lorihoss
02-22-2008, 06:34 PM
My husband recently admitted that he was addicted to internet pornography. We talked a long time about what he was covering up by staying on the internet when everyone else was asleep. He finally admitted that he has resented me and been angry at me for having this illness. He feels like it is something all the time with me.
I had post-partum depression after each of my three children extremely bad. I finally got that taken care of and then had to have a hysterectomy. I had a tumor removed from my uterus before I could have my last two children. So literally it has been something it seems like every two to three years or so.
I am a believer in the victory of Jesus and how he died to save me from my sins. My husband is a believer who is learning to rely on God to fill his needs instead of attempting to handle things his own self. He has had problems in the past 16 years of our marriage of getting overwhelmed and trying to handle things on his own.
I am now tired of trying to get him to open up to me, and let me in. He holds things inside and then seems to expect me to carry the relationship by emotionally chasing him down. We spent a whole weekend talking through these things and how he was rebelling against God by putting his faith in his own addiction to help him handle his problems. We talked about many things, but now I find myself really struggling with letting go and trusting him to be there for me when I feel bad.
I am now having huge problems believing that I can be weak in front of him. I now just don't believe he will be there for me if I get sick. I have lost faith in him. I feel like telling him to get out, that if I have to handle everything on my own, then I will do it by myself.
I know that God is with me. that is what is keeping me from loosing it. I know he is my rock, my refuge, my fortress, and my comforter. I know he knows my comings and my goings. I know that each step of my path is numbered and ordered from the beginning of time. that is what keeps me sane. That is what gives me hope that I will regain faith in my husband.
He has been a good man who has stumbled due to his new job of working 12 hour days and coming home to then put in about 3 hours a night on preparing lessons and grading papers. He works at a KIPP Academy which is a very intense school setting. I know that God is growing him, stretching him, and pulling him along a little bit at a time. Yet what I know and feel is just so different. So anyway, I just needed some way to vent and air my thoughts as I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this. So many people admire him, and I don't want to cause them to think less about him. Right now I just feel so hurt, and I am struggling to not get swamped with it all.
Poppa is dying of cancer, and I have to tell my children that news. I don't like being a grownup anymore!
I had post-partum depression after each of my three children extremely bad. I finally got that taken care of and then had to have a hysterectomy. I had a tumor removed from my uterus before I could have my last two children. So literally it has been something it seems like every two to three years or so.
I am a believer in the victory of Jesus and how he died to save me from my sins. My husband is a believer who is learning to rely on God to fill his needs instead of attempting to handle things his own self. He has had problems in the past 16 years of our marriage of getting overwhelmed and trying to handle things on his own.
I am now tired of trying to get him to open up to me, and let me in. He holds things inside and then seems to expect me to carry the relationship by emotionally chasing him down. We spent a whole weekend talking through these things and how he was rebelling against God by putting his faith in his own addiction to help him handle his problems. We talked about many things, but now I find myself really struggling with letting go and trusting him to be there for me when I feel bad.
I am now having huge problems believing that I can be weak in front of him. I now just don't believe he will be there for me if I get sick. I have lost faith in him. I feel like telling him to get out, that if I have to handle everything on my own, then I will do it by myself.
I know that God is with me. that is what is keeping me from loosing it. I know he is my rock, my refuge, my fortress, and my comforter. I know he knows my comings and my goings. I know that each step of my path is numbered and ordered from the beginning of time. that is what keeps me sane. That is what gives me hope that I will regain faith in my husband.
He has been a good man who has stumbled due to his new job of working 12 hour days and coming home to then put in about 3 hours a night on preparing lessons and grading papers. He works at a KIPP Academy which is a very intense school setting. I know that God is growing him, stretching him, and pulling him along a little bit at a time. Yet what I know and feel is just so different. So anyway, I just needed some way to vent and air my thoughts as I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this. So many people admire him, and I don't want to cause them to think less about him. Right now I just feel so hurt, and I am struggling to not get swamped with it all.
Poppa is dying of cancer, and I have to tell my children that news. I don't like being a grownup anymore!