living in a new country and feeling very down on life...

[Kristen.R]

Hey Everyone,

This is my first time posting on the forum. I am 25 years old and was diagnosed with IC when I was 19. Up until recently my only form of treatment has been diet modification. I am now trying Cystoprotek and have only been on it less than a month so I cannot tell if it is working yet.

Anyways, I just moved to South Korea a few weeks ago to teach English for the year and I am feeling very alone, tired and depressed. I have always found the diet extremely restrictive and hard to follow, especially when going out for dinner and especially now, being in a country where spicy, msg laden food is the norm. Since eating out is virtually impossible unless I order rice (I am also on a gluten free diet because of an intolerance) I am feeling very socially isolated and scared that people are going to think I am strange. I try to explain the condition and its connection to food but most people don't truly understand what it is all about and what happens when I eat a trigger food.

I have also recently decided to try to drastically reduce alcohol consumption and am trying to only drink once a month. However, drinking is very popular in Korea and it is a way for the teachers to bond, especially since we are all in our 20s. For the past 7 years I have drank alcohol despite the flares that ensued afterwards. I just wasn't willing to give up the social act of going out drinking/partying with friends. I am feeling very depressed about not being able to drink here and I don't really enjoy bars when I am not drinking, I tend to get tired and want to go home. I am also a pretty shy person so alcohol has always loosened me up a little and allow me to bond with people a bit more than I would sober. I just feel like I am a walking zombie. Since the beginning of high school and maybe before I have experienced a mild depression, and it only seems to be getting worse. I feel like a shell of a person. I feel like I have no personality..like I am not fun and like I have nothing to offer. I just feel so depleted on every level and just want to curl up in a ball and be left alone.

I am sorry this is so long but I honestly feel like no one understands what it is like to live with IC unless they have it. I would appreciate any feedback or words of support, encouragement...anything!

xo

Kristen

[Skynard]

Kristen - I am sorry you are suffering! Can you look at the IC diet again with a fresh perspective and see if there is anyway you can stick to it? On the alcohol, you might have to tell people you have an allergy to it - I have an friend that has a gluten intolerance and alcohol is a huge NO! I am sure you are a great person without it anyway!! I wish you well on your journey.

God Bless.

[leelee88]

Sorry you are suffering. I agree about giving the IC diet another look.. And I know you want to drink.. but honestly by doing that you are not helping your bladder..Also is there any Dr you can see there.. You might need a mild antidepressant.. A lot of people with IC have to take these.. Good luck..Hugs

[Kristen.R]

Thank you Skynard and leelee88 for your replies :) It is good to know that I can talk to people going through the same thing. When I was at home in Canada I learned to live with the diet pretty well. The challenge is being in country where I don't know the language making it hard to communicate my needs in restaurants and I can't read food labels. I have found some things I can eat, it's just pretty boring. The drinking thing is probably one of the hardest adjustments because of my age and where I am living, but I know it is best for my bladder not to drink. I don't think I can see a doctor here, especially when it comes to antidepressants because mental illness is not accepted in Korea. Anyways, thank you again for the words of wisdom and encouragement!

xo
Kristen

[musiclover]

As you are in Korea longer, you may find more and more foods that you can tolerate. That may make it easier to go out sometimes. You probably are in a little bit of culture shock right now, too and that may be adding to your depression. I get that for a while when I travel, but as I get used to my surroundings, things usually start to feel better. Hang in there! :grouphug:

[Tuckers]

Hi Kristen,
Just read your thread and totally understand where you are coming from. I'm 29 and was diagnosed with IC when I was 21. Am also a teacher and spent the last year teaching abroad in the Caribbean so I know what it is like to try and cope with being in a totally new country, with a new job and IC!

I also found alcohol a major problem because of course all the new teachers were going out drinking and getting to know eachother. Like you, having a drink made me feel more confident and fun, but it was a real shock for my bladder and I'd have to spend the whole night running back and forth to the toilet. At first I didn't have a car and had to rely on other people driving me home and I would get really nervous about needing to stop and lasting the journey home.

