friends

[kellymh]

Hi,

Have any of you noticed that when your IC and other medical conditions are at the worst alot of your friends just don't understand. I have had weeks of headaches, actually 6 months of migraines due to my sinuses. I am really starting to get depressed but I have been on all antidepressants and they actually make me alittle crazy, they give me panic attacks terrible. I than have to take xanax at least 3 times a day. Thats alittle much. My best friend just recently told me I need to quit going to dr's and maybe than my IC would go away and my migraines. She has lots of illness and I have listened to her for 20 years, I never judge, when a person is sick, they have more empathy. Lately, everything has been about her, I have been horribly sick, but not one ounce of compassion. She actually doesn't even call or offer to help when I am sick. I realized that she isn't the person I thought she was and it hurts me terribly. IC is not something that I can wish away, I have had it since I was 13 and I sure wish I could. Sorry I am rambling, I am just very hurt, if people could just understand. I don't even tell my family or her about the pain I live with everyday. I do go to counseling, but am not going for a couple weeks due to my sinus surgery and I have to travel to a counselor. I just needed someone to listen. Thanks.

Kelly

[ICNDonna]

If your friend has some illness going on, that could be the problem. Sometimes when we are in pain we tend to internalize and not look too much at the world around us.

I totally hear you --- and I do understand.

Sending gentle hugs,
Donna

[songbirdiam]

Hi -
I understand what you are saying -- I actually lost what I considered to be one of my best friends last week. I have noticed for several weeks now that when I would try to talk to her or plan time to get together she has been "busy". Last Friday, she picked a fight over a very trivial matter and will not accept my apology over this simple misunderstanding -- she will not talk to me, answer my emails or accept my calls. I officially gave it up today. I have known this gal for 17 years and we have always been what I considered good friends. She, too, has several health problems and also lost a son a couple years ago to muscular dystophy - I have listened patiently over the years to her health woes, to her grieving over the loss of her son and have been there for her. Up until I got sick with IC, I have been a pretty "low maintenance" friend -- I honestly think the change in my status to "sick, higher maintenance friend" was too much for her -- she is not the person I thought she was -- and I too am terribly hurt over it -- but I wish her the best in life and now it is time for me to move on --
I hope things will get better for you and your friend, as well.:)

[leelee88]

I do understand! It seems the ones who I thought were my friends are not that at all! And my family does not understand at all either. We know our pain is real, but getting others to understand is almost impossible. I have just quit tryng. Sending you (((hugs)))

[snowgirl]

for me the toughest of friends situation was resigning work and going out on disability. Nurses I worked with for 20 years watch me progress and struggle with IC right to the end. I sure found out who my real true friends are. I have about 4 from work place that call frequently. I lost a real close friend of 20 years have not heard from her in 20 years. There's been a few others. I actually just ran into a lot of md's that I worked with while I was at the hospital my Dad had surgery at. I had more Mds' approach me and tell me they were sorry and even got some hugs from a couple. Once one surgeon found out the word spread. My therapist tells me very normal to lose friends when you go on retirement and disability. He says you must make new friends and get away from the friends that forgot about you let them go. Easier said then done. VIcky

[elamar]

I hear ya! It seems I've always been the one who sends cards and flowers and phone calls when my friends or family have been sick. Since I've come down with IC, everyone vanished. I honestly think they are afraid it is contagious! Even though I explain what IC is, I get the impression they think I wet my pants and might embarass them. They tend to look down like they are trying to see if I'm wearing depends! I try to be very clear that it's not the case - I don't wet my pants - I just have burning pain and frequency. Everyone has jumped ship on me. We moved to the other side of town 2 years ago and now I'm just alone. The few family members I still talk to, still seem to act surprised that I'm not better - like when will this go away? GRRRR. They just don't get it. All I have in my life is "aquaintences". No one is a true friend. Sorry for the rant.

[icnmgrjill]

Ironically, I was writing an editorial on THIS very topic just a few days ago... I've also lost almost all of my old friends.... and feel as if I've walked through this journey very alone. Thank god for family being there... but I miss the girls night outs, playing gaes and stuff. I really get that point about "acquaintances" as compared to friends.... because sometimes I feel as if noone sees me... and what I need. I'm always expected to help everyone else... and that's okay... but sometimes I really need that hug too!

Hey, atleast we have each other and we KNOW that we are not alone!

Jill :)

[amaranthe]

I am there with ya too! Like Vicki, I lost most of mine when I had to quit work and go on Disability too. I too have many aquaintances but few true friends. Being home all day, I am pretty isolated. Like Jill, I miss girls night out and meeting friends for lunch so much! Now, my closest friends are people I "met" here. Though I treasure them dearly and they add so much to my life, it isnt the same as having someone nearby to go and do things with. Not that I am up to doing anything most of the time anyway, but it would be nice to have someone when I am up to it.

But, I can tell you one thing. I would much rather have no friends than to have people around who I think are friends and then they turn out not to be, (which is apparently what I had before!) Vicki's right...you sure find out who your friends are when you get diagnosed with something like this!