email from mom has me depressed

[Katrina]

As some of you know I am multi diseased.....my digestive system having the most of them. Lately all food no matter what hurts my stomach and for some reason that didn't fix how IC or my Pouchitis reacts to food so the list of what I can eat is small. Sometimes I am just too gassy.....and everything hurts. Unfortunatly my Mother thinks she always knows best and although I know my health stresses her out the email she sent is such I could have reacted by saying some mean things.
I could really use some support now.

Thanks


I said this instead:
I know for certain you do not understand. How could you...you haven't lived a life like mine with my conditions at all. I also know you are not helping me with my problems with eating You are a problem making things worse. Do you want to help me? If so ask what you can do to help and make things easier. Judging me only hurts me and makes me want to react by judging you back. You do a terrible job of telling me to choose life. I want from you encouragement but judgment makes me want to choose death. You give advise on things you know nothing about. Everyday I keep fighting to live...don't you get it if I weren't doing that I would already be dead.

"letter to normals"

In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand ...



... These are the things that I would like you to
understand about me before you judge me...



Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me stuck inside this body. I still worry about work and my family and friends, and most of the time I'd still like to hear you talk about yours too.

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. That's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please, don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!". I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.


Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes, doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. And, just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one it gets more confusing. (or basically with this mixture)


Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting", "walking", "thinking", "being sociable" and so on ... it applies to EVERYTHING. That's what my diseases do to me.


Please understand that my diseases can be variable. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!", if you want me to do something then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute, if this happens please do not take it personally.


Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not always make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. Telling me that I need a treadmill, or that I just need to gain weight, eat more... may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct... if I was capable of doing these things, don't you know that I would? I am working with my doctor and physical therapist and am already doing the diet that I am suppose to do. Another statement that hurts is, "You just need to push yourself more."


Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/take these pills now, that I do have to do it right now - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm out for the day (or whatever).

If you want to suggest a cure to me, don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get well. It's because I have had almost every single one of my friends suggest one at one point or another. At first I tried them all, but then I realized that I was using up so much energy trying things that I was making myself sicker, not better. If there was something that cured, or even helped, it is going to be between me and my doctor because no one understands what the combination of things wrong with me does to me so we have to pick and choose how not to hurt me.
If after reading that, you still want to suggest a cure, then do it, but don't expect me to rush out and try it. It is a lot more likely you will have upset me and made my day worse and cause me more problems.

In many ways I depend on you - people who are not sick - I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out... Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, cooking or cleaning. I may need you to take me the the doctor, or to the physical therapist. I need you on a different level too ... you're my link to the outside world...if you don't come to visit me then I might not get to see you...and, as much as it's possible, I need you to understand me.

Please stop judging me. If you have seen that commertial for a GERD medicine where the food has a bunch of sharp knives in it....that is how I see all food when look at it...I know I need to eat to live....do you really think I am so dumb that I didn't know that...believe me if I didn't need to eat to live I wouldn't eat. Obviously than if I eat at all I am trying to stay alive.

How come others can worry and care but try to help me....but you hurt me? Please stop judging me...you have no idea how badly that hurts. You do this to me too much and never say you are sorry...please stop hurting me.

I understand that my health hurts others and you a lot. I know you struggle with it too which is why I try very hard not to vent onto you when you hurt me but it may be good for you to remember that list of flowers.


My mother said this:
Katrina so many times you think I'm crazy and don't understand. I may not know all the computer details on all your health conditions, but I do know if you don't eat and aren't drinking protein supplements or that kind of stuff, you will continue to lose weight. You knew what kind of food would be served today, if those foods are not good for you then you should have taken along some food that you can eat. Not eating is going to kill you. Is that what you want? What about Mike, don't you love him enough to try to eat so you can live? Do the doctors weigh you regularly? Katrina, you have a serious problem. You told me recently that you had to eat a small amount often; you were here for several hours and while you were here, if all you ate was that small amount of your cheeseburger, that is not eating often. Probably one of the reasons eating is bothering you, is because you don't eat much very often. There has to be a list of foods that a doctor says you can and should eat; take some of those foods along with you and eat some. I know you. In the past, I've seen how you only eat one or two things and then you can sick of eating them and don't want that any more. You need to eat. I don't care if it angers you. It is because I care that I have to say these things. I don't think my saying this is going to make you eat but I bet Mike and his mom and doctors have tried to tell you pretty much what I'm saying. Let us see that you are choosing life. We want you to live. Talk to us about how you fought food when you were recovering from your health problems in Rochester. If what Mike, his mom, and myself have said isn't getting to you, then you should get some professional help for people with eating disorders. I'm appealing to you to choose life. Mom


So what do you think?

[windwalker]

I think, she loves ya very much, and is quite concerned that you aren't eating enough. But knowing part of what you are going through, I know its not that easy. She means well, but she doesn't know everything that you are trying/doing/eating etc. She "means well" like most moms. But I do understand your frustration.
Big (((HUG)))
Dawn

[vm]

Yeah, she sounds like a concerned mom. And we moms and daughters tend to have troubles communicating when we feel scared, vulnerable or threatened. :(

I just got in a fight with my mom yesterday and I was thinking, "Why do families fight???" LOL We have all these emotions tangling us up inside, all these old issues that color our interactions, and when fear crops up we tend to let it out in weird ways like anger and defensiveness. At least I do.

I can't say I wouldn't be frustrated if I was you - b/c I know I would be. I am sure you are already praying for your mom b/c you do that sort of thing :), but if not for some reason you might try it. I ran across this wonderful prayer a few years ago that you might like. I'll paste it in below:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear God,
There is someone whom I very much dislike.
It is: (say your own).
My anger or unforgiveness is because: (say your own).
I know that my ability to forgive this person is
where my freedom lies, for my hatred and
judgment are attacks upon myself.
This hatred keeps me tied, dear Lord, to the
guilt within my mind, and I am willing to be
free.
Dear God, please help me.
I surrender to You my thoughts of this person's
guilt.
I allow myself to fully feel my pain, my sense of violation,
My fear that this person will hurt me again.
I take these feelings and place them in Your
hands.
May Your love be like a bonfire in which my
feelings can transform.
I know my attack thoughts are hurting me,
And yet I feel I cannot let them go.
And so I say to You, dear Lord, I am willing to
see this person's innocence.
I am willing to see the pain in him that would
make him do these things.
I am willing to have my perceptions healed that
I might rise above, that I might be released from this
wheel of suffering.
For I know if I could drop this, I would be set
free.
I cannot do this for myself, Dear Lord.
In spite of my pain, in spite of my resistance,
I pray for this person,
I ask that this person be healed and given new
life,
As I ask for surcease from my own pain.
For we truly are reborn or we die together.
I know this.
I am willing to have a miracle.
I am willing to forgive.
I need Your strength to do so.
Thank You, Lord, for making me bigger, for
bringing me closer to the divine power in my
own heart.
I surrender this person to You.
I surrender my pain to You.
Heal him.
Heal me.
Thank You.
Amen.

~ Marianne Williamson, Illuminata

[Dixiefireball]

Katrina please don't get mad at me for saying this you know I care for you too.
but what your mom said it sounds like she loves you and cares for you and is worried about you and like most mom's only wants you to have the best in life.
Yes i know there is no way she can understand what your going threw but I wish my mom was here to say those words to me even if she didn't understand. Please don't block your mom out because she is worried I know all this can get on your nerves with you being sick and all but Please understand she cares I do pray one day and hopefully soon she will understand more about all your health issue.
we love you katrina too.
If you need to talk please email me anytime.
sending you hugs and prayers
Rhonda.

[ICNDonna]

I have to agree that it sounds very much like your mother loves you very much and is very worried about you.

I also wish my mother could be here to worry about me --- I miss her so very much.

