ihurttoo
12-01-2007, 11:55 AM
To my Dearest IC Friends,
Thank you all for all of the overwhelmingly kind, wise, and compassionate support you have all given me so generously since my return to the ICN the first week of November. Throughout my multiple health crises and numerous hospitilizations over the last couple of weeks and months, my IC sisters here have been here for me, whenever I have needed you, or asked you to be, (or wheverever my friends have asked you to be on my behalf). I will NEVER forget that!
Even my local "friends" here have forgotten me when I needed them, and only come around at their own convenience (like when they needed to borrow something or "borrow" money (that they never planned on paying back!) (And, of course, you know me! I loaned it, b/c I KNEW it would ensure that their sorry butts WOULDN'T come around anymore! It is nice to know EXACTLY how much your friends are worth!....Judas betrayed Jesas for 20 pieces of silver. One friend has stopped visiting me or returning my calls for $30!! The other one, has stopped visiting or returing calls for $75. (AT least she thinks a little more highly of herself than the other one does!) Funny thing is, neither of these woman would ever DREAM of selling part of themselves to a MAN for $30 or $75! (Because they know that would be tantamount to prostitution!) Yet, they think NOTHING of doing it to another woman! (A "FRIEND" at that!) (Yes, one "friend" is the exact same one who ruined my carpet shampooer last year, and then never even told me or brought it back! (Then, when I went to go get it at her house, she lied about even USING it, even though her carpets were noticiably shampooed! So, I asked her son when she left the room if he cleaned them when she wasn't home or something, and he said, "No, Mom did it!" (He didn't know she'd just lied to me and said she hadn't used it!) Then, I got it home and of course, it was broken! And of course, I forgave her and said nothing. That was my "Christmas present" from her last year! It happened Christmas Eve last year, and I posted about it that night. (You guys were there for me then too, when others let me down!)
And the other "friend" is my cousin...the one that had cancer and was terminal (but isnt now and is totally over it), and I paid for her (all expenses) to go on vacation with me last summer to Florida, and she ruined it by inviting a friend of HERS along, (without even asking me or telling me ahead of time and THEN acting like I should be "happy" about it, since it "would be someone to pay for part of the room and gas". Well, since I was already paying 2/3 of it, and her "friend" was a Primadonna Princess who stole my meds from the safe, I was NOT "happy" about it! They also ended up treating me like the "3rd wheel" on the vacation Iwas PAYING
FOR! (Her friend DID pay for her own expenses and 1/3 of the room and gas,
but, STILL! Then, They tried to keep me from driving MY OWN CAR back home b/c her friend didnt like the idea of me driving on pain meds, so her friend, (who stole my meds, wanted to drive! (Also, she said she was "nervous" riding with Tonya or anyone else driving, that she "only trusted her own driving". (That's when I lost it and told her that I WAS gonna drive my :cussing: car, and that I didnt like the idea of HER driving or trust HER driving! I THEN told her that I didnt trust HER driving my car period, but PARTICULARLY while taking MY pain meds (that WE ALL KNEW she stole out of the safe!). And that if she didnt "trust" someone else to drive, and she
should have thought of that before she came on this trip, because she knew she'd be riding in someone else's car, and it would be safe to assume that
most people DO drive THEIR OWN CARS! Furthermore, if she didnt like that then as far as I was concerned, she could ride home with a truck driver! (After all, everyone says they are the "best drivers on the road!)
:evilsmile I then proceeded to pull off to the emergency lane and tell the you-know-what to get the H out of my car or shut her mouth for the rest of the trip home and behave herself! (So, needless to say, she behaved! :evilsmile )
I know I am even longer-winded (and rambling) this morning than my normal long-winded (and rambling) self! (No wise-cracks! LOL!) (But, it must be the extra pain meds!) (Well THAT, and/or the anesthesia from yesterday, b/c EVERY TIME I have surgery, I am ALWAYS hyper for some reason! (The day after I came home from the hospital after I had given birth to my only child, Collin, (by C-section, due to toxemia!), I even picked ALL the strawberries BY MYSELF in our strawberry patch and made 17 strawberry pies (complete with homemade crusts and fillings!), for all the old people at our church, and my Drs and nurses! I am JUST as hyper right now!) So,
please forgive me, and try to overlook my rambling today! I swear there is a point in there somewhere! :)
The point is that the above people, had messed over me, time and time again, yet, I forgave them time and time again.) (And believe it or not, if they were TRULY sorry, I would STILL forgive them again! Not b/c I am crazy or stupid, but b/c I am a Christian, and that's what I am supposed to do, and I really can forgive everything other people do to ME, because God has forgiven me for everything I have done to him and other people myself. (However, even though I am supposed to forgive, I DON'T have to set myself up wide open to be hurt again. I can forgive without having to even become friends with them again. (That's the part I didnt realize before.....I thought forgiveness meant I had to restore someone to their former place in my life, and it doesn't. (I mean people get divorced, and have all kinds of bitterness and hatred with their exes. Then, sometimes years later, they are able to forgive, but that doesn't mean they are going to remarry them just b/c they forgave them! So, the same thing would apply to friendships. (See, all along, I was thinking I had to "remarry" everyone! LOL!)
