Don't know what to do??

[merky]

Hi I was just hoping to get a bit of advice becuase I feel quite like I'm going out of my mind!!
I got ill in 2005 and have just been diagnosed with IC. It has been a terrible time but I did manage to finish my degree but have been off work for just over a year now. Until the diagnosis I was just getting worse and worse but my new Dr has said I've got to be patient cause I was left un-treated so it will take a while to improve.
Anyway, my old college approached me saying they thought I sould apply for a PhD schlorship. I so want this but would need to do the application in the next 4 months and mentally and physically feel I can't. I'm also signed up on a teacher training course.
I definatly can't do both but don't know which one to leave for a while. I want the PhD more than anything but am scared to defer in case the chance has gone next year. Also, I have flu that I cannot shift so wonder if this is clouding my judgement.
I fee like I'm taking on too much too soon before I've had much improvement but I'm concerned people will think I'm lazy or not trying hard enough. I wear a lot of make up to go out and people don't see how much pain I'm in behind closed doors so i think people must think all sorts!! And my Dad is likely to think all sorts - he told me recently I had to start thinking of a career and quick cause I'm getting old - I'm 25!! I suspect he will be quite rude if I don't go for the PhD.
I just don't know what to do and just keep crying all the time! If anyone has any suggestions I would be so so so grateful.
M xx
p.s sorry its a long post.

[SharonA]

Many years ago, I was given some advice. I want to pass it on to you.

I was a single mom, going to college and working part time. I had the opportunity to make my job full time. I also was considering going on in school and getting a degree in Marriage Counseling for the Disabled. The person I spoke with about these two options gave me some very good advice.

He said, "Sharon...It will take you several years to get your degree because you will have to continue working part time to provide for you and your son. Those years are going to pass whether you are in school or working full time. Where will you be after those years pass? You will be degreed and stand a chance of a better life, or you will have worked full time during those years. It is a choice of now or the future".

I took the "now" because I really needed to take care of my son. I haven't regretted that choice, but I have often wondered where I would be now if I had continued with my education.

None of us know for sure how we will be feeling in the next 4 months. We might get a handle on this disease during that time. We might not. But those 4 months are going to pass anyway. The flu is not going to last much longer. Time continues.

It doesn't matter what someone else thinks of you. What matters are your goals for yourself and where you want to find yourself in a few years that are going to pass no matter what you do. It is your decision.

(((Hugs)))...

[kadi]

Hi Merky,
I think the important thing is to decide what you want to do with the degree, whether it is the teaching certification or the PhD. Also, whether the career you want will pay you well enough to handle the loan repayment, if you have to go that route.

I am a teacher (17 years) & I am quite concerned when I see young teachers come into the profession with enormous private college & advanced degree loans that they will struggle to pay off for at least 10 years, when they are earning the same pay as another new teacher with a more modest teacher certification (intern program or state college). Those enormous loans often mean not buying a home, not putting away money for retirement. And they could have had the same job they have now without incurring such enormous debt!

One of my friends left teaching to become a professor & earned a PhD to do so. She loves her work & is a wonderful mentor and guide for new teachers entering the profession. For her to publish & be hired as a consultant, the PhD was essential. However, she also has large loan repayment, and had to move out of state to find a tenure track professorship. For her, it is worth it, because she loves what she does & is making good use of her degree. (And honestly, she married a man from a very wealthy family, which I suspect, though don't know for sure, might make her situation different from that of a single person depending on one salary...)

You have a lot to think through...
An advanced degree can be a wonderful path into a rewarding career - or - it can be a money pit. This is worth your careful consideration...

[kadi]

Oh, and Sharon is right. It's your life, you are the only one who will have to do the work & live with the decision, so no one else's opinion is worth more than yours.

One thing, I have worked throughout my 4-1/2 years of IC, even when I was very sick the first year. (I was very very lucky to have had a boss who did not force me out on disability.) This was really hard many days, but overall, it kept me from drowning in depression or dependency on my family, and kept me motivated to fight for my recovery.

You are the only one who will know if you can physically take on either program right now. Either might be too much - or - either might help you regain control of your life & move forward...

Just another thought,
Kadi