Sending gentle hugs,
Donna

[Katrina]

I feel so alone. I said I could really use some support now but feel you were great at supporting my mother this time. So alone

[sleepyangel30]

I agree with the others

[mayray518]

I know exactly how you feel. I am convinced no one will ever understand this disease except us who suffer. My family knows how I laid in bed for 6 years and was eligible for SSI disability but because I "dont look any different" they still doubt the pain I was in. My niece had a benign brain tumor and they sent contributions to the hospital she was in but have never sent a dime to IC research. I have given up explaining it to them. If they dont "get it" after 10 years they wont unless they get it themselves.

[windwalker]

Katrina, I am sorry, I didn't mean for my opinion to come across that way. I was only answering where you asked "So what do you think". I do understand your frustration believe me. What you are going through is not easy. I am sure you are doing everything you can to be as healthy as possible. If your doc finds a problem with what is going on, he/she is going to let you know. Just remind yourself that you are doing the best you can and all those around you want what's best for ya. Sending hugs out and sayin a prayer.

[Katrina]

Thank you Dawn....I really need support right now.

[classics]

Katrina's mom does love her but this part of her mother's letter irritated me:

"Not eating is going to kill you. Is that what you want? What about Mike, don't you love him enough to try to eat so you can live? Do the doctors weigh you regularly? Katrina, you have a serious problem."

I think it was very insenstive. Katrina is grown up and can make decisions for herself. Whether they are things that her mother thinks she should do or if they are ones that Katrina chooses, is her decision.

Don't argue with your mother, Katrina. Just give her a hug and tell her that you know she is worried, but you need to do things your own way.

[windwalker]

I agree classics, its like a scare tactic. I also agree give good ol' ma a hug let her know you appreciate her concern but you and the doctor/doctors are handling everything. Try your best not to worry about it Katrina. ;) Easier to say than do I know. But we know you are doing all you can. Try to do something that'll help you to destress a bit. Even if you can just step outside for five minutes and get some fresh air. Sounds like you could use a few minutes to relax. Sometimes its better for family/friends to just stand back and let us do what we feel is good for us. Take care.
Dawn

[Katrina]

Thank you Classics I appreciate what you said a lot...don't think I can follow your advise....when my mother gets angry with me....which she probably is now she usually refusses to talk to me....and I don't think I have the strength for all of that right now.

[windwalker]

I know that feeling, my mom is the same way, will just "stay away" till she feels like talking again. Hoping things get better real quick. (((HUGS)))

[Sue]

Totally disagree with mom................
Totally agree with katrina...............:) :kiss: :D :( :love:

[Sue]

i'am so very sorry katrina you have to go through this at this time in your life.
your every loving friend sue claus :angel: :butterfly :cussing: :grouphug: :confused:

4 ever and always friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tigger_gal]

Katrina,
sending you hugs... and lots of them I hope everything falls into place for you soon :Grouphug:
:kiss:
Brat

[Dixiefireball]

i'm sorry katrina i hope things get better for you. (((hugs))) Sorry i wasnt any help I didn't want to hurt your feeling at all. I wish you the best always.

[Katrina]

Thanks guys I am feeling a lot better now. As my eyes recover from all of that crying I feel stronger again. Obviously without you guys I am a complete mess but with you I take on the world lol.

Sue.....thanks you are a very dear friend.:kiss:

Cindy.....thank you, I hope things fall into place for you too. :kiss:


:kiss: :kiss:

[Katrina]

Kim thank you for the prayer. I wasn't ready to that before but now I am I have done so. Your right in saying that it is like me to such things. Thank you.

Rhonda....I was never mad at you I hope you know that. I know that you always try to help the best you can at that moment.
I guess I didn't express what I needed very well. Thank you for the hugs...I do need them.

There have been plenty of times that I have issues with my mother....I know how much you miss your Mother and I know I would feel that way too....my Mother's words and actions would not hurt me so much if I didn't love her so much.

I know she loves me....I often try to protect her from the worse of the situation with my health....I know she has been through hell with my health and unlike me remembers the worse times. (sadly this may not be the worse of times with my health lol)

I do know of her suffering and worries because of my health....I have come to know those thoughts are always there and why she does the things she does that hurt me....so I try never to be angry...but for my own good I feel I must try to help her understand how she can help me better and not hurt me.....because I don't want to end up having a life without her because of the stress she causes hurting my health. I am trying to prevent that. I know as she could never understand what it is like for me that I could never understand what it is like to be a mother of someone so sick when my mother is so healthy.


May God Help us.

Love to you all!:kiss: :love:

[ICLori]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now, and for all the pain.

I understand about how, each day you are in pain, you have to fight to stay alive, and no one understands what a struggle it is, just to endure so much pain.

And then on top of it people get tired of you being sick, they think you could manage better or be more normal if you were just stronger.

But we know something they don't, we know we already are doing the best we can, and that it takes incredible strength just to endure another 24 hours of pain.

I hope your pain eases up, I wish so much they could come up with a cure for these diseases. No one deserves to suffer so much, we deserve to be healthy and free of pain.

I don't mean to be preachy here but sometimes when I'm feeling really low I think about that Bible passage where it says how all our tears will be wiped away. That comforts me a lot, thinking some day we won't have to cry anymore, won't have to be in pain anymore.

Blessings, Lori

[celine]

Hi katrina. Trust me I know about moms and how they get on you about not eating enough.Mine does it ALL the time.I'm on all sorts of meds, I can barely handle my IC.I've had a bowel recestion years ago.I'm only 35. I dont eat much,ever.I get bound up,constipated,and that aggravates my IC way worse.I eat alot of ice cream,seems to go through better.I am not dying from not eating meat,and all that.I know what my body can handle,and I know what will put me in a huge flare.I have to take care of myself.So,I just say mom,I eat, and your body can take alaot more than you think. I dont ever think she'll quit saying things, but maybe someday shell get tired of repeating herself,realize I'm not going to change,maybe. Take care Katrina.It's frustrating,I know but do we have a choice? I dont think so!! Celine

[crystilclear]

I'm sorry that life is so difficult for you. It's very frusterating when people don't understand and sometimes form unfair opinions of us. Sometimes it is the best they can give because there is only so far that they can understand. It is so different when you actually have to live through it. I hope you both can find a happy medium. I hope you are feeling happy again soon. I get that a lot from my family. They don't understand the extent to which these problems have made on my life. They still expect me to function like I did when I was healthier. I find that I regularly disappoint everyone and it makes me sad. I know it's so hard for you and I will keep you in my prayers. As Jesus was hanging there on the cross and he said forgive them Father for they know not what they do. Well she may believe that her intentions are admirable and right but in reality she's not giving you the support and the right kind of encouragement you need. She is trying to help in her own way and unfortunately it's uneffective. I hope things get better for you both. Maybe try and keep your conversations light or talk about things other than your health for awhile (I know that's hard). I try as politely as I can (even if I'm grinding my teeth) to tell them that I appriciate thier concern and I'm doing my best. Take care of yourself I'm sending you some hugs too! - Chris :kiss:

[vm]

Katrina - I hope you didn't take my posting that prayer to mean - "it's all you so pray for her". I only posted it b/c I have learned that the only person I can change is me - and part of what I so often need to change in me is resentment towards other people. Even if they are being complete "a-holes" .It eats me up inside. I heard a great saying one that "resentment is giving someone else rent free space in your head".

That's the only reason I posted the prayer. :kissing:

[Iris]

Katrina, I am so sorry that you feel so alone, I can only send cyber hugs, but I also feel for you, and know that life is not easy for you with your health problems. Hugs and love and prayers for you, Iris.:pray: :kiss: :grouphug: :flower:

[Lyn40]

Katrina,
I completely understand your feelings on what you are going through. I just wish I had some great words of wisdom for you. I have read all these posts and when I read vm's, it really struck home for me. Resentment is one of my biggest problems in dealing with this illness. She is right that the only person we can change is ourself. I have to continually work on that, but seem to get into a rut of resenting the fact that I have to live in pain when everyone around me doesn't understand. My IC is huge for me and even my loved ones who know about it, just don't get it. Its a lonely feeling and I do resent it. Of course there are times when I feel big and strong and pat myself on the back for coping with this, but its hard to stay up day in and day out. I know you are strong as well, because I have read many of your posts these last couple of years. I believe your faith will get you through this. :pray:

My mother said to me once (about a year ago) when I told her I was having a hard time with my IC, "Oh, I thought you were all better". I was so hurt! We have since had a long heart to heart talk about the word 'chronic' and I think she now has a better understanding, as best she can. She is the one person on this earth, besides my husband who I need to understand. So I can sympathize with your frustrations with your mom. I will say a prayer for you. :pray:

I didn't mean to be so lengthy, but this is a huge topic. I wish you all the best.