But, as for you all, EVEN when I left you for several months, you STILL supported me when I needed you!********(tears)**********(tears)*************(tears)*******
Brigette wrote a thread for me on the prayer request board, (unbeknowanst to me), asking for prayers for me, and asking people to reach out to me, since she knew I felt alone then, (other than her friendship...since Brigettte never left me.) And, as soon as you guys knew I had a need, you responded too, with overwhelming support! Old friends called me in the hospital that I hadn't heard from in a while, (and I had missed terribly but had stupidly just let depression hold me back and keep me from reaching out to people when I should have!) But, by Brigette posting that for me (without my even knowing it), she got me the kind of help I needed, at the time I needed it....love of friends!
Also, I got phone calls from brand-new people I had never met before, who are now wonderful friends that I talk to regularly, and couldn't live without! (I am talking specifically about Sandymarie here! :) She has been such a saving grace for me thru this by building me up spiritually, (which is what I need most of all!) But, I also got the wonderful bonus of her friendship! She is a bit older (and QUITE A BIT WISER), than me! And, it is such a joy and a pleasure to get to talk to her. I feel uplifted spiritually, emotionally, and relaxed when I get off the phone with her, or even after getting a pm from her! It is REMARKABLE! But, JUST AS AMAZING, she is the type of person who is SO SMART, that it ooozes out of her, and you can't help but learn SOMETHING, EVERY TIME you talk to her! (Even though she isn't really trying to teach anything! (You just sort of learn by osmosis! It just sinks in your pores from being around here, and you soak it up, leaving her presence just a little bit wiser than when you entered it! :)) (I KNOW! I KNOW! I need to be spending a WHOLE LOT MORE time in her presence!) LOL! I can laugh about it, but it IS true! So, Sandymarie, if you are reading this, now ya know, ya GOTTA call more! LOL!
I also want to thank Laura (Octoberfarm) and Barb (BabsRN) for talking to me while I was so scared and alone in the ER, while things still looked VERY grim! I went to the hosptial, b/c at home I had been on 5 different abx that had ALL failed and I was almost done with the 5th one, and was still getting sicker, instead of better. (And those abx are not even counting the 3 abx eye drops I was taking for the pink eye, which I STILL have, and for which I am currently taking Gentomycin!) I had also tried an outpatient course of a Taper Pack of Prednisone, over Thanksgiving weekend, and though it DID make me feel better, I went off it on Monday, and was also still symptomatic with Lupus symptoms as well as IC symptoms, complete retention, the pink eye in both eyes, mouth, tongue and throat ulcers, sore throat, ear ache, swollen lymph nodes in my: throat, armpits, and groin, the Lupus rash on my face and chest, nausea and vomiting, fever, chills, flank pain and tenderness, abdominal pain and tenderness, body aches, dark yellowishish-orange colored urine with pus in it (in my own cath sample in the ER waiting room), my urine samples at home were also positive for Nitrates on a home UTI test kit 2 days before (also confirming a bacterial infection, AS IF other "proof" was needed given all the other things going on! (But, unfortunately, the other things weren't "good enough" for the ER Dr!)
Through a series of unfortunate events, I had NO credibility with the ER Doctor. First, though I had fever at home, (my temp had been 102-103), when they triaged me, no fever showed up b/c I had taken Advil AND Tylenol 1 hr before I came, and it apparently brought it down! (So, I looked like a liar about the fever.) THEN, they asked me what brought me there and I told them everything, (including that I was in complete retention and couldnt pee at all!)
Normally, I can self-cath when I cant pee, but what scared me so bad THIS time, was the urine wouldnt even come out THAT way, and I DID put
the cath in and in the right place! (The problem was, I was encountering some sort of mucous plug or something that kept stopping up the catheter.
I guess this was the mucous that I saw in the urine that I finally DID get out when I cathed! Anyway, since my catheters are very small,...8 French..it blocked it up completely. I was just plain hurting too bad at the time to THINK of what to do! So, by the time I got to the ER, I hadn't gone to the bathroom in 13HOURS! So, of course, by the time I finally DID get it cathed out, my urine was VERY dark, an odd yellowish-orange color, AND it had visible pus in it! (Fortuanately I DID have the presence of mind to get a sterile collection cup and save the urine to be cultured!) The only reason I was FINALLY able to cath it out myself after 13 hrs, was that I remembered that one time (a LONG time ago) when this had happened, that the Dr. had told me to do a retro flush to push the mucous out of the way. Since I carry EVERYTHING in my huge diaper bag, I had a Foley in there, and a syringe filled with saline, (in case I ever go into bad retention and need to put a Foley in. But, I hadn't put it in yet this time, b/c earlier, I could get NOTHING out when I cathed, and had forgotten to do a retro flush, and didnt know WHAT was wrong and thought they were going to need to check this out when I got back there!) So, anyway, I used the syringe to do the retro flush, and sure enough, it worked! After that, I was able to get the urine out! (Thank God, too, since they didnt take me back to a room in the ER for and put a Foley in me until 5 HOURS LATER!
