I think I've lost my best friend

[anewday]

I can't talk about this to most people I know, so I'm just getting it out here.

My life is pretty boring and I get lonely sometimes. My hubby and I work complete oppositie shifts- we are together at most 3 (sometimes 4) evenings a week. He works M-F plus overtime, I work on the weekends. So it's usually me home with the kids. I looove my kids but I miss adult interaction. Everyone else usually works when I'm off.

I had 2 really good friends- one moved out of state a few months ago. My best friend has been that for almost 8 years-just like a sister to me. She was in the delivery room when I had both my kids. Even if we didn't see each other all the time, we talked every single day, at least once, on the phone.

About a year and a half ago, when I was having bad endo problems and taking Lorcet for bad pain, I noticed that I had some pills missing. She had been to rehab a long time ago for pain pills, so I started counting. I knew she was taking them (found out later she was taking them from a family member of mine as wel as other people). I called her husband and we talked for a long time and finally confronted her. Keep in mine I was in constant pain (IC and endo, neither diagnosed yet) and it was a week before my Lap surgery. It was all VERY stressful for me, and I cried all the time. She was mad at me at first, we hardly ever argue. She did go to rehab, but wasn't happy about it.

Well, a little over a month ago, when I went to the uro and asked for a RX for my Lorcet plus, they said that I needed a referral to a pain clinic because I was taking so many-120 a month. I said no way, I average 60 a month. They called the pharmacy, and they said that there were rx's that had been filled under my dr's name that they didn't document calling in. Well of course I wound up in tears and explaining my friend's situation. She had gone back to rehab and I thougth she was doing good. When I really started to think about it, I had noticed that she was "popping in" at my house more often (I would always hide my meds when I knew she was coming over). I also suspected she may have called some in herself (she had done this in the past). They refilled my rx and I had a note put on my profile to ID for pick up- myself or my husband only.

Keep in mind, she had been coming over to my house quite frequently. About a week after I had that put on my profile, I haven't spoken to her since- over a month- and we used to talk daily. I have called her, she never answers. She's called me like 3 times but it's always at times she knows I'm busy and probably won't answer.

I know this is horrible, but I honestly do not have it in me emotionally to confront her again. I don't think it will help- I think she sis going to have to help herself.

I just feel so alone now. I have no friends now, except my sister, I hardly ever see my husband, and I just feel so bad all of the time. I also feel hurt that she would take my medication away from me, knowing what kind of pain I am in. I am so scared to take them anyway, because of what has happened with her, and take them when the pain is just too much to handle. I don't feel comfortable talking to my husband about it because he is a police officer. The only person I have told is my sister.

Anyways, thanks for listening. I just needed to vent.

[vm]

Oh no. :( What a betrayal. And so sad how many ways addiction can ruin relationships and lives. As a recovering alcoholic myself, I do hope she gets caught. Many times those kinds of consequences are the only thing that lead us get sober.

So sorry this has happened to you again - and with such a close friend. A friend you've really needed. :(

[anewday]

Oh no. :( What a betrayal. And so sad how many ways addiction can ruin relationships and lives. As a recovering alcoholic myself, I do hope she gets caught. Many times those kinds of consequences are the only thing that lead us get sober.

So sorry this has happened to you again - and with such a close friend. A friend you've really needed. :(

Thank you. I've shared my concerns with a doctor whom I respect greatly and he said the same thing- sometimes the only thing that will make it "click" is to be caught and have serious consequences to the actions.

[leelee88]

Jen, I am so sorry for this. Just remb that and addiction is an evil thing to over come. And you could confront her but honestly it will not do any good until she hits bottom and is ready to get help herself. I for one have lost several friends to to drugs and lost my kids dad to suicide because of drugs.. So even though you are clueless on what to do I encourage you to still try to be there for her. Because just as you have a disease called IC she is suffering to with a disease called drug abuse..If you would like to PM me feel free at anytime.. (((((hugs)))))

[ICNDonna]

The others are correct and I only have one thing to add --- and that is to talk to your husband about this. You really need his support right now, plus law enforcement personnel have training in dealing with people with drug problems --- he may be able to help you to deal with your friend without supporting her addiction.

Sending warm hugs,
Donna

[SharonA]

Jennifer...I am so sorry she has been treating you this way. She really does need to be confronted with this problem. It very well could make matters worse between the two of you, but I think you should report this crime to someone. It could be that because she has been getting away with doing things like this for so long, she does not feel guilty about it any longer. Sorta like she is invincible and possibly proud of herself for getting away with it.

I know you are hurting and feeling betrayed. That is very understandable under these conditions. I am glad that the Pharmacy and your Doctor understood and helped you replace your meds.

(((Hugs)))...

[leelee88]

I absolutely agree with Sharon!! She will continue doing and abusing as long she never gets caught!!

[nottoc4]

What a sad story. I hope you will let your husband in the loop...this is too important to leave him out of it. (HUGS)Jo

[anewday]

Thanks guys. I told my husband last time and he helped me arrange to get her into treatment. He's just not a very forgiving person and for him to give someone a 3rd chance would be a lot.

I think he suspects something because he keeps asking why I haven't been talking to her lately.

[nottoc4]

Keeping her secret is enabling her....

[amaranthe]

I am so sorry you are going thru this. I agree with all the comments so far. Dont really have anything to add to it, except I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. Ive been thru it too and know how much it hurts. But, please know that you have many friends here. I have made alot of great friends here even though I will probobly never meet most of them, I feel incredibly close to all of them and talk to a couple almost daily. Though most of these friendships began centered around IC, they evolved to "normal friendships" very quickly, since we are all so much more than just people with IC. Please know you can pm me anytime and know you have another friend any time you want one. No one can ever have too many people that care.

Sending you big hugs,
Amaranthe

[kadi]

Hi Jen,
Are you hesitating to tell your husband or confront her because you're not sure or because you're still trying to salvage the friendship? If this is the third chance you'd be giving her, I'd wonder why. Please don't let your loneliness cloud your judgment, and I say that because I've allowed my desire for friends to make me put up with behaviors from them that I could never recommend that someone else deal with. And if you don't want your husband to know because he'll be annoyed since he didn't want you to restart the friendship to begin with, maybe it's ok to say you've now learned the hard way?

Your pain medications are too important & necessary for you to be risking for her. And frankly, she's already put her addiction ahead of you & your friendship. She has decided to damage the friendship & betray you. You have not abandoned her. She has put your relationship with your doctors, pharmacy & husband on the line AGAIN. And the sad reality of dealing with addicts is that often they relapse. Even if she seeks treatment, she may do the same thing all over again 6-18 months later when you begin to trust her again. And will your doctors believe you next time?

Please be kind to yourself, do report it, and then gently let your friend go. We all have situations like this to greater or lesser extents (mine is that I have let several people with problems use me as their emotional dumping ground & I only figured it out when I said I can't take daily crying or rambling phone calls & they dumped me~! But, I put up with a lot of drama I really didn't need for too long because I didn't want to be alone.... I'm working on this myself even today...)

Good luck, I hope things go okay.

[anewday]

I don't know why I find it so hard to do anything. I don't think I have the emotional stamina to confront her again, and I don't think it will help. I don't want to report her because she will more than likely lose her job. I guess I am just going to cut ties with her, as hard as that is. I just don't know what to do, really :(

ETA: Also, I don't have any firm "proof"- just very strong suspiscions.

[leelee88]

Jen, Like I said confronting her will not do any good for anyone. She will just deny it! You do what you think is best for you.. Your friend needs help and until she is ready to admit that to herself there is really nothing you can do. But if she does come into your home again and steals from you or try do any of those things again that you suspect you really need to report this.. If you just let it be then you are doing her more harm than good.. I know she could loose her job! BUT would'nt you rather her loose her job than her life!!! Sending you more (((hugs))) I know you are struggling with this..

[hdb1982]

Does your pharmacy not require patients to show an ID to pick up narcotics? My pharmacist knows me, even says Hi Heather how are ya when I walk in but he says they are still required to get my license and record the number and stuff in the pc anytime a narcotics is picked up. I know you told them to start doing that but it is kinda scary to think she was able to pick up rx's in your name without ID. How did she get the rx's called in? Was she posing as you and calling your drs office then picking them up? I know you think she called in some herself. Maybe you need to switch pharmacies. Tell your dr you are doing this. Then if someone calls in acting as you and gives the old pharmacy name then they know it isn't you.

When I worked at the hospital we had this exact same thing happen with a patient. She grew suspicious b/c she went to get her refill, she got 30 day supplies but then normlly lasted 40-50 days. When she went into the pharmacy they said she had no refills left. She showed her bottle that said one refill. They said it was picked up like 20 days prior. She freaked and scheduled an appt with her dr to see about getting it replaced. When she got to the dr she found out he had called in 5 or 6 rx for "her" in the past 9 months. It wasn't her calling. She had a sister who was an addict and had a feeling it was her. They had never been able to catch her before. Her dr came up with a plan. He told her to only get her rx filled at the hospital pharmacy. He gave her his email address to use when she needed refills. Meaning she would not call the office for any reason. He put a big note in her chart to page him if this patient calls in for refills. He also came in and briefed all of us on what was going on, I worked in the dept that answered the phones and took patient messages. We were instructed to call his cell and page him immediately if a call came in. He contacted the police and told them of his plan. We didn't know what the plan was other than to page him..Well not even 10-12 days later I was the lucky one that got the call. I did as instructed. Took the message as if nothing was different. Called the DR. he said he would call me back. About 30 minutes later he called back. Told me to call her and tell her I called it in to the pharmacy and she could pick it up. The dr called the pharmacy. She went in, picked up the rx and when she walked out the dr the cops were there waiting. Shee said she was picking up her sisters meds. They said that was fine and if her sister would come down and confirm that they would release her. Well, our patient was at the station when she got there. And did press charges. The judge gave her the opportunity to enter rehab instead of jail and if she left rehab for any reason she would go to jail immediately. She went to Rehab and has been doing great, the last I heard.

[anewday]

Does your pharmacy not require patients to show an ID to pick up narcotics? My pharmacist knows me, even says Hi Heather how are ya when I walk in but he says they are still required to get my license and record the number and stuff in the pc anytime a narcotics is picked up. I know you told them to start doing that but it is kinda scary to think she was able to pick up rx's in your name without ID. How did she get the rx's called in? Was she posing as you and calling your drs office then picking them up? I know you think she called in some herself. Maybe you need to switch pharmacies. Tell your dr you are doing this. Then if someone calls in acting as you and gives the old pharmacy name then they know it isn't you.

When I worked at the hospital we had this exact same thing happen with a patient. She grew suspicious b/c she went to get her refill, she got 30 day supplies but then normlly lasted 40-50 days. When she went into the pharmacy they said she had no refills left. She showed her bottle that said one refill. They said it was picked up like 20 days prior. She freaked and scheduled an appt with her dr to see about getting it replaced. When she got to the dr she found out he had called in 5 or 6 rx for "her" in the past 9 months. It wasn't her calling. She had a sister who was an addict and had a feeling it was her. They had never been able to catch her before. Her dr came up with a plan. He told her to only get her rx filled at the hospital pharmacy. He gave her his email address to use when she needed refills. Meaning she would not call the office for any reason. He put a big note in her chart to page him if this patient calls in for refills. He also came in and briefed all of us on what was going on, I worked in the dept that answered the phones and took patient messages. We were instructed to call his cell and page him immediately if a call came in. He contacted the police and told them of his plan. We didn't know what the plan was other than to page him..Well not even 10-12 days later I was the lucky one that got the call. I did as instructed. Took the message as if nothing was different. Called the DR. he said he would call me back. About 30 minutes later he called back. Told me to call her and tell her I called it in to the pharmacy and she could pick it up. The dr called the pharmacy. She went in, picked up the rx and when she walked out the dr the cops were there waiting. Shee said she was picking up her sisters meds. They said that was fine and if her sister would come down and confirm that they would release her. Well, our patient was at the station when she got there. And did press charges. The judge gave her the opportunity to enter rehab instead of jail and if she left rehab for any reason she would go to jail immediately. She went to Rehab and has been doing great, the last I heard.


