can do. These are things that your friend will rely upon, and the friendship can continue to grow and flourish without awkwardness.
4. Communicate your feelings to your friend. Tell her that your friendship is important you. Explain about your illness and your limitations.
5. Remember you are turning into a new and better you, from the inside, out. You are changing in ways your friend may not understand. Most of us when we are ill become focused on ourselves. Some friendships will go by the wayside. This is a sad reality. But you will make new friends with the new, more enlightened, you. And when you are ready you will have much more than ever to offer a friend from the life-experiences your illness offers you.
Read more of Frannies sage wisdom at:
http://www.ic-network.com/frannie/