Bromwynn
11-27-2009, 10:51 AM
I was just thinking last night about how much pain and hell we do have, then on top all the crap we get from others who judge us when we do things to take care of ourselves. Tina, and lots others, your posts have been on my mind alot. especially how we feel attacked and have to excuse ourselves for the meds we take or put up with the excuses people give us when they judge us without understanding us. I wrote this last night before reading any posts, and the timing seems to hit a big chord to me, so I thought I'd share this and hope that you guys like it. thanks for giving this a second to read and big hugs to you all this weekend.
bromwynn
the bottle and me.
I look at the bottle of medicene, it's that time of night
the house is silent, my children and husband asleep, where I should be too.
Instead I'm staring at the bottle that sits high up on its' shelf. I'm afraid again.
I hate taking them. But I hate being alone with the pain worse. I war within myself:
do I take them or try to put off the pain longer? I try to do the relaxation breathing,
I try to mediate,I try to imagine myself in a "happy place" somewhere warm and
beautiful, the breeze teasing my hair as I walk hand in hand with my love, and listen
to the laughter of our children echo back to us. I try so hard.
If you only knew how I hate having to take this and every other medience this disease
calls for. I don't want them, I want to live without it all. In my head I know, take the
pill and take care of myself, I need my strength for tomorrow. Take it and take care of me.
Only I know others think otherwise, that I take it for uses I can't fathom chaining myself to.
They think its all for attention, for sympathy,for the excuse.
Let them think it.
I wouldn't curse anyone with this. I wouldn't condemn them for only doing what they have to,
to live with, to survive.
So I stare at the pill that's in my hand now. I'll take my medicene and stay strong, stay on top
of this. I will get through this night, this moment. I will stand tall and unflinching when they make
their claims. I know the truth, and I don't have to excuse myself for anything.
bromwynn
the bottle and me.
I look at the bottle of medicene, it's that time of night
the house is silent, my children and husband asleep, where I should be too.
Instead I'm staring at the bottle that sits high up on its' shelf. I'm afraid again.
I hate taking them. But I hate being alone with the pain worse. I war within myself:
do I take them or try to put off the pain longer? I try to do the relaxation breathing,
I try to mediate,I try to imagine myself in a "happy place" somewhere warm and
beautiful, the breeze teasing my hair as I walk hand in hand with my love, and listen
to the laughter of our children echo back to us. I try so hard.
If you only knew how I hate having to take this and every other medience this disease
calls for. I don't want them, I want to live without it all. In my head I know, take the
pill and take care of myself, I need my strength for tomorrow. Take it and take care of me.
Only I know others think otherwise, that I take it for uses I can't fathom chaining myself to.
They think its all for attention, for sympathy,for the excuse.
Let them think it.
I wouldn't curse anyone with this. I wouldn't condemn them for only doing what they have to,
to live with, to survive.
So I stare at the pill that's in my hand now. I'll take my medicene and stay strong, stay on top
of this. I will get through this night, this moment. I will stand tall and unflinching when they make
their claims. I know the truth, and I don't have to excuse myself for anything.