can't get it together

[jesamyn]

Thank you to those that gave me the great advice to talk things out with my husband after he made a hurtful joke that was not aimed at me but I took offense to. I don't know why, but we seem to be fighting all the time now..we have been married 7 months and I can't get rid of the feeling that there are 3 "people" in this relationship: myself, my husband, and my IC. Sometimes I feel like my IC makes me "snap" and say things I don't really mean, coupled with my depression and fluuctuations in my medicine. I am trying to rid myself of basically all prescription drugs as it is possible, but it is soooo hard. I feel so inadequate largely because I feel like my IC is controlling me again, not the other way around. It makes me angry and sad which comes out in the most bizarre ways..like getting FURIOUS when my husband corrects me on something, even if it is in a gentle way...I still can't help but feel he is being judgemental, but maybe it is myself who is judging me?? These are prob questions for my pain management doctor/therapist, but I am sure that many other IC sufferers have anger that is bottled and comes out when it is not expected or really understood? As a 28-yr old woman who is newly married, maybe some of our more experienced women in relationships can help shed a little light for me? I would ask my own mom, but have barely spoken to her in 20 years...

*asking for :pray::pray::pray:
jesamyn

[dg2901]

The best piece of 'advice' i can offer regarding keeping peace in a marriage is settle differences immediately, and dont bring up past unpleasant situations (I also use this in my other relationships). If he says something to you that you know for certain was meant to be hurtful then approach him with your concerns, settle the dispute and move on. Marriage is difficult enough in the best of times; walking around angry and on the defensive all the time is only going to bring on unneeded/unwanted stress.
I've been married going on 19 years; it took me quite some time to realize 99.9% of disputes/arguments/what have you are frivolous and not worth the time it takes to get angry.

I also think it would be wise for you to discuss your anger with your prescribing/treating physician to make sure that none of your meds are causing any issues such as depression.

Wishing you well, dear...
Diana

[leelee88]

You know what you said does seem true in alot of ways.." It seems like there is 3 of us in the marriage" I know I have felt like that many times. I was Dx with IC just 3 months after I was married to my wonderful husband.
We have been married a year and a half now. And times have been trying with IC. My moods change with a pen drop!

But what I can say to you that has really helped us, is communication! YOu need to be open with him about your feelings. And you have to include him in everything you are feeling. Taking him to your Drs appointments is a good idea also this will help him understand more about this awful disease.

Some one stated awhile back that IC was not just her disease but it was thier disease and that is SO true, because it affects both of you in so many ways.You both have to tackle this together.
But you can't let IC rule your relationship. You both need to sit down and really talk about what you are feeling the good and the bad, Let it all out.

And if you cannot work it out, then I would suggest going to counseling. Sometimes this is needed just to get back on track. I hope things work out for the best..:angel: