Falling to pieces!?!

[sugar]

I really think I'm starting to just fall to pieces. It was only when the pain of IC started to improve that the depression and anxiety and panic attacks really started to appear w/great frequency. I've continued to have major crying spells, fear of leaving the house or just simply refusing to leave. This is my safety zone...everything else freaks me out. My poor hubby has been fantastic but baffled. He took me to a psych dr the other day, who put me on lexapro and ativan, but I havent noticed any effects yet. I'm so rattled that I started drinking again (had cut it out w/IC pain) and I know that's so stupid and only makes things worse. I'm in the process of trying to find a counselor to help me through this stuff. I tried to go back to work and only lasted two days before I freaked out and refused to go. My job is major high stress, and this is our slow season so the pressure is really on and I just couldnt take it. Fortunately I have short term disability and they promised I will still have a job once this all settles down. But for now I have no idea of what to do. ANy ideas? This has really baffled me to no end. Thanks!
Annette

[dverba]

Sugar,
Just had a crying spell last nite my self. People keep calling asking us to to things for the holidays and all I want to do is stay home. Thier feelings are hurt and think I am avoiding them. The truth is I am. Even at home I am terrible company so why would I want to go any where and be around other people. I think what you are feeling could be very normal right now. The holidays are hard for many people any way, top that off with IC life change and there you have it.
I have stoped going to church for now, not because I want to get even with God or anything, I just can't handle the people. They want to be sympathetic but do not have a clue what I am going through sense my diagnosis. Lots of people with IC take things like zanex or other sedatives to help with the same emotions you are discribing. IC is not a cold we will get over, it is a life altering disease and it is totaling over whelming to some of us. Our emotions are like a rollercoaster and being around other people can make that a very scary and difficult time.
I came to work today but missed Friday. I have no idea how long till they fier me for missing work. Dealing with the public and coworkers is some times to much to face right now. At least at church I know they care and are my friends, here at work that is not the case. I think you will be ok. I also think what you are feeling is normal, I hope so seeing as how I am the same way.
You have a place to go where people know what you are talking about and understand. The support here is real and does not judge.
You will be fine and so will the rest of us. We are here for each other. I hope you get a little peace soon. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
DeAnna

[leelee88]

Sugar,
I have been where you are at, and it's not a good place to be.. You have to pull yourself out of this no matter how hard it is!!

This disease, is awful it plays tricks with your mind. I know it does me. Because somedays I think I am getting better then WHAM I am in the bed again.. It does not play fair at all. It's like a rollercoaster and I think that is why our minds also gets so confused. I had to get on some depression meds for awhile and they really helped. So maybe the meds your Dr prescibed will start kicking in to. But you have to remb hun that the meds can only do so much. You have to work at this to.
Sending you (((((hugs)))) and letting you know you are not alone in this fight!!

[lisabar36]

I have to totally agree with Ronda. Its very hard but you do have to pull youself out of it. I have also been where you are and its not fun. I am on Elavil for my IC, but it has helped with my depression also. I hope you start to feel better. :grouphug:

[ICNDonna]

I'm so glad your husband is being certain you get some help with this. Hang in there. It will get better.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[SharonA]

There are a lot of things that we have to deal with in the beginning...learning about what we have, talking with people about what we have, finding the right doctors, finding the right meds/treatments that will help, learning new ways of doing things, etc. It can all be so overwhelming in the beginning. I know, I have been where you are right now. All I can say is it does get better.

I am so happy that your husband is trying to help. It is wonderful that he took you to see someone who can help you with all these adjustments.

[karen10]

Annette,
One of the things that we tend to do when we're feeling bad (without even being aware of it usually) is think that it will always be this bad, because we can't see a way out at the moment. I went to a great training this summer on mindfulness. One of the things we learned was this great little (but has a huge impact!) formula: pain+resistance = suffering. When we learn to accept and let go of our expectations of what we think should happen, it becomes easier. So what can you do right now in this state where you are? Focus on that, while at the same time continuing to search for answers and relief. It's a balancing act we have to learn because on the one hand we have to accept where we are, but on the other hand be hopeful for the future and continue to learn new ways to cope, find answers for relief, etc.

I would definitely recommend counseling. It can really help by giving us an adjustment on our perspective. We also just need to hear that what we're feeling is normal! And it is. I agree with Ronda, because of the rollercoaster ride we are on with this illness, it really can mess with our heads! What is helpful is to really check your expectations. Those are what get us into trouble everytime, with relationships, life in general, etc. Do we have the right to expect to feel good? I'm not sure what the answer is to that. BUT regardless, we won't always feel good physically, that's the reality. However, you do have the right to feel what you feel and to express that! Our feelings are NEVER wrong. The good news is that our feelings are based on thoughts. Sometimes those thoughts aren't always so good for us, and sometimes they are even wrong. So, experts tell us, if we change our thoughts, we can change our feelings! That's why I really focus on having thoughts that are proactive and optimistic. Doesn't always work, and I do cry more than I used to since being diagnosed with IC. But overall, I stay positive! There's a great book called "The Chronic Illness Workbook" that I read about on this site, and that has been very helpful for me. Thanks for sharing too, because it gives me hope to offer support to others (because we have to believe what we're telling others)! :smile tee Hope you feel better soon! :pray: