Deeply depressed.

[Hannah13]

I've been deeply depressed for several days since I had a 9 hour flare on the 11th and have been flaring daily since. Every time I even begin to experience some slight normalcy it goes out the window for a period of weeks sometimes months. I can't eat, drink or even make love like a normal person and the toll it's taking on me is beyond description. Yes, I'm seeing a therapist and I'm fortunate to have Dr. Moldwin for my doctor but this disease has stolen all the joy from my life and I don't know how to get it back. I'm just forcing myself through the motions every day and it's a miserable existence. I guess I'm venting here in hopes of being heard by someone who gets it.

Love, H.

[kylie]

I totally get it. Though reading what others are going through on here makes me wonder if I even have the right to be miserable. Mine is very mild compared to you all. But I have been where you are. Before I got diagnosed, (and it took them about a year to do so) I was feeling like you are now. I wish I could help, that there was some magic potion I could give you, but I'm unable to do so. and even treatment is so tricky cuz what works for some doesn't for others. I hope your day is looking up. Hugs

[blazer 55]

I know how you feel and I am glad you have shared your feelings. IC has got to be the most frustrating, irritating and depressing disease. And I do call it a disease because none of us will ever be completely rid of it until there is a cure. I too have days that I want to just sit and cry and scream and stomp my feet. My IC had been in remmisson for about a year when in Feb. of this year it made up for all the good times! That stupid flare lasted for 4 months and trully I thought I was going crazy. Just when I thought I was out of the woods, WHAMMO, I was flaring into outer space. I just kept telling myself, "this too shall pass." And even though my bladder is still fragile, the flare has eased off and I am having a few days now that seem to be normal. (Of course, normal for ICers means you still have to be bladder friendly.)

Try really sticking to the IC diet and take your meds faithfully. If they aren't working, call your doctor. There is always something you haven't tried and maybe that will be the answer. Meanwhile, take long warm baths to sooth your bladder. Close your eyes, take deep breaths and exhale slowly all the while visualizing that the flare and all it's symptoms are leaving your body. I know this sounds dumb, but really letting the mind take control will enable you to relax. And we all know letting go of the stress sometimes is the answer we are looking for when all else fails. Besides, trying it can't hurt!

I think just taking the time to vent on the ICN might give you some relief. Sometimes a response from someone who lives your pain eases your pain.

[Hannah13]

Thank you. I think I'm finally letting myself be human. I can't be the queen of positive thinking. I'm permitted anger and depression. I just hope I come out intact on the other side.

[blazer 55]

Hey Hannah, you sound like me. I've always prided myself as being a survivor. Three years ago before being diagnoised with IC, I would have never believed anyone if they told me I would be the one that family and friends worried about. Taking care of people, being positive and fixing things was my job. It just goes to show how IC impacts our lives. But you know what, I still believe deep down in my heart that there's a reason for every thing that happens to us. And trust me, I have days I feel hopeless. But I guess getting IC was meant to be. I just haven't discovered why yet. Hang in there.

[Hannah13]

Hey Hannah, you sound like me. I've always prided myself as being a survivor. Three years ago before being diagnoised with IC, I would have never believed anyone if they told me I would be the one that family and friends worried about. Taking care of people, being positive and fixing things was my job. It just goes to show how IC impacts our lives. But you know what, I still believe deep down in my heart that there's a reason for every thing that happens to us. And trust me, I have days I feel hopeless. But I guess getting IC was meant to be. I just haven't discovered why yet. Hang in there.

I'm just trying to get by 1 hour at a time.

[CherylSLP]

It gets to me from time to time, sometimes causing some depression. Lately the emotion has been angry.

But I did also want to pop in here to say go get checked for a UTI. Always good when having a flare that bad.

[tigger_gal]

Hannah have tou tried and anti depressents? IC is hard but you can get through this.

[Hannah13]

I don't think more drugs is a good idea at this stage and my therapist says the situation in situational rather than chemical so no. No point in our opinion.

[tigger_gal]

I asked because many of that gals on here have great success with Elavil for pain.
Good luck Dear, You should give it a should, nothing but a failure beats a try ;)

[Hannah13]

Sadly I can only use elevil in a dire flare otherwise it causes retention. I agree it's a great drug for a lot of people.

[blazer 55]

Hannah, you sound so down my heart just breaks for you. I know that there is little comfort in all of us telling you we've been there. And we want to help you by suggesting things that have worked for us. Not surprisingly however sometimes our suggestions do work better than what a doctor prescribes. But, I think in this situation you should call your Uro or at least your primary physician. Even if it means getting a referrel to another doctor that is more sympathetic to IC treatments. And sometimes it isn't all about IC. You could have something else that has developed the doctors are unaware of since you were first treated. Whether it is pain or a sense of despair, you deserve the right to be diagnoised again. Please keep posting. I'm worried about you. Prayers.....

[Eastshield]

I know they're really, REALLY yucky, but have you had a DMSO treatment or "rescue" treatments? They help me a lot...at least for about a year.

[sully02]

Hannah,

I understand what you are going through. I know we all understand too.

2 days ago I had a major meltdown and had to just cry. I am trying to live like I am normal right now. My sister is visitiing and I am watching my 2 grand daughters for a week. I can't keep up!! I am in a constant flare and I have vulvodynia that is itching constantly. I too feel depressed but have recently (about 4 months ago) weaned off my anti depressants because of all the pills I am already taking. Some days I feel I just can't go on this way. I feel like IC will not kill me but it sure is stealing my life. I am not what I used to be!

You are right in the fact that you are searching this board for answers and support. I can't give you answers but I can support you and let you know that you are not alone in this horrible disease we share. I GET IT! It is so hard when people close to us just do not get it but then how can they when they don't have it?

I am sending you peace and wishes for a pain free day that becomes a week that becomes a year :-))

sully

[Hannah13]

Thank you Sully you are very kind and strong I think, to reach out the way you have. My big project these days is not to think of myself as a victim. Some days this works better than others. It's an ongoing process.
Love, H.