There's no easy solution but here's some of the things that helped me:

- Remember that everyone is new and nervous and wanting to make friends. As you get to know people a bit more you won't need to drink so much to feel relaxed in their company and people will like you for YOU. In fact, the best friends I made weren't my drinking buddies, but the people I spent quiet nights with chatting and doing other things.

- If you are in a situation where you can't avoid alcohol, try and opt for something that isn't too strong/acidic. I find tonic as a mixer is better than coke or orange juice. Also, drink a glass of water alongside your drink...you'll drink the alcohol more slowly and it will help dilute it. If you feel embarassed turning drinks down, just take it and then either give it to someone else or leave it!

- Remember that everything is new and not having familiar surroundings and people is stressful and unsettling for anyone, let alone when you have a condition like IC. Slowly though you will start to find a routine and it will become easier to manage your IC. You might even feel comfortable enough with someone to tell them about your IC so you have an ally when you are out with a group or you need someone to cover for you at school.

- Finally, just remember that despite having IC you have gone to another country, you're on an amazing adventure and you're putting yourself out there - you are SO BRAVE!! Most people without IC wouldn't have the guts to do something like that, so just give yourself credit for following your dreams and not letting the condition stop you.

Keep your chin up and just remember how amazing you are to be doing what you're doing!

Tuckers xxx

[Kristen.R]

Hi Tuckers,

Thank you so very much for your post. I truly feel like you understand what I am going through and that means the world to me right now. When I was reading your post I got the feeling that I am going to be okay. I am starting to settle into a routine and am finding more food at the grocery store that I can prepare. You gave some great tips for the drinking, which will probably be one of the ongoing struggles here. I am hoping to eventually be able to give up drinking, but for now I am just going to have a couple of drinks maybe once a month until I am ready to let it go completely. And drinking water alongside the alcohol is something I will do.

Thank you again for your reply, I think that whenever I am feeling down I will go back to your post and read through it again just to know that I am not alone and someone has made it through the same type of experience.

Sincerely,

Kristen

[luvsterriers]

I am half Korean so there are a lot of foods I have to avoid. When I do dine out I ask no spices. Some restaurants have no MSG served in their meals. There are mild soups too. I don't know if you had it yet, but it comes with seaweed and some people put in clams. I have it without soy sauce.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miyeok_guk

There is also beef that the waitress/waiter cooks in front of you. You can get the beef unmarinated too and u put some slices of it with rice and lettuce.

Fried rice is good too without the added red pepper sauce. Koreans LOVE to make things spicy. I don't and never did as a child.

There are side dishes too like bean sprouts that people make into soup. It's plain and IC friendly.

About the drinking part, it is so true! I don't drink at all because it totally irritates my bladder. I have had IC since I was 21 and I'm now 31. I also lived in Korea for 11 years.

There are plenty of Korean dishes out there that can be IC friendly. :)

[ICNDonna]

It's always easier to cook for yourself on the IC diet, but a foreign country where you don't know the language is a real challenge. If you know you can tolerate rice, then you don't need to explain to anyone why you are just eating rice --- you might say something like "I can't get enough of the rice the way it is cooked here." I don't know what to say to you about alcoholic beverages, other than to just say that you can't drink them. I have a nephew who is alcoholic (He's been "dry" for many years now) and he said that the toughest part of his recovery was being with people who were drinking without taking a drink. You might try ordering bottled water so you can socialize without a flare to follow. If a group is driving somewhere, offer to be the "designated driver." There are many ways to avoid alcoholic beverages.

Warm encouraging hugs,
Donna

[jenjen05]

I now do what Donna is saying about alcohol. I'm just the kindest, most understanding person in the world for always being the designated driver :-) Aren't I a great friend? lol

And as far as drinking otherwise, just don't do it. It's not worth it. Just say you've developed a severe allergy. If they ask what, just shake your head and say it's hard to explain but you'd sure love a _____ if it wouldn't hurt ya and laugh it off. That's what I do in those cases.

[h808]

i know this is an old thread, but kristen, my heart goes out to you because i just recently canceled plans to go to korea to teach english because i feel like my whole life is being controlled by my bladder. it sucks. i really admire you for going over there anyway and not letting your ic hold you back. i wish i could be as brave as you. if you're still over there, i hope things have gotten easier for you. :pray: