feeling low:/

[Dreamlove15]

I don't know why i'm posting this, heck I don't even know why I feel like this. This whole IC diagnosis is finally hitting me full force. Im finally realizing my life as it was is pretty much over. I can't do any of the things i use to. I have no job because I lost it back in october when I first got sick, my friends seem to be too busy to care, i cant go out like normal people do. I know I sound like im feeling sorry for myself, but im just not use to this. Im use to being in control of things, Im use to be able TO LIVE. I feel like im losing a part of myself to this IC and i've never been the one to give up.I just am sooo tired all the time, I have no energy, im in pain and think as each day passes im getting more and more depressed. I was doing ok at first but now now. Todays been rough and the tears keep coming. I havent been out in awhile because all the walking just makes everything worse. I just want to be able to find a happy medium, i want to be strong, but im losing hope. My mom i think is noticing im sinking. she keeps tellin me i need to quit throwin myself a pity party and get back up because she has lupus and has been where im at, but she doesnt get it. Im 23 and its all so new. I havent had the 20 years of coping she has on her...ugh i just wish i didnt feel like yelling. I want someone to blame for my sickness but im the only one to bame...im sorry for going on...:/

[GriffsMommy]

:grouphug: I am so sorry you're feeling so low. I know where you have been, I've been there myself. First of all it is not your fault! You didn't make yourself get IC. I have said to my husband many times that the fact that we have no money is my fault because of all of my health problems. He always reminds me that it's not my fault, I'm sick and I can't control that.

It really is hard to accept that you have a chronic condition and feel like crap every day. Believe me, I know, I'm 29 and have a 3 year old son that I don't feel well enough to play with half the time. Sometimes I get down and think I'll be like this forever. But I believe that I have found a good dr and he is going to try everything in his power to make me feel better.

If you are feeling so depressed though you might want to mention this to your uro or GP and get yourself on an antidepressant. It is hard having IC and there is no shame in asking for help if you need it. I hope you get to feeling better soon.:grouphug:

[Dreamlove15]

I appreciate the support. I've been on Lexapro long before I got diagnosed. I guess i'm just under a lot more stress lately. I also am wondering if my atarax is messing with my Lexapro...or maybe im just having one of those ho hum days...Thanks for your kind words though.

[SharonA]

You aren't to blame. You didn't do anything wrong. It isn't your fault. This is something that happened. I know it is hard in the beginning because it feels like everything has been taken away from you. It really hasn't, it has only changed the way we do things. There are still fun things to do and places to go and people to do them with. One day soon, you will discover that you are still you...valuable, strong, pretty, and fun.

You might benefit by finding someone you can talk with...a Counselor. Someone who is not so closely involved with you, like your mom.

[Smokey]

I agree with the others please do not blame yourself, its not your fault. I know its hard in the beginning, when I was first diagnosed I felt the same way you did. with the right treatment, things will get better. I know its hard to talk to people that are well and are not going through the same thing you are, thats why we are here for you to be supportive and we understand what you are going through.

take care and have a great new year

[ICNJess]

I know how you are feeling and I'll tell you this...it's normal to feel that way. Not only is normal to feel that way, it's just a part of the grieving process we as chronic pain patients go through. Allow yourself time to grieve and when you are ready, you will move on and begin healing. And that's why we're here, to help you heal!!! It will be a tough road, but you will get through this. I have been where you have been at and now, I'm 25 and I have a handle on things and a better mentality than I did 5 years ago when I first came here.

So go what you have to go through to get through this and do it at your own pace. We're all here for you, just know that you are not alone. :grouphug:

[mlzippy7]

Dreamlove15
I do understand how you feel. I lost my job after 10 years due to my illnesses. I bagged and pleaded to keep my job. They wouldn't listen. I gave 10 years and then I got a letter saying you no longer have a job.
It is hard to cope many days and I feel like I want to just give up but I know I can't. It is hard to be stuck at home and depend on others when you are so sick when you used to be able to be independent.
HANG IN THERE!! None of us on this board asked to get this disease. We all need to fight together to someday have a cure:)
Take care

[Dreamlove15]

I appreciate everyone's support. I think having your life turned upside by IC is hard. I guess it's going to take some getting use to. I will tae it day by day and hope it gets easier. Thanks everyone:]

[icnmgrjill]

Just wanted to add that one of the hardest parts of IC and ANY chronic illness or injury is the isolation it creates... often self imposed. I remember when mine first began, I, like you, lost many of my friends mostly because I stopped calling them rather than vice versa. I didn't know how I would feel... therefore didn't feel comfortable committing to spending time with them.

Well, that was MY mistake. Your friends do care... and they are probably very puzzled about why you've dropped off the radar screen. So, please give them a call... because, after all, you'd support them if they were ill, right??? Even if you can't go, for example, four wheeling... there's no reason why you can't have a great girl night with movies, popcorn and the like right at your home. Just ask!!! They'll eventually come!! They will!!

And, in the meantime, the other thing that happens is that IC makes you SO MUCH STRONGER and SMARTER about your health, your life and what's important to you!!!!! You are working your ass off right now.... coping with everything. You're going to IC college right now... learning lots of new stuff.... easily feeling overwhelmed. But, hey, each day... you ARE even more prepared to handle whatever happens to you because you are truly one day older and one day wiser.

Visualize yourself as being strong and as a fighter!!! You are getting things under control now!! Be patient with yourself. Don't judge yourself. As someone else said... you've done nothing wrong... now you've just got to give your body some time to calm down.

Sending you lots of healing wishes,

Jill O.

[lisabar36]

Hi, I have also had the same feelings as you. As all the others have said, don't blame yourself, its not your fault, and it takes time to find the right treatment. I was diagnosed when I was 29, but I had problems for years before that. Its very hard but what Jill posted really reminded me, thats the way I was, and now, I have learned to be stronger and you will to. :grouphug: Lisa

[snowgirl]

I appreciate the support. I've been on Lexapro long before I got diagnosed. I guess i'm just under a lot more stress lately. I also am wondering if my atarax is messing with my Lexapro...or maybe im just having one of those ho hum days...Thanks for your kind words though.

Maybe you could talk to your family MD and get your daily dosage of Lexapro a day. 10-20mg is what most people take. Personally, lexapro gave me anxiety at 10mg so I only took 5mg then weaned myself off.

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my job of 20 years because of IC- I missed work and exhausted my FMLA days. I blame myself. I say I should have never let the FMLA get to that point. MY friends also quit calling. You find out who your real true friends are. My therapist and my pain MD both told me that is very normal for friends not to call you anymore when you go out on disability.

I have been off of work a year. I can't take the anti depressants as they give me more anxiety or I can't pee. I am in counseling. Have you thought about going to talk with a therapist about your feelings and chronic illness?
You should check into it. Do you have one good friend you can call and talk with on the phone? Keep doing what you are doing- come to this website post and get your support from all of these lovely ladies and a few gentleman.
This board helps. You will find someone you can really connect with on this board as well.

I know how you feel. I am there right with you feeling it day after day. All Iwant to do is go back to work part time. I told my therapist I think that is the only thing that is going to help my depression. He says I am not ready for that yet.

Do you go to a pain clinic for pain managment? You take atarax correct?

Vicky

[Dreamlove15]

Wow, when I posted yesterday I never thought i'd get this much support. Thank you soooo much. Today's a bit better. I guess I was having an off day or just one of those days where reality hit me quick. I can definitely say i've been isolating myself, I guess I don't know how to get people to understand. I have constantly been invited out with my parents, but opt to stay hom because I cant stand the fact that I cant ENTIRELY enjoy myself. I can't go out to eat like everyone else and order whatever. Yea the pity party...its so hard not to sometimes though. But I will definitely try to be easier on myself, as it's not like I wished this upon myself. But im not going to lie, I want that part of myself back...the healthy part. Thanks again. I know where to come now when im feeling hopeless.:angel:

[lisabar36]

I have been the same way, I get invited out and don't want to go because I can't enjoy myself fully, I still have bad days when I feel sorry for myself, I am not going to lie about that. But this site and all the support, has helped me so much! Along with my new doctor. You hang in there, as you feel better you will want to do more, take advantage of the good days, thats what I do! :)