Wedding gift question

[kadi]

Hi all,
I could use your advice on this.
I became friends with one of the women in a class I took at church 3 or 4 years ago. It was a lay counseling class & we all became very close over 9 months, with 3 hours of class every Sunday. After the class was over, she & I went out for lunch a few times a year. I've not seen her in at least a year & a half, as she became very busy with a masters degree program & a boyfriend. I just received a wedding invitation for her wedding next month.

I've been avoiding weddings & baby showers due to my own issues on those topics for several years now & don't have much extra money. I'm thinking to RSVP "no" & just sending a separate wedding card. Is it very rude to not send a gift?

This is probably the third party I've been invited to this summer for people I've not seen in several years. What's up with that? This can get expensive & feels weird.

[KarenAnne]

I would do one of two things. 1. I would send a lovely card with a nice note inside wishing my old friend much happiness & love, or 2. Lenox has these adorable ring holders for less than 20.00, & I would send that w/ a nice note. You do not have to give an excuse, just say, "I'm so sorry that I can not attend your wedding to_____, but I want to wish you....." I don't believe it is rude not to send a gift. I got married last year & did not expect gifts from the guests who could come to our wedding, so I certainly did not expect a gift from our loved ones who could not make it. Best of luck with your decision.

[ICNDonna]

In most instances a very nice card is sufficient --- I would include a nice note thanking her for thinking of you even though you won't be able to attend. I know it can get to the point that even if we only spend $10 or $20 for each event it can get expensive.

If she were someone closer to you, I would encourage you to try to attend, but I think in this instance it's fine for you to decline.

Huge hugs,
Donna

[Briza]

Hi Kadi
I am in the same boat as you when it comes to weddings, showers of any kind..that darn bio clock:evilsmile, as well as $ and health reasons (and for the last two I think ANY IC patient should be able to excuse themselves without even giving it a second thought or excuse) ... so unless they are for my very best of friends (and not just b/c they are family), I have come to terms with that I do not feel obligated to attend, make an excuse why I cannot atttend... nor do I feel I need to get a gift.

I think an RSVP checking off that you will not be able to attend requires no further explanation (and sending an RSVP checking that box is usually really welcome by the bride, as many people do not even bother to send that RSVP, and THAT is what stresses brides out more than anything, I have found...they want and need those RSVPs to plan things accordingly and very understandably! And a card wishing them well would be most welcome, no gift necessary...should not be expected and most definitely would be rude if it were expected! (RE: Sex and the City stolen shoes episode>>>if you haven't seen it, rent it!)

I even have some of my best friends who have gotten divorced and are getting remarried for a second time around, ahhhhh..I have put it in very plain words that I will NOT be the bridesmaid AGAIN lol
Well, what KA and I have posted I think would be the protocol that even Dear Abby would advise....:)....

[kadi]

Thanks! And I think I should count my blessings I'm not having to buy a chiffon pastel colored,"Oh, you can definitely wear it again!" dress. :evilsmile:

[Briza]

Thanks! And I think I should count my blessings I'm not having to buy a chiffon pastel colored,"Oh, you can definitely wear it again!" dress. :evilsmile:

:bow::bow::bow:YES count those blessings!!!!!!!!:biglaugh:;) I'm w/ ya!:lmao:

[mary124]

I think that just RSVPing will do; especially since you haven't really seen her in a while. But if you want, a nice card will do too. Like Bri said, just sending the little cards to let them know is very helpful.