trying not to break my husbands heart.

[marinda]

living with this awful disease. not only tortures me. but also
tortures my husband.
Every man has there needs. Especially a hard working man like my
husband. my husband works for the city . He is a water tech.
in other words if a pipe breaks in the middle of the street in the
middle of the night. There is my husband in cold water holes trying to keep the peaples water going.
Every time i see him my heart goes pitterpatter*********
In my eyes he is so goergeous!!!!!!!!!!
thats why it hurts me to feel cold when it comes to making love to
him. I know that it makes him feel bad. Even if he says its okay.
Early in the morning he is taking his shower and I know whats
going on in there. and that scares me.
I tell him over and over that it has nothing to do on how I feel
about him. Its because of his size. I think?
I just which that I could make passionate live to him and not
have to pay for it the next few days.
I love my honey, He means the world to me.
He is a true good hearted man and he deserves to make love
to the woman that adores him.

[dyno]

I have had IC for 29 years, I am 46 now. As far as that part of your life goes, good communication and experimentation are key. There are different ways of making love and you can still take care of his needs without intercourse if that is too painful right now.

Plan a romantic evening and talk about the different things you can try and do. Use plenty of lubrication if you do anything down there. Use the bathroom before and right after. Shower afterwards if that would help. You just have to see what you can do and tolerate. I bet your husband would think it is great if you can try something different.:wink:

[ICNDonna]

Jolene is right. With open communication and experimenting, it's possible to have a good sex relationship. For intercourse, you'll want to be sure to use plenty of lubrication (even if you don't think you need it) --- and experiment with positions until you find one that is best for you.

Some people find a cold pack afterwards really helps.

Donna

[Sarojini]

Hi marinda--

I'm sorry you are feeling so down about your sex life... sex with IC can be difficult and believe me, I've been through it too. I just wanted to add that my husband and I have managed, through experimentation and a lot of love, to find positions and tricks that work for us, and now we have a satisfying sex life despite my IC. THERE IS HOPE. :)

Some tricks that I, and others on the boards use, are:

1. LOTS of lubrication. There are many good personal lubricants out there. My husband and I like one called "Liquid Silk" the best. If you are uncomfortable buying this stuff in person in a store, try going to the Sexual Well-being section of Drugstore.com (http://www.drugstore.com . They have a great selection of lubes. You can also try Good Vibrations on line (http://www.goodvibes.com

2. Experiment with positions and depth of penetration. Some positions hurt worse because his penis can hit your bladder harder -- experiment until you find those that hurt the least.

3. RELAX -- take a hot bath or shower before sex, have hubby give you a full body massage, etc.

4. Take a Pyridium or Urised about 30-60 minutes before sex to help reduce burning afterwards.

5. Ice and/or heat applied to your lower abdomen or vulva area after sex can help a lot.

6. I've never tried this, but some swear by taking a very low dose of a muscle relaxant before sex (like Valium or Ativan) to help relax the pelvic muscles.

7. Communicate with your hubby -- have open and honest chats with each other about your hopes, concerns, and fears.

8. If you are in pain and just cannot have sex on a particular night, just say no. Wait until you feel better to try again.

9. There are other forms of sexual contact--manual, oral, etc-- that can be used in place of intercourse when necessary.

I hope these help :)

Feel free to PM me any time with questions or concerns. :)

[Katrina]

A prayer for all of our men who struggle through this with us.

:pray:

[fireflicker285]

I was going to say the same thing. There is so much to sex than just your typical penetration. (which cannot always be possible with us).

I think that good communication is vital when you have this disease.

Don't be afraid to go back to "high school" and put meaning and fun into the "little things".

Here's to hoping you find what works for you both.

;)