"B" word scared me!!!

[Sunflower2]

Well... yesterday was really rough day for me. I had a totall break down. I cried myself to sleep.First, my best friend called me up on my cell, but I didn't answer her. I know why she called me up without a question. It's about her " Baby shower." I have been avoiding her lately because I am scared of having all the baby conversation with her whenever I talk to her. I am really happy for her first pregnancy. But on the other hand, I am really jealous of her being pregnant before me. She and her husband are married few years than us but they're going to be parents already. I really don't like avoiding her, but that's the only way that I won't break down in front of her. I am not strong enough to go to her baby shower emotionally. I know that I have been overly senstive about this " B " word a lot. I am trying my best to keep myself calm, but it's really hard. I wish that it was me being pregnant.She got pregnant by accident. She wasn't even trying to get pregnant. I've been wanting to have a baby for a quite sometime now. But with IC/PFD and my irregular period, it's not that easy. I cannot just spontaneously have sex with my husband even I want to... because of my condition. I have to " Schedule " to have sex with him. If I don't do that, we won't have sex at all. I am ok with that. But not with my husband.
Another thing really freaked me out was... dinner with my hubby's family last night. His family has been asking us " When " we are going to have a baby. I was talking to my SIL and she was talking about her being pregnant already. She'just got married!!!She is a newly wed, and talking about being pregnant alredy. That was it!!!! I really freaked out and just wanted be left alone. So I made an excuse to leave the family dinner so I won't break down in front of everybody. When I got home, I totally lost it. Later I was talking to my husband about how I have been feeling about this baby thing. I told him that I don't know if we could have a baby of our own because of me. I know that there are many ICers have babies.Some go into remission during the pregnancy and others just get worse... I hope I won't be one of them.
My husband told me to see a doctor who knows about IC and pregnancy. I tried to find the doctor, but I haven't been able to find one yet. I feel so lost now.

[ICNDonna]

Have you seen a gyn about your desire to become pregnant? If you've been trying for a year or more, you should probably both be tested just to be sure everything is working.

In the meantime, remember that this is your best friend and she needs you now.

Sending gentle hugs,
Donna

[traceann]

I was going to say the same thing that Donna did - if it's been a year, hot-foot it to the OB/Gyn and see what you can do to up your odds, since with IC, it's not like it's just as simple as "hey! I'm ovulating, let's go!" ;) Good luck and keep your chin up!!! :)

[kuntrygurl78]

I kinda know how you feel. My best friend is pregnant and due here in a few weeks. Me and another friend are both wanting to get pregnant. My other friend has lots of health issues, and it will be hard if not impossible for her to get pregant. I am planning on trying by the end of the year. I just keep remembering that she is my best friend, and that I will need her when its my turn. I also have 4 drivers whos wives are pregnant, so a lot of the talk here at work is babies. I admit its hard some days. Hang in there. Remember why you are friends with your friend, and you will be ok.

[ABliske]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I hosted a baby shower for my friend when I was holding off on getting pregnant because of IC. I was so busy I did fine on that day. When she had the baby though, I saw all the joy and the perfect little family and it made me so upset. I went home and cried. I felt very selfish and I thought my husband would think I was crazy. It's so tough.
Now, I'm on the other side of it. The same friend and another close friend are trying to get pregnant and I have to guard what I say a little. I'm expecting, but I didn't know if it would ever happen a year ago. So, there is hope and maybe you'll look back on all of this differently. Your OB should be able to refer you to someone you can talk to. I've stayed on MS Contin the whole time and it was an option for me to stay on other meds too.

[dg2901]

I agree with the others--see your OB if you've been trying for more than 12 months w/o success.

Re: your "best friend" being pregnant--if she's your friend you should be happy for her. Unfortunately our 'life's perfect plan' isnt always agreeable; think that if the tables were turned how happy you'd want her to be for you..true?

I was one of the "newlyweds" who got pregnant "without trying"--it's called life, and a lot of things in life we have no control over. Take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad.
Things will start looking brighter for you..I promise! ;)

Wishing you well..
Diana

[Claredale]

I agree with Diana. Share your friend's joy. You will be glad you did someday. Babies are a blessing and a joy. Even with that, the parents need all the support that they can receive.

Hugs, T83

[kellymh]

I truly know how you feel, my husband and I tried forever. I went through thousands of dollars of tests and still no baby. Even fertility drugs. I finally made my family doctor send me to Mayo Clinics fertility clinic. I went for one week, my husband and I both had multiple tests and at the end of the week they tell you why you aren't getting pregnant or that you can't get pregnant. I had a simple cleaning up of my ovaries and tubes and bang in two months I was pregnant. I tried for 7 years before that. My daughter is now 20 years old and in college. I was only able to have one child, but she has definately brought alot of joy to ours lives. Don't give up, a year isn't that long. But definately go to a fertility clinic. I went to several Gynecologists and they ran multiple tests but not a complete workup. Mayo was done in all one week. Good luck to you!

Kelly

[magtech]

the same thing happened to me two Sundays ago. My husband and I went to a family dinner on his side of the family and his sister asks me "did you get your period yet this month?" I said "excuse me?" Besides being blunt and very annoying she proceded to ask "when are you going to have a baby then?" Well, we all wish that we could know that, but explaining IC and all that goes with it to people sometimes doesn't work to well. I am sooo sooo soory that u had to go through that. My husband and I want a baby soon. My mother in law said "it's expected out of you." I was SO MAD-I actaully confronted her about it, she apologized and said she honestly didn't mean it and she wouldn't ever say it again. So still being positive and talking out your issues, when you've had time to relax from it might be an idea? Not sure what your situation is exactly, but it somewhat worked for me for the mean time. I wish all of the best of luck, I will say a pray for you! Take care and best of luck to you!:angel:

[Laura78]

Have you seen a gyn about your desire to become pregnant? If you've been trying for a year or more, you should probably both be tested just to be sure everything is working.

In the meantime, remember that this is your best friend and she needs you now.

Sending gentle hugs,
Donna

I agree w/ Donna. Although, having been someone who suffered through infertility, endometriosis & obviously, IC, I know how hard it can be to fake happiness for a friend. I'm currently preg. w/ #2 through IVF, but sooooo many friends & family members got pregnant during the time we were trying to conceive. And yes, the pain of sexual intercourse can be awful & I can definitely relate to "scheduling things". Right now, I'm too sensitive for intercourse. Sorry if TMI. I'm just telling you b/c I don't want you to feel alone. My heart REALLY goes out to you. Please pm me if you ever need to chat. Also, if you're able, you might want to tell you're best friend that you really desire a child right now, but your disease is making that extremely difficult. For me, it was better to start telling people that we were trying, but w/out success. For the most part, that kept them off of my back.

[Laura78]

the same thing happened to me two Sundays ago. My husband and I went to a family dinner on his side of the family and his sister asks me "did you get your period yet this month?" I said "excuse me?" Besides being blunt and very annoying she proceded to ask "when are you going to have a baby then?" Well, we all wish that we could know that, but explaining IC and all that goes with it to people sometimes doesn't work to well. I am sooo sooo soory that u had to go through that. My husband and I want a baby soon. My mother in law said "it's expected out of you." I was SO MAD-I actaully confronted her about it, she apologized and said she honestly didn't mean it and she wouldn't ever say it again. So still being positive and talking out your issues, when you've had time to relax from it might be an idea? Not sure what your situation is exactly, but it somewhat worked for me for the mean time. I wish all of the best of luck, I will say a pray for you! Take care and best of luck to you!:angel:

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug too. I'm not sure I could've refrained from smacking both the SIL & MIL. Ahhhhh! People never cease to amaze me in their ability to stick their feet in their mouths.

[karen10]

I'm so sorry you're going through this!! You know, it can happen for you too! Stay hopeful. I know having sex is harder, but as you know women with IC have babies all the time! Hang in there, don't stay discouraged for long! :)