how to explain sex isnt possible right now

[flowerangela]

to a prospective date or boyfriend/girlfriend?i'm figuring out more and more i should just look for someone with ic cuz no one understands... im missing being in a relationship.

[Jem]

Have you experimented with differrent positions? You might find if you lie on your back with him on top and your bodies close together and ask him to be gentle, that it is much better? Also, don't use lubricants or creams which can irritate you. Sorry if this is too detailed. But I know exactly how you feel.

Jem x

[Linda May]

i feel so sorry for icers that have problems with intimacy. i do not have that problem, lets all pray for a cure soon,:pray:

[flowerangela]

ive only experienced sex before ic (when i was healthy),not after. the ic and/or recurrent bladder infections started when i became sexually active..so i dont know how sex would feel now. probably painful or like a chore :( im wondering when to break the news to people i would consider dating or be in a relatonship with..so far i dont have to worry about it cuz no prospects..

[Jem]

I do know what you mean! It feels like IC and my quest for a cure has taken over my life, and everything else has ground to a shuddering halt, esp when it comes to meeting guys. At the moment I am trying not to worry about it, but I know there will come a time when it will rear it's head again, so to speak.
I used to really enjoy sex, but the last few times I did it, it was very sore and I felt so sad and dissapointed at no longer being able to feel pleasure like I once did.
As well as the pain during sex, my IC flared up really badly afterwards cos of the 'lubrication' and stimulation etc. (Judging by what other members have said, I think this is due to the inflammed area in my urethra being aggrevated?)
We have to hope that we will find an effective treatment for our I.C, and then everything else will fall into place....Maybe it will give us a better chance of finding a decent guy? If you can find someone who is willing to accept your difficulties and help you through them then you will know you have found someone special, and you will know that you are not just being used for sex...If telling a guy about your problem makes him run for the hills, then he wasn't worth it anyway right?? x

[flowerangela]

right.thank you.

[Jem]

And maybe you shouldn't worry so much - you say you haven't tried it since your diagnosis, so maybe it won't be that bad for you? One way to find out! x

[Jerzeygirl]

A real man will understand and love you regardless even if you cant have sex with him all the time. About five years ago, I was dating a guy. I was having tons of bladder problems, but was unaware it was IC. Sex was impossible between us and he ended up leaving me. I realized that if he can't be by side when Im sick then I dont want to be with him. I ended up meeting another guy who I am currently engaged to. I still have problems having sex. I embrace the times when I am not in pain and he loves it. When I am not feeling good he understands. However, on some occasions I do my best to please him in other ways (sorry so graphic).

[Jem]

I agree, Jerzey Girl. In some ways it's a blessing in disguise. It helps you separate the wheat from the chaff, as your situation proves! Congrats on your engagement! :smile tee
Don't worry about being 'too graphic'. We are all grown women!
x x

[orchid53]

I also agree with JerzeyGirl. Also have you considered using a toy on your own? That might give you an idea of what it would feel like, because being afraid it will be bad makes you think it will be bad, which increases your anxiety, and makes it worse. That might ease your worries or give you an idea of what you can handle.

[Sawwie]

A real man will understand and love you regardless even if you cant have sex with him all the time. About five years ago, I was dating a guy. I was having tons of bladder problems, but was unaware it was IC. Sex was impossible between us and he ended up leaving me. I realized that if he can't be by side when Im sick then I dont want to be with him. I ended up meeting another guy who I am currently engaged to. I still have problems having sex. I embrace the times when I am not in pain and he loves it. When I am not feeling good he understands. However, on some occasions I do my best to please him in other ways (sorry so graphic).

Congrats on the engagement!

I'm starting to think along those lines too. I've completely gone off of sex thanks to IC. But, no matter how many times I say to my boyfriend I can't, or I'm not having a good day he still tries it on with me. It's as if all that matters is he gets his way! *rant*