Hierachy among disabled

[amaranthe]

A friend of mine has a son who was recently in a car wreck. He is 20 yrs old and now quadraplegic. I went on a message board for quad/parapeligics to learn how I might be able to help his family.....what kind of help would be helpful etc. Read a few posts while I was there. Mainly where they were saying how they think NO ONE is legitimately handicapped or deserves to use the handicapped parking places or restrooms if they "look okay". It got me to thinking how there seems to be a Disability Heirchy and how that we often get more prejudice from other disbled people than from normal people.

I havent had to get a Handicapped placard yet. (Thank God!) But, I know several here have. But, I do often have to use the handicapped restroom if the others are occupied or if I am cathing during retention so I can hold onto the rails. Unfortunately though I read there where they have actually accosted ppl that "didnt look disabled" and were using these! I have also read here of several having the horrific experiance of personally being confronted this way just b/c they dont look disabled.

Personally, my bladder is my business. I would DIE if that happened to me, but then I dont feel like I should have to explain a very embarrassing and personal problem to some stranger with bad manners.

Any thoughts on this?

[dg2901]

Handicapped restroom are NOT just for the handicapped. They are there should a handicapped person need it as opposed to being able to use a regular stall. Theres no law stating who can and cannot use a handicapped stall.

Re: a handicapped placard. Its nobodys business other than mine and my Dr's whether I'm eligible for a handicap placard. Anyone who approaches are accosts someone is looking for trouble this day in time.
Having said that, I know of people who abuse the placard privileges by using the card when the handicapped person is not in their company, and yes, I've said something to them.
This subject is very touchy for me as my mom was in a wheelchair due to being struck with polio, and I myself am legally blind.

D

[kadi]

I hear you...

After being assigned a window seat on an airplane, I requested disability access for an aisle seat & showed my IC restroom access card. I was in a horrible flare & clearly in pain, the flight attendants offered me pre-boarding to the aisle seat. As I walked to the breezeway, a man said loudly, "So that's what handicapped looks like?"
I was so ticked off I turned around & said, "Maybe Santa will bring you a painful incurable illness & then you too can get to walk onto an airplane first...."
His wife slapped him. That was the first thing all day that made me feel better.

[amaranthe]

Wow, Diana, you have alot on your plate! It is bad enough to have IC and the co-existing conditons but then to be legally blind too! I cant imagine having to go thru anything else besides what's already on my overflowing plate. May God bless you!

Kudos to you Kadi for standing up for yourself! That's a hoot that she smacked him like that! LOL! But I am sure it was the next best thing to YOU getting to do it! :smile tee

[SharonA]

Any accommodation that has been made for the disabled is not just for them. Public Restrooms must have a certain number of stalls set up for wheel chair access dependent on the number of other stalls. If there is not a disabled person in the restroom, then the disabled stall is opened to any one who needs to use it. Curb cuts and ramps are not labeled for disabled only use. They are created to make lives easier and more accessible for them, but they are available for anyone to use who wants to walk on them. I believe that the disabled person should be shown common courtesy and be allowed to use it first with the rest following.

Special Designated Parking Spaces are labeled for disabled only and should be saved for anyone who is deemed disabled by their physician. There are many people with "hidden" disabilities who use the parking stickers, placards, special license plates, etc. that allow them to park in these spaces. It may appear to anyone looking at a person getting out of a car that the person has no disabilities, but we cannot see the heart that must work with difficulty to allow it's person to move around as best as they can. Or the person with only one lung because of lung cancer may not look sick on the outside, but certainly has problems breathing and needs to be able to be as close to the place they are going to as possible so they may attend that which they are traveling to see.

In any "special treatment" situation, it can become "entitlement" and not "accommodation" as it was intended to be. That is where the trouble starts. One section of the population feels that they are "entitled" to these things and want to make these things off limits to others. While the others feel that it is okay to make the "accommodation" for those who truly have disabilities, but know that they also have the right to use those things for their comfort.

Let's just imagine a scenario where two people are traveling by car to somewhere. There comes a time when a restroom needs to be found. The two people look for and find that restroom. When they enter the restroom, there is only one stall and that stall has a sign on the door that reads "Handicapped Stall". They look and there is not another stall in the room. What should those two people do? Should they leave the restroom still having to urinate even if there is not a disabled person in sight. Should they get back in the car and drive down the road with full bladders until they find another rest stop where there are more stalls and only one has "Handicapped" written on the door. Or... Should they have felt comfortable enough to use the first restroom since the only people in the room were the two of them? I chose the first restroom with one stall choice without any angst or feelings of condemnation.

[crkshnks79]

Kudos to you , Kadi !!! That was so rude !!! And I agree w Sharon , you cant always see whats wrong on the inside of someone . I also use the handicap bathrooms , if there is not a hancapped person currently in the bathroom w me . Good topic Amaranthe ! I would be embarrassed if someone accused me of wrongly using these things to , but like you said its your business not anyone else's . I dont know if I would be speechless if someone was that rude to me , or if the anger would take over and let me have it ? Either way people should mind their own p's and q's , when they are not knowlegdable of the situation .

[leelee88]

Well the way I look at it all of us who live with IC live with a handicap. I mean having to pee at the spur of the moment or dealing with severe pain is not normal and should be considered a handicap. If any NORMAL person had to walk in our shoes for a few days, I am sure they would reconsider stero typing people who "look" normal!

Normal people just do not understand! And never will.. :(

[hdb1982]

I don't think there is such things as a normal person. Everyone has their issues. Be it mental, physical whatever. The only time I jusdged was when we were taking my pap to the ER nad the handicapp spots were full. I see 2 kids jump out of the car, with one giving the other a piggy back ride. I kindly asked if they had brought someone in and no they were visiting. I asked them to move the car so we could park there. The did.

[mary124]

My husband gets really mad when he sees someone park in the handicap area and there is no placard, or special license plate, they just park there because its "convenient" -my husband usually rolls down the window and yells at them that they aren't handicap.... I keep telling him that he is asking for trouble. I myself if its at a place of business I usually find the security guard and let them know, when I have done this, they usually (not always) go out and write them a warning ticket.
I have a placard but don't use it all the time, I do however use the handicap bathroom as I have a bad hip and it just makes it easier for me, however, there was a person one time in the bathroom who said something to me " you don't look handicap-bet you use the parking places too illegally! I told this person, that I did indeed have a handicap and a placard as well, and she said "oh... well you don't look handicap to me- I told her you don't have to "look" and I didn't realized that there is a "look" to be handicap!! After that she didn't say anything to me unless she needed too.

[Kara29]

I have a handicapped tag. At first I was afraid to use it b/c I don't look sick but I got over it real quick during a heavy pain flare where I needed a bathroom immediately. There are tons of diseases where a person doesn't appear sick but they are. As long as you have the sticker, use it and on a good day if you feel like you don't need it and want to let "someone" else with a wheel chair use it then it's up to you. If I can make the walk, I don't use it but if I am in severe pain, I use it........As long as a Doc has deemed you Disabled and signed the papers and you've obtained the tag, it's up to you how and when you use it. It's no ones business why we have the tag or need a bathroom fast. I don't look sick ever but looks are decieving and no one should judge a book by it's cover.

Oh and the bathroom issue.....I use the handicapped stalls because of the catheriziing issue. I require a lot of room for my belongings when cathing. I also need the use of a sink without people staring at my catheter, so this is why I use the handicapped stall if no one with a wheelchair is around me. I always makes sure that I am in and out as quick as I can go too.....

Sending love and hugs your way! :hi::hi:

Kara

[kadi]

In June, I had to staff a handicapped seating area at a graduation ceremony. It really irked me that several people nimbly climbed up & over the rails onto the platform to sit in the area & when I said it was for handicapped, they had the nerve to stare me straight in the face & tell me they are disabled.

Or there were a number of families where one person (grandpa or grandma) was disabled, but they thought that all members of the family should be able to sit in the area. I had no issue with 1 or 2 relatives sitting with them so they wouldn't be alone, but come on.... 6, 7, 8, 9 able-bodied relatives??? It then became difficult to find seats for the elderly people or people with mobility issues who came late perhaps because of their needing assistance & longer ramped routes into the stadium...

All I could say to those individuals was that if an elderly person or a person with mobility issues came along, that I hoped they would be kind enough to help out by letting them sit....

And then, all these people stood up to take photos of their graduates, totally blocking the view of the people with canes & wheelchairs who could not stand up at all.

I went home very tired & rather sad that night.

[jen74]

I have to say, it is rather annoying when people say " you look healthy though". People really are so ignroant sometimes, and they just do not think. I mean for instance, when my mom was dx with terminal cancer 6 years ago, my mom could not believe she was dying. On the outside you would never have known she was sooo sick by just looking at her, but yet less than 5 months later, she passes away.
Even my gastroenterologist said that alot of his patients have debilitating digestive disorders that are really severe, but you would not know it just by looking at them, though they are very very sick. What ever happened to that old saying, " never judge a book by it's cover".
Jen