No, they don't require ID unless a patient requests it. I actually used to work at the pharmacy years ago, so many there still know me and now know the situation. When she first developed an addiction, her boyfriend (at the time) was a nurse and he taught her how to call in rx's. The dr's office said they had no record of a couple of the fills, they said it could have not been recorded by accident but they are very strict (obviously) to record when narcotics are called in. Really, all she would probably have to do is call the pharmacy and say she is a nurse needing to authorize a refill for me, unless things have changed.

I do believe she was also taking pills from my bottles, because after I thought about it she had been "dropping" by my house quite a bit. When I tore ligaments in my ankle (at this time I had NO suspicions), she was the one who took me to the clinic, and she was at my house for quite a while,, she was the only one there with me and I was stuck on the couch so she had run of the house basically.

[anewday]

Jen, Like I said confronting her will not do any good for anyone. She will just deny it! You do what you think is best for you.. Your friend needs help and until she is ready to admit that to herself there is really nothing you can do. But if she does come into your home again and steals from you or try do any of those things again that you suspect you really need to report this.. If you just let it be then you are doing her more harm than good.. I know she could loose her job! BUT would'nt you rather her loose her job than her life!!! Sending you more (((hugs))) I know you are struggling with this..

Thank you very, very much. I am not planning on having her at my house to give her the chance to take any of my meds- I have started hiding them anyway, just in case she decided to "drop by". It's sad when you have to hide your medication :(

[ICNDonna]

I think in your place I would be very hesitant to invite this person into my home. She may need to hit rock bottom before she can begin to dig her way out --- and I'd have to agree that if you've already given her extra chances it's time to call a halt to the relationship.

Donna

[snowgirl]

Thank you. I've shared my concerns with a doctor whom I respect greatly and he said the same thing- sometimes the only thing that will make it "click" is to be caught and have serious consequences to the actions.

oh my I remember you were married to a cop you didn't tell him did you? I would think not because then that puts her situation into a legal one and your husband would have to have to follow up or report it. Man then you can't tell your husband or feel like you should not. You were and still are in a tight place with your husband being a cop.]\

As for telling her husband you did the absolute right thing my friend. I know she had to go to rehab but she needed it . Sounds like she needed it again.
In my state Michigan you must give SS# for all narcotics and it is tracked by DEA on computer. A pharmacist / pharmacy would have picked up on that. Good idea next thing you know they could make us show our ID every time on pickup on narcotics. That's why when I throw my empty bottles away I take a black marker mark out my name, drug, refills, drug #. I read that somewhere so no one can go fill it.

I render what is going to happen to your friend and I am sorry is if she doesn't go back to rehab she is going to end up in legal criminal trouble. These pharmacy's know what she is doing , they are now watching her and just waiting for her to come back. When she does they will call the police and the story goes on.......... your MD is right.

I do hope in the end that you did get your pain meds and did not get red flagged as they call it.

You read these posts on here about these things happen. One just last week. Like Donna said keep your meds only where you and your husband know they are at. Vicky take care

[snowgirl]

I think in your place I would be very hesitant to invite this person into my home. She may need to hit rock bottom before she can begin to dig her way out --- and I'd have to agree that if you've already given her extra chances it's time to call a halt to the relationship.

Donna

This is excellent advice my friend to you. She will hit rock bottom and it is time to halt the relationship before she gets you more involved.

[anewday]

oh my I remember you were married to a cop you didn't tell him did you? I would think not because then that puts her situation into a legal one and your husband would have to have to follow up or report it. Man then you can't tell your husband or feel like you should not. You were and still are in a tight place with your husband being a cop.]\

As for telling her husband you did the absolute right thing my friend. I know she had to go to rehab but she needed it . Sounds like she needed it again.
In my state Michigan you must give SS# for all narcotics and it is tracked by DEA on computer. A pharmacist / pharmacy would have picked up on that. Good idea next thing you know they could make us show our ID every time on pickup on narcotics. That's why when I throw my empty bottles away I take a black marker mark out my name, drug, refills, drug #. I read that somewhere so no one can go fill it.

I render what is going to happen to your friend and I am sorry is if she doesn't go back to rehab she is going to end up in legal criminal trouble. These pharmacy's know what she is doing , they are now watching her and just waiting for her to come back. When she does they will call the police and the story goes on.......... your MD is right.

I do hope in the end that you did get your pain meds and did not get red flagged as they call it.

You read these posts on here about these things happen. One just last week. Like Donna said keep your meds only where you and your husband know they are at. Vicky take care

Yes, I did get my meds. Actually, the pharmacy techs were confused because the doctor wrote 1-2 every 4-6 hours and I take a max of 3 a day. Even if I got 120 in a month it wouldn't have been "too soon" to fill. The PA at the urologist just said that if it took that many to manage my pain then I would need to go to a pain clinic. When she said "120 in a month" I said "there's no way!" I even looked up my pharmacy records online, like clockwork since december I get 30 filled 2x a month. So in that one month I had double that filled! That's what clued me in.

[anewday]

I think in your place I would be very hesitant to invite this person into my home. She may need to hit rock bottom before she can begin to dig her way out --- and I'd have to agree that if you've already given her extra chances it's time to call a halt to the relationship.

Donna

Thank you for your kind words and advice. It's just so hard to end a friendship like that- we have been thru so much together. I guess I'm just mourning the loss of our friendship right now :(

[Zygala87]

Jennifer I am so sorry for this betrayal from your friend. I think you need to drop her completely. If you were in great health and not a hard working person you might have strength to help her. She is an addict and unless you are a professional you can't help. I have dealt with many. They drag one down,ruin people's lives, will do the most heinous things to anyone including those they love the most. They can't help themselves unless they hit the gutter. I am so psychologically damaged by drunks & pill addicts that I refuse to ever deal with it again. I would die for my kids yet I would have nothing to do with them should they fall into either addiction. Pain & emotional pain can be worse then death. Get busy and find some friends. Church, social clubs, hobby anything that might help and give you a new outlook on friends. This one needs help you can't give her. Please know I care very much. Been there, done that! Protect yourself. Hugs, Ziggy

[bluetart]

Thats sounds like a great Idea, getting her caught in the act. Having her issues on a legal document. It would be hard for her not to see her problems than. You may loose her as a friend but you may also help her more than she will ever know. I'm sure its hard, to know what the right thing is to do. Maybe you could share this information with a counseler or a hot line for friends dealing with drug addicts.

[ICNDonna]

One thing to think about is that if this person is stealing medications you need to live a normal life, it could very well be that you have already lost her as a friend --- at best right now it looks like a one-way friendship, with you being the friend and she being the manipulator. And think about the fact that it is people like her who make it difficult for all of us to get the medications we need!

I sincerely hope you have shared with your husband by now. If he is duty bound to take action, it could be the best thing for her.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[snowgirl]

The others are correct and I only have one thing to add --- and that is to talk to your husband about this. You really need his support right now, plus law enforcement personnel have training in dealing with people with drug problems --- he may be able to help you to deal with your friend without supporting her addiction.

Sending warm hugs,
Donna

Yes again Donna's advice is very full of wisdom. You dont want your huband to not know about this- you don't want him in any kind of comprimised position with his job- it is his ethical thing to do. He also is going to know where to refer or get her help. Either that or she is going to end up in jail.
Don't put yourself through anymore. My brother is a police officer and he doesnt' live here in my home town but if this happened to me here where I would live my brother's advice would be one of the first ones I would get along with md's. Vicky

[amaranthe]

Hello, Jen! How are you today? I just wanted to check in with you and see if you are okay. I know this whole thing has been incredibly painful for you. But, I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and here for you if you need a shoulder. I think we have all been hurt by someone we care about and had to go thru what you are. I know I have. But, no matter how much it hurts now, the pain will ease over time. Meanwhile, I just want to tell you that when I went thru it, I was hurt so bad by her actions, that it made me doubt other people and this caused me to back away from other friends at the very time I needed them most. I hope you dont let this do that to you too. If you find yourself doing that, try to remember that there ARE people out there who would never hurt you intentionally. Try to lean on those who love you right now and let them help you get thru this.

I have read many of your posts, and your personality comes thru in all of them. It is evident that you are a kind person and that you have a big heart. I am sure that there are many people who think the world of you. Let them comfort you now. Let us help you get thru this too. If you ever need a shoulder, feel free to pm me anytime. I am so sorry she did this to you and violated your trust and friendship this way. :kissing:

[Moad]

[QUOTE=JenTN;444174]I can't talk about this to most people I know, so I'm just getting it out here.

My life is pretty boring and I get lonely sometimes. My hubby and I work complete oppositie shifts- we are together at most 3 (sometimes 4) evenings a week. He works M-F plus overtime, I work on the weekends. So it's usually me home with the kids. I looove my kids but I miss adult interaction. Everyone else usually works when I'm off.

QUOTE]

I just wanted to say I am SOO feeling the lonelyness and boredom. My husband works 12 hour nights, he sleeps all day and workd all night, I see him MAYBE 3 hours if Im lucky before he has to leave for work and even then he and or I are busy doing stuff. he works weird days to like 5 on 5 off 2 on 2 off..its weird and confusing, But it is really rough. I say all the time I feel like a single mother and on top of it I have serious "alone" issues. I HATER being alone, its very depressing for me. anyway..I just wanted you to know your not alone on that part. I wish you luck, and hope everything worls out ok with all your dealing with right now.

[anewday]

Hello, Jen! How are you today? I just wanted to check in with you and see if you are okay. I know this whole thing has been incredibly painful for you. But, I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and here for you if you need a shoulder. I think we have all been hurt by someone we care about and had to go thru what you are. I know I have. But, no matter how much it hurts now, the pain will ease over time. Meanwhile, I just want to tell you that when I went thru it, I was hurt so bad by her actions, that it made me doubt other people and this caused me to back away from other friends at the very time I needed them most. I hope you dont let this do that to you too. If you find yourself doing that, try to remember that there ARE people out there who would never hurt you intentionally. Try to lean on those who love you right now and let them help you get thru this.

I have read many of your posts, and your personality comes thru in all of them. It is evident that you are a kind person and that you have a big heart. I am sure that there are many people who think the world of you. Let them comfort you now. Let us help you get thru this too. If you ever need a shoulder, feel free to pm me anytime. I am so sorry she did this to you and violated your trust and friendship this way. :kissing:


Your post (along with all the others) really touched me. I read it this morning and waited until tonight to respond. I was just overwhelmed and amazed that someone who has never met me could care enough and remember and check on me, if that makes sense.

I am doing okay. I think I am going to talk to my husband, but we haven't really had a chance to talk. She called me yesterday, I just didn't answer my phone. I've been talking/hanging out with my sister more, that makes me feel better.

Thanks guys for all of the advice and support. I really, really appreciate it.

[amaranthe]

Jen, I am glad that saw my post (and the others) and they made you feel better. Like I said, I have been thru it and know how hard it is. But, I DO care and want you to know that you arent alone. I have been thinking of you and praying for you and hope things get better soon. (((Jen))) :kissing:

[anewday]

I told him everything. I dont know what (if anything) he will do about it, I just needed to get it off my chest and talk about it. He was obviously quite upset, and I think I made a good choice. If I have a moment of weakness in trying to let her come over, I know he would put his foot down.

He did say "I wondered why they made me give my ID every time I picked up your meds, I'm a cop for goodness sakes!" Silly unobservant cop didn't notice the ID PT OR TODD ONLY in big bold letters at the top of the RX bag:lmao:

[nottoc4]

Good for you! It is important to keep your relationship with your DH open and honest. I know it was hard....Jo