Husbands Worry Too!

[icnmgrjill]

Here's quite a nice column from Jon Carroll, columnist for the San Francisco Examiner, who shares what was going through his mind when his wife was having surgery that had unexpected complications. It's good insight into how the men in our lives might be feeling as we struggle with hospital visits.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/01/20/DDK31BJSD2.DTL

Jill O.

[Bekah79]

This a very thought provoking article. Often times men are not very open about these things. My husband is not very open about sharing his worries but I can usually tell when he is worried about me. Us women need to keep this article in mind when think our men our being insensitive to our pain and concerns. They may very well be worried and not expressing it. Thanks Jill, for sharing sharing this article with us.

[bjwright]

I've seen my lady go through a lot and so have many of you. I've seen her in pain, but I'm here to tell you, she's better than ever, but the days of pain hurt me, but they didn't make me want her in my life any less.

Guys tend to want to "fix" everything and it's hard to learn to be patient for the pain to leave. I've learned what she likes if she doesn't feel well-- lots of milk, I love yous and to be held.

Thankfully, she's in a great place right now, the beast is under control, her diet not very limited at all and I hear every day what it meant to her that I stayed w/her pain and all. She was in a lot of pain when we met 4 years ago, but to see her so much better now......I can't even tell you how great that is. :woohoo:

[ICNDonna]

When I had my neck surgery earlier this month, my surgery was delayed due to an emergency in another patient. I knew I'd be in surgery at least 90 minutes and we had already been there for hours and hours --- I suggested to my husband that he go home and get some rest --- he said he'd rather stay and he was beside me when I went to surgery and almost four hours later was beside me when I fully woke up in my room.

Donna

[sailawaygrl]

My husband is very quiet about my IC. He listens to me and is at every Dr appointment. Is there when I go for tests or operations. I never know just how much it all affects him until emotions are running high and usually I am crying about how my whole life has changed and he will cry some too and tell me that his has changed as well. I know that doesn't mean he is going anywhere, I know when he tells me that, it means it hurts him too.

Men do handle things differently than we do, the article is good at making that clear.

Sandra

[Zygala87]

I learned a long time ago when my Mother died at the young age of 42 that each and every person is affected by ill health in any family. Each of us dealt with it in a different way. To think we are the only ones who understands is not correct as each of my family members talk about it to this day almost 50 years later and have shared their feelings and what they were feeling while going through that horror. All I could think about was how to survive and care for the younger ones. I never though about letting them vent or validate their feelings and fear. I was in my teens and dumb as a rock. We made it and are very close to this day but it would have helped us all to talk about it and share our feelings at the time. Today we turn to each other for every support with every hurt and problem. Women know when we have the support of our loved ones even if unsaid. My Gram would say talk is cheap, actions mean everything. How true that is. My Dear Husband's actions tells me he is in as much pain as I when the chips are down. What more could I ask for, how Blessed I am and I know it. Hugs, Ziggy

[Scarlet776]

I've read so many posts over the years about how helpful and supportive many husbands have been and I find these stories so heart-warming. As a single person with many health problems I often wonder if I should just stay single rather than be a partner who is sick all the time. On the other hand I don't want to grow old alone. I just don't know what to do, but I guess time will tell.
Sorry to vent, but I'm just getting so frustrated with feeling sick and exhausted all the time. Even had a bout of IBS this evening, besides my IC flare and anxiety/depression. It all just gets to be too much sometimes.
Hoping for a much better day tomorrow.
Scarlet776