Hugs,
Lyn
:grouphug:

[Sandy N.]

:grouphug: :grouphug: ::kiss: :kiss: :pray: My prayers are with you..Sandy N.

[Katrina]

Kim, Thank you for your wisdom....I understood why you posted that and appreciate it....I do think that praying for people when they hurt you can help a lot. It helps the relationship with them and helps you and your own heart and mind as you said. I appreciate your help....I just at first was too frustrated to do it.

:kiss:

Lori, thank you for your words of wisdom...you are very right this is a very important subject for us all. May God and Man work together to end theese diseases. :kiss:

Celine, it does sound like you know what I am going through well. I hope things improve for us both.:kiss:

Chris, sounds like a good one for me to keep close to my thoughts for a while. "forgive them father for they know not what they do", Christ leads the way.:kiss:

Iris....thanks for the hugs and prayers you are a great friend.

Lyn, I think I have had that same conversation regarding my IC and being all better with my own mother. The oddest thing is my mother should know well what Chronic illness is since for about 8 years of my life my parents were in charge of my health and I had Chronic illnesses.

Sandy, Thank you for the prayers.

Thanks everyone for your help.







:kiss:

[PikkuMyy]

I've solved my issues by not talking about my health with my mother very much.

On the one hand - she gets very verbally concerned, like your mom, nagging, etc.

On the other hand - she taught me as a child (with several chronic illnesses) to keep quiet and not make a fuss, and it's caused me nothing but problems. Like when I was in the ER with the kidney infection that started my IC - I had a high fever, vomiting over and over, couldn't walk, barely talk, etc. and I sat in one ER for 7 hours before going to another ER for another 7 hours. I was finally the LAST person in the ER and only got seen because I went in to use the phone and a real doctor saw that I couldn't stand up without holding myself up with the ER desk. That was the last straw for me - the only reason I didn't get seen was because I didn't make a fuss and the triages just thought I had a UTI.

Oh, and the time I had an appendectomy and the pediatric doctor who saw me when I was admitted, almost didn't give me the surgery because I was so cheerful he thought I didn't have appendicitis!

In fact, it took being married to my husband to get me to start talking about my health, etc.

So if she's not going to change, and it doesn't sound like she is, you're going to have to accept her the way she is and perhaps not even go into this stuff with her.

She does sound quite loving and worried. I don't know you, and maybe you do have issues with food that are above and beyond your illnesses. But whether you do or not, it doesn't sound like she understands the food issues that *are* related to your illnesses - not to mention the fact that when you feel crappy, who wants to eat, especially when many foods will make them sick?

I know I didn't do a good job explaining my IC to my husband early on but it sounds more like in your situation, you have talked to her about it at length and she's refusing to deal with that. I think she is reacting to your food choices as if you were simply an otherwise healthy person with anorexia, rather than a person with multiple illnesses who has to be very careful with foods so as not to get more sick.

Good luck with it all! :hug

Emily:kiss:

[Audrey Rose]