HOWEVER, when I finally got called to the back, and they put a Foley in me, though they had already did the urinalysis on the urine I gave them from the lobby, the Dr. ordered that they get another sample from the Foley cath too. He also ordered a CBC. When the nurse went to cath me, since she knew I self cathed at home, and she was setting up the supplies, getting things sterile, she allowed me to go ahead and clean myself "down there" and apply my Lidocaine. (This is important BECAUSE, when the urine tests came back for BOTH, the one I did in the lobby showed white cells, (and infection), but the one THEY did from the Foley didnt.) The Dr. attributed this to the fact that "the nurse cleaned me before she put in the Foley and "patients NEVER really clean themselves properly". I didnt rat the nurse out that she allowed me to clean myself, b/c I didnt want to get her in trouble with the Dr. b/c he looked like (and acted like the type) that would take out his anger on her, if I showed him up. (Which we ALL know I COULD have if I wanted to! And at THAT moment, just KNOWING I could take him down, was enough for me, without actually doing it, since it would've gotten the nurse in trouble!) But, I must confess that I wanted to take him down REALLY BAD!!!!
But then, things just kept on getting worse from there! Then the CBC came back in, and it was NORMAL! I STILL have no idea how or why it was normal! Since I for sure have several DOCUMENTED bacterial infections going on! (The pink eye is documented by 2 different Drs and it is FOR SURE bacterial! THEN, the Uti is for sure BACTERIAL, and that one I saw on the AZO home UTI test strips, PLUS, it was dociumented by a the lab at the Clinic early on. And last, (but certainly not LEAST!) they diagnosed me with an infection of the gallbladder and gallstones while I was in the hospital, and IT is bacterial! So, WHY on earth DIDNT the CBC show an elevated white count or anything abnormal going on?!!!! (And could it possibly be b/c I have Lupus? I am not asking this rhetorically....I sincerely don't know either, and am wondering if anyone else that has Lupus or an automimmune disease might know? Or, I am wondering if the CBC might have came back normal b/c I was on abx so long, that they were masking the white count on the CBC? Is THAT possible? (Again, I am not asking this rhetorically. I really, honestly do not know this and am wanting to know the answer if anyone DOES know it?
But, WHATEVER caused the CBC or the Urine Test from the Foley to
back normal, the fact is that THEY DID, and it made me look like a LIAR to that ER Doctor!
Then, the fact that I SAID I had a fever earlier, and didnt have one when I got there (b/c of the Tylenol/Motrin), didn't help my credibility either! Nor did the CBC coming back normal, (for reasons that are STILL unclear to all of us!) Further diminishing my credibility, was the fact that I had complained of TOTAL retention, yet now, I had gotten pee out (since I remembered to do a retro flush).
So, basically, I looked like a liar to him and he was ready to send me home with the Foley, and take me off of all the abx I was on, (since he saw NO PROOF of infection) at that point. So, he asked me if I had ever been home with a Foley before, and told me how he could NOT hospitalize me "for no reason", and then he left the room. I thought he was leaving to go write the discharge papers, and that's when I became UNGLUED!!! And that's when I got out the cell phone and started calling everyone but Santa Claus trying to figure out what to do! It was VERY late at night. (I am not sure what time, since there was no clock in my room, but I am pretty sure it was past 11 or 12!) But, I didnt know WHAT to do and was hysterical! So, I looked at my cell phone at the numbers of people that had called me in the last few days, and saw Octoberfarm (Laura) and BabsRN (Barb) on there. So, they got to do the "honors" of talking to me in that state! But, they came thru with flying colors! Laura posted for me here to ask others if I should call my Gyn (my IC Dr) on his cell, to have HIM admit me to the hosptial, (since he was the one who admitted me 3 wks ago.) And of course, all of YOU also reacted swiftly, compassionately, and wisely! (Everyone told me to call him, that "he wouldnt have given me his cell if he didnt mean for me to call him when I needed to" and this was definately a "need to time, if ever there was one!"
But, while I was still on the phone with Barb, the Dr. came back in the room, and said he was ordering a few more tests, "just to be sure". He decided to order a CT scan with contrast dye of my kidneys, a chest X-ray, and ultrasounds of my liver, pancreas, and gallbladder. I TRULY thought it was STUPID to do those tests (since I KNEW I didnt have kidney stones, b/c I would be hurting worse on one side or the other, and I wasnt.) And, I had NO IDEA why he wanted to do the chest X-ray! As for the other tests, I figured they were just part of a panel of tests that ER Drs liked to do, just so they could cover their bases in the event of lawsuits or something. But, since I wouldnt ever sue anybody, (and didnt have pain in ANY of those areas!), doing those tests, and waiting around for the results of them, seemed pretty pointless to me! HOWEVER, Barb told me that while she thought I SHOULD call my GYNO to get hospitalized, she told me I needed to wait for those test results, since HE may want to do the same ones ANYWAY, and at least I'd get 'em over with while I was here! Also, she said that if I did THAT, at least he would have all the test results in front of him when I talked to him so he could rule out other things for sure! But, lastly, (and perhaps MOST IMPORTANTLY, she convinced me that it would probobly be best to wait to go see him the next day instead of calling him at that point because of this...Since the ER Dr. now thought I was a liar, and now seemingly had PROOF of it, (even though I wasnt, it SURE DID LOOK like it at that moment) and she convinced me that if it looked like it to the ER Dr, it just MIGHT look like it to MY Dr too! (Especially if I called that night! B/C if I called that night from the ER, my Dr, would've wanted to talk to the ER Dr, since I was still there, and THEN, the ER Dr, would've been CERTAIN to tell Dr. XXX about all the "proof" he had that it WASN'T a bacterial infection...normal CBC, normal urine dipstick from the Foley specimen, no fever on presentation, no throwing up since I arrived (since I hadnt eaten in days and had taken a Phenegrin suppository, unbeknowanst to the ER staff who refused to give me anything for the nausea!), etc. So, basically, Barb convinced me to hold off and wait and go see him the next day...in person, since that ER Dr. was SURE to discredit me, (especially if Dr. XXX was tired and pressed for time and didnt want to take the time to hear my explanations for why things appeared normal, but weren't really!) Besides, Barb reasoned, any Dr. is going to believe another Drs d/x over his patient's self d/x! (No matter how incompetent the Dr. or how competent the patient happens to be!)
After listening to Barb, I KNEW she was right! And I KNEW that God had led me to call her for a reason! So, I followed her advice and went thru with the tests, and didnt call my Dr.
Then, when the ER Dr. came in and told me I had gallstones and my gallbladder was severely infected, you could have knocked me over with a feather! (There is NO TELLING what my face looked like when he told me that! Probobly shock and utter disbelief!)
So, to make this EXTREMEMLY LONG story shorter, he called in the surgeon, and they scheduled the surgery for the next afternoon. I had it Friday around 3 or 4, and got to go home right after it. Mom came home with me, and stayed...(and stayed...and stayed!!! LOL!) I FINALLY ran her off about 10 pm (and believe me, it wasn't easy! LOL!) But, I have put the car in the garage today, and locked the doors, so she aint comin back today! LOL! (I know I am terrible! But, I (obviously) had to take alot of pain meds yesterday, and that, along with the anesthesia, makes me WIRED, (as you have probobly noticed, and as I explained earlier in my post). Well, my Mom is Bi-Polar, so SHE thought I was MANIC, and kept following me around all afternoon while I was trying to clean, telling me so! (I kept telling HER that when the only tool you have is a hammer, EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE A NAIL! After all, every since I got d/xed with IC, when I hear about people with a UTI, my ears perk up, and I am mentally running thru the IC checklist wanting to make sure they dont have our symptoms! Well, Mom is the same way, only I swear I think she is trying to RECRUIT members to her club! LOL! (But, I couldnt tell her that I was on massive qtys of pain meds yesterday,
b/c then she'd think I was a drug addict! See, it is 6 of one and 1/2 a dozen of another!) (Ordinarily I DONT take "massive qtys", but this was b/c of of the post op pain, and also Anesthesia makes me hyper and "chatty" too, just as pain meds do. So, with the combo together, I WAS extra keyed-
up yesterday and today, but I am ordinarily never like that, b/c normally I am on a "normal" amount of pain meds, and obviously, anesthesia is an extraordinary thing for me too!
But, it WAS very taxing having her following me around all day, trying to tell me I am Bi-Polar (and I DO mean ALL day!)
So, anyway, back to the story! They took out my gallbladder, and he said it was full of gallstones! He thinks that my nausea and vomiting all the time has been caused by this, and that will diminish significantly. (It is funny b/c I just assumed that EVERYBODY here just threw up all the time! I had been nauseated daily, and was throwing up 3-4 times a week, minimally, and thought you guys did too! LOL! So, he says this will be WAY better! :confused: Also, the "referred pain" (that I have been attributing to my IC) the pain that is in my back and flank pain, MAY have actually been referred pain from my gallbladder! :woohoo: (But, no one is real sure about this yet, and we just wont be real sure, until about the 6-8 week mark when I should have a better idea! But, I can't WAIT to find this one out for sure!) Wouldnt THIS be GREAT news???!!!
So, that's the whole story! Thank you all again for everything! I also want to thank everyone else who posted to me while I was in the hospital, and pmed, and called, (including those I was able to talk to, and those who werent able to get thru b/c the nurse took my phone off the hook after she had me hooked up to stuff in the pre-op area! :( (Special thanks also to Jamie (Billsbaby) for being so persistant and calling all over the whole hospital to find me, and then, MAKING the nurses put my phone back on the hook for you, so you could talk to me! :lmao: You go girl! You made me smile when I was so upset b/c my husband was a jerk, (not coming up there for the surgery!) I wanted to thank you extra special for brightening my day the way that you did! You are very special, and I cant wait to meet you in person someday soon! Hopefully, now that this gallbladder's out, I will get to feeling better, and maybe we can each drive an hour and meet half-way like we've been talking about after Christmas or something! I would really like that! Good friends are hard to find in these parts, I would drive an hour for one like you ANY DAY!
Thanks again to ALL OF YOU for everything! You guys are the best! (Again, I am so sorry this was so long! (Shh!!! Dont tell my Mom! But I SWEAR! I AM NOT bi-polar! (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I just dont happen to be that!)
