sailawaygrl
08-10-2009, 09:44 AM
I had an appointment with the uro today, no problem. Except that his office is an hour and a half away and I am having a flare and also experiencing a lot of vaginal burning, which is new for me and mostly why I was going to see him, that and to get some refills on my meds. Usually someone is able to take me because the long ride alone is hard on me, not to mention what I am going through right now, but today there was nobody. My husband was working, my daughter had to be at work before we would be back.
So, I had prepared myself to do this alone. (please know that I have always been VERY independent, almost too independent) I went to bed early last night, had my GPS ready, just in case of any traffic delays, and with my brain these days, sometimes I just forget. I got up then answered a call from my hubby, my mom and told my daughter I was up when she came in to check on me. ( I am loved, no doubt). So I got ready, did an instill, packed my water with my freezer packs to keep them cold and set out on my way.
Not even three miles away I started to hurt and burn beyond belief, then panic set in and my whole body began to ache from tightening all my muscles. Then came the tears, I tried to keep pushing on, trying to calm myself, but all I could think of was that long drive there in pain and and even longer drive home in MORE pain-I called the Dr's office and the receptionist was at lunch so I left a message that I hope made sense and came back home.
I am so tired of feeling like a prisoner. Yesterday I mopped my bathroom floor, went to Walmart to pick up meds, as usual, came home, cooked dinner for the first time in months and then collapsed in my bed! I want my life back and sometimes I feel as if the meds are holding me back, then other times I just feel it is my own mind holding me back and then I just don't know.
At times I try the mind over matter approach and quickly find that IC, PFD, IBS, Fibro and CFS are all very real. Then I am just ANGRY!! What did I do to deserve this, what did any of us do to deserve this.
I feel so stuck right now, my hubby is working three jobs, I have had to apply for disability, my house is a mess. I spend my time alone, I know my husband is exhausted but he never complains. I wish I could do something, I am seeing a Psychologist to help me come to terms with all of this and learn to pace my days. I guess I need to ask for patience in my life, I know all this will take time.
I just wish I would I would have made have made it today,
Sandra
So, I had prepared myself to do this alone. (please know that I have always been VERY independent, almost too independent) I went to bed early last night, had my GPS ready, just in case of any traffic delays, and with my brain these days, sometimes I just forget. I got up then answered a call from my hubby, my mom and told my daughter I was up when she came in to check on me. ( I am loved, no doubt). So I got ready, did an instill, packed my water with my freezer packs to keep them cold and set out on my way.
Not even three miles away I started to hurt and burn beyond belief, then panic set in and my whole body began to ache from tightening all my muscles. Then came the tears, I tried to keep pushing on, trying to calm myself, but all I could think of was that long drive there in pain and and even longer drive home in MORE pain-I called the Dr's office and the receptionist was at lunch so I left a message that I hope made sense and came back home.
I am so tired of feeling like a prisoner. Yesterday I mopped my bathroom floor, went to Walmart to pick up meds, as usual, came home, cooked dinner for the first time in months and then collapsed in my bed! I want my life back and sometimes I feel as if the meds are holding me back, then other times I just feel it is my own mind holding me back and then I just don't know.
At times I try the mind over matter approach and quickly find that IC, PFD, IBS, Fibro and CFS are all very real. Then I am just ANGRY!! What did I do to deserve this, what did any of us do to deserve this.
I feel so stuck right now, my hubby is working three jobs, I have had to apply for disability, my house is a mess. I spend my time alone, I know my husband is exhausted but he never complains. I wish I could do something, I am seeing a Psychologist to help me come to terms with all of this and learn to pace my days. I guess I need to ask for patience in my life, I know all this will take time.
I just wish I would I would have made have made it today,
Sandra