I'm sorry, I can't seem to move on....

[luvsterriers]

I miss my grandfather so much. It has been 6 months now since his death. :( There is this one song that they played at his funeral that I listen to most days online. "All I Ask Of You is Forever to Remember Me as Loving You." It is such a pretty song but it makes me so sad too. I miss my grandfather sooooooo much.



All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you.

Deep the joy of being together in one heart
and for me that’s just where it is

As we make our way through all the joys and pain,
can we sense our younger, truer selves?

Someone will be calling you to be there for a while.
Can you hear the cry from deep within?


Laughter, joy and presence: the only gifts you are.
Have you time? I’d like to be with you.


Persons come into the fiber of our lives,
and then their shadow fades and disappears.


Also I still live with my parents. I don't make much money at my job to afford to get my own place. It would be nice to get a nice 1 bedroom condo, but in the DC area at the salary I make??? HA!! I'm constantly worried what will happen when my parents are no longer here. I already lost one loved one and I'm taking it really hard. My grandmother is almost 90 and now lives alone. My grandparents have lived in the same house since 1945. My mom's dad died when mom was only 18. So I only have had one grandfather, so his death is the most painful thing that has happened to me. I guess being learning disabled I lack maturity and common sense. :(

[ICNDonna]

You will always miss your grandfather. I lost my brother twelve years ago and I miss him very much --- what I did to help me through those first horrible months was to make it a point each day to remember something we did together that was meaningful. And even though his death left a horrible void, he is still very much with me.

It will get easier with time --- I promise!

Donna

[SharonA]

I lost both of my parents and I still miss them. It is very normal to miss a loved one when they die. If you didn't miss them, then they were not very important in your life.

I know it is hard and you feel like you will never feel better, but you will. What Donna said is very true. In time you will begin to remember your grandfather with joy instead of sadness.

Sending you comforting (((hugs)))...

[luvsterriers]

I wish my grandfather was still here so that I can see him again. He was a grouch and was mean at times. He was so ill for 4 years with congestive heart failure and pneumonia. He would go back and forth from the coronary care unit to home. He did have a special hospital bed at the house and on that bed he passed away. My parents and I came to NJ the very next day and just was shocked and saddened and relieved. All mixed feelings. My uncle couldn't sleep that night. He was just there to see my grandfather, and I think few hours after my uncle saw him, he passed. I never said bye to my grandfather.

Sharon and Donna..Sorry about your loved ones. May I ask was it an illness that caused their passing?

[Claredale]

My brother died at the age of 42 after almost 3 years of dealing with brain and lung cancer. I too did was Donna did and still do. My brother has been gone for almost 3 years on July 12th. We were 2 years apart and he was my only sibling. My brother also suffered with mental disabilities growing up and then was challenged with bi-polar disease, so needless to say, it wasn't easy to deal with him as an adult as much as our family tried.

I am thankful to know that he is no longer suffering and no longer angry for how he was born and then how he spent his adult years. Even though he was mentally challenged from birth, he was smart enough to know that he was different, so in adulthood as he lost even more control of his mental stability, it was even harder to watch him suffer. The one thing that I am grateful for even though he died at such a young age, he didn't suffer, he didn't have pain that he talked to us about. He just knew that God had a plan for him. I am thankful that both my grandmothers made sure of that during his life.

So now on his birthday and the anniversary of this death, I made a point to go to his favorite place he loved to go to on his birthday and remember the good times that we had. I remember when he protected me and loved being a big brother and all the things he could do.

Death is hard and we all handle it differently. I don't think of it as an ending by any means. I know my brother is no longer in pain and can do things that I can only imagine since he was a believer.

Tracey

[SharonA]

Anna...My father came down with acute Leukemia and died a few days after he was diagnosed. My mother had a couple of strokes and died after the second one.

[ICNDonna]

My brother died after fighting a long and difficult battle with cancer.

Donn

[luvsterriers]

My grandfather did outlive his siblings and even his parents. My grandfather was the youngest out of the 6 siblings. My Great Uncle Stan was only 23 when he died in a trolley accident in San Francisco. How I would have loved to meet all of his siblings and his parents and learn to speak Polish. My great greatparents immigrated to upstate NY from Poland. I just miss him so very much. I'm mostly concerned about my grandmother since she lives alone now. What if she falls down and no one is there to help? But she does have a next door neighbor who mows her lawn, shovels snow off her driveway, rakes the leaves, and also was willing to take her to buy groceries. My uncle and aunt live near by as well. But I just worry about her since she's now alone. My grandparents were married for 63 years! To go to bed alone. :( But I have to learn that he is at peace and that I will see him again when my time comes. I sometimes feel like he is around me, but that is probably just dreams.

[dg2901]

Your feelings are very normal. I can only reiterate whats already been said.
I lost my mom a week before my 16th birthday, and my dad when I was 28. Both passed unexpectedly. While its been many years since their deaths, I still miss them terribly. However now happy thoughts far outweigh the sadness.

Keep the memories close!
Diana

[luvsterriers]

Diana-

I am so sorry that your mom died when you were so young! It's so sad! I'm also sad because a month after my grandfather died a young lady who sings in the church choir died as well. She had Peripartum cardiomyopathy. She was in the hospital from Sep and passed away early Dec. She was 35 and left behind two young daughters both under the age of 3. Her spouse still sings in the church choir. He has a blog as well and you can tell from his blogs how much this man is grieving and how much he loved his wife and still does. His blogs make me cry. His youngest daughter is learning how to pray and say Allelulia and she's not even 1 yet. He and his wife were college sweethearts. She had 2 masters degrees. So I feel so bad for these two young girls :( :(

[waterflow]

I'm sorry about your grandfather passing but you have to give yourself some time. You never get over a loss but I think you learn to go on living. Not to compare your grandfather with a dog but the last dog I had was put to sleep 15 years ago and I still will fall apart when I think about it. Had 5 dogs put to sleep. The last 4 was one each year for 4 years. I just try not to think about that part and think about the good times. Being dragged down the hill in 5 feet of snow during a walk. Running with one of them and they ran across in front of me so I had to do a ballet jump/fall over him so I didn't land on top of him and turn him into a pancake and while I laid there talking to him and myself he just stood there looking at me as much to say "Hey, what is your problem??" Was summer time too so no nice soft snow to land on. Just dirt, rocks and weeds. Have you thought about talking with your grandmother about it all? She might be able to help you find some peace with . She has years of experience behind her.

[luvsterriers]

Waterflow-

Dogs are just like people. They are part of our families. I still miss my uncle's 2 previous dogs that passed almost 10 years ago. They weren't my dogs but still I miss them so much. Death is just way too much for me. I'm a very sensitive person mom says. I can't even enjoy family travel because I have to leave our Westie behind. We do leave him at a resort near our house which is very expensive but worth it. It's $55 for the cheapest rate per night. The resort is very clean and it doesn't have the doggy smell. The rooms are huge for even a Westie like ours. But still leaving our Westie behind is very hard for me. I guess I'm more worried when leaving him behind, because I have no friends at all. So no social life is sad.