rant

[dverba]

I do not want to think about: medications, bathroom breaks, sex lubricants, dr.’s appt., *****y nurses, acidic foods, soft clothes, hot baths, orange pee, heating pads, angry bosses, disappointed kids, disappointed husband, church members calling, counting the hair strands in my brush, etc……..

Where has my life gone? These things are always on my mind! Some body please remove the hot coals from my bladder and while you’re there please take the knife out of my urethra!

I think I have been going through some kind of 12-step program: grieving the loss of my bladder. I am officially in the angry phase. I am really getting ****** off!!!!! I am done, I want to take my toys and go home now. I am done crying! I want to hit something. This is so old and no one wants to hear it any more. My husband does not want to hear it, my boss does not want to hear it, and my friends do not want to hear it. I do not blame them. I do not want to be reminded every minute of the day that my bladder sucks, why should they.

I am ranting, I’m sorry! I just hate this. I want a day of normal, just one-day. I have hope, it will come. I am just so tired. I care so much about the people here.

If not for y’all where would I be?

[SharonA]

Sending you a soft (((hug))).

[Claredale]

DeAnna, I know just how you feel. This is such a frustrating disease to deal with. My faith was tested many times over, especially in the first few years. It was such a rollercoaster of days that I did okay and days that I was in total distress and felt I had bottomed out. I pray that God does put people in your life to help you get through this. I finally got my faith and hope back with the help of my family and friends. I know that you feel your family and everyone is tired of all of this. I know mine were too. I would go through tearful tantrums and even tried to push them away, but through my faith and continuous prayers, things finally turned around. I can't say everyday will be easy, but I was able to make it through it day by day.

I am finally where I feel better than I have in years. I never thought I would be in this place again in my life. I pray everyday that I am so thankful to have my life back and that my friends here on the ICN will be better too and say that their lives are better for going throught this life changing disease.

Hugs and many prayers coming your way!
Tracey

[leelee88]

DeAnna,
((((hugs)))) Let it all out hun, That's the only way to do it some times.. I know I have been to that point SO many times. And still have my grieving days for my old life. But you have to march on! And take one step at a time with this disease. IT CAN GET BETTER!! Please just remember that. I am not saying you will get back to being 100% normal, but you can find a point where life is so much more than what you are feeling today. I call it my new Norm. And some days it seems it is even getting better.

Deanna, If I can get better, I know many, many more can.. I was Dx with a severe case of IC my bladder looked horrible. And then on top of that I had my bladder rupture. It was the worse pain I ever had to endure. But somehow I made it through and I know you can to!

You have to just keep fighting, and days like this when you are mad.. Hey it's OK.. And the heck with what others think.. I have learned some people are just not worth my breath of explaining things.. And some of my family are the worse.. But hang in there.. Tomorrow is a new day.. And yes all of us here do understand and are here for you whenever you need that shoulder..:grouphug:

[traceann]

DeAnna, I think I can speak for most of us when I say we sooooo understand!!!:smile tee My hubby was so understanding, but even that got tested. I also had to remind myself that it did affect him, maybe not in the same way it affected me, but he too was grieving for the "loss" of our "old" lifestyle. So, things could get a little touchy around our house! ;) I remember one "argument" for lack of a better term, and at the time he was working out of town, and was only home on weekends. He made the comment about being tired of dealing with it - I lost it, but I kept my voice calm (how I'll never know, lol) and said "You?? You only deal with it on weekends! I deal with it 24/7 - try being me for awhile!!!" :cussing: He kind of never said that again, lol.

So yeah, it can be extremely frustrating to deal with everything - family, friends, IC etc, all of it can make a person crazy - just know you're not alone!!! ;)

[Ashley911]

UGH I hear you! I feel the same way!!! No one understands, except people here of course. My boyfriend begs me to go out to bars with our friends, and i just cant. The pain, the feeling of being left out of drinking, the friends that think "its all in my head" or "Ashley is always so dramatic". So we fight because his life isnt the same now either. I dont want to deal with this anymore and I understand your anger. Hang in there and please know that its ok to feel how you feel!! I FEEL IT TOO!:cussing:

[dverba]

You guys are so wonderful!! (Ashley),your picture brought my first smile of the day!! That is so cute! I can't wait for these "good"days to come along. I sure could use one. I wish it were Friday...

[GriffsMommy]

DeAnna,
I can so relate to almost everything you said except the boss since I'm on short term disability. Though I still think about her because I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to go back and I know she will be upset as I did work really hard for her when not in the bathroom!
Sometimes you just need to rant like that to feel better. It gets so old to deal with this stuff and feel like you're not seeing any improvement.
I hope that we will all have better days and though my bladder seems to be really hard to treat I hope you find your right combo soon and start feeling better. At least some of us should :grouphug:

[Breezy1218]

I feel the same way, and Ashley, I know what you mean, too. My (now ex) BF didn't understand at all why I stopped going out. Um, how about because the pain that drinking caused in my bladder just SO wasn't worth it the next day???

You have to have it to understand, I guess. Frustrating as hell, though, when people think you are being a wuss and in truth, you're not complaining NEARLY as much as you could!

[Dolby]

DeAnna,
I have never been one to be able to really say how I am feeling about something. But wow did you ever do it for me. Your first paragraph is amazing! I need to put it on a 3x3 and read it everyday to make me feel better knowing there is someone else that feels just like me. I was ****** in the begining and now after 4 years I still have days that I want to SCREAM! And even though my husband is great I know there are days when he would like to have his normal wife back. Big hug for you!!:smile tee
Sylvia

[gottapottie]

Bless you.....I can so relate to all your feelings. After 8 years, I still have days where I wish I could just blink and all the "issues" that go along w/ IC would dissappear. So many many days, I just want the old "me" back....for my husband, for my children, and just for me. I know that family and friends try to be understanding, but it does grow old for them......I struggle everyday to not be a "sick" person. It is so hard.

[lauriecircle]

I could have written your post! You are so not alone. This is the world of IC from my experience. This website is a godsend in helping us all cope. I hope just knowing you are not alone will bring you some amount of peace! HUGS!

[mayray]

I know exactly how you feel. If I hear one more person say "Why do you still talk about IC, get over it, dont you feel good now" I will scream. Just so happens I found out I am unselfish and want to help others. You can rant and rave anytime you want as far as I am concerned. All of us have been there. Its not like a scheduled surgery where you go in, get operated on, get out, recover and go back to the daily routine but no one gets it. Hope you start to do better.:bow:

[dverba]

Thank God I am not the only one! Today is better reading all your posts! Made my self come into work. We need every penny. I hope everyone has a good day....you all desearve it.

[traceann]

I hope you are having a great day DeAnna!!!