Vent: You won't believe what my girlfriend said to me!

[sarahjth]

I am the helping kind and I am on my way to become a doctor. So whenever anyone has something wrong with them, they call good old me. So my best friend, Beth, has been calling me everyday- multiple times a day- for a week to tell me how horrible her UTI is. Granted, I am fighter and I have suffered from IC for a year and a half. It has been a terrible chapter in my life but just like the rest of you- I taking it a day at a time and not looking back. But Beth calls me all the time to cry and such. Well, I always run to her aid because that's what I do. So I have been back and forth from her place to mine even during my own flares to help her with her UTI problems. So today, I get up early to check on her because I don't have class until later and she has the gull to say to me.... "Sarah, If only with you could UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH?"

Girls (and some guys) I almost jumped on the girl and starting hitting and that isn't my personality at all. An overwhelming cloud of hate and anger swept over me like never before and all my years of pain seemed to get worse in those few seconds. I couldn't believe her. I was so upset/angry that I was shaking. I bawled the whole way home. I took a walk in 20* weather just to "cool off" and I feel like no one understands the pain I have endured. I can't believe of all people- she could say that TO ME! I sympathized with her because I knew what she was going through. For her to have a UTI for just a few days and say that to a person with IC for 2 years is not even comparable.

My heart feels really empty and I hate to say this but I just lost respect for my best friend.

[JenAZ07]

I am so sorry your BF doesn't understand. I think a lot of people don't truly understand what it is like to have a chronic illness until they have one. I love when my hubby tells me I don't understand how much pain he is in....ugh...yeah I do...I have it all day everyday. Can you talk to your BF? Write her a letter to tell her how you feel? I always find writing makes it so much easier to actually say what you want to say versus trying to talk to them while they are so defensive, etc.

On a positive note......because of this experience you are going to make such a caring and compassionate dr. The pelvic pain specialist I just started seeing -- his wife has a chronic pain condition (back) and he was very compassionate about my pain....even telling me he would put me to sleep to do any test which could cause any discomfort if that is what I wanted. That is true compassion for pain.....that is exactly how you are going to be.

:grouphug:

[Paininthe*.*]

Other people tend to forget you're in pain and focus only on what THEY are feeling. My husband has been wonderful to me the last 2 yrs with IC, but he still doesn't "get it". Recently he's had a foot problem and walking is painful. When he whines, I often remind him...."try having that pain all day, every day, and no matter what you do, it doesn't go away". That's when he kinda "gets it". But on the flip side, when we're walking together, I tend to forget his foot hurts! IC is an "invisible" disease, so you just have to remind other people kindly.

[Zygala87]

Why didn't you say "now you know what I feel like each and every day and have been for more then a year" Maybe she would finally get a clue. Ziggy

[gtg728]

Oh my goodness the things people can say- and have NO clue what they have said. I am sorry you had to endure that. But on the silver lining side you might want to go back to her when you call to check on her again (which I bet you will do b/c it sounds like your nature)and use it to your benefit and help to educate her about IC. People never cease to amaze us and it is particularly difficult for the invisible disease to not exist in their minds. If we had some huge gaping wound I feel sure their response would be different. Keep on keeping on- you sound as though you will make a very compassionate doc! Sometimes I look at these events as life's little lessons- to me on how not to respond to my patients.:smile tee
Love and IC hugs! Remember this group of folks DOES understand how you feel!

[leelee88]

You know it always seems like its the ones who we are the closest to are the ones who hurt us the most. I just honestly do not think most people "Get" it. After you cool off I would certainly call your friend or go over there and let her know just how she made you feel. I know she was being very insensitive, but I truly do not think she was doing it to hurt your feelings. Let her know that her UTI is what you feel on a daily basis!!! Then she can relate to the pain you have and go through.

And like the others said you are not alone and we do understand!!

[sarahjth]

Thank you for all your kind words and advice.

I just CANNOT BELIEVE IT! I mean of all things to say... I think I am going to let her suffer a few days without me- I never ask her to come over and help. I kind of feel bad about it but after today it's what I should do. She's constantly texting me- still telling me she feels miserable, should she go to the dr., etc. and I am ignoring her. I know it's not the best thing to do but right now, I don't even want to look at her/talk to her because right now everything she does makes my skin crawl! I just cannot believe how spoiled some people are- I mean I would of helped this girl with anything and when she got a UTI- I really, really felt her but when she said that.. it has burnt me out!

[mrsaridings]

I am so sorry to hear that. Just remember, people who are in pain say things without thinking. I'm not taking her side by no means, but I just know I have said things I regretted while in my flares. I think your letting her be alone for a few days is a good idea. Maybe she will think about what she said and feel even worse. I know it sounds mean, but I hate when people try to act like IC is no big deal and we don't suffer. My mother-in-law is the worst in my case to do this. She deliberately cooks something I cannot eat on Sundays and holidays, and she will say things like oh I forgot, or you'll be alright, and oh well. Very rudely I might add. I am used to it now, but it still just galls me. Anyway, good luck, and I recommend giving her more detailed information via. mail just to make her more aware, even if you have already explained it to her, I would re-inform her. Without saying anything, that way while she is thinking over what she did she can be reading about IC and feel even more badly about what she did, and you will know that when she apologizes, she really means it. Good Luck.