stormchaser
09-04-2008, 10:11 PM
I apologize in advance but I'm having trouble sleeping tonight.... here's an attempt at some IC humor. A very cynical and sarcastic look at what IC might do to you. Please don't ask me how many of these I have experienced personally, I will plead the 5th...:rolleyes:
1.) When in any large institution looking for a restroom after holding it for an unbearably long time during a meeting or such, you will bolt to the nearest restroom in view at the end of the hall and realize at the last possible moment (upon nearly colliding with the last patron of the facilities) that it is a men's restroom. The women's restroom will most likely be up one floor or clear down the hall in the other direction. You will lose precious seconds debating the pros and cons of a 500 dollar fine for entering anyway….
2.) If you're driving and need to cross railroad tracks for a restroom, you will have to stop for a train, a very looooooooooooooong train, which will stop over the crossing for no less than 15 minutes to unload, reverse, and unload some more. All this with the gas station in view just on the other side of the tracks. THEN a police officer will pull up behind you preventing you from (a.) whipping a U-y (b) running between stopped train cars for gas station or (c.) making a mad dash for the nearest shrubbery.
This will all be because you "just knew" you could make it the 14 miles to the big town and instead only made it 6. Your eyes will glaze over. You will learn the true meaning of torture….
(Note* you will also leave the gas station only to find another exit off the highway with an overpass above the tracks straight to the station, if you'd only driven another .25 miles)
3.) Small children will not be the only one's capable of doing the potty dance. This is especially humorous to police officers behind hyperactive steering wheel drumming IC'ers stuck at railroad crossings.
4.) Going swimming at the lake will become the perfect way to enjoy a summer day. It's easy, low key exercise with minimal jarring, the ability to experience weightlessness and adjust your body into almost any position that's most comfortable, and at any moment the need strikes you it offers limitless possibilities for…well… you know…. (and don't tell me you've never done it either ;-) :evilsmile
5.) You will become skilled at Yoga. Initially this will not be intentional. There is just an unbelievably impressive number of ways you can contort your body while sitting on a toilet trying to squeeze out those last few drops standing between you and relief and a good nights sleep.
( *tip: Don't get over excited about your newfound flexibility, you most likely will not be able to use it to your advantage while actually in the bedroom, merely only getting there. )
6.) You will develop a keen memory and sense of geography. After a few instances of number 1, you will be able to, without fail, get to any bathroom in any building within 10 minutes flat. This is only partially because you refuse to try going anywhere you can't…. If nothing else, this does make you a hit with the tourists though. :bow:
7.) Being served strawberries dipped in chocolate used to make the romantic in you tear up. Oh, wait, nevermind, they still will make you cry if you eat them. :bonk:
8.) While watching the summer Olympics you will realize that Olympic Racewalkers are missing out on some serious endorsement funding from Detrol if only they would sing "Gotta go, Gotta go, gotta go right now" while doing their "hold-it-in" goofy speedy walking. *
* I seriously believe that this is how I acquired my IC. I was making fun of the olympic racewalkers with a friend saying how goofy they looked, like they all had to pee really bad and were trying to hold it in while racing to a restroom. I sang the Detrol theme and then I said to my friend, "We're bad. I should not be making fun of these racewalkers. I'll probably wind up with some bladder problem and have to take that some day.....talk about karma
1.) When in any large institution looking for a restroom after holding it for an unbearably long time during a meeting or such, you will bolt to the nearest restroom in view at the end of the hall and realize at the last possible moment (upon nearly colliding with the last patron of the facilities) that it is a men's restroom. The women's restroom will most likely be up one floor or clear down the hall in the other direction. You will lose precious seconds debating the pros and cons of a 500 dollar fine for entering anyway….
2.) If you're driving and need to cross railroad tracks for a restroom, you will have to stop for a train, a very looooooooooooooong train, which will stop over the crossing for no less than 15 minutes to unload, reverse, and unload some more. All this with the gas station in view just on the other side of the tracks. THEN a police officer will pull up behind you preventing you from (a.) whipping a U-y (b) running between stopped train cars for gas station or (c.) making a mad dash for the nearest shrubbery.
This will all be because you "just knew" you could make it the 14 miles to the big town and instead only made it 6. Your eyes will glaze over. You will learn the true meaning of torture….
(Note* you will also leave the gas station only to find another exit off the highway with an overpass above the tracks straight to the station, if you'd only driven another .25 miles)
3.) Small children will not be the only one's capable of doing the potty dance. This is especially humorous to police officers behind hyperactive steering wheel drumming IC'ers stuck at railroad crossings.
4.) Going swimming at the lake will become the perfect way to enjoy a summer day. It's easy, low key exercise with minimal jarring, the ability to experience weightlessness and adjust your body into almost any position that's most comfortable, and at any moment the need strikes you it offers limitless possibilities for…well… you know…. (and don't tell me you've never done it either ;-) :evilsmile
5.) You will become skilled at Yoga. Initially this will not be intentional. There is just an unbelievably impressive number of ways you can contort your body while sitting on a toilet trying to squeeze out those last few drops standing between you and relief and a good nights sleep.
( *tip: Don't get over excited about your newfound flexibility, you most likely will not be able to use it to your advantage while actually in the bedroom, merely only getting there. )
6.) You will develop a keen memory and sense of geography. After a few instances of number 1, you will be able to, without fail, get to any bathroom in any building within 10 minutes flat. This is only partially because you refuse to try going anywhere you can't…. If nothing else, this does make you a hit with the tourists though. :bow:
7.) Being served strawberries dipped in chocolate used to make the romantic in you tear up. Oh, wait, nevermind, they still will make you cry if you eat them. :bonk:
8.) While watching the summer Olympics you will realize that Olympic Racewalkers are missing out on some serious endorsement funding from Detrol if only they would sing "Gotta go, Gotta go, gotta go right now" while doing their "hold-it-in" goofy speedy walking. *
* I seriously believe that this is how I acquired my IC. I was making fun of the olympic racewalkers with a friend saying how goofy they looked, like they all had to pee really bad and were trying to hold it in while racing to a restroom. I sang the Detrol theme and then I said to my friend, "We're bad. I should not be making fun of these racewalkers. I'll probably wind up with some bladder problem and have to take that some day.....talk about karma