Sex and Marriage with IC?

[nikki0522]

Hey Ladies!

I am in a sad mood, because I am married and we have been married a year. Well we barely have sex due to my IC and it is just making me depressed because I know every guy needs affection its just a way of life, and I am just so scared one day my husband is going to wake up and leave me because I am not fulfilling his needs. I know it sounds soo stupid but it happens alot and I am just so scared. He is not that type of guy and he is totally understanding but still every husband wants to be initmate with his wife and I can see the disappoint in his eyes when I say "not tonight honey" it kills me.

I have medicine for sex but i have to take it 45mins before and who really wants to plan sex?? lol we are still young to love to have it randomly and everything. Is there anyways to get past this? Is there anything I should be doing differently?

Thanks! AND sorry if this was tmi, I am just at a loss and i know you ladies all know what I am going through! =]

Love
Nikki

[ICNDonna]

Sometimes planning is great. And if it's the thing that helps most, I encourage you to give it a try. You could do something like watch a movie together, or just go for a walk as a part of the plan.

Donna

[VickiB]

Hey Nikki,

No, not TMI,.. a very real, valid concern you're voicing here. Sex is a wonderful part of marriage (or any committed relationship) and of course we want to share that experience!

My first thought is -plan away! Spontaneity is great but if your present reality makes that difficult or even impossible then you have to do what you have to do. Actually, planning can be quite enjoyable. When you think about it, isn't that what guys are doing most times, from day one anyway? (I know my hubby is always planning! :evilsmile)

My second thought is that this is where you're at right now, but that doesn't mean it will always be this way for you. I see you were diagnosed in April, and I'm guessing you may have started treatment about that same time. (Elmiron is notorious for taking it's time to "kick in") Most of us do get to a much better place with treatment, diet, & a bag of tricks. You'll probably be one of them.

One last thing, (my own TMI :smile tee) If/when sex is impossible there are other creative things you can do to fulfill his needs! Hey, where's the blushing icon?

Vicki

[nikki0522]

Vicki-

Haha thank you so much for your response. I know the other tricks (i think) lol but I feel like it just isnt good enough yea know. My husband says its fine and so understanding but for some reason I am so paranoid about it lol. I guess planning is fun too but we used to do the surprise sex all the time and it was so amazing *insert blushing icon** hehe.

Well I just need to stop thinking that sex is going to hurt all the time. I think my mind plays tricks on me and automatically thinks its going to hurt so I avoid it. Which is not healthy but understandable at the same time. I just need to be a newly wed and enjoy it again! =]


Donna-

Also thank you for your response. I greatly appreciate your input as well!


Take Care
Nikki


testing something lol
:blushing:

[SharonA]

Anticipation is the best aphrodisiac. Making love should start at breakfast. Not the act itself...but the planning for it. If you want spontaneity, then do other things besides vaginal intercourse when you go that way. Relax and have fun without worrying about it hurting. :)

[sadmom]

Nikki
Hey I know how you feel.
I just want to kiss the man I love and show him Intimately that I think hes hansdome and everything and there's other ways to show him I know.(Ive been baking up a storm) hehe. But,I feel I hardly ever have a good bladder day.
So if you dont mind me asking what is the medicine you have for sex that takes 45 min? which Dr. prescribed it for you?
I know it cant be great to wait 45 min when you want spontonaity(sorry cant spell) But maybe you could take a hot bath and then have him pick out some cute lingirie and then get done all up, dance for him and then maybe by that time it will have been 45 min.
Sorry your down but I feel that way too sometimes I think we all do. Hope,thats all we have, so hold onto it.:)

[Ducky31]

nikki, do you have vulvodynia?

[sweetunknown_1]

as my 6 year old says to me when she knows i am stressed and hurting .. and mommy don't forget to smile, then she told me it makes her feel better.:angel:


Even though I go through so many rough times i try not to forget the good ones. Don't give up whatever you do. I still have a lot of pain issues but I have learned that if I am calm and relaxed then I begin to enjoy things so much more. and then I learned that as I relaxed even when I was not next perfectly happy I still had fun and he smiled and the next thing I knew was that when he was happier I was more relaxed and the thing Weather in bed when I am pain suddling or just watching a movie or doing the hockey pokey, anyways my point is don't give up even throuh the worst of times. I am now at anpother start up phase and I wasnt to cry and scream why me but instead I think of my six year old and that day when she said, "and mommy don't forget to smile! I hope everyone has a nice day I went on a four wheeler it hurt so bad but I felt so free, I didn't go far and I came home smiling and my husband heald me as i cried against his shoulder and he said feel better* I had been screaming and yelling flaring, ranting and raving and flaring more*(my poor husband) i lay down with my heating pads and hot peppermint tea and tried to smile and just face the page and not my pain and that is where I am now.... thanks.

[Bekah79]

I know exactly what you're going through. This disease is putting a strain on my marriage and I feel so bad when I have to say NO so often lately especially I see the same disappointment in my hubby's eyes also. I hope things get better for you in the very near future.

Keep The Faith:pray: