Has a friend ever done this?

[luvsterriers]

Have you ever made plans with someone, and you are waiting for that person to show up, and they don't call or email you? I think it's wrong when people do that. I remember when I waited for a date in the pouring cold rain for a long time. I was 22. I had a cell phone too. He never called me and never emailed me even though he said he did. What a liar! My voice was on my cell phone voice mail at that time. I went home very hurt and checked my emails, and I didn't get nothing from him. He never apologized either. In fact he wasn't a great person anyways. He looked down on people who were enlisted in the military and thought that they were low life. He was a 2 LT (O2) in the Army. His dad was a 1 star General, and he thought that my dad was low life because dad retired as a LT Colonel. So what! But basically the point is when you have plans to meet a date, a girlfriend, a boyfriend or a friend, and things happen then call or email that person instead of standing them up. I had to completely stop a 7 year old friendship. I will never be taken advantage of again!! Being learning disabled, I get taken advantage of by people more. This person has done this several times, but I forgave her. I had pneumonia a long time ago, and I was supposed to meet up with a friend, but I called her the night before and I told her I couldn't meet with her because I was ill. So at least I had the common sense thing by calling up the person to let her know that I have to cancel on plans.

[ICNDonna]

I suggest you send this person a message asking if there was a good reason for not keeping the appointment. You will want to be sure there was no car trouble, accident, etc., before dropping the person.

Hugs,
Donna

[luvsterriers]

I did txt message them and she responded back by saying she was in bed all day. This has happened before, different excuses each time. Had to take parents to grocery store at midnight. Had to take my niece out to go shopping. I stopped counting the excuses. I guess I just let this person use me non stop. Don't know why people do this to others. They seem to be all excited when having plans, then I get stood up. It's like being used.

[ICNDonna]

You might telephone this friend before you go to meet her --- just tell her you're calling to confirm. That way you'll find out for sure and if she doesn't have a reason, you at least will know for sure and you can expend your energies on other people.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[vm]

I had a friend do that to me a few years ago. I was very hurt - and VERY angry. She completely blew me off and then had some lame excuse.

I confronted her assertively, but not aggressively, told her how it made me feel (unimportant, that her time was more valuable than mine, etc.) and asked that in the future if she makes other plans to please call and let me know rather than just flaking out on me. It's never happened again.

[luvsterriers]

I would think people in their 30s or 40s even would know better. But I guess even adults can have no common sense. I have told this person several times if something happened to please let me know in advance! It's rude having the other person wait and wait. I did email this person to let her know her behavior was hurtful. She hasn't responded. So I am going to just move on. There are better people out there. :)

[LithEruiel]

Anna, I'm so glad to see you posting again!

Yes, I've had that happen to me. It happened a lot with an ex of mine...he just was not a considerate person...at all.

I know what you mean though...you can tell when the excuses are fake or real. I think with my (former) friends they'd make plans with me without checking with their family what was going on first and then have to cancel at the last minute because they had to do a family thing - I'd understand if it was once in awhile, but it was all the time.

And even if your friend was ill she could still text message you...it doesn't take a lot of effort.

I cut a lot of people off because I was sick of this stuff constantly or because they wouldn't call me or e-mail back, just no communication for months until they felt like it. It's a lot less stress on me to not have to deal with it.

[luvsterriers]

Oh and another thing I hate is this...This has happened so many times.
A co worker had a mother cat and it gave birth to 6 kittens. She was going to keep one and give the rest out to friends, family, etc. So I know this person whose friend wanted a kitten. So I told this person about my co worker's cat giving birth and that the kittens will be ready to go into new homes around 12 weeks of age. So the person was very happy to tell her friend about these kittens. The friend was interested. Well weeks go by, and I don't hear a word. I asked that person if her friend is still interested in the kittens. Then she says that she's sorry that her friend already got a kitten. She never told me this earlier to begin with. I'm no longer going to be nice to others like this and get stabbed in the back! If she got a kitten, instead of me thinking that her friend wanted one, at least have the common sense and let me know. DUH!

[LithEruiel]

That is inconsiderate - my godmother has many (MANY) cats that's she's trying to find homes for, so when someone is interested and backs out it's very disappointing. She should have let you know she got a cat so you could tell your coworker.

[luvsterriers]

I know! I would think once people get OLDER they would know better. But it doesn't matter! Teens, Adults, are so inconsiderate!

I forgot another thing to mention. A friend invites you to go shopping, but brings another person that you don't know that well. So the 3 of you are out shopping, but you are ignored. WHY??! Why bother inviting me if you are going to ignore me? It makes no sense at all! I wonder if they have a screw loose or just plain dumb.

