elitynski
02-13-2008, 02:26 AM
I find that posting here is very cathartic - but I feel sort of STUCK right now and just can't get myselff moving forward. I'm sure some of this is situational depression and I'm thinking about seeing a counselor or therapist to try and work through the tangled web of emotions and thoughts.
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One of the hardest parts of dealing with this whole issue is not knowing exactly what I have. For instance, most of the time I don't think I have IC but then sometimes I doubt and think well maybe I do. HOwever, this could be PFD, which still needs to be managed and treated.
I get relatively confused as to which direction to head in terms of management and I struggle with the discipline to do all the right things because I don't get instant "drive-thru" results.
I hate being aware of my bladder and not feeling normal or comfortable.
I spend time wondering when and if things will get better.
I get confused as to why I'll have what seems like a couple of positive days and then go back to feeling like crap.
It drains me emotionally and physically. I need the energy to complete daily maintenance - like laundry and sometimes just taking a shower is a major thing.
Friends and family tell me this will get better over time especially as I take charge of my health.
But I doubt.
Compounded by all of this is the sleep apnea, the excess weight, the need to exercise, the confusion that I don't know EXACTLY what I have.
I have several trips planned that I want to take to be with friends and family, but I worry about the plane ride and long car rides. I remember how uncomfortable it would be driving over the holidays.
I think about going back to my Urologist but then I think , what can they do? There is no magic pill. Maybe there is some medication that might help, but I don't want to be a pill popper if I don't have to.
I read that sometimes remission happens - out of the blue, POOF, it's gone like a puff of smoke. I hope for this.
Meanwhile, the minutes, hours and days go by.
________________________________________________________________
One of the hardest parts of dealing with this whole issue is not knowing exactly what I have. For instance, most of the time I don't think I have IC but then sometimes I doubt and think well maybe I do. HOwever, this could be PFD, which still needs to be managed and treated.
I get relatively confused as to which direction to head in terms of management and I struggle with the discipline to do all the right things because I don't get instant "drive-thru" results.
I hate being aware of my bladder and not feeling normal or comfortable.
I spend time wondering when and if things will get better.
I get confused as to why I'll have what seems like a couple of positive days and then go back to feeling like crap.
It drains me emotionally and physically. I need the energy to complete daily maintenance - like laundry and sometimes just taking a shower is a major thing.
Friends and family tell me this will get better over time especially as I take charge of my health.
But I doubt.
Compounded by all of this is the sleep apnea, the excess weight, the need to exercise, the confusion that I don't know EXACTLY what I have.
I have several trips planned that I want to take to be with friends and family, but I worry about the plane ride and long car rides. I remember how uncomfortable it would be driving over the holidays.
I think about going back to my Urologist but then I think , what can they do? There is no magic pill. Maybe there is some medication that might help, but I don't want to be a pill popper if I don't have to.
I read that sometimes remission happens - out of the blue, POOF, it's gone like a puff of smoke. I hope for this.
Meanwhile, the minutes, hours and days go by.