Can't stop crying

[MerryBerryMoose]

I know it's been forever since I posted...anything.

I litteraly CAN NOT stop crying. And I have no idea why. Since...eh...early December it's been rough.
My boyfriends grandfather passed away, which made things tough on him and us. He had been going to NYC every weekend so I hardly saw him for close to 2 months. He missed our 5 month aniversary (back in Dec). He never lets me in emotionaly (and I know that can be a guy thing). So I tried to end it about 2 weeks ago. And to my surprise he just bawled his eyes out for close to two hours. I didn't realize he had it in him to cry. But he did. And I reconsidered. We agreed to work on our relationship. And we both tried but it's back to a standstill. I am lonely. He is busy. Somewhere in this mixed I was kicked out of my house and spent the night out in the snow. I called him and he didn't help in anyway, not that I really expected him to. He just told me to go back inside. I did after my mom left the next mornig, and then I locked myself in my room for 3 days. This sparked a huge fight. Of him not "kissing my ass when I'm upset". Whatever. Now his dog was diagnosed with a tumor and has to be put down.

What's happening in his life is far from fair. Losing a family member then a pet so close together. But I don't know what to do. ALL I DO IS CRY. I am so lonley/depressed. And he doesn't hear me when I say such. He thinks that I'm being clingy or I don't even know. Maybe I am. But still...I feel...intitled. I know that's wrong but I don't even know anymore.

I'm even trying to fight the tears as I type this. I really can't stop crying.

At this point I am heavily considering antidepressants again. I took them when I was in my early teens (ha, I'm not that much older now-18). I don't know what else to do. Does anyone have thoughts?

And not that it would make much of a difference, but I am on the DepoProvera shot, could it be hormones? But to this degree confuses me.

[Berkshire Road]

Honey, I'd be more worried about the home situation than the boyfriend situation. Who kicked you out in the snow, your mother? That sounds like a very complicated situation. Have you finished high school yet, or is this your last year (sorry, can't keep track of everyone!).

Now the boyfriend: Well, I can say that if I had a boyfriend in my teens who had left me out all night in the snow without trying to help me, that would have been the end of that relationship. He's giving you a lot of mixed signals. What are you getting out of this relationship?

Everyone needs to be loved. If you're not getting much of that sense on the home front, it's natural to look for it from a boyfriend. But this may not be the guy. I don't mean to sound heartless, but grandparents do pass away, it's a fact of life. I can't see any connection between that and neglecting your girlfriend for two months.

There's a line from an old Fleetwood Mac song that goes, "But you know it's true, you only want me when I get over you..." You might want to think about that. He's not there for you for a significant period of time, so you try to end it, and suddenly he can't live without you? Sounds manipulative to me.

You may or may not be overly hormonal from the shots, I have no way of judging that, but this just sounds like a bad situation all around.

Good luck to you, whatever way things turn out.

[ICNDonna]

Please let your doctor know how you are feeling. It sounds very much like you may be suffering from clinical depression, which is a physical condition and needs to be treated. You can't talk yourself out of depression any more than you can cure a broken leg by talking it out of being broken.

Please do get help --- and if it means taking antidepressants, so be it. You will feel much better.

Sending warm healing thoughts,
Donna

[GriffsMommy]

Gabby,
I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I agree that if you are feeling this way all of the time that it is time to talk to your dr. Donna is right that it is a physical condition and one that can be treated with the proper medication.

I don't even know what to say about your mother kicking you out into the snow. I have a horrible dad who I have never gotten along with and I don't even think HE would do that to me. If for no other reason than the fact that he recognizes that I'm sick and need to be taking care of myself.

And the boyfriend, they are really immature at this age. I will never forget being in highschool and having the biggest crush on one of my friends. He was super cute and nice and just all around great guy. We had hinted about going out on a date but he never followed through but as soon as I met a new guy who did not go to school with us and started dating him then he told me he was jealous. They sometimes only really do want you when they can't have you.

Because of the fact that you're crying all the time perhaps you want to talk to your dr about getting on antidepressants so you feel a little better before you talk this out with your boyfriend. I know that a lot of guys don't get upset when their wife/girlfriend cries, they get annoyed. And of course if you're crying it makes it so much harder to think straight and say what you want to say. I know as I have always been a crier and am very emotional at the drop of a hat even without hormone issues which I personally have right now due to Lupron injections.

It sounds like your boyfriend has been through alot, but you go through alot on a daily basis with your IC. You need to let him know that in a relationship you are supposed to be there for each other to lean on when something happens in your life. If he will not let you be there for him and if he will not be there for you then perhaps it is not meant to be. I had a friend ask me how my marriage seemed to be so good when I have IC and it effects such a big part of my life. When I asked my hubby what he thought about the question he said because "it's us against the world, supporting each other, not us against each other." That made so much sense to me. As Carolyn said everybody goes through things in their life, family members and animals passing away included. If he won't let you be there for him and he's not there for you then that sounds like it's not the kind of relationship you want.

I would def tell him how you feel, perhaps write down what you want to say before hand so when you get upset you have something in front of you to remind you what you wanted to talk about. I often try to do this with my father because he upsets me so much that I never get to say what I want to and when the conversation is over I think of 20 things that I should have said. Don't be mean about it, just let him know what you expect and need out of a relationship and if he is not able to give you that then it would seem that you should not be together. I also agree with what Carolyn said about the fact that he didn't do anything to help you when you were kicked out into the snow. He should have been asking his parents if you can sleep on the couch or help you call friends to see who can let you crash with them for the night. I am a little spoiled because my husbad is very wonderful to me and takes very good care of me so it always shocks me when men treat their wife/girlfriend so badly.

Whatever you decide I hope that you start to feel better real soon, you don't deserve to have all of this stress on top of everything else you have to deal with. :grouphug:

[SharonA]

Please talk with your doctor about all of this. Hopefully, he will help you get some antidepressants. (((Hugs)))

[kuntrygurl78]

I think everyone has said everything that needs to be said. I just wanted to send you a hug:grouphug:

[mystereys]

Okay, my $0.02, without knowing details, etc.

Go to a doctor, and maybe get on some anti-depressants. That will definitely help with the crying jags. Before I got on some, I would cry at anything. I remember watching a presidential debate and that set me off. If medications are available, and you can afford them, you might as well go for it. You can always get off them again.

As for the rest of it:

Break up with the boyfriend. He sounds really unsupportive, and from the way you wrote about him, you don't seem like you're (still) into him. Life's hard enough without idiot jerk boys mucking things up. There are plenty of great men out there.

It's really troubling your mom kicked you out of the house, especially if it's all snowy out. That fact alone makes it sounds like it's not a good home situation. You're 18. Is it possible for you to move out?


Good luck with it all.