having trouble dealing with aging issues

[icbeauty]

not sure where this belongs. partly in a medical forum i guess because i think i'm getting closer and closer to menopause, but partly here because i always wanted children, and as i age, that is sometimes hard to deal with.

but in the past months or so, i've had more spotting than i remember ever having. since i got divorced, my gyn put me on continuous birth control (i have endometriosis and severe pelvic pain nearly all the time not just at my periods). since being on the pill (i was off the pill for almost 10 years while ex and i were tryign to conceive), my cycles are lighter and easier and less painful. and i don't have the pain on an almost daily basis like i used to.

however, i've been spotting off and on and having severe migraines. when i was going through fertility treatments, they'd measure my estrogen (estradiol actually) levels throughout the month, and the days when i was spotting or had migraines or both, that number just bottomed out completely. after a few days of unexplained spotting this week and one of the worst migraines in years (yesterday), i am wondering if i'm getting to the point where no matter what birth control i take, my estrogen levels aren't going to correct themselves.

and this is a bit hard. first, it is hard physically. the migraines are awful. as a teacher, i have to be entertaining 7 hours a day, then i have 3 or 4 more hours of prep work, phone calls, meetings, inservices daily. a migraine with the nausea and pounding and eye problems (i have a lot of trouble seeing when i have a migraine) keeps me from doing much at my job. plus the spotting is annoying and there is always pain and cramping involved.

the other part that is hard is the emotional part. even though i'm now divorced, and an adoption failed, and i know i will NEVER have children, and i thought i was okay with that, i still feel like this is one more blow to my self-esteem. no chance at all for a miracle when my hormones are this whacked. even if i am on the pill. it's like i still can't quite get over it. ya know?

so i'm having a little bit of trouble dealing wiht all this. i actually took half a xanax this morning because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that even if my boyfriend and i got married and wanted a child, it's not going to happen. it's weird because when i was married, it wasn't going to happen. i had bad eggs, a scarred-up uterus, endometriosis, all sorts of problems. i knew then it wouldn't happen. but as i'm getting closer to menopause, i feel this sadness a little more than i expected.

is this normal to feel? i hope so.

and what do i do about the spotting and the migraines and the pelvic pain? i really do feel like i need to see my dr, but i'm working almost 12 or 13 hours a day, and i don't even have a chance to make a phone call until 8 at night much less an appointment. i might see if my mom could make an appointment for me, so i could go in during spring break. but that's the only thing i can think of. this is getting to be very depressing all of a sudden.

*sigh*

thanks for reading. i don't know if there's any solution of course. i guess i just need to get it out of my system.

[elinor]

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. Being a teacher, I too have trouble calling much less seeing a doctor and struggle to get through long days of teaching and planning when I am in pain.

Hope things come together for you soon--take care!

[SandyRN]

I'm so very sorry to hear that you are going through this. Even though I was able to have 3 kids, I had a total abdominal hysterectomy in Sept of 08 and I have felt very sad since then. It's like I lost something that was important to me, my uterus. It did give me children, but when it was gone it also was a permanent reminder that I could never have anymore children. I didn't necessarily want anymore kids, I'm too sick to have them now, but it still made me sad and I still mourn the loss of my uterus.

I know I can't compare to what you are going through. I can only imagine your sadness and the feelings you have with menopause approaching. Menopause seems so FINAL, it's the END of our youth, or so it seems. There are a lot of conflicting emotions that go along with it, and in your case, a lot of pain.

There are so many people who will say that post menopause was one of the happiest times of their lives, a new beginning, and I hope that soon you will be able to see that for yourself. I hate to think of you so sad because you can't have children, and then the feelings menopause brings on itself.

I hope you don't think I'm out of line writing to you because I do have children, I just wanted you to know that in a way, as a woman, I do understand in some way how you feel, and I am genuinely sorry that you are going through this.

I hope you feel better with your migraines soon. I have also suffered with these and know how debilitating they can be. Are you on meds for them? What about nausea meds for the awful nausea?

If I can help please let me know. I hate to see you suffer.