Love and hugs to all,
Amy
Thank you all for all of the overwhelmingly kind, wise, and compassionate support you have all given me so generously since my return to the ICN the first week of November. Throughout my multiple health crises and numerous hospitilizations over the last couple of weeks and months, my IC sisters here have been here for me, whenever I have needed you, or asked you to be, (or wheverever my friends have asked you to be on my behalf). I will NEVER forget that!
Even my local "friends" here have forgotten me when I needed them, and only come around at their own convenience (like when they needed to borrow something or "borrow" money (that they never planned on paying back!) (And, of course, you know me! I loaned it, b/c I KNEW it would ensure that their sorry butts WOULDN'T come around anymore! It is nice to know EXACTLY how much your friends are worth!....Judas betrayed Jesas for 20 pieces of silver. One friend has stopped visiting me or returning my calls for $30!! The other one, has stopped visiting or returing calls for $75. (AT least she thinks a little more highly of herself than the other one does!) Funny thing is, neither of these woman would ever DREAM of selling part of themselves to a MAN for $30 or $75! (Because they know that would be tantamount to prostitution!) Yet, they think NOTHING of doing it to another woman! (A "FRIEND" at that!) (Yes, one "friend" is the exact same one who ruined my carpet shampooer last year, and then never even told me or brought it back! (Then, when I went to go get it at her house, she lied about even USING it, even though her carpets were noticiably shampooed! So, I asked her son when she left the room if he cleaned them when she wasn't home or something, and he said, "No, Mom did it!" (He didn't know she'd just lied to me and said she hadn't used it!) Then, I got it home and of course, it was broken! And of course, I forgave her and said nothing. That was my "Christmas present" from her last year! It happened Christmas Eve last year, and I posted about it that night. (You guys were there for me then too, when others let me down!)
And the other "friend" is my cousin...the one that had cancer and was terminal (but isnt now and is totally over it), and I paid for her (all expenses) to go on vacation with me last summer to Florida, and she ruined it by inviting a friend of HERS along, (without even asking me or telling me ahead of time and THEN acting like I should be "happy" about it, since it "would be someone to pay for part of the room and gas". Well, since I was already paying 2/3 of it, and her "friend" was a Primadonna Princess who stole my meds from the safe, I was NOT "happy" about it! They also ended up treating me like the "3rd wheel" on the vacation Iwas PAYING
FOR! (Her friend DID pay for her own expenses and 1/3 of the room and gas,
but, STILL! Then, They tried to keep me from driving MY OWN CAR back home b/c her friend didnt like the idea of me driving on pain meds, so her friend, (who stole my meds, wanted to drive! (Also, she said she was "nervous" riding with Tonya or anyone else driving, that she "only trusted her own driving". (That's when I lost it and told her that I WAS gonna drive my :cussing: car, and that I didnt like the idea of HER driving or trust HER driving! I THEN told her that I didnt trust HER driving my car period, but PARTICULARLY while taking MY pain meds (that WE ALL KNEW she stole out of the safe!). And that if she didnt "trust" someone else to drive, and she
should have thought of that before she came on this trip, because she knew she'd be riding in someone else's car, and it would be safe to assume that
most people DO drive THEIR OWN CARS! Furthermore, if she didnt like that then as far as I was concerned, she could ride home with a truck driver! (After all, everyone says they are the "best drivers on the road!)
:evilsmile I then proceeded to pull off to the emergency lane and tell the you-know-what to get the H out of my car or shut her mouth for the rest of the trip home and behave herself! (So, needless to say, she behaved! :evilsmile )
I know I am even longer-winded (and rambling) this morning than my normal long-winded (and rambling) self! (No wise-cracks! LOL!) (But, it must be the extra pain meds!) (Well THAT, and/or the anesthesia from yesterday, b/c EVERY TIME I have surgery, I am ALWAYS hyper for some reason! (The day after I came home from the hospital after I had given birth to my only child, Collin, (by C-section, due to toxemia!), I even picked ALL the strawberries BY MYSELF in our strawberry patch and made 17 strawberry pies (complete with homemade crusts and fillings!), for all the old people at our church, and my Drs and nurses! I am JUST as hyper right now!) So,
please forgive me, and try to overlook my rambling today! I swear there is a point in there somewhere! :)
The point is that the above people, had messed over me, time and time again, yet, I forgave them time and time again.) (And believe it or not, if they were TRULY sorry, I would STILL forgive them again! Not b/c I am crazy or stupid, but b/c I am a Christian, and that's what I am supposed to do, and I really can forgive everything other people do to ME, because God has forgiven me for everything I have done to him and other people myself. (However, even though I am supposed to forgive, I DON'T have to set myself up wide open to be hurt again. I can forgive without having to even become friends with them again. (That's the part I didnt realize before.....I thought forgiveness meant I had to restore someone to their former place in my life, and it doesn't. (I mean people get divorced, and have all kinds of bitterness and hatred with their exes. Then, sometimes years later, they are able to forgive, but that doesn't mean they are going to remarry them just b/c they forgave them! So, the same thing would apply to friendships. (See, all along, I was thinking I had to "remarry" everyone! LOL!)
But, as for you all, EVEN when I left you for several months, you STILL supported me when I needed you!********(tears)**********(tears)*************(tears)*******
Brigette wrote a thread for me on the prayer request board, (unbeknowanst to me), asking for prayers for me, and asking people to reach out to me, since she knew I felt alone then, (other than her friendship...since Brigettte never left me.) And, as soon as you guys knew I had a need, you responded too, with overwhelming support! Old friends called me in the hospital that I hadn't heard from in a while, (and I had missed terribly but had stupidly just let depression hold me back and keep me from reaching out to people when I should have!) But, by Brigette posting that for me (without my even knowing it), she got me the kind of help I needed, at the time I needed it....love of friends!
Also, I got phone calls from brand-new people I had never met before, who are now wonderful friends that I talk to regularly, and couldn't live without! (I am talking specifically about Sandymarie here! :) She has been such a saving grace for me thru this by building me up spiritually, (which is what I need most of all!) But, I also got the wonderful bonus of her friendship! She is a bit older (and QUITE A BIT WISER), than me! And, it is such a joy and a pleasure to get to talk to her. I feel uplifted spiritually, emotionally, and relaxed when I get off the phone with her, or even after getting a pm from her! It is REMARKABLE! But, JUST AS AMAZING, she is the type of person who is SO SMART, that it ooozes out of her, and you can't help but learn SOMETHING, EVERY TIME you talk to her! (Even though she isn't really trying to teach anything! (You just sort of learn by osmosis! It just sinks in your pores from being around here, and you soak it up, leaving her presence just a little bit wiser than when you entered it! :)) (I KNOW! I KNOW! I need to be spending a WHOLE LOT MORE time in her presence!) LOL! I can laugh about it, but it IS true! So, Sandymarie, if you are reading this, now ya know, ya GOTTA call more! LOL!
I also want to thank Laura (Octoberfarm) and Barb (BabsRN) for talking to me while I was so scared and alone in the ER, while things still looked VERY grim! I went to the hosptial, b/c at home I had been on 5 different abx that had ALL failed and I was almost done with the 5th one, and was still getting sicker, instead of better. (And those abx are not even counting the 3 abx eye drops I was taking for the pink eye, which I STILL have, and for which I am currently taking Gentomycin!) I had also tried an outpatient course of a Taper Pack of Prednisone, over Thanksgiving weekend, and though it DID make me feel better, I went off it on Monday, and was also still symptomatic with Lupus symptoms as well as IC symptoms, complete retention, the pink eye in both eyes, mouth, tongue and throat ulcers, sore throat, ear ache, swollen lymph nodes in my: throat, armpits, and groin, the Lupus rash on my face and chest, nausea and vomiting, fever, chills, flank pain and tenderness, abdominal pain and tenderness, body aches, dark yellowishish-orange colored urine with pus in it (in my own cath sample in the ER waiting room), my urine samples at home were also positive for Nitrates on a home UTI test kit 2 days before (also confirming a bacterial infection, AS IF other "proof" was needed given all the other things going on! (But, unfortunately, the other things weren't "good enough" for the ER Dr!)
Through a series of unfortunate events, I had NO credibility with the ER Doctor. First, though I had fever at home, (my temp had been 102-103), when they triaged me, no fever showed up b/c I had taken Advil AND Tylenol 1 hr before I came, and it apparently brought it down! (So, I looked like a liar about the fever.) THEN, they asked me what brought me there and I told them everything, (including that I was in complete retention and couldnt pee at all!)
Normally, I can self-cath when I cant pee, but what scared me so bad THIS time, was the urine wouldnt even come out THAT way, and I DID put
the cath in and in the right place! (The problem was, I was encountering some sort of mucous plug or something that kept stopping up the catheter.
I guess this was the mucous that I saw in the urine that I finally DID get out when I cathed! Anyway, since my catheters are very small,...8 French..it blocked it up completely. I was just plain hurting too bad at the time to THINK of what to do! So, by the time I got to the ER, I hadn't gone to the bathroom in 13HOURS! So, of course, by the time I finally DID get it cathed out, my urine was VERY dark, an odd yellowish-orange color, AND it had visible pus in it! (Fortuanately I DID have the presence of mind to get a sterile collection cup and save the urine to be cultured!) The only reason I was FINALLY able to cath it out myself after 13 hrs, was that I remembered that one time (a LONG time ago) when this had happened, that the Dr. had told me to do a retro flush to push the mucous out of the way. Since I carry EVERYTHING in my huge diaper bag, I had a Foley in there, and a syringe filled with saline, (in case I ever go into bad retention and need to put a Foley in. But, I hadn't put it in yet this time, b/c earlier, I could get NOTHING out when I cathed, and had forgotten to do a retro flush, and didnt know WHAT was wrong and thought they were going to need to check this out when I got back there!) So, anyway, I used the syringe to do the retro flush, and sure enough, it worked! After that, I was able to get the urine out! (Thank God, too, since they didnt take me back to a room in the ER for and put a Foley in me until 5 HOURS LATER!
