icnmgrjill
09-16-2010, 05:48 PM
There isn't a single person out there who hasn't, at some point in time, felt very hurt by the actions of another. Those memories are often so palpable that, even when years pass, they feel fresh and tragic... but they also have lessons to teach us.
When I was in college at UCSB, I taught tennis for two summers for the alumni association. My boss at the time was unbelievably cruel. He was an arrogant, cocky man who had clear favorites and if you weren't one, he enjoyed insulting and humiliating you. I, sadly, was not one of his favorites though I certainly tried to be. Like most college students, I wanted to fit in and I wanted to be liked.. but it was not to be. Over the course of two years, his abuse was so overt that when fellow employees saw it happen, they looked at me with sadness and horror. My response was usually just to shrug and turn away in embarassment.
And I took it. For two summers... I allowed myself to be emotionally abused because I didn't know how to stand up for myself. I didn't know that I could walk away. I didn't know that I could stand up and say "I deserve better than this." Finally, on one last fateful day, he humiliated me in front of the entire staff and, at that moment, I just stood quietly up and walked out of the room never to return.
Yes, I admit that I cried for hours. I asked god "What did I do to deserve this?" Other staff were worried about me and came to find me.. and when I asked them "what did I do?".. they didn't know either. I asked one to go ask him what I had done, and when she returned with his answer, I was stunned. "He said he just didn't like you... and that he didn't like you from the day that he had hired you." huh?? Why would he hire me if he didn't like me?
Well, that answer emerged shortly later. From what I could gather, he and my cousin were professional rivals. I think that he hired me and tormented me as an indirect way of getting even. I realize, now, that I was probably a pawn in a larger game of politics.
But, to an innocent teenager, it was a brutal experience... and every now and then I flash back to those moments.. and I truly realize that none of it was my fault. I didn't deserve that treatment. I didn't ask for it. But I'm not a victim anymore, I'm a survivor and I was made stronger for the experience.
IC patients are often very familiar with these emotions. Whether it's a family member, friend or employer, we have also had people treat us very badly because they didn't understand or believe in IC. And, again, this isn't your fault. This says nothing about you as a person.. and it says everything about the individual who is hurting you.
And, I want to remind you that you, too, can stand up, be strong and say "I don't deserve to be treated this way" and then walk away. I know that sounds simple.. and perhaps trite... but it is true. When we look at ourselves in the mirror and say to ourselves "I am a good person. I deserve better than this".. we can change our future for the better.
I will never EVER allow myself to be treated that way again.
Just a thought or two!
Jill
When I was in college at UCSB, I taught tennis for two summers for the alumni association. My boss at the time was unbelievably cruel. He was an arrogant, cocky man who had clear favorites and if you weren't one, he enjoyed insulting and humiliating you. I, sadly, was not one of his favorites though I certainly tried to be. Like most college students, I wanted to fit in and I wanted to be liked.. but it was not to be. Over the course of two years, his abuse was so overt that when fellow employees saw it happen, they looked at me with sadness and horror. My response was usually just to shrug and turn away in embarassment.
And I took it. For two summers... I allowed myself to be emotionally abused because I didn't know how to stand up for myself. I didn't know that I could walk away. I didn't know that I could stand up and say "I deserve better than this." Finally, on one last fateful day, he humiliated me in front of the entire staff and, at that moment, I just stood quietly up and walked out of the room never to return.
Yes, I admit that I cried for hours. I asked god "What did I do to deserve this?" Other staff were worried about me and came to find me.. and when I asked them "what did I do?".. they didn't know either. I asked one to go ask him what I had done, and when she returned with his answer, I was stunned. "He said he just didn't like you... and that he didn't like you from the day that he had hired you." huh?? Why would he hire me if he didn't like me?
Well, that answer emerged shortly later. From what I could gather, he and my cousin were professional rivals. I think that he hired me and tormented me as an indirect way of getting even. I realize, now, that I was probably a pawn in a larger game of politics.
But, to an innocent teenager, it was a brutal experience... and every now and then I flash back to those moments.. and I truly realize that none of it was my fault. I didn't deserve that treatment. I didn't ask for it. But I'm not a victim anymore, I'm a survivor and I was made stronger for the experience.
IC patients are often very familiar with these emotions. Whether it's a family member, friend or employer, we have also had people treat us very badly because they didn't understand or believe in IC. And, again, this isn't your fault. This says nothing about you as a person.. and it says everything about the individual who is hurting you.
And, I want to remind you that you, too, can stand up, be strong and say "I don't deserve to be treated this way" and then walk away. I know that sounds simple.. and perhaps trite... but it is true. When we look at ourselves in the mirror and say to ourselves "I am a good person. I deserve better than this".. we can change our future for the better.
I will never EVER allow myself to be treated that way again.
Just a thought or two!
Jill