Question about dealing with IC

[Abby26]

I'm new to IC and started the IC Diet about a month ago. What do you do when your invited to a bbq, or when your asked out to dinner with friends and you just can't eat whats being served? I'm not the kind of person that likes to tell people my medical problems so I feel rude when I tell people I don't want anything to eat.

This IC problem has really thrown my life in a tizzy which I'm sure it has for everyone on here. I used to go out with friends and drink on the weekends, have Sunday dinners with the family (including all "caution" foods like tomatoes, vinegars, etc) now I can't do any of that. I don't go out with friends anymore. Life has gotten very depressing, I just sit home and worry about my disease. I think the worst for my future. Ok, done feeling sorry for myself.

My question is basically, how do you deal with telling people you can't eat, drink foods the serve? I feel rude when I go to a birthday party or something and don't eat anything.

[needsrelief]

Alot of people are taking Prelief with meals. It is very popular with people with IC cause it takes acid out of the foods you eat. You can get it at your drugstore. I have some of my own. It works pretty well but it doesnt work for every single thing. I love citrus drinks and fruits and also spicy foods which are a common irritant and I take 3 prelief before eating and It works fine. You can also just tell your friends that you have a bladder condition that causes you pain when you eat foods in certain categories. im sure they will understand

[statesboro]

I just want to give you a welcome first of all. I have got some Prelief as well. You have found a place, the message boards, where we do understand. A chronic illness can definitely change your life. (and suck, too) Of course, many IC'ers are not doing all too bad and find that they can do and/or eat things that they could not at first. I am a male that was diagnosed back in 1997. OK. I felt lost at first.(and less information out about IC back then) Sitting at home worrying about the IC and what your future will be like won't help any. (although you probably are not the only one) Besides, I have been at my job longer than I have had IC. Of course, we are all different in ages,gender, symptoms, and medications. Yep! You might just have to mention that you have got a medical condition that won't allow you to eat certian things. That is not being rude, but you will be honest. Maybe there will be something that you can eat. (or eat before or after somewhere else) If possibly,you may find out what will be served ahead of time.(or you may know) OK. You may have to fix something especially for you.(or stay away)(make up excuses like some have done) By the way, I can't find Prelief all over. I go to Walgreens. Ok. That will be all now.

[keydawn]

I've had IC for almost 2 years now, and I can tell you it will get easier. As you learn your triggers you will also learn what things you may be able to tolerate, which will give you a wider selection of foods. Where I work, we often have pot-lucks and in the beginning, I found myself eating beforehand and then nibbling the few breads and things that I knew were okay. With time, my symptoms have improved significantly, but I've also learned what I can eat that is not a problem for me, even at gatherings. From time to time at these work things, I've also put a few things on my plate that I had to intention of actually eating, just to make it less obvious that I have restrictions.

I've found that, by and large, people are understanding if you tell them you have a medical condition that limits your diet. I've also discovered people at my work that have limitations on their diets from other medical issues (would have never known had I not had my own limitations). I know it's hard to believe now, but things will improve, you will feel better, and most likely your diet options will also expand as you find the right treatment for you (given enough time for the treatment to work of course).

Also, I do use prelief when unsure how something may affect me. For me it's not a cure-all, but it does give me more options. I hope this has been helpful.

Kelley

[c2miracle]

:welcome: Abby26! This dilemma has come up a few times on these boards. One of our fellow ICers said she tells people that she has certain food allergies. That seems to work. If they ask more questions she may elaborate.
It will get better. :smile tee
For me even though I was diagnosed over two years ago it is still "trial & error" with foods. Don't feel if you are being rude. Just try the "food allergies" comment and see what happens!
Think positive!:smile tee

[wagamama]

I tell people that I have a medical condition I have to manage in part with a very strict diet. (I don't like to use the "allergies" explanation because I think people are getting food allergy fatigue.) I think there is more of an awareness these days of how food affects how you feel. My mother doesn't have IC, but she has IBS that is triggered by wheat and dairy.

I have had both positive and negative reactions to the diet restrictions. The most negative was from my sister (oddly enough) who complained that she couldn't keep track of what my mother and I can eat, so we just had to bring our own food to her house for dinner. O-kay.

The other end of the spectrum - my friend invited me to a BBQ and asked what I could eat. I explained it simply enough, but she went a step further and actually found the IC diet PDF online. She took it with her when she went shopping and read the labels to make sure nothing she bought had any problem ingredients. Now that's a true friend.

Here's some other suggestions:

Potluck - bring an IC-friendly dish that everyone can enjoy.

"Make mine plain" - I ask that my host just season my meat, etc. with salt, pepper and garlic and then prepare everyone else's meals as they normally would. Works well for hamburgers, steaks, and grilled chicken and fish, and it really doesn't take any more effort.

Make your own (fill in the blank) - I recently did a sundae bar for a family get-together that included IC-friendly and non IC-friendly ice cream and toppings. Everyone got what they wanted and no one felt left out. I think that would work for tacos, sandwiches, what have you.

And if all else fails, use the Scarlett O'Hara approach - eat before the event.

[wagamama]

Abby26,

You know, I should have added that I have made the effort to find a couple of local restaurants where I know I can get an IC-friendly meal. Eating is such a social activity, and it makes me sad to think of you sitting home feeling deprived. (Just pack some Prelief in your purse, tho!)

I think a grill or steak house is the best option. You can ask for a simply seasoned steak, a baked potato, and some steamed veggies. (I always ask about marinades, etc. I mean, one local place uses a viniagrette dressing - in mashed sweet potatoes of all things!)

I know a lot of people who have made the effort to get to know the owners/managers of a couple of local restaurants and talk to them about the diet. You get a hassle-free meal, they get a regular patron. Win-win all around.

Lori

[CherylSLP]

Funny enough, I just posted something similar as I had just told my church small group about some restrictions. Which was hard for me to do.

I second what others have said about Prelief, it really does help. It can also help to eat beforehand or bring a large dishes you can eat.

To be honest though, I think that it can be helpful to be upfront with people you are close to, although all the details are not necessary. I have no problem saying its IC and even explaining it but it is understandable not everyone is comfortable with that. Medical reasons for diet is usually enough. Think about diabetics, they have a whole ton of food on their no list. And that is perfectly normal and no one would think they are being rude. But I too do worry about being rude.

For friends I normally eat out often with I have let them know there are certain foods I just can't eat some of the time (some days are better than others), like say, Italian. But to be honest, I have been able to find an IC friendly meal most places (I have mild-moderate restrictions). Chinese can be tough because of the MSG (some places will not add it) but other than that I can find something to eat, even if not my favorite. My close friends typically let me pick where we eat (or suggest a few choices for them) since they know that I have these issues. With larger groups this is of course, harder. But one girl I work with just hates Mexican, and has no bones telling us, so when she comes we just come up with something not Mexican and no one thinks twice about it. And for her, its just preference.

A real friend will walk with you through this journey. They may have trouble adjusting (as we do to our own disorder) , they may say the wrong thing, they may sometimes be insensitive, but in the end, they are there. And they will be ok with less restaurant options, and you leaving the table more than they do at dinner to use the bathroom, and stopping their car so you can use the bathroom 10 minutes after you left the restaurant. Chronic illness has a way of sorting the wheat from the chaff, but the real friends I am sure are already there. Let them be your friend, and work with you.

[Nal]

Im just starting this lovely diet myself. Yuck! Lol. It doesn't help that my fiancee is a chef and loves to use seasoings, marinades, you name it! Were both working on it. I was crying again today. Miserable that I couldn't tolerate life anymore. Its so depressing. However, my kids made me go out-we went to the park. I was tired (all these stupid, stupid drugs), depressed, uncomfortable but I went and I am glad I did!

Dont shy away from the bbq's and parties and such. Go and try to enjoy yourself! Try not to focus so much on the food but on the companionship instead. Hope you get to feeling better!

Nancy