HOWEVER, when I finally got called to the back, and they put a Foley in me, though they had already did the urinalysis on the urine I gave them from the lobby, the Dr. ordered that they get another sample from the Foley cath too. He also ordered a CBC. When the nurse went to cath me, since she knew I self cathed at home, and she was setting up the supplies, getting things sterile, she allowed me to go ahead and clean myself "down there" and apply my Lidocaine. (This is important BECAUSE, when the urine tests came back for BOTH, the one I did in the lobby showed white cells, (and infection), but the one THEY did from the Foley didnt.) The Dr. attributed this to the fact that "the nurse cleaned me before she put in the Foley and "patients NEVER really clean themselves properly". I didnt rat the nurse out that she allowed me to clean myself, b/c I didnt want to get her in trouble with the Dr. b/c he looked like (and acted like the type) that would take out his anger on her, if I showed him up. (Which we ALL know I COULD have if I wanted to! And at THAT moment, just KNOWING I could take him down, was enough for me, without actually doing it, since it would've gotten the nurse in trouble!) But, I must confess that I wanted to take him down REALLY BAD!!!!
But then, things just kept on getting worse from there! Then the CBC came back in, and it was NORMAL! I STILL have no idea how or why it was normal! Since I for sure have several DOCUMENTED bacterial infections going on! (The pink eye is documented by 2 different Drs and it is FOR SURE bacterial! THEN, the Uti is for sure BACTERIAL, and that one I saw on the AZO home UTI test strips, PLUS, it was dociumented by a the lab at the Clinic early on. And last, (but certainly not LEAST!) they diagnosed me with an infection of the gallbladder and gallstones while I was in the hospital, and IT is bacterial! So, WHY on earth DIDNT the CBC show an elevated white count or anything abnormal going on?!!!! (And could it possibly be b/c I have Lupus? I am not asking this rhetorically....I sincerely don't know either, and am wondering if anyone else that has Lupus or an automimmune disease might know? Or, I am wondering if the CBC might have came back normal b/c I was on abx so long, that they were masking the white count on the CBC? Is THAT possible? (Again, I am not asking this rhetorically. I really, honestly do not know this and am wanting to know the answer if anyone DOES know it?
But, WHATEVER caused the CBC or the Urine Test from the Foley to
back normal, the fact is that THEY DID, and it made me look like a LIAR to that ER Doctor!
Then, the fact that I SAID I had a fever earlier, and didnt have one when I got there (b/c of the Tylenol/Motrin), didn't help my credibility either! Nor did the CBC coming back normal, (for reasons that are STILL unclear to all of us!) Further diminishing my credibility, was the fact that I had complained of TOTAL retention, yet now, I had gotten pee out (since I remembered to do a retro flush).
So, basically, I looked like a liar to him and he was ready to send me home with the Foley, and take me off of all the abx I was on, (since he saw NO PROOF of infection) at that point. So, he asked me if I had ever been home with a Foley before, and told me how he could NOT hospitalize me "for no reason", and then he left the room. I thought he was leaving to go write the discharge papers, and that's when I became UNGLUED!!! And that's when I got out the cell phone and started calling everyone but Santa Claus trying to figure out what to do! It was VERY late at night. (I am not sure what time, since there was no clock in my room, but I am pretty sure it was past 11 or 12!) But, I didnt know WHAT to do and was hysterical! So, I looked at my cell phone at the numbers of people that had called me in the last few days, and saw Octoberfarm (Laura) and BabsRN (Barb) on there. So, they got to do the "honors" of talking to me in that state! But, they came thru with flying colors! Laura posted for me here to ask others if I should call my Gyn (my IC Dr) on his cell, to have HIM admit me to the hosptial, (since he was the one who admitted me 3 wks ago.) And of course, all of YOU also reacted swiftly, compassionately, and wisely! (Everyone told me to call him, that "he wouldnt have given me his cell if he didnt mean for me to call him when I needed to" and this was definately a "need to time, if ever there was one!"
But, while I was still on the phone with Barb, the Dr. came back in the room, and said he was ordering a few more tests, "just to be sure". He decided to order a CT scan with contrast dye of my kidneys, a chest X-ray, and ultrasounds of my liver, pancreas, and gallbladder. I TRULY thought it was STUPID to do those tests (since I KNEW I didnt have kidney stones, b/c I would be hurting worse on one side or the other, and I wasnt.) And, I had NO IDEA why he wanted to do the chest X-ray! As for the other tests, I figured they were just part of a panel of tests that ER Drs liked to do, just so they could cover their bases in the event of lawsuits or something. But, since I wouldnt ever sue anybody, (and didnt have pain in ANY of those areas!), doing those tests, and waiting around for the results of them, seemed pretty pointless to me! HOWEVER, Barb told me that while she thought I SHOULD call my GYNO to get hospitalized, she told me I needed to wait for those test results, since HE may want to do the same ones ANYWAY, and at least I'd get 'em over with while I was here! Also, she said that if I did THAT, at least he would have all the test results in front of him when I talked to him so he could rule out other things for sure! But, lastly, (and perhaps MOST IMPORTANTLY, she convinced me that it would probobly be best to wait to go see him the next day instead of calling him at that point because of this...Since the ER Dr. now thought I was a liar, and now seemingly had PROOF of it, (even though I wasnt, it SURE DID LOOK like it at that moment) and she convinced me that if it looked like it to the ER Dr, it just MIGHT look like it to MY Dr too! (Especially if I called that night! B/C if I called that night from the ER, my Dr, would've wanted to talk to the ER Dr, since I was still there, and THEN, the ER Dr, would've been CERTAIN to tell Dr. XXX about all the "proof" he had that it WASN'T a bacterial infection...normal CBC, normal urine dipstick from the Foley specimen, no fever on presentation, no throwing up since I arrived (since I hadnt eaten in days and had taken a Phenegrin suppository, unbeknowanst to the ER staff who refused to give me anything for the nausea!), etc. So, basically, Barb convinced me to hold off and wait and go see him the next day...in person, since that ER Dr. was SURE to discredit me, (especially if Dr. XXX was tired and pressed for time and didnt want to take the time to hear my explanations for why things appeared normal, but weren't really!) Besides, Barb reasoned, any Dr. is going to believe another Drs d/x over his patient's self d/x! (No matter how incompetent the Dr. or how competent the patient happens to be!)
After listening to Barb, I KNEW she was right! And I KNEW that God had led me to call her for a reason! So, I followed her advice and went thru with the tests, and didnt call my Dr.
Then, when the ER Dr. came in and told me I had gallstones and my gallbladder was severely infected, you could have knocked me over with a feather! (There is NO TELLING what my face looked like when he told me that! Probobly shock and utter disbelief!)
So, to make this EXTREMEMLY LONG story shorter, he called in the surgeon, and they scheduled the surgery for the next afternoon. I had it Friday around 3 or 4, and got to go home right after it. Mom came home with me, and stayed...(and stayed...and stayed!!! LOL!) I FINALLY ran her off about 10 pm (and believe me, it wasn't easy! LOL!) But, I have put the car in the garage today, and locked the doors, so she aint comin back today! LOL! (I know I am terrible! But, I (obviously) had to take alot of pain meds yesterday, and that, along with the anesthesia, makes me WIRED, (as you have probobly noticed, and as I explained earlier in my post). Well, my Mom is Bi-Polar, so SHE thought I was MANIC, and kept following me around all afternoon while I was trying to clean, telling me so! (I kept telling HER that when the only tool you have is a hammer, EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE A NAIL! After all, every since I got d/xed with IC, when I hear about people with a UTI, my ears perk up, and I am mentally running thru the IC checklist wanting to make sure they dont have our symptoms! Well, Mom is the same way, only I swear I think she is trying to RECRUIT members to her club! LOL! (But, I couldnt tell her that I was on massive qtys of pain meds yesterday,
b/c then she'd think I was a drug addict! See, it is 6 of one and 1/2 a dozen of another!) (Ordinarily I DONT take "massive qtys", but this was b/c of of the post op pain, and also Anesthesia makes me hyper and "chatty" too, just as pain meds do. So, with the combo together, I WAS extra keyed-
up yesterday and today, but I am ordinarily never like that, b/c normally I am on a "normal" amount of pain meds, and obviously, anesthesia is an extraordinary thing for me too!
But, it WAS very taxing having her following me around all day, trying to tell me I am Bi-Polar (and I DO mean ALL day!)
So, anyway, back to the story! They took out my gallbladder, and he said it was full of gallstones! He thinks that my nausea and vomiting all the time has been caused by this, and that will diminish significantly. (It is funny b/c I just assumed that EVERYBODY here just threw up all the time! I had been nauseated daily, and was throwing up 3-4 times a week, minimally, and thought you guys did too! LOL! So, he says this will be WAY better! :confused: Also, the "referred pain" (that I have been attributing to my IC) the pain that is in my back and flank pain, MAY have actually been referred pain from my gallbladder! :woohoo: (But, no one is real sure about this yet, and we just wont be real sure, until about the 6-8 week mark when I should have a better idea! But, I can't WAIT to find this one out for sure!) Wouldnt THIS be GREAT news???!!!
So, that's the whole story! Thank you all again for everything! I also want to thank everyone else who posted to me while I was in the hospital, and pmed, and called, (including those I was able to talk to, and those who werent able to get thru b/c the nurse took my phone off the hook after she had me hooked up to stuff in the pre-op area! :( (Special thanks also to Jamie (Billsbaby) for being so persistant and calling all over the whole hospital to find me, and then, MAKING the nurses put my phone back on the hook for you, so you could talk to me! :lmao: You go girl! You made me smile when I was so upset b/c my husband was a jerk, (not coming up there for the surgery!) I wanted to thank you extra special for brightening my day the way that you did! You are very special, and I cant wait to meet you in person someday soon! Hopefully, now that this gallbladder's out, I will get to feeling better, and maybe we can each drive an hour and meet half-way like we've been talking about after Christmas or something! I would really like that! Good friends are hard to find in these parts, I would drive an hour for one like you ANY DAY!
Thanks again to ALL OF YOU for everything! You guys are the best! (Again, I am so sorry this was so long! (Shh!!! Dont tell my Mom! But I SWEAR! I AM NOT bi-polar! (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I just dont happen to be that!)
Love and hugs to all,
Amy