I just cant do it....literally.....lol

[heybrej]

My boyfriend and i are very young and used to have a great, fun, active sex life before i started having symtems from IC. Now, I just hate being touched. I used to pleasure myfelf on an average of 4-5 times a week. Now, I do it maybe once a month, if that. I just hate being touched down there. Its not that it alawys hurts, because it doesnt. I am just mentally afraid that if we have sex (or he fingers me, ect) that I will go into a flare and be in intense pain. Also, the penetration has started to hurt me as well. After I get through the pain of penetration, I am okay for about 4-5 mins, and then my vagina starts to burn, even when we use a lot of lube. Also, while he is in me, I get a dull throbbing pain in my bladder.

Because of all these things, I just hate the idea of being intimate. I love my boyfriend so much, and it just kills me that we havnet had sex in over a month. I feel horrible about taking this away from him. Dont get me wrong, he is great and totally understands, but hes disapointed and i know it bothers him, even if he doesnt say so. Because he doesnt have IC and cant possible know how much it hurts, he just cant understand that something could be hurting me so bad that when he tries to "seduce" me (kissing my neck, stomach, running his hands between my legs) that I'm not turned on.

I think thats the problem....I just cant get turned on anymore, even when I try. It is more of a mental thing that anything. I am just so scared that it will hurt. Also, when I do manage to let sex occur, we have to stop before he even finishes becuase it starts to burn and throb. Part of me wants to go see a sex therapist, but i dont know how realistic that is. I am only 18, and hes 20, and I would feel weird discussing our sex life because we are young. We have lived together for almost a year now and have been dating for 2.

I dont know, I just really dont know what to do. I want to be happy with my sex life. I dont need to be having it daily, I just wish I would let myself get intimate, but Im just so scared and its just so miseralbe:(

thanks for listening.....

_breanna_

[ICNDonna]

Have you tried different kinds of lubricant? If the burning feels like skin burning, it could be irritation from the lubricant.

If you feel comfortable discussing it with your doctor, there might be some good suggestions there too.

If you're on any medications, loss of desire can be a side effect of some meds.

A satisfying sexual relationship can be a real challenge for an IC patient, but don't give up. With lots of experimentation (which can be fun!) and open communication, it's possible.

Sending warm encouraging hugs,
Donna

[Katrina]

((((((((((((((((big hug))))))))))))))))))) Your story sounds very similar to me...only big difference is I am 27. My husband realizes with three big reasons why sex is painful....it is...but that doesn't keep him from being dissapointed and wishing and wanting more...and so on. My reasons :IC, Endometriosis, and PFD. You may have PFD and you may want to talk to your uro to find out....treating that if you have it may atleast bring the pain down some. I know the fear well....wish I could wish it away. Hasn't worked.

For me I know that communication is the key. My husband helping me through my physical therapy is a need I have to lesson my fear of sex. Maybe you know within yourself something your husband can do to help you. I mean we are the ones in pain.....they love us right? So we need a bit more from them to make it work because it is so extra hard for us....

Anyway I hope that things improve for you....this is one area I really wish would improve because it would mean so much to hubby.

If you ever want someone to vent about sex again .....lol....feel free to contact me if you want.


Best Wishes

[HillaryD]

I also know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I used to have a VERY active sex life and I used to want it all of the time. Now, with my IC, it's been 6 months since we've had sex. We've tried two times, but I couldn't handle it even for a minute. I am on Paxil, so I know that is causing me to not want to be Intimate, but I also know that it is mental as well. It isn't easy not being able to be intimate with the one you love, but somehow we've gotten past it. My husband would do anything for me and just wants me to be happy, and completely understands that right now we just can't have a sexual relationship. Please feel free to PM me whenever you need to, I love to listen and will try to help as much as I can.
:kiss:
:grouphug:
Hillary

[heybrej]

thank you all so much. its so nice to know that others know what I am going through (although i wish so much that you didnt...) I am going to go out and buy a new lubricant soon and try to get up the courage to talk to my uro about it even though i am embarrassed :yikes: Again, thank you all so much.

_breanna_

[jala]

Everyone knows that IC causes pain and that the pain is worse with sex. What most people don't realize is the lack of desire that often comes with IC, whether or not the pain is active. In my case, I lost desire even when there was no pain. This was probably the worst thing for me. I can take the pain, I can take the fatigue, but the loss of desire was really demoralizing. It left me terribly depressed. I couldn't even look at a man.

Some people have hormone issues that contribute to the lack of desire. In my case, it felt like the tissues in my abdomen were so swollen that blood flow to my genitals was cut off. This left me dry and with no desire. I can tell you that I was able to greatly improve the situation by going on a strict IC friendly and allergy free diet, treating the IC with DMSO and eliminating irritants (100%cotton underwear if any and extra gentle cleansers). Also, adding lube on a daily basis helped get me back to feeling normal. I hope you find something that works for you. Good Luck, Jala.

[blue]

I think going to a psychologist would help. I understand that you are young, but you are in a committed relationship. Think of all the humiliating medical procedures we go through. At least, you will get to keep your clothes on for this one!