Not in the mood??

[Michelle in KC]

Seriously, I'm never in the mood when my hubby is. So, last night, I FINALLY am in the moods and guess what??? HE"S NOT!!! I'm just so p****, upset, dissappointed. He did a half a$$ attempt but that was it. OMG I am so mad!!! I'm not even talking to him today. He has some serious making up to do!

Grrr.....
Michelle.

[Berkshire Road]

Does he get this angry at you when you are not in the mood? Maybe you should look at it from both sides. Men can get that way when they have a bad day, or if they have a lot of anger or sadness or frustration built up, or if they're just really tired. Some men want more in those circumstances, some want nothing.

You have to keep in mind, our husbands are not exactly teenagers anymore! :)

[hdb1982]

I agree with Carolyn. Does he get angry when you aren't in the mood? Which is probably the case more often, he wants it and you don't. It is part of our illness that we as well as our spouses have to deal with. I feel horrible when I turn Adam down but he understands and never gets angry. How fun will it really be if youre not into it. He even tried to just to satisfy you but it wasn't good enough and now he is being punished? Maybe the lines of communication need opened up a little more as to what you and he both need to be happy. Neither should ever feel bad for not wanting it or wanting it and not being able to do it!

[leelee88]

Michelle,

I do think maybe somewhere communication has been lost. Maybe you hubby was just not feeling well or tired last night. I am sure it was not you. It just happens sometimes. I know if my hubby got mad at me for all the times I said no baby or I don't feel good baby then we would be divorced by now..

It's give a take when it comes to things like this. And to be honest, I think spouses that deal with having a sick spouse give alot more than they take!!! I know mine does. And I am so thankful for him..

So instead of being mad with him. Why don't you ask him, if something is wrong? Like I said maybe he was not feeling good or somethng was bothering him.
Hope everyhing works out..

[tigger_gal]

there has been time turned me down and I think well you ass I never shove you away. but then blow it off that something was bugging him. I think he might be well let me blow her off and see how she likes it type of thing. I agree there is lack of communication. I know that is what was going on here. I opened my mouth and let him know what I felt and it was a good thing.
so sorry hubby wasn't in the mood

[Michelle in KC]

There is a definate loss of communication going on in my house. Every time we talk about something other than the kids or the horses or dogs, we end up argueing lately. I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich yesterday and he said I'd probably have to wash the skillet. My response was "Imagine that". He totally jumped all over me for my statement. Whatever, it ws not made towards him or anything. It's a fact that there are always dirty dishes in my sink. Even if I manage to get them all done in one day, I turn around and it's filled again. OMG, seriously, life sucks in my house right now. No wonder Emilee is staying in her room reading all the time. Grrrrr.

Yes, he gets upset when I am not in the mood. He says he's not but his body language and actions say otherwise. He gets huffy and throws the covers off and stomps around the house until he leaves for work.

He's always said to me that he wanted to be woken up if I wanted to. Well, then I do and HE's not interested. He's still being a jerk.

yippee. Michelle.

[Want2BPainFree]

I feel for you, I really do. I know exactly where you are coming from on this, however, I am not married to the man that huffed around when I wasn't in the mood. I have a lovely husband who is very understanding.

I did not have IC at the time I was married to "the jerk". Sometimes, I just wasn't in the mood. And sometimes he wasn't. I didn't get mad, he did. There were other problems in the marraige, that I think led up to the arguing over every little thing, and when those problems started getting really bad, the sex problems amplified.

I don't know how you can fix this issue in your household, but if you can feasibly do it, hire a maid. Do it for YOU! Relieve some of your burden anyway you can, so you can rest and relax, and maybe all the resentment that seems to be floating around can fly out of the house.

[Michelle in KC]

Geeezzz, I make it sound like we argue all the time.

Ok, so argue, about once every 3 months. Then we argue for about an entire weekend before we're back to good again.

The in-between time is just wonderful. He's NORMALLY a great husband. I'm just tired, crabby, in pain, and in a generally cruddy mood.

[Claredale]

Michelle, we all have those moments. What I do, because I have been known to fly off the handle mainly about the little things at times...really and truly not very often, it isn't worth it. That is one thing I can say is my husband's best/worst trait is that he never gets mad. Believe me, I have tried alot in our almost 25 years of marriage. He will stay quiet for a little while, then he is back to normal. Plus, I don't know how to stay mad (I blame it on my meds LOL!, so I get over it very fast.

Hope things calm down for you both today. It's not good to get yourself all stressed out!

[Berkshire Road]

If it's really just a once-in-a-while thing, then the two of you have been together long enough to know how to get through those times. Some of your earlier posts in the thread seemed to suggest a more basic problem in communicating.

I hope that I am misreading this, and that things are fine with the two of you. But if the time ever comes when they are not, I want to tell you my husband and I went for several sessions of marriage counseling just because of that same issue: communication. Getting help is not an admission of failure, and it can make a world of difference (in our case, we both hated the first therapist so much that we would ride home laughing hysterically and doing impressions of him; so maybe he did help remind us that we are friends at the foundation of our relationship. The second therapist provided some more straightforward insights.)

Good luck to you both. I know raising adolescents is a strain, chronic illness is a strain... sometimes marriage takes work. I wish you happiness.