my nervous breakdown

[april ryan]

I can't complain about my pain, lyrica has helped a lot, but all the costellation of symptoms, especially the fatigue, make every activity impossible.

So I live on London with my wonderful boyfriend; we both have a good job but still struggling to pay our flat rent.

In a year I had 70 days off for illness! And after my allowance, although generous, there is no money... Plus the medical expenses are so high!

So I pushed myself to work and work and work, to mantain the situation and progressively getting more and more Ill.

Three weeks ago I was at work and I thought "I think I might be having a breakdown".. I asked to go home, still calm and I wrote to my boyfriend to come home immediately.
And then hours of crying started! We went to the hospital and after 6 hours I talk to a NURSE determined to get admitted or having some drugs to give me relief, I was suffering terribly.
I didn't get admitted, thank god :p and obtained absolutely nothing.

But since then I just can't cope. For 1 week I couldn't properly talk or walk, and then just refused to get on with activities.

I am now in unpaid leave and I am going back to my parents house for a few months, where I can get also free treatment and exams.

The sad part is that my bf has now to leave our cute flat, store all the furniture and get a room in a flatshare here in London... And we will be far away from each other...

But I had no choice, I really can't cope anymore :(

Thanks for listening.
April

[leelee88]

Have you been to see someone to try to deal with all this.. Also there are many meds out there that do wonders for Depression!

I know I had to get on a depression med to help me through a rough period..
Many (((hugs)))

[april ryan]

thanks Ronda :)

They increased my dose of citalopram from 20mg to 40mg..

I think that the pressure I've been on couldn't get me out of depression. I decided to get out of this situation (even with this drastic arrangement sigh) and concentrate only on getting better.

I'm so lucky for my understanding boyfriend, lucky for work when they allow me to go away keeping my job safe, and lucky to have the care of my parents and as much healthcare as I need in my country..

Maybe the citalopram is speaking, but after my breakdown I am actually feeling better. It made me aknowledge that I did every effort possible, that it's not my fault giving up on carry on that way, it also made everybody around me aware of what I was suffering truly and everybody now really understands what I'm going through. I see things more clearly and I know which direction I have to take without doubts and without feeling trapped

Who knows, maybe this has been the bottom :/

Thanks for your support :)

[april ryan]

oh yeah, my bf and I had couple counceling for a while, it really helped to adjust to the new situation of illness..

I am going to have psychotherapy.. I'm sure that it will help lots :)

[SharonA]

This may be the best thing you can do for yourself. Sometimes we have to put all our strength into feeling better. It is good that your parents are willing to have you with them and your boyfriend understands. I hope you will seek some counseling to help work through your issues while you are resting and getting stronger.

Many (((hugs))). Please keep us informed as to how you progress. :):):)

[april ryan]

thank you so much for all your support!

I feel warmth and kindness all around me... Bf, family, work colleagues, friends, and you dear ic community :)

This is being as much painful as intense and positive human experience. I am sure I will be ok, and I just wish I could help other people who are suffering..

Maybe this breakdown is a blessing, really!

Thanks agaiin
April

[Kara29]

sometimes you just have to take care of YOU first because there is only ONE of You. When you feel better and get the counseling you need, perhaps your BF will have permission to come with you to some appointments so as to get you both on the same track again.

I believe that if we are not happy, then those that love us struggle as well.

It's nice that you have a great family to support you!

Well Wishes and Brighter Days Ahead for YOU!

Kara:angel:

[ICNDonna]

:grouphug: It's good that you are able to take a rest from everything for a while.

Donna