Oh Katrina,
I am so sorry about this whole thing. I know you are frustrated.
I really do think your mom is just really worried and is kinda falling apart. You can hear the desperation in her choice of words.
I am so sorry she said what she did. She probably has no idea how devastating some of those comments are to hear when you are struggling every single day with chronic problems and honestly trying to do the best that you can. :(
But we, your ICN family, totally understand. We have all been hurt by the people we love. Healthy people can't fathom that a person can be in absolute agony with pain and yet can still smile. They certainly can not understand that NOT eating is sometimes the healthiest choice. We Chronic Patients all live in a whole different World. A world that most healthy people will never understand. We just have to accept that and let it go.
Katrina, we all know from your posts how determined and strong you are. And how important it is to you to be there for folks on ICN who need support. I am constantly amazed by how involved you are on ICN with all the limitations and the amount of pain you
experience. And how positive you are!! You are such a bright light to all of us. I wish you mom could see that!! She'd be so very proud of you!!! You are a wonderful, kind, loving, encouraging, hopeful person. More full of life than some healthy people.
:kiss: I know you are managing your health the best that you can. And I am praying very hard that things improve soon so you can feel better.
:pray:
Hang in there!! You are doing GREAT!!!

Big Hugs and A :kissing:

[Jen_Cole]

Hi Katrina-I was out of town and just saw your post today. I don't have much to add-seems like everyone else has said it all. I think I'd stop talking to my mom about certain aspects of your illnesses so that you are not hurt. I don't want your feelings to be hurt, that's for sure. And whoever said people that are not sick like us will never get it-I think that's pretty much right on. I hope you are feeling stronger today. :)

[SharonA]

Katrina...:kiss:

I really do not know what to say about this problem with your mother, but I do hear the pain it is causing you. I pray that you can find peace in this situation and will have the wisdom to be able to handle this with the grace and dignity that you are able to handle everything else in your life.

You will always have my respect, love and support. :grouphug: :kissing:

[darlene]

Katrina, I think about you every day. When I first joined this board, I thought the members would understand what it was like to live with IC, but wouldn't know what it was like to have IC and other serious diseases. I was wrong. there are others like us with multi-diseases. I truly understand what your life is like , because I have severe IC, diabetes, arthritis, IBS, hypertension, and most of all because I have Crohn's colitis. I was a support group co/leader for the Crohn's and colitis foundation of America. Your problem with pouchitis is quite common. Your mother probably believes you would be so much better, if you would only eat. You are not a child, and need to make your own decisions about what and how much you eat. My mother thinks I am being a big baby about my diseases, because I don't have cancer. In her mind, if it isn't cancer, it cant be all that serious. she hurts me every time we talk. I do realize this will never change, but it still hurts. You are not alone! I understand! you might be surprised to know I am 57, and my mother is 83. Time didn't improve the situation. e-mail me any time. thinking about you, darlene

[jen_dahling]

Katrina,
I have to agree with vm and Audrey Rose 100% You are so supportive here on the boards and I wish you the best in dealing with your mother. I haven't encountered much of the attitude about my IC with family, probably because I live in another state. But I have had similar situations to yours in the past. I know that you are depressed about the situation and I am worried about you. I sense that although your body has failed you in so many ways that your wisdom has had to make up for it. You really have a wealth of knowledge about your illnesses and what works for you. I have a suggestion that came to mind after reading your original post and replys. When it comes to your mother or others who react the way she does, instead of letting her "hurt" you, decide that you will not allow it anymore. Try to play in your mind that she can't hurt you. As said in other posts, you can only change yourself, so why not take charge of who can hurt you and who can't? I know this seems stupid, but it works. Take that power away from her and give it to yourself. You empower people on this board every day with your great advice and knowledge, but only if we let you. It can be a choice to let her hurt you or not. I took that power away from my mother three years ago. I finally stopped taking everything she said so personally and made the choice to stop letting her force her adjenda and beliefs on me. I will never be as close to her as I once was, but it is for the better because it is a way of preserving my sense of self.
I am sorry if this approach seems trivial, but it has saved me from having to cut out my mother from my life completely. I have two boys who love her dearly and I couldn't bring myself to take her from them. I hope that you find a way of dealing with this situation. You are a strong person and we need you!!
Jen
:hi:

[Katrina]

Katrina tell me exactly what you want me to do to be supportive. I've tried to be so. You say I'm judgmental, but what I am is extremely worried that you continue to lose weight. You used to drink Ensure or such but you didn't on Sun. You need to get some nutrition and a few bites of a cheeseburger isn't enough. Mom






I do think that she responded to my email well. It could have been a lot worse.

Anyway thank you everyone for your help with this. I am extremely thankful for all of the support.

Onward Christian soldier, thank you for arming me well.

:kiss: :kiss: :love:

[MelanieJean]

Katrina,

I know from experience with my family that it is very difficult to handle when people just expect that you're healthy and have times when you're not so healthy. I don't know if it's JUST that, but my grandma gets on my case ALL the time for not eating salad and not eating "healthy." The reason that I don't eat fruit is because it KILLS! I can completely understand the concern your mother has, although, overwhelming concern doesn't help anyone. It's difficult for me when my mom tries to explain my IC to someone who has never heard of it. Cause my mom doesn't know hardly anything about it... Why should she be explaining it when I LIVE it everyday?? Who has the right to tell us that we should EAT when it hurts!?! AGH! Sometimes I just want to poke myself with a fork it's so frustrating. But I love ya, Katrina. I know that your mom probably does have good intentions. Although, good intentions are some of the worst things, when all you want is a, I'm glad that you ate some of your burger, instead of just eating nothing. Yea know what I mean?? I know that I don't have multiple diseases, but you're so much stronger than I am to be able to control living with more than IC. There are days that I just want to curl into a ball on the bathroom floor. I'm gonna be there all day anyway. Might as well make it a short trip... Lots of love and hugs, hun. I hope that you're feeling better soon. I don't know if my pointless ramblings make any sense. They kinda don't to me...

~mel~

[Katrina]

I understand you well....your ramblings could of almost come through my own mouth. I have had times when I basically have curled up by the toilet (short trip necessary). Yes, just eating a small part of the burger has its good points....I mean I could have ate only food I brought because nothing would work. Actually if I were to do it over I would just have left the bun out....I suspect it is was gave me the gas that flared me and made me not want to eat anymore.

I kinda feel like walking on air right now with how happy I am with all of the support here.....yet confussed now on how to feel about my Mom.

I so wish my Mom would learn more about my diseases....but that would be a lot of studying lol.

Thanks, and you take care ok?

[MelanieJean]

Somtimes I wish that my mom would crack a book and read about IC so that she can acurately explain it to people... hehe But like she would put in the time, ya know??

~mel~

[poetgirl]

Katrina,

Since your mom says that she feels you don't eat enough, do you think it would be helpful to keep a food diary of what you eat and the amounts so at least you can show what you are doing? It may seem like giving in to your mom, but really it's just demonstrating without being defensive that you are doing the best you can under the circumstances to take care of yourself. It does sound like she is being a little harsh on you, but probably it is because she loves and is worried about you -- and is scared, and when people are scared, they often lash out.

I have IBS and I sometimes have a hard time maintaining my weight when I'm stressed out, because everything I eat seems to make me sick. Some days I eat a normal amount of food and other days I dread even the thought of eating and just eat when I have to, because I know I'll end up running to the toilet 5-6 times afterward. Can you manage liquid diet supplements without it causing gassiness and problems with your pouchitis?

Don't worry -- we are all here for you and want only for you to get better and be happy! Even if we say your mom means well although the tone of her message is hard, it doesn't mean that we don't support you and what you're trying to do to live your life.

:angel:

[Katrina]

That won't prove anything. It will still be impossible for her to think it is right or ok. I am eating with GERD, IC, Pouchitis, IBS, Gallstones, and reocurring gastritis. Impossible for anyone to understand that hasn't felt the pains from all of them. The truth of how I am eating isn't going to make her any happier. It may upset me though to try and hear her opinion on things again. :cat:

[ad8123]

I underdstand how you feel about your mom (i think). My mother and I were always best friends until I got IC. I got it after I was married so she has never seen the truth of it and I too try to be happy or at least sound that way on the phone. Today she told me to stop being lazzy and get off my but and go back to work. My husband and I are fighting over money, can't aford the pain managment doctor and can not really afford the meds anymore because we have ate all our savings up, my mother does not know that so, he wonderfully (sarcasim) gentle words just caused me so much saddness and anger. I am supposed to go see her this weekend but i do not think I can stand it. :grouphug: :pray: