Adviceon a friend

[JOJO]

Hello
I decided to post here, because I feel experience might be the best feedback. My friend who I know through the jobplace, we use to work together, Has fell off the wagon after many many yrs. She has many issues to deal with and I truly feel sorry for her. 3 nights ago she called here crying so I went up to her home and stayed till 330 in the morning with her. The next night she shows up here, in a drunken state, my hubby really doesnt know this woman si it was uncomfortable for him. I tried to take her to a detox but they said they wouldnt be open till the next morning.She has a grown up daughter whos says shes doing thids for attention.I am sure she is hurt from the past. Yesterday I gave my friend a bunch of numbers to call, and also a number for transportation, I didnt like the fact that she has been driving. Lastnite she called me and said she was going to the hospital, I and my hubby had a interview with DFYS we are going thru the fost adopt program, so I have been busy with that. She called here 3 times lastnight telling me to get her home, I dont drive, and I refuse to ask my hubby to help. I called her daughter which was useless. Then when she called the second time she said I wasnt a friend, I told her tdont try the guilt trip on me it wont work. She hung up.Then she called again ,while I was on the cell phone with my sis, and she left a message saying if i didnt pick up she would never talk to me again, my sis who has dealt with substance abuse cuz of her boyfriend told me DONT pick up the phone. I didnt. It broke my heart.But this is affecting my health I am exhausted. I told my friend I dont have the strengh to deal with this.My heart ahces for her, but I havent hardly slept the last 3days. And now I fear she will show up here. Or maybe not. I just can do this , I feel so bad. Any Advice. She knows all the detox centers,aa, all that,how can I help, i cant do this no more!!!-JOJO

[ICNDonna]

One thing you might do is to telephone one of the detox centers or AA and ask how to best deal with your friend. They are much better able to advise you than I could be.

I know you're in a tough spot and hope you are able to talk to someone who can help you know how best to deal with her.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[Teri]

As a recovering addict I can tell you that she is just using one of the tricks we use to get our way....we dump all the guilt in someone elses lap and refuse to feel any guilt of our own.

The best thing you can do for her is to tell her where a meeting is that is closest to where she lives and then tell her that you would love to talk.....but tell her firmly and stick to it, that you WILL NOT talk to her after she has been drinking.

This is such a HARD thing to do and it tears your guts apart but trust me, she is not loosing any sleep over it like you are. If she was sober for a long time she knows exactly what she needs to do, please don't let her drag you down with her......

sending prayers to both you and your friend~

[creatingkarma]

I agree with Teri. Sometimes people want to make you feel bad for their faults, especially when they aren't stable or are abusing. You did not get her drunk & you are not responsible to be her taxi home. She should've dropped it the 1st time that you told her no. Sometimes tough love helps the most. All you can do is point her in the right direction (AA, church, counseling, mental hospital, etc.) & let her know that you care but that you cannot enable her to do these things by running to save her everytime. I agree that you should state that she is not to come to your home drunk or to even call you when drunk for that matter. It's a sad thing, but most don't realize what they're even doing until they hit rock bottom & they will not change until they truly want to change, no matter what you do. Your story reminded me a lot of my oldest friend. She's a mess. We had a converstation basically like the one you talked about once. And for the 1st time ever, I didn't run & save her. She was mad & said that I never cared & we're not friends anymore even though 2 minutes earlier I was the only friend she had left in the world. I just said ok then. It took her about a month, but she finally pulled her head out & called to apologize to me. She's still a mess, but she knows my boundaries now & because of that, I am in a better position to help her.

I'm praying for both of you.

Karma

[marinda]

THERE ONLY SO MUCH A PERSON CAN DO.
ITS THE ADDICT THAT HAS THE CHOICE TO MAKE THAT ONE DECISION. YOU CAN TAKE YOUR FRIEND TO A HUNDRED DETOX
CENTERS DOESNT MEAN ITS GOING TO HELP HER.
YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND AND JUST REMEMBER YOU DID TRY YOUR
BEST. GOD BLESS FRIENDS LIKE YOU.

[JOJO]

I finally spoke with my friend. She is doing well and is sober, She has been down this road before and she seeked helped before it got any worse. And she is making some neccessary changes in her life to help reduce the stress in her life.Thanks for all your concern and help-JOJO

[vm]

Thank goodness. And you did the right thing by not enabling her. :)