holiday blues and then some

[Jill CA]

In my life, I am the strong one that everyone turns to for advise and support. I am not allowed to be down or need help. This is the only place I can show that I am in pain physically and emotionally. My ic has been flaring after a 2 year remission. I have IBS, hypothyroidism, high bp, a skin rash on my legs, horrible tendonitis in my left hand and shoulder, have had a hysterectomy, an ovarian cyst the size of a tennis ball removed off my right ovary, and so many cysts on my left ovary that I had it out in Jan. Yet I work 50 hours a week in a position that very few women get hired for and I am a single mother. My 19 year old daughter is bi-polar and cuts her arms. She is under psychiatric care. My 16 year old daughter seems to get every freakish skin and airborne virus there is. She currently has a severe case of herpangina and has been very sick for a week. Both of her tonsils, the back of her throat, her gums, her lips and the sides of her tongue are covered with pus sores. My department at work normally runs with 3 people. I am down one so I have been doing 2 jobs and running back and forth to take care of my girls. I am a single mother and their father doesn't help. I have no family. My mother died when I was a baby of ulcerative colitis and the grandmother that raised me died when I was 13. I ran away from the rest of my relatives at an early age as they are abusive alcholics and one of them even tried to rape me. I refuse to be a victim and I fought him off! I have no support and I ususally do ok. Today is just a bad day. I was so looking forward to a 4 day weekend. The toilet AND the washer overflowed. While I was paying the $300 plumbing bill, I got called in to work cause I'm on call 24/7. My closest girlfriend called me upset because one of the guys she is seeing gave her a diamond necklace and she didn't know if she should accept it. Sorry for the venting. Just a day where I want to tell them all to go take care of their own @#$% and give me a break! I need a vacation. Where there is no phone service.

[GriffsMommy]

I'm so sorry you're going through so much! :grouphug: I can only imagine how hard it is. I have kids and a house and I had a job before I went on short term disability. It really is hard to be all things to all people. I hope you can enjoy your couple of days off and get some much needed rest. We are here to listen and we all need to vent. :grouphug:

[Babs RN]

I used to live near Lompoc--central CA rocks! Please know that you can come here and vent anytime! I work full time and am a single mom as well. Hang in there.

Hugs,
Barb

[Jill CA]

Thanks for the support. And I know Lompoc, Barb. You might be the only one who has heard of Santa Maria!

[JanL]

Jill,
I am sorry that you are going through such a tough time. Consider this a big hug and feel free to vent and ask for support when you need it. You sound like a very strong and special person to have gone through all that you have and be the person you are today. I am impressed that you are able to do all that you do. Would it be possible to take a few days off from work and give yourself some much needed and well deserved rest? I hope that the rest of the week goes better for you and your girls and that you have a good Christmas. I will be praying for you and your girls.

Janice

[leelee88]

Jill, I am so sorry you are having to go through all this stress. I know Christmas and the holidays can put even more pressure on us. I know it has me. Sending you ((((hugs)))) I hope things will ease up and get better for you..:angel:

[SharonA]

Oh Honey...You are going through so much right now. I am so sorry. I hope this lets up soon so you can get some much needed rest.

[Babs RN]

I do know Santa Maria, because that was the closest mall and we used to also go to the Miller's Outpost(does that show my age?). I hope your weekend gets better.

Hugs,
Barb

[ICNDonna]

:grouphug: I wish I could help.

Donna

[BBB]

I hope you are feeling better Jill over the last couple of days. I feel for you and know what it is like to be single mom and not have a Mommy of your own. It sucks!!!

Feel free to vent anytime. You seem to be doing a wonderful job. It is nice to have you here.

May God Bless you and your children,
Betsy

P.S. I went to Santa Maria a lot when I was a child growing up in Southern Cali!:)

[Jill CA]

Thank you all for your kind words. An update......went to doc on Christmas eve for consult. My insurance requires consult/exam, then cysto, then instills. Doc office took pity on me and did instill during consult/exam. Also have a nice yeast infection. Someone on this site had suggested I get tested for mastocytosis. I had printed it and taken it with me. I had highlighted all of my health problems on the symptom list. I showed the doc the rash on my legs and reminded him I already have Hashimotos. They sent me immediately to the lab for blood work. Funny thing was, even though I wasn't expecting a catheter and blood draw on Christmas eve, I came out of their in a better mood. At least I am being pro-active and my doc is listening. Came home, put my turkey in, and went to the pharmacy for yeast med. My girls and I had a lovely dinner and then drove around for over an hour looking at xmas lights and singing Christmas carols. Had to rush home due to IBS attack, but we had fun while it lasted. In our world of pain and embarrassment, there are always good days to keep us going.

[GriffsMommy]

I'm so happy you're feeling better. I know it's crazy how good you can feel when you start getting tests done. You know that you're going to get to the bottom of it and then that leads to treatment that can help you. Sounds like you had a lovely Christmas, I'm so glad for you.

[kuntrygurl78]

I just wanted to send you a hug and welcome you to our family:hi:

Feel free to vent here anytime!

I admire all that you have gone thru. You seem like a very brave person. I hope you had a merry Christmas!:angel:

[Claredale]

Welcome to the ICN. I hope you are feeling better. Thanks for sharing about your family. I pray that the New Year will be better for you all!

Hugs,
Tracey

[mimimama]

I am very sorry to hear you are going thru so much. It seems more than one person can bare. I cannot imagine how tough all of this is on you:pray:

You are not alone and we all care deeply. Feel free to vent anytime!

[ICNJess]

You sure do have a lot on your plate. You can come here and rant anytime! You've got to have somewhere to go :grouphug: I hope things start to look up for you!