I just can't stop feeling worthless

[waterflow]

Just don't really care about doing anything anymore either. Not even interested in crocheting or doing any crafts. I just feel like my life has been a waste. I freeloaded off of everyone and I didn't earn my way in life. House looks like a tornado went through and normally that would drive me up the wall but I don't care. Only clean because I have HAVE to not because I want a clean nice looking house. I've been eating non-stop for 3 days and feel like a fat toad. Of course eating all teh junk food hasn't helped the chest pains either. Now a lady who has a son-in-law in the hospital now (in his 50's)because somethin went wrong wth the stint in his heart. He ate ..like me...gained weight ....like me and ended up with having a heart attack (small one) stint put in and I guess he didn't stick to the low fat diet after that either. I worry about someting happening to me becuse of the cats but yet in a way I don't care. :loco: Maybe I'm dumpier because Aunt Flo came early this month and I feel extra crummy and bloated. I don't know. Spring is here..nice weather and all I want is winter back so I can hybernate. Had started selling some of the baby hat/booties sets but nothing has sold for a few weeks now. Was sort of hopingI could make some extra money to put aside for the cats needs incase of emergency but can't live off of that. Guess it's just another one of those lousy days again.

[ICNDonna]

I hope your tomorrow is better.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[tigger_gal]

sorry you are having such a bad day. sometimes I don't do anything either. it looks like toys r us puked in my house! :biglaugh:

[dverba]

This is the world most of use live in at times! Ok one day down for a month? Every person has value, no matter what you see in your self other see much more!! Some times i get that and other days i dont. Just depends on how i feel at the time too. Just remember, as i keep telling myself, ic and fibro people live life one day at a time. On bad days try not to think to far ahead. Just get through this day, this hour. Things can change so fast with us. You know your cats love you, so get up and take care of them, for them, even if you do not feel like they need you!

[leelee88]

Mary, I really wish there were a way to advertise the things you do.. SO many people LOVE homemade crafts, ect.. Me eps.. I think things like that are mean so much more because someone made them from the heart!

You are a talented woman!! As far as house work.. ECK .. It can stay looking like a pigs pin! No one around wants to help so I have gave up..lol..

Hugs

[waterflow]

It hasn't been just one day a month. If it were I wouldn't complain. That would be heaven to me. It pretty much has been almost an on going thing for 1o years. Started actually 12 years ago with the IC but been so much harder last 10 years. I took pride in the hardwood flooring before. Always cleaning, polishing, buffing. I don't know. I used to think take one day at a time but all days are pretty much the same. Thought about mailing the baby hat/booties but mailing costs have gotten to expensive and the hospital where I am (only one in the city that delivers babies) didn't like the things.
Probably shouldn't say this. You guys will think I'm a grubby stinky person but last week I went 3 days without washing of any kind. Finally did because I had to go to doc's. Same so far this week. So, my teeth rot out. Now if I was only into the punk hair look. Would fit in perfectly.

tiger gal, funny. I say the house looks like a romper room for cats. They have two toy boxes that I put their toys in and wouldn't you know it. Not more then 2 minutes later toys all over the place.

[SharonA]

Mary...Did you stop taking your meds, again? Not accusing you, just wondering.

I have been in a funk since the auto accident that we were in almost 3 months ago. I don't feel up to par and it hurts to do housework.

Sending you lots of (((hugs)))...

[Preacher-Girl]

Hi Mary,

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it. But you are of value to everyone here and God loves you too. He never leaves you alone. I used to live alone and sounded much like you. My home was dirty and I didn't shower all the time and I hardly cleaned. I just didn't want to live anymore and many of my family members worried about me. To be honest, a friend took the time to pray for me and take me to church and she took good care of me. I was able to get some counsel and I learned how to talk to Jesus. I didn't feel so alone anymore and my whole life changed. I also believe if you have depression and meds work they are definitely a good thing. So if you need them, take them. Please don't hesitate to talk to the right doctor. We all want you to feel better and realize how much you are worth to us!

Angela

[VickiB]

I took pride in the hardwood flooring before. Always cleaning, polishing, buffing.

Boy, I wish I could show you what my floor looks like at this moment!

Mary, you are a sweet lady, who shows a lot of compassion for others (both human and animal). How can that be a wasted life? I'm sorry you're feeling down!

:grouphug:
Vicki

[leelee88]

Mary, you are a sweet lady, who shows a lot of compassion for others (both human and animal). How can that be a wasted life? I'm sorry you're feeling down!

:grouphug:
Vicki

So truly said Vicki!!

[waterflow]

Sharon, you know me so well now don't you? I stopped the cymbalta. I just do not want it and am tired of fighting myself over it. Guess I don't like that my life has gotten to the point where I am a nut. Plus I started putting on more weight again. Heard about it and I have only 2 pair of pants, 1 pair of shorts and a couple shirts I can wear to Uro's. I wasn't happy really on the cymbalta because of the weight gain. Don't have a clue why I gain weight with all those pills but I do.

[ICNDonna]

Mary, if you were diabetic you would take your insulin. If you had high blood pressure, you'd take your meds for that. What you do have is depression, which is a REAL DISEASE --- please, please, please --- take your medications. You don't deserve to live the way you do without them!

One of my dearest relatives weighed over 300 lbs and I loved her to pieces. If you're overweight, you are the same person.

Sending warm hugs,
Donna

[BrittanysDance]

Hi Mary... http://www.pic4ever.com/images/dancegirl2.gif

remember me? I've thought of you and those kitties quite often and prayed you were all doing well! Out of sight does not mean out of mind... ;) remember that my friend!

Well now Miss - first things first - as the others have said, you must get back on your meds my dear! Tut-tut girlie..wash them down with some water and spring back up! I want pictures of those kitties - they must be huge by now! I'll trade you pics of my chickens for pics of your kitties - how about that? http://www.pic4ever.com/images/springsmile.gif IS HERE Mary!! Lets garden together! Do you know my garden is HUGE?! Oh my goodness... its something like 40X50 or something like that! And.. I am going to attempt to learn how to can this year! :loco: Crazy huh?! I'm scared to do it.... so..if you know how, you have to share with me the secrets, okay because I have not a clue how to do it!

so get up... get outside... get out there...and do what I do each and every day whether I want to or not....

http://www.pic4ever.com/images/treeswing.gif Yep.. I play..doing something..ANYTHING because life is about living and enjoying the world around you. You cant pick your family, but you sure can choose your battles and friends my dear and how you face each day ahead. Sometimes you're the chaser http://www.pic4ever.com/images/chase.gif and sometimes....you get chased....http://www.pic4ever.com/images/122fs329172.gif but if you never venture out to take that chance in life...and drive a little off course http://www.pic4ever.com/images/wind14.gif you'll miss out on all those opportunities just waiting out there for you http://www.pic4ever.com/images/Vishenka_04.gif!


http://www.pic4ever.com/images/love070.gif

LOTS OF LOVE!!

Brittany

[katie87]

try something small to start, a nice shower, maybe put some lotion on, so some simple stretches, stretching always relaxes me and my pain level a little bit. If at all possible, do something for yourself, get yourself a treat, maybe a haircut or fix a favorite food. remember you are special and mean so much to many people, you deserve some pampering!

[ABliske]

I have been majorly depressed. I can relate to how you say that you don't enjoy the things you used to. My husband and I went houseboating with some friends and it was awful! I have an 11 month old and he was sooo hard to watch. We had a life vest on him the whole time and he hated it. He'd cry to get out of it. There are so many other things to. I mostly don't have time for my hobbies, but there have been several times I've thought to myself with simple little things, "oh, this isn't fun anymore." I can't make myself go out for walks with the stroller. It's hard for me to move when the depression hits me so badly.
I am severely hurting because I feel so alone. I want to quit my job so badly. I used to enjoy talking with some of the people there but I've withdrawn from mostly everyone. I feel like other people just don't have any understanding of why I hate my life. I hate faking that I'm happy.
My mortgage is overwhelming! I just got a hospital bill last night and I could not calm myself down. I feel so trapped, like this struggling is never going to end. (Our friend owns the houseboat we went on so we didn't spend $ there. It's pretty much just essentials right now.) My car radio is broken and I can't afford to fix it. So there's one more thing that just brings my day down a little - the silent commute.
I would love to talk more! I hope your life starts looking up. I was supposed to go to a therapist but I had so much anxiety over it. I was feeling fine that day too, so it seemed pointless. I know how hard it can be to take antidepressants. I really hope we can both improve our outlooks with some help. Like Donna said, depression's a disease and we can get better.