how soon do you mention IC?

[chairmenmeow47]

i've recently started dating again. how soon do you bring up IC?

i think in some ways, it's hard not to avoid a conversation when you're not drinking and asking a ton of questions to the waiter about the menu. but i don't want to unload all my problems and talk about something as uncomfortable as my bladder on a first date. i don't think that's the appropriate time. but i also don't want to seem like i'm holding something back.

also, how do you explain it? do you explain things over time, or explain everything all at once? i also want to find a way to explain it in the most positive and least gross way possible :)

[bamagirl]

Although I have been married for almost 22 years I do have some advice. I had to recently tell my daughter how to explain it. She actually had a good explanation herself. By the way she is 17. She said that she tells her friends and anyone how is curious about it that "My mom has a bladder disease called Interstitial Cystitis". It is a thining of the bladder lining which causes her to not be able to drink alcohol and she has to avoid certain foods because they are irritating to the bladder. That is all you have to say if you want to explain it to someone up front or when you decide to share the info.

As to when to tell someone.... I personally wouldn't tell them on a first date. You could tell them you are a picky eater. (because we are). It is none of his business as to why you don't drink. A lot of people choose not to drink. I would say to wait until a relationship starts to develope and then tell them about IC but don't overload them at one time because it is a lot to take in. I would answer any questions they have at this point though. They can then decide if they can handle it. Of course it is totally up to you when you feel that you should tell them. This is just some advice.

[h808]

i'm so bad at keeping it to myself. i feel the need to tell everyone i meet about it because i just want to get it out there and out of the way. it's like okay here i am and take it or leave it. i've caught myself a couple times about to tell people that really don't need to or want to know. i am totally avoiding romantic relationships right now because i don't want to talk about it, and i just feel like i'm no good or something. i really need to get out of this way of thinking. it would really help to hear about how other people are starting successful relationships.

[Stella1609]

You don't think about movies being an intimate experience, but that's usually when I have to tell someone (friend, significant other, etc.)--when I go see a movie with them. It is very unusual for me to sit through one without going to the bathroom before, during, and after even if I don't drink anything. I always feel the need to follow up "I have a bladder condition" with "I'm not incontinent," because everyone always assumes that anything wrong with your bladder means you are. I mention it casually and only to people who should know because they spend a lot of time with me. I think it's important for your relationships and your own sanity to treat it like a normal part of your life--mention it the same way you might mention you have a food allergy.

I think the biggest mistake we make, especially early on in diagnosis, is oversharing. 99% of people you meet don't need to know and don't want to know, and most of those that you do tell don't want to know the details. That's reserved for very close friends and family, or your significant other if you are already in a long-term, committed relationship. I've been in my current job for four months and have had an infection and a serious flare requiring I miss a day of work and wear knit pants a few days, and only two people know (and neither of them is my boss).

My speech is usually like this, "I have a bladder condition called Interstitial Cystitis that causes a problem with the lining of my bladder. Since urine is really caustic, that causes pain. I'm not incontinent but unlike a normal person who feels the urge to go to the bathroom from the bladder stretching, I have pain from urine in my bladder so I do tend to go more often." I say this in a very matter-of-fact voice and then change the subject. An even shorter version is, "I have a bladder condition that basically causes me to feel like I have a urinary tract infection all the time even though I don't." Most women esepcially have had UTIs in their liftetimes so they can relate to this.

[bamagirl]

I feel like I need to speak up here because we need to spread the awareness of IC. If we keep it to ourselves then we are not spreading the word about IC. If we tell people then more people will know and they may know someone who is having the symptoms and say "hey I have heard of something called IC that affects the bladder". It is not something to be embarrassed about. Would you be embarrassed to tell someone if you had a heart condition? No, because it is something that you can't control just like any organ. There are IC t-shirts and hats and all kinds of stuff here at the ICN store. I have both of these items and it doesn't bother me to where them. My shirt says "I have IC." We wear them so that people will ask about it and want to know about it. I don't think you are doing any thing wrong by talking about your IC. I hope you will consider what I have said. I have lived with this bladder disease for 21 years and it's time that people know what it is and what we go through. :)

[kadi]

i've not dated a lot with IC, but the few dates I've had, I just said I have a ton of food allergies and that I'd bring my own food. I've had some dates without meals - my favorite one was when we went to a Titanic exhibit (we both drowned - it was bad news when we got tickets in "steerage"), and a few really nice picnic lunches in San Francisco, where I picked up a steamed milk at a cafe, he got something to eat and we ate outdoors on the wharf. Most guys want to be accommodating in the beginning, so those early dates have been pretty easy about food.

Later, when my energy level limits outings and physical intimacy issues come up, those issues been more difficult for me than how IC shows up in the beginning.

[chairmenmeow47]

well, i've been on three dates with a guy i like. i mentioned on the second date a very high-level description of the problem, just saying i have an ulcer in my bladder, caused by the lack of lining in my bladder. i felt like i had to say something, because we were at a museum and i couldn't walk around anymore without pain. he understood and it was no big deal, so that's good. i'm trying not to say too much too soon; i don't want to overwhelm him.