Are You an Introvert or an Extrovert? Are You Sure?

[Julie B]

(This is taken from this month's Confident Choices Newsletter (http://app.e2ma.net/campaign/0451c215cbb075f519ae185779c103c4) and I am interested in your reflections about this. Which type of "vert" are you? You can respond here or at the IC Diet Blog (http://www.interstitial-cystitis-diet.blogspot.com). Or you can respond to BOTH! :smile tee)

Are You an Introvert or an Extrovert? Are You Sure?

Most people think that being an introvert means being shy and reserved while being an extrovert means a person is charismatic, a great communicator, in short, terrific with people. There are many people who would classify me as an extrovert based on those definitions, when in reality, I am an introvert. Yep, even I had a hard time understanding that one at first.

You see, being an introvert or extrovert is all about how you regenerate your energy stores and whether you gain or lose energy around other people. Introverts are energized by spending time alone and are drained very quickly by large gatherings and when they are exposed to massive amounts of stimuli (think action movies or amusement parks).

On the other hand, an extrovert thrives on these high energy events and may even become depressed and anxious when alone with only themselves as company for any length of time. These personality characteristics are actually thought to be hardwired, reflecting a person's individual reactions to the neurotransmitters dopamine and acetylcholine.

What does this mean to you? As someone with a chronic illness, it is important for you to know what nourishes you and what depletes you.

If you are an introvert: Parties, high energy situations, and overstimulation will create great challenges for you. It is important for you to discuss this with your family and friends so that they understand when you step away from the action it is not a reflection of them, but rather a deep seated need of yours for some quiet time. For example, you may actually feel increased anxiety when thinking about family gatherings. In these cases it is important to plan ahead. If these events are to last all day--for example a family wedding--arrange for small periodic breaks. Even if you never take advantage of the opportunity to escape, just knowing you have an exit strategy can be a relief. Stress management strategies can also help. Guided imagery, yoga, meditation, prayer, even three deep breaths can do wonders for an introvert's energy level.

If you are an extrovert: Having a chronic illness can be isolating at times, which can really drain an extrovert's energy level. As an extrovert you crave a party atmosphere, high energy situations, and frequent interactions with people, but your physical condition may become a barrier at times. Talk to your family and friends and let them know your need to be with people even if you are not feeling well. Inviting other gregarious people into your world can refresh and renew your spirits. Other ways to boost your energy if you are not able to participate in social events include watching action movies or sporting events, and playing high action video games. Consider attending in-person support groups rather than spending a lot of time online trying to recreate the "fuel" of a social network.

Finally, no one is 100% introvert or extrovert. Although you will primarily identify with one or the other, in different circumstances you may be drawn more in the other direction. Just remember that spending too much time "stretching" how you are naturally wired can itself be a huge energy drain, so the best use of your talents and energy is to simply be who you are!

[Julie B]

BTW: My daughter (also an introvert) and I have been tossing this concept around for a couple of weeks now. She pointed out that this is probably why I fall asleep during the quiddich scenes of the Harry Potter movies and the war scenes in the Lord of the Rings movies. Too much stimuli!!! lol

[leelee88]

Yup I am a introvert, I like getting together at family outing and things for a short period! BUT the thought of it stresses me to know ends.. Even before IC I still would get there and be ready to leave shortly after..I would rather have gatherings in my own home..

Now the funny thing about this, Is I love to communicate with people online. And I am VERY social this way!! I can talk some ones ears off this way...LOL But really am not that social outside of the home?