[ICNDonna]

:grouphug: Sometimes it's very difficult to cope with other people. One thing I have found that helps me a lot is to look for something good in everyone I know and everyone I meet. I'll have to say that sometimes it's very hard to find anything, but so far I've been able to.

Before I retired, when I was having a very stressful time at work (lots of the time), the way I would cope was to look for something beautiful on my way to work --- sometimes it was a deer in a field, other times the sunrise or a distant peek at a snow-covered mountain. It made the drive to work nicer and helped lower my stress level.

I hope this helps.

Sending encouraging hugs,
Donna

[LithEruiel]

Anna, I've definitely had that happen too. I'm pretty reserved and laid back, so I feel ignored a lot just because I'm not loud and constantly talking - it's just not in my personality to draw attention I guess. I'm not really explaining it that well...I don't know how to explain it, but it's always bothered me. A lot of people think I'm shy, but I'm really not. I like to listen and not interrupt people to say what I want to say and I don't yammer on about nothing if I don't have anything to say - if I have nothing to say, I don't say anything! If I do have something to say, I'll say it, but a lot of the time people think I'm weird...

Those are great ideas, Donna. My school is in a hospital where my mom used to work and it's in my old neighbourhood, so I like to drive around (even though the neighbourhood had gone downhill) and walk around the building. I think it helps that it's such a familiar place so I can think about good memories there when something is bothering me.

[luvsterriers]

At least I have a dog at home. He's way better than anyone I thought were my friends. Some ways I think dogs are better than people. :smile tee

That "friend" never did apologize or respond to my emails. Oh well.

[LithEruiel]

Yeah, I have cats and I think that all the time :)

[Zygala87]

Of course many people feel this way about their pets. Pets love unconditionally no matter what. They are easy & safe. Having friends and family are so much different. Being human we are very complicated and it takes much understanding and patience to deal with fellow humans. Having a comfortable relationship with them takes much work. We have many imperfections unlike pets. My opinion: It is worth the effort. Nothing to me is more important then family and friends. I forgive until their behavior becomes deeply uncomfortable for my life. I just cut bait and go on. Friends have been a great blessing in my life. Not one was perfect. I am not perfect. My relationship with my pets are easy, too easy. My friends are much harder but worth the effort. I had a family member who totally loved his cats and dogs even a chicken! But that person would hurt a family member & friends, if they hardly knew him, in one second flat. He never trusted people even his wife & kids. Very sad for him and a great lost to him. I don't know what happened in his life to make him the way he was. Some great hurt? Forgive your friends and family like we do when out pet pees on a carpet. There must have been some reason but we just do not know what it was. Life is short, enjoy. Keep what is good and let go what is bad. A good friend will not bail us out of jail, they will be there beside us wondering what the he** happened. Hugs to all, Ziggy

[CaliAnn]

That has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves ever! I run into this not so much in my personal life, but my professional one. I have my own business and customers do this to me all the time. With some customers I just have to put up with it, but it practically kills me to do so. I have dropped customers because of this - and have bitten my tongue so many times on other customers that are too valuable and that I have to put up with it.... arghhhh....

[luvsterriers]

That so called "friend" text messaged me on my cell saying what I was up to. Never apologized at all. This person is older than me. Early 40s. I guess some people just never learn. Standing people up is so wrong and rude! Oh well. Sometimes it can take a long time to figure out if a person is a good friend. I rather be alone than have a friend who hurts me.

[LithEruiel]

Yep, I agree with you. I'm happier without having any friends than constantly being hurt.

[Diamic65]

I have had this done to me and I'm in my 40s. It dose not matter what age they are. There are just plain rude people in this world and all they care about is themselves. Matter of speaking my own Son done this to me. KIDS Haha. I have a small dog and sometimes I think he is the only one that cares.:smile tee

DIAMIC65

[luvsterriers]

Dogs are so much better than people. They don't lie, they don't steal, they dont' cheat. :smile tee

[Diamic65]

How true you are. I have a MIni Schnauzer he is sweet. He is my baby. He knows when I'm sick or if I'm having a really bad time. he will be 10 yrs next April.

DIAMIC65:puppy:

[luvsterriers]

Dogs r great. I have a Westie and he will be 5 in November.

[LithEruiel]

My cats are the same way. They know when I'm sick. I raised two of them since they were two weeks old, so I'm mommy to them. They don't care that I have IC and everything else I have...