relationship in deep trouble

[ihateic2003]

i am marriaged for 16 years, alot of emotional and verbal abuse. His constant ctitisim and hurtfull coments about myself and the illness are wearing me out. dew to IC i can not work since last year. i apply for ssa last year. but i have to wait another 2 year to hear anything from them. right now i am uasing my husband health ins.

he was very nice at first when i dignoised with IC. but not anymore. he did not want to talk to me. if he does, he only yell at me & say stuff that hurt me very bad. i use too ignore him & let it go sake of our kid's. we have a 2 kid's one is 14/11. i do not want to get divorce, i want to keep it our relationship as much i can? i know we have kids to take care of it. Bu i think i have to wake & smell the coffee. i am living in hell right now.

Last week we had a fight & he told me he does not have any feeling for me & he want me to get out from house to live somewhere else. i still ignore him & try to avoid as much i can? but that hurt me so much & i can not stop crying each & every day. i do not know where to go. i do not have any money not even ins. i do not have any body to talk too either. i feel like it i am not worth any thing. he is blaming me for everything. he even said to me i wish i could died.

My question is to ladies if i have to live sepreate, i still can use his ins. or not? i live in ohio i do not know what to do. i need you guys help. i do not even know about process of divorce or how can i pay lawyer if i get one. i do not have any money. i never thought about sepreate acount. but my husband does have one.
this week i have my Uro appt. should i menstion to him. i need your help. please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ICNDonna]

You need to speak with an attorney. Check your phone directory and see if there's a Legal Aid Society near you. Another option would be to contact a women's shelter --- they can assist you by answering your questions about the insurance and getting some support from your husband.

You are in a very unpleasant situation and you need to find a way out of it, even if it means you have to seek public assistance.

I'm so sorry you are facing such a difficult situation.

Warm encouraging hugs,
Donna

[creatingkarma]

I'm so sorry that you are being treated this way. No one deserves this kind of abuse. I agree with Donna, seek the help of a women's shelter or legal aid. Most lawyers offer a free consultation, so you might check that out as well. I think that you can continue to use your husband's insurance until a divorce is final, but you might double-check on that. Would your husband be willing to go to marriage counseling? I strongly recommend it, but also understand if the hurt is beyond healing. And it won't work unless you both go. I've never been one who believes in staying together for the kid's sake. If the kid's are witnessing this abuse then staying in this relationship is causing them harm & emotional scars also. It would be a sad thing for them to grow up thinking that this is the way marriage is supposed to be & that's the way that men are supposed to treat the women that they love.

And don't ever feel that you don't have anyone to talk to. We all care & always have an open ear & heart.

:kiss:

Karma

[ihateic2003]

ICNDonna & creatingkarma,

thanks for reply. he does not want to go to marriage counseling. i ask him to go with me. i talk to his brother about our problume. he try to talk to my husband but my husband got more upset to me. becouse i talk to his brother.
my parent's are here in our city. one time he fight infornt of my parents. my parents left the house that time.
my kid's are scared of him too. thanks you ladies. i will keep posting here.

[creatingkarma]

It sounds to me like your husband needs anger management.

Another word of advice -

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!! Names, dates, times, happenings, etc.

I'll be praying for you to have the strength to get through this difficult time. Everything will be ok, darlin.

Karma

[Dixiefireball]

First off while you are still married the law in south carolina states that if your husband has inc on you he must keep it until the divorce and many judges will still order this if the wife makes less money then the husband or is disable.
You need to get yourself and those children out of this ASAP! if you don't have family to go to please go a women shelter. They will help you get Help like appleying for section eight houseing get on food stamps get you on medicaid and the children plus help you with a divorce I know this is the last thing you want to do but for your children and your safty you need to get out of this.
A loveless Marriage can do more harm to children then being apart.
if you and your husband are willing to work on this together maybe some time apart is all you two need for him to see the light.
talk to the pastor of your church or mental health. mental health here is south carolina goes by your income and if no income they don't charge anything.
I do hope all goes well
sending you hugs and prayers
Please let us know how you and your children are.
we do care.
Rhonda.
please think of the children!

[MelanieJean]

Honey, I agree with everyone! If even the children are afraid of him, then there is definately something wrong! I'm soo sorry that he's not willing to work things out with you. It must be devastating! I can't imagine feeling so rejected. But you have to find the strength somewhere to pack up those kids and get out. There are women's shelters as well as safe houses for abused women and children. And even if he hasn't hit you, telling you that he wishes you would die, is abuse enough for me. You were smart for going to his family for help. But if he's rejecting every option you've put forth, it sounds like you're running out of options quick. We're all here to support you. Love and hugs.

~mel~

[ihateic2003]

thanks everybody for replying me. yes, i need to be stronge. i need to find a courge to do that.
toady i talk to my parent's about my situation & they are willing to help me. they offer me to stay in there house. He got very bad tempure. He use too hit me. he know's now if he hit me i am going to call police, so he verbal abuseing me. right now before i get out from house i am going to talk to him one more time to see what he up too.

[Dixiefireball]

if not for you do it for the children No child should be scared of a parnet for that reason!!
Please leave and move in with your parnets call legal aide make an appoinment with them go get on food stamps and medicaid in the mean time you can also get a check for the children while living with your parnets from him Your case worker with food stamps will be able to help you with this.
if he hit before he is more likely to do it again and may go to far since he is already cussing at you I wouldnt talk to him again without a grown up around to make sure he doesnt hurt you!
He may hurt the children since he doesnt care to hit a women.
Please Get Out Before this goes to far.
I'm praying for you and the children.
sending you hugs and prayers
Rhonda.
Please let us how you are we do care.

[blue]

I agree, you need to speak to an attorney. Like Karma said, most of them have a free consultation, take advantage of that. Make contact with the local womens shelter, they may be able to help you.

Are your children boys or girls. The damage witnessing this behavior is lifelong. Boys could grow up believing it's ok to treat women this way, and girls can believe it's ok to be treated this way.

I would usually suggest working it out. I've been married 17 yrs. my husband and I have gone through hell and back in the past. Somehow, we've managed to come to a point in our marriage where everything is good. I feel like if we can get through it, anyone can. The difference is, my husband has never hit me.

We are all here if you need to talk.

[ihateic2003]

blue,

yes, i have one boy he is 14th & girl is 11. today i worte a big letter to him telling every thing how i feel about him. & how kid's feel about him. he read it & did not say anything. that is strange to me. he usally get upset. i am trying to do everything to save our marrige if i can? he do not say anything to kid's. he never hit kid's. he fight me only. i will update more.

[ihateic2003]

blue,

yes, i have one boy he is 14th & girl is 11. today i worte a big letter to him telling every thing how i feel about him. & how kid's feel about him. he read it & did not say anything. that is strange to me. he usally get upset. i am trying to do everything to save our marrige if i can? he do not say anything to kid's. he never hit kid's. he fight me only. i will update more.

[VickiB]

I'm so sorry! It must be awful living like this for you. I have to agree with the others, you need to get out. Even if you go to your parent's, call a women's abuse shelter. They should be able to council you on what your options are regarding support, insurance, etc. Not just for you,-because you DO deserve better! But the life-long effects on your children even more so! I can understand you wanting to keep your marriage. Perhaps in the future (after some time apart) your husband will come to change his ways. Perhaps not. All the same you haven't let your marriage go, he has. Remember the "love & honor" part? We hear a lot about physical abuse, but I think emotional abuse is almost worse. Please take care of yourself and your children! PM me if you ever just want someone to talk to.

Vicki

[blue]

Keep us updated, I hope things are going well.

Maybe, the letter hit home, and he's thinking about what it said. maybe, it sunk in!

[ihateic2003]

thanks for souport i get from you ladies. that help a lot to bulid up strenth in me. he still did not say anything to me. so i do not know what in his mind. i go to my uro & tell him about what is going on in my life. he is very sportive. he is going to help me as much he can? he insure me if i don't have a insurance he try to find a way to help me with my medical bills.