[Briza]

I voted introvert because I know for sure that I have always been. It took me many years into my adult life to become comfortable with this but eventually I did learn that to be my best I needed to be comfortable with it for the EXACT reasons you said, Julie. Very well said, thank you, because I think that society in general considers extroverts to be the ones who are fun to be with and like you said "terrific." I did finally figure out that being introvert was not a disadvantage to me, but not KNOWING that it was not necessarily a bad thing WAS a disadvantage to me....once I learned how to meet my needs and well I hate to say this, but control situtations I am in, like Ronda said: I definitely have and have always had a point where I reach my limits at parties or family get togethers, and believe me, when I have guests or entertain/cook dinner for others I have learned the skills to get guests out the door as sensitively as possible...because I know if I don't, I will get beyond my limits and then not be the best host. Same goes for when I go out to visit friends or family...I very much prefer to take my own car and/or stay in a hotel, because it is just imperative to my well-being and sanity!!! And usually best for those who I am visiting, too...because usually they can sense when I have reached my limit but it is up to ME to arrange things so that I can stay just as long as I want and have somewhere to go when I am ready to go.
But Julie, I have never heard or read the two extremes explained so well as you posted!:) And that you did makes me feel even more comfortable in my own skin. Thank you!!! Nice poll and very well written:)
PS> IC and my related conditions were not the cause of this personality trait for me, as I have been this way my entire life....tho having IC and some of its related conditions has made me even more aware of how important it is to meet MY needs, regardless the circumstances or situation....and doing so greatly relieves the extra stress that situations such as these can create and cause my symptoms to flare. And it is very important to me that my close friends and family understand this, tho still there are times when feelings get hurt...usully theirs, not mine, and so I am still working on how to handle these situations as sensitively and adeptly as possible, because I know my friends and family have their own personal needs regarding their relationship with me that also need to be met.

[ICNDonna]

I have to say I'm an extrovert. I love being around lots of people. Even if I'm not feeling top notch, if there's something going on where I can interact with a crowd, I'm for it! I think that's one of the reasons I like Lions so much --- we do lots of events where there are many people.

:)
Donna

[dyno]

Well I read your post before I voted and I did vote for extrovert because I do love doing things in crowds BUT I also am very happy being alone to recharge. There needs to be a inbetween vert!:)

[Rainwilds]

What a great post! I've been doing a lot of reading on personality types lately, mostly so I can understand myself better and find ways to cope with IC. I definately identify as an introvert! I like my alone time, or time spend with a few close peope. Parties never really did much for me. They stress me out too much!

After reading a few good books on being an introvert, I've realised that there is nothing wrong with being this way. I don't have to label myself as 'shy' or 'quiet' anymore, I'm just me! I think it's better to accept this part of me, because it helps in the overall healing process ...

[Judith56]

I am an introvert. I hate amusement parks or anywhere where there are large gatherings of people. I can't stand malls, in fact one of the reasons I love living in VT is that there are none close to me. I have to go to MA and drive about 40 mins to get to the closest mall. As for parties, I like the idea of them, but the reality is that once I get there I am ready to bolt after about 30 minutes. I do like having people over to my house though.

[Julie B]

This has proven to be quite a fun post. Ronda, there is actually some truth to the online communication being popular for introverts. That and the fact that many public speakers and entertainers are actually introverts. When I speak to a group I always need to have a bit of quiet time beforehand and afterward. It is like when I am "on" I am "on" and then the switch is pulled. lol Again, it isn't whether or not a person is good with other people or a good conversationalist, it is about how folks recharge their batteries.

I agree that there is some unfounded bias that somehow extroversion is rewarded or preferable in a person. That is why I think I fought the idea of being an introvert for so long until someone actually explained it to me. Once people realize what it actually means, I think there is better understanding of the dynamics and how we need both "vert" types in society.

[dg2901]

I fall somewhere in between; however since thats not a choice I have to label myself an extrovert since I share more of those characteristics.

:)
D

[leelee88]

Yeah I guess that makes since Julie.. Because with being online you can be in control when you want to be social..lol

Or like you said "I am "on" I am "on" and then the switch is pulled"
When I am done with the socializing I can just turn in off!!

I have learned something about myself with this post!!:smile tee

[VickiB]

I'm definitely an introvert. Part of being an artist involves being present (and hopefully, engaging) at gallery show openings. Truth is, I would rather go in for a root canal than do an opening!

Vicki

[dyno]

Julie,

Just curious what you and others think about the fact that having IC or other medical conditions that impact your life the way that IC can at times could maybe make an extrovert a introvert?

Just thinking out loud that when people are having a lot of trouble with freq. etc. that they would tend not to want to be in the large crowd type situations.

I know for a fact that when I have really bad days I would rather be at home and away from people.

[Briza]

PS> IC and my related conditions were not the cause of this personality trait for me, as I have been this way my entire life....tho having IC and some of its related conditions has made me even more aware of how important it is to meet MY needs, regardless the circumstances or situation....and doing so greatly relieves the extra stress that situations such as these can create and cause my symptoms to flare. And it is very important to me that my close friends and family understand this, tho still there are times when feelings get hurt...usully theirs, not mine, and so I am still working on how to handle these situations as sensitively and adeptly as possible, because I know my friends and family have their own personal needs regarding their relationship with me that also need to be met.
__________________

Jolene, I copied the above from my previous post in case you missed it....and yes, most definitely my introvert side shows itself more strongly when I am out of my element esp when out of my element and ALSO dealing with IC and/or VV symptoms.

[leelee88]

I to was like this before IC.. It is just my personality.. But like I said I do like to get out and visit and socialize, but it is short lived..lol I just like my space!!

But I see where IC could play a part in people who are extroverts. I am betting it would be harder on people with IC who are Extroverts? My thinking is because they are wanting to get out and be that social butterfly! Where an introvert it does not bother them as bad, Because that is more of there personality staying at home and in their own space..I mean Yes things bothered me BUT If I was REAL Social it would have drove me crazy not being able to do the things I was use to and having something holding me back.. SO I wonder if people who have IC and are Extroverts have more anxiety???

[Briza]

I remember in college when taking a psych class the professor asked the students if they considered themselvs extrovert or introvert....in a class of FORTY students, I was the only one who raised my hand claiming introvert!!! At that time, like I mentioned in a post above, I was NOT so comfortable in my own skin and when I looked around the room and saw that NO ONE ELSE had raised their hand as introvert I literally wanted to crawl under desk and hide b/c I could just feel everyone staring at me like I was some kind of weirdo!!! And at that time it defintely made me feel like a weirdo!!!!! lol So this thread is esp interesting to me esp seeing as of now that the votes are going double the # for introverts than extroverts....maybe that realization and being comfy in one's own skin comes with age...because yes, I do believe, and probably moreso when one is younger, that there IS a bias or feeling like Julie mentioned, that thinking of oneself as being extrovert or having others perceive you that way is to one's advantage in society as we THINK we know it:).

[Julie B]

Hi there,

From my understanding, this is something they believe is hard wired from birth. It is related to the neurotransimitters.

There are a couple of things that could be going on with chronic illness though.

1. Most introverts train themselves to act as extroverts because that is what is valued in society. It still drains them to do so, however. But when someone has a chronic illness, it takes so much out of them at times that they may not have the energy to put the extra effort it takes to socialize. I liked to socialize too, and I loved weekends when all of the kids were home. But I love my Mondays when I can get back to my own, quieter, routine.

2. It is possible also, that the interaction of the neurotransmitters has something to do with increasing a person's risk of chronic disease. That is a very interesting topic that researchers are looking into. I think if you go to PubMed you will find a study done on migraine sufferers and introvertism.

3. People who are extroverts are still extroverts with a chronic illness but their illness "wins" leaving them with additional energy drain. They have a desire to be with other people but they physically can't. They aren't making a decision to stay away from people based on their -vertism, however, they are making a decision based on physical limitations.

Does that make sense?

[leelee88]

Yes Julie it makes a lot of sense!!

And that is funny how you say that about weekends, I am the same way.. I love the weekends with the family but SO look forward to my Mondays so I can just relax and get back into my space! I even try not to have any Dr appt or anything scheduled for Mondays.. That did not happen yesterday though and I missed having my relaxing day after..

[dyno]

Julie,

Yes that does make sense, interesting topic.

[Julie B]

I find it interesting that we have a three to one ratio of introverts to extroverts.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about this....about the possible "conversion" of an extrovert to an introvert.

Wouldn't it be interesting to look at how the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine are altered in a chronic pain situation? Do you think that not only the condition changes some of the ways we socialize, but the neurotransmitters are disrupted along the way to alter what our normal tendencies would actually be??

[SharonA]

Interesting discussion...

From the conversation, I would say I am an introvert. I don't mind being alone. I am good company and enjoy just sitting on the couch looking out the window while thinking, remembering, dreaming, and enjoying the beauty that is within sight.

I totally agree with the idea that introverts learn to be extroverts because we are expected to be that way, but it does drain us. I am a perfect example of that.

I do enjoy social gatherings, but sometimes I dread getting ready to go and then doing the going. Once I am there, I am fine. I enter into conversations, have fun, laugh, etc. but find that I need to withdraw for awhile and explain that I need to find something to drink or use the bathroom. I do sometimes find myself thinking about something totally different than the topic of conversation, but I think that might be some sort of problem with short attention span or just another method of withdrawing.

I sometimes have problems when I am in a larger group where 2 to 3 people are having conversations while others in the group are doing the same. Too many voices and I find that I have to remove myself from the ruckus and go find that drink. Once I find a quite place where I am removed from the noise, I am able to recharge and reenter the situation calm and ready to join in, once again.

I am the same way on the boards. I feel like this is a social group and enjoy entering in on conversations about the many topics we talk about here. There are days when I spend a lot of time reading (listening) and posting (talking) replies. I enjoy doing this, but I do find that on some days, I begin to tucker out. It is like a sugar high that can crash at the drop of a hat. One minute, I am sharing. The next minute, I am wiped. There are other days that I read the posts but do not reply or post much. I don't have much of myself to pour out on those days. Those are the days that I turn inward and treat myself to alone time.

I do not think that IC has much to do with this. I have been like this way before IC entered my life. I just think IC has come along for the ride.

[Briza]

Yes, yes, Sharon...I am with you...could've written that post myself!

[VickiB]

I find it interesting that we have a three to one ratio of introverts to extroverts.

Me too. Anybody know what the normal rate of introverts to extroverts is in the general population?

[Briza]

Vicki, maybe there is a psych major here that could answer your question?? Would be interesting...but like I posted earlier I was in a class of 40 college age students way back when where I was the only one who raised hand as introvert...ok, obviously not a big enough pop studied to be considered valid, but I think (just me thinking) that like me, as you "grow up" over the years, a person may become more comfortable in their own skin and answer that question differently, either way. So would be interesting to follow a certain population over time in how they would answer as they aged.

Ronda and Julie...yep, whenever I have been working fulltime M-F, and I just started working that schedule again this past Monday, Mondays have always been my favorite day of the week. When I was a waitress, well, my Monday usually wasn't a Monday, more like Thursday or Friday when the schedule was made to start, and again, that was always my favorite day of the week as I got back into routine of juggling work, college, studying.

[mbhbarb]

Your post makes me smile. My dad, a corporate executive, cub scout pack leader, little league baseball coach, and small-time stage actor, was a fun and very outgoing person though he always insisted he was basically shy. People did not believe him, but I think that was his way of saying he was an introvert. I share that trait with him. I have a degree in communication and am a special education teacher; my ability to interact with a broad range of people is essential to success in my career. Just like my dad, I find that most people misunderstand what it means to be an introvert. They assume introverts are necessarily quiet, reserved people who can't (or prefer not to) manage social situations. It's great to see more attention paid to clarifying the traits of introverts and extroverts. Maybe this will lead to a future where we all feel a little better understood.
barb

[BT2008]

Hey Julie,

Wow...very interesting!

I would have thought that I was a "extrovert" too, because I am generally a good communicator and usually very comfortable around other people--but after reading your explanations between the two, I am definitely an "introvert" instead! Too much social interaction has always just "worn me out!" And I have always enjoyed my "alone time."

Since having IC, I do get very lonely sitting here all day by myself, so I really miss enjoying social interaction, but -- even now I would only want it in small amounts!

So, thanks!...Oftentimes "perspective" goes a long way toward helping us to deal with the circumstances that life brings our way.

~Beth

[MiLynn]

I am definitely and introvert. I am very uncomfortable in large groups. I do enjoy being around people, but it's also very hard for me.