Hugs, Sandy

[KarenAnne]

Gosh, I went through menopause early & got married late, so I know exactly how you feel. It must be so difficult working so hard with the migraines & IC. You are amazing for even being able to do it. I felt like I had to grieve over never having children too. You deserve a day off to tend to your spotting, pain, & migraines. I hope you feel better soon.

[kadi]

I'm there with you as well. I got IC when I stopped my birth control pill & the only way to get it even somewhat managed was to go back on it. I will never stop the pill again. I was also very sad about this & not having children.

Like you, I am also a teacher and I try to take the philosophy that God has blessed me with the ability to guide many children through my work. It's not the same & I also had to grieve it & talk it out with the congregational care director at my church, but it has helped a bit...

I hope that you will find some relief for your IC, headaches, & period issues too. With the pill, I'm able to time my periods for the weekend (about every 2 months - if I go longer than that, I get PMS, spot & IC-flare). So, this weekend has been "that" weekend, woke up with a nasty headache & light sensitivity, cramps too. Have spent today in bed, reading, dozing. The only productive thing I did today was go to the post office & grocery store & that wiped me out for the next 5 hours...

I'm seeing my doctor next month & will talk to her about a low dose estrogen pill for the days I'm off the bc pill to see if that will help with the headaches...

I know you don't want to take a day off (I hear you, it's so much work to get ready for a sub that it's usually just easier to suck it up & go in!), but if taking a half-day off to go to the doctor means you'll be better for the next 4-1/2 months of school (and yes, I'm counting! this year has been rough), then maybe it's worth it? Or maybe you can set up an appt now for Spring break?

Wishing you relief soon & sending a hug, :kissing:

[icbeauty]

thank you all so much for your help. i appreciate each of your stories and perspectives. it doesn't matter what walk of life we took (or found so to speak), we all seem to deal with a lot of the same issues.

kadi,
you mentioned that if you went too long without a period, you'd have problems. i wonder if that's what this is? i'm on seasonique, so i have periods only every 3 months. i'm in the 3rd month of pills this go-round, and i wonder if maybe i should talk to my dr about doing this every 2 months instead of every 3?

i'll be contacting her. or i'll ask my mom to set up an appt for me. she's good at that sort of thing. i hate relying on her, but sometimes i have to. heck, she's even picking up my tax info from my accountant for me tomorrow because i have inservice after school every day this week. grrrr.

i would love to take a day off, however, i've already been out of my classroom 5 days this year for mandatory inservices. i hate having subs even when the district pays for them. i've missed one and a half days of my own, and it just worries me when i'm gone. i'm the only person in the ESL department at my school, and when things happen, i'm the only one who knows what to do. it's frustrating and overwhelming. esp with state testing coming up all through march and april. thank goodness for spring break. i keep thinking i want to get a job in the real world, ya know? but i've been doing this for 16 years. i don't know if i could cope with a real job. :confused: i might get to take bathroom breaks though with a real job. and get to eat lunch. that might be kind of neat.

thanks again all of you. i'm feeling so much better today. my boyfriend tells me it's stress. he says he's never seen me as stressed as i've been the past few weeks. i have come home from work in tears several days because of the pressure put on me by the district regarding my ESL kids (maybe it's not the district; maybe i'm putting the pressure on myself, ya know?). i'm working on it though. i can only do what i can do. i can't do everything. unfortunately, a lot of people don't understand that. *sigh*

at least the spotting has gotten better. and the migraine is gone for now. whew.

[bemmer]

hi

just a quick note but have you tried chaste tree its a herbal supplement that regulates your hormones as in estergone and progesterone and regulates your body into normal periods as in monthly.............its good stuff and may help you it can take up to 6 months before you notice that your periods and hormones are regulated...you can get it from health food shops.
ness

[icbeauty]

update:

I think it was stress. I quit my teaching job in June to go to graduate school (earning my Master's in Library Science), and I'm working part-time at a different job. My health is much better. I looked at the date I wrote the initial post, and I remember that month. I was under so much pressure and stress, and it just got worse the rest of the school year. It took me until about July to feel better finally.

Thanks for the tips and the support. I feel a lot better now emotionally and physically